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contemplating existence listen here
i think we all have those nights when you stare at nothing in particular and just wonder how everything came to be, how the sun sets or how magical the stars are. what hides at the bottom of the sea? do i matter? can i find comfort in the fact that the universe is infinite, and i am very small? why do i always say things i’ll regret in the morning when night falls . . .
more music here
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existence, endings, and other questions asked to a void that listens when it should not
best, you say, best not to think too much about any of it, really. best to put it out of your mind while you still can. who is to say, of course, that any of it will matter? that any of us will matter? that any amount of thinking, or musing, or shouting into the void (which is of course emotionless and will neither hear nor heed) will cause a single thing to change? who is to say that dwelling on pain will make it hurt any more or any less? who would dare, you say, to claim a forever? to seize a day and say: this is the ending? (here is the void, here is its voice which no one can hear, which means everyone assumes it cannot speak at all.) and who is to say there will not be such endings?
Sometimes I ponder existence. It’s pretty fun, honestly, to contemplate“why are we here?”. Feels very red vs blue (iykyk). Very intelligent.
But then I start thinking about the possibility of multiple parallel timelines. And then I get really depressed.
Bc like, what if we’re in the worst timeline? What if we are the unlucky parallels that were dealt the worst hand? What if we’re the ones who are suffering? Everyone else, all other versions of ourselves, they get to be happy, while we’re left suffering.
Or even worse, this is the best timeline? This situation is the best humanity could come up with. Our other selves in other timelines are enduring even worse than the horrors of this world. In this case, humanity is innately awful, and we will never be truly happy.
With that gleeful tidbit, I hope you have a nice rest of your day! ☺️☺️☺️
am i just going to walk through life feeling out of place where i ever i go or like does that improve
Speaking of contemplating life one of my earliest memories is of my sitting in class and suddenly becoming violently aware of the fact that I’m alive and the only way my little brain could process it was ‘huh I’m not a cartoon this is real life’-🍟
It’s a horrific feeling at times. Especially when you realize just how huge the earth is. And it’s even more surreal when you realize death is definitely a huge concept, and without a doubt is one of my greatest fears despite having been face to face with it a numerous amount of times.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Big mood
AAAH
I'm hiding in my room listening to metal and hugging my plushie to get away from people... What is life?
Blade Runner 2049
I've no idea where I went. I think I know where I am this very moment, then again, everything is in question. So, I'm not sure. Swirling imagery, plus heightened senses make for a dizzying reality. I'm letting more in, the more appreciation I have for my life - a strange sensation. And I wonder, is beauty the only thing as it does? If so, I shall become beauty. It's all I wish.
Do not confuse my desire with one of a conceited, low self-esteemed notion. I don't want to become beautiful - an adjective perfect strangers use to describe my physical looks and attributes. Beauty is as beauty does. I used to laugh at the definition. I thought it a circle with no purpose. It is a circle, and that is the point. If I am to live my life with direction and drive and care, I am living as I wish, and I imagine that is true freedom. If I live with beauty, I am beauty. What I do... is me.
