#constable louis perez

Caption: A few minutes later…

Police tape: Do not cross do not cross

FIRST RESPONDER: Oh, this is not looking good. We need to get to the hospital.

LOU PEREZ: I’ll let Chris know.

LOU PEREZ: Big C., Officer Perez here. A toilet exploded from a Voltorb that self-destructed on remote command.

LOU PEREZ: Miss Simonla Rosechu fell victim, and she was injured bad. We’re rushing her to the hospital.

CHRIS {over walkie-talkie}: Dang… I copy that. Thank you, Lou.

CHRIS {on TV}: Simonla was not mine to begin with, as she was originally based off of Simonchu. I edited her CWCipedia bio page to state that she was not based on Simon.

MAGI-CHAN: Lou, these two were in close league with Simonla’s killer.

LOU PEREZ: Good job Magi-Chan; we’ll take ‘em in.

SIMONLA: Wild, I don’t think I’m going to make it… take my lucky shark tooth.

Lou Perez, one of the officers seen earlier this issue, surveys the restroom carnage and explains the situation to Chris. Chris’s response to hearing that one of his beloved hedgehogs was gravely wounded and is not long for this Earth? “Dang.”

As Simonla is rushed away from the scene of her injury, Chris’s apology for her creation echoes from his earlier speech is stated. Chris also didn’t think through the meta implications of talking about the CWCipedia inside Sonichu itself - is the CWCipedia a website in the world of Sonichu as well?

Chris fails proportions once again as it appears that the EMTs attending Simonla are barely taller than her stretcher.

Magi-Chan presents Lou with Evan and Simonchu, already describing them as Simonla’s killers despite Simonla not having passed on at this point. For some reason, Simonchu disappears from the story until the next issue here - he’s not tried and he’s not executed, and he’s not sent to the Amish farm in the revision. It’s possible Chris forgot he included him in this section, or that he was so furious at the humans that forced him to kill Simonla that he forgot about their fictional henchman, or it’s possible that the revision he codified seven years later was in the back of his mind even at the time, and thus Simonchu was let off lighter as he was coerced into the attack?

SONICHU {telepathy}: Thank you, Magi-Chan.

CONSTABLE LOUIS PEREZ: Sonichu, my bro.

SONICHU: Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez! Yo, Lou, how’s your wife and little Lou?

LOUIS PEREZ: Just chillin’, thanks for askin’.

CONSTABLE GERALD GRANT: Little Robbie givin’ you a good race?

SONICHU: Rob’s getting faster every day, and my little ladies are doing good in school too. Rosey’s still super-fine!

GERALD GRANT: That is good to hear.

LOUIS PEREZ: Listen, man, don’t worry about Inos; we’ll send his stash to the NASA rocket, clean him up good, and send him to a soup hotel room with a warning. We’ll sit with him until the ambulance arrives.

SONICHU: Awesome. Well, I gotta fly; y’all keep it real. Peace.

GRANT AND PEREZ: Peace, Sonichu.

This page introduces two never before seen or even acknowledged characters to Sonichu, and the first non-jerkop cops to be featured, Gerald Grant (left) and Louis Perez (right), who were just summoned by Magi-Chan relaying Chris’s memories of speaking to Inos to their brains. It is possible that the two are based on Eddie and Lou, Chief Wiggum’s right hand men on The Simpsons. Apparently, despite their lack of presence in the story, they are close friends of Sonichu’s, close enough that they know of his family and he knows of theirs.

Perez is apparently Hispanic (note that Lou from The Simpsons is intended to be black), and he and Grant seem to be filling the classic “salt and pepper cops” trope seen in commonly in 80’s cop movies. Perez stands as one of fairly few characters of color to be portrayed positively, as well as in a position of authority, and was likely written to be non-white in anticipation of the criticism that Chris would receive about having Inos being portrayed as a stereotypical stoner.

Their title is listed as “constable”, which is not used at all in the entire police force of the commonwealth of Virginia - in the United States, the usage of the “constable” title has always been inconsistent, and many states have either phased out the office or, like Virginia, have never had them at all after the colonial era. Thus, it is likely that Chris picked it up from TV or movies, most likely something British as, in the UK, “constable” is the title for their lowest ranking police officers and is thus much more widely used in their popular culture.