SFX: Whoosh!

SIMON: Woah! Punchy, what was in that food you gave him?

PUNCHY Just some Pocky, man; wheat, soy, milk and strawberry powder. Simple Pocky. It’s not a rare candy; less than a dollar per box.

SANDY: Wow! We sure do grow up fast!

BANANASAUROS: Ner flem bamble flooby?

BANANASAUROS {thought}: What are y’all looking at>

PUNCHY: Banana…sauros!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Dude. You’re spooking me.

PUNCHY: You just evolved. 

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Whaaa…?

PUNCHY: I have heard dragon Pokemon evolve super-late, but you hatched just a few minutes ago.

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Maybe it was your kindness that zapped me forward.

PUNCHY: It’s beyond me, man. Oh, well, let’s go, dude.

BANANASAUROS {thought}: You still take me in, dude?

PUNCHY: Hell yeah.

Caption: Bananasauros Grass/Dragon (normally evolves from Bananasaur at level 45)

The Pocky causes Bananasaur to spontaneously evolve, despite him presumably not being anywhere close to the Level 45 his species normally evolves at (which is actually fairly late for fossil Pokemon, who normally evolve somewhere between level 30 and 40, though Punchy notes that Dragon-Type Pokemon usually evolve at high levels, possibly referring to the Pseudo-Legendary phenomenon). Sandy muses that he grew up fast, just like she grew up fast, but while she had to grow up fast to drill Evan’s dick off, Bananasauros has no reason to be so hasty. Bananasauros chalks it up to Punchy’s kindness, seemingly quick to handwave the evolution into a more banana-like form.

The somewhat dull and uninspired name change from “Bananasaur” to “Bananasauros” is possibly based on the similarly bland change from “Kabuto” to “Kabutops”, another Pokemon that comes from a fossil.

SIMON: A new pocket monster, huh? Let’s have a look-see.

BANANASAUR: Bleh! Warble-warble!

Caption: Bananasaur Grass/Dragon

SANDY: Aww! Look at this cute thing. I feel like I wanna keep it!

BANANASAUR: Whee! Nerp-in flabbin’ ne-boo!

SANDY: Welcome to the world, Bananasaur, what’s your first thought?

BANANASAUR: Blegh! Nerp-flam wobble, ni-boop! Wam wam ka-blam!

SANDY: Wha…?

SANDY: Weird… as a Pokemon myself, I can understand a freshly hatched Pidgey, even a Dieno, but I only hear gibberish from him.

Simon and Sandy, curious about the monstrosity they’ve discovered, release Bananasaur to the world, revealing a small, green, not-quite-banana-like beast. His green color may reference unripe bananas, which are green.

Bananasaur is a Grass/Dragon-Type, a typing that might not have been in use by any real Pokemon when Bananasaur was created (the earliest evidence we have for the thing is 2014, the same year that Mega Sceptile was released, a Mega Evolution that added the Dragon-Type to the normally mono-Grass-Type Sceptile). By 2017, when this was released, Mega Sceptile was firmly established and was joined by Alolan Exeggutor, and since then the Grass/Dragon-Type has been expanded to include Applin and its evolutions Flapple and Appletun. Despite the typing, Bananasauros most strongly resembles Tropius, a Grass/Flying-Type banana dinosaur. Though the latter Pokemon didn’t exist at this point, Bananasaur retroactively resembles a cross between Tropius and the Applin line, the former’s banana focus and the like the latter it’s essentially a living fruit.

SANDY: I’m sorry too, Uncle Simonchu.

WILD: Wow! I had no idea that was going on there too. My dad suffered a similar fate with Team Rocket.

WILD: I am really sorry for you, man.

SANDY: What did you do after all that?

SIMON: Well, Sandy, after being set free, I pursued my interest in fossils and geology. Feeling banned from Virginia, I started a new life in West Virginia. It’s not a swift. I recieved the invitation from Simonla on my phone yesterday, shortly after uncovering this Razor Claw and this fossil. I figured I’d revive the fossil while I was here.

WILD: Hmm. I know someone who’d appreciate this. May I take the Razor Claw to him as a gift?

SIMON: Sure, Wild. I have no use for it.

WILD: Cool.

SANDY: I would like to guide you to the CWCville museum for your fossil restoration, Uncle Simon.

SIMON: Thank you, Sandy; that is very kind of you.

Wild and Sandy suddenly realize they’ve been jerks and Wild particularly empathizes with Simon’s abuse because his father was similarly forced to perform evil under the wing of Team Rocket.

Simon ends his story with what he’s been doing since his release from prison, seeing that he was acquitted due to being coerced into the crime. He felt “banned from Virginia”, despite him walking off scot-free, seemingly not getting much attention in the media, given how little of a role he plays in Sonichu 10, what’s presumably the CWCville gvt’s official public record of the events, and CWCville events seemingly being of little importance to the rest of the state of Virginia. He left to the mountainous Appalachian region of West Virginia, a fresh start away from his abusers in Virginia and Minnesota, and a place for him to fulfill his passion - digging for fossils. He now looks forward to a future where he’s on speaking terms with his sister, brother-in-law, and niece.

UNNAMED BLUE ROSECHU: Yes, sir. We will have it ready in a few minutes.

Sign: Fossil research!

SIMON: Huh. Forget Wild’s dating education class, I ought to ask that cutie out.

SIMON: You know what, Sandy? I think I will move here. I have only a few possessions. A breeze for me.

SANDY: A good choice. CWCville is a great city with very supportive communities, and a safe space.

SIMON: Hmm… how are you doing in school?

SANDY: Oh, silly uncle. I’ve only just started. After evolving, and everyone teaching me this and that, I filled an application, I got placed in the fourth grade. Basic handwriting is easy; Zapina taught me. My first day in October was nice. Math was copable.

SIMON: Well, in my digs, I’ve found more than a dozen gold nuggets; after selling them, I rented a comfy place in town. I hold on to the Quick Ball I was caught in to remember that no matter what in my life, it can only get better in my life. Plus, it’s easier to store things in than a bulky backpack.

Caption: 15 minutes later…

UNNAMED BLUE ROSECHU: Your fossil has been revived. This is a new Pokemon you’ve uncovered.

UNNAMED BLUE ROSECHU: I’ve contacted Professor Cedar; it has been dubbed Bananasaur. We’ve 3D-scanned it and got some vitals. We would greatly appreciate one or two more for further research; please consider a day care center. Here you go.

Here we meet this blue Rosechu scientist who, despite Chris’s love of all things EHP, has never been given much characterization - she may as well be a human - she doesn’t even have a name (“Unnamed Blue Rosechu” is a pretty unwieldy name, I’m just going to call her “Marjorie” from here on out.) Marjorie works in Pokemon fossil restoration, working under CWCville’s very own Pokemon Professor “Professor Cedar”, one of very few EHPs we’ve ever seen to hold a steady job. She has a distinctively orange Raichu tail. This might just be because she’s on the job, but she’s also one of very few EHPs to regularly wear a full set of clothes. Her elemental typing is unclear, but it’s possible she’s a Water/Electric-Type like Bubbles, just without the Marril tail. Simon is attracted to her, and thinks about asking her out, a plot thread that’s not expanded upon any further. Neither Simon nor Marjorie reappear in Sonichu 12, despite Simon expressing interest in returning to CWCville.

Speaking of, Simon, since his brother-in-law and niece are no longer out for his blood, realizes nothing’s keeping him from Virginia. He did have a place in West Virginia, rented out with the money he made from selling the things he dug up, but he’s okay with uprooting his life to be closer to family, despite the fact that he probably won’t be able to do as much digging far away from the mountains. He keeps Evan’s Quick Ball as a reminder of how far he’s come after leaving his control. Sandy also talks about entering the fourth grade, which was alluded to in Sonichu 10 (I can’t believe Chris got that continuity right.)

CWCville’s Pokemon Professor, in line with the tradition that most Pokemon Professors take their names from trees, is dubbed Cedar, and little is known about them. In fact, their role as Professor would seemingly be usurped in April 2019, when Chris would take umbrage with the fact that Trickie’s Rosechu’s Story implied that Cole Smithey was a Pokemon Professor, so Chris changed it so that “Professor Cole” was fired for doing poor work and he was replaced by one “Cindy Zapbud”, a Professor named after the fictional electric flower Rosechu loves. Presumably, Prof Zapbud also replaced Prof Cedar, assuming that Zapbud isn’t a rename of Cedar (it’s more likely Chris forgot mentioning the Cedar character, seeing how little presence they have in the story, and assumed the position was open when creating the Zapbud character.)

Caption: 30 minutes later…

SIMON: Hmmm!! That was some really good soup, and my nerves needed the celery. Thank you. And thanks again so much for forgiving me. You’re good for my sister, Wild. Any you two made a very spirited kid. 

SIMON: Ahhh… I was not as fortunate, though. I was forraging for berries for my family…

SIMON: Evan caught me as a Sonee from behind with a Quick Ball.

SIMON: He and his crew force-evolved me to something of their M.S. Paint “design”.

Screen: Troll-velution 3.5

SIMON: I was not the only one caught for their “collection”.

SIMON: They “trained” us with abusive attacks from their level 100 Beedrills.

SIMON: We were all kept locked in cages; mentally dumbed-down with videos of the seriously mentally-challenged.

Man on TV: Duh-er!

SIMON: Over the time, I’ve heard talk of a familiar name. My sister Simonla. I tried to contact her. I found her number on the CWCville Construction Company’s website. I sent her links to the videos of Evan abusing me.

After Simon comes to his senses, he monologues his entire life story to Wild and Sandy, who have presumably seen very little of him aside from immediately following Simonla’s “death”. His life thus far has been rather tragic: as a Sonee (a yellow Sonee, notably, granting further credence to my theory that most Sonees/Roseys are supposed to be yellow/pink respectively, then evolve into their primary element’s color) he was kidnapped by Evan and then forcibly evolved, brutally trained with other EHPs, and they were forced to dull their senses and intelligence. Despite the fact that by 2017 when this was written Evan had long left the trolling sphere and Chris’s feud with him was over, Chris continues to add false charges to his quote-unquote “rap sheet”. What is Chris doing, continuing to paint Evan as an animal abuser behind his back? Given that Chris’s fervor towards him had otherwise subsided, is it possible that he wrote Evan like this in a rare display of continuity, since Evan’s character was established during the period of loathing? Notably, Simon says that Evan forced him to fight with Beedrills, the Pokemon species that Evan claimed was the inspiration for Simon’s drills (seeing as Chris wouldn’t have gotten the Gurren Lagann reference).

Simon did make attempts to reach apparently his only living family member (despite saying he was foraging for his family earlier), Simonla. Apparently, according to this weird wording, Simon sent Simonla videos of Evan’s abuse over the phone, because the only thing he mentions is having Simonla’s phone number from the CWCville Construction site. Even if we are meant to assume that he also got her email there, he tried to reach her through her work email and not a personal one, though she did reply sympathetically, according to the next page. I question though how Simon was able to record videos of the Asperpedia Four abusing him. This was 2008, when cell phone video cameras were rather primitive, and given Evan’s other treatment of him I don’t know why Evan would let him even have a cell phone. Apparently, according to the next page, Simon used one of the A4’s phones, but how then did they not notice Simon stealing their phones to record their abuse and later alert his sister?

SIMONLA: I can’t believe you two! Simon was not the one who planted and detonated the bomb! 

SIMONLA: Alec did that! Magi-Chan told me while I was bedridden!

SIMONLA: I had forgiven Simon; he genuinely felt bad and sad about what happened.

SIMONLA: I expect you both to forgive my brother too.

SIMONLA: Simonchu was a victim of poor circumstances!

SIMONLA: And I want you both to put that mess behind you, and apologize to Simonchu right…

SIMONLA: Sandy, go get the first aid kit and smelling salts from the bathroom.

SIMONLA: And, Wild, fix up some soup; lots of celery on the side.

SIMONCHU: Zzz

Simonla explains to her husband and daughter what should have been painfully clear to them almost immediately after her murder attempt - that Simonchu was not in any way responsible for her near-death and that they were crazy psychos for trying to kill him over a murder that did not happen that he did not take meaningful part in. Wild, despite clearly having not forgiven Simon last page, claims that he’d forgiven Simon due to his remorse.

SIMON {thought}: Seriously?! She invites me over after all that?!

SIMON: Alright, I’ll go over. I’ll hear their shouts.

SIMON {thought}: Take the Razor Claw and fossil with me.

Caption: August 18, 2008

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …I hereby sentence the four of them to reside in an Amish community; no technology access…

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …of their lives! And their Pokemon are to be released, after being healed of their former trainers’ abuse!…

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: In our local Pokemon Centers and community centers! All of their other possessions and property are to be sold at auction! Court is adjourned!

WILD: If you ever come near me or Sandy again, I will cut and Vine Whip you up!

WILD: You rotten, lousy, pathetic murderer!!!

Caption: Present day… December 18, 2008

Caption: 2:00 PM

SFX: Bing-bong

SIMON: Hey, sis.

SIMONLA: Come on down, bro.

Simonchu is aware that coming over to Simonla’s house is not a wise idea, though he decides to visit anyway, bringing the Razor Claw and fossil with him as presents to hopefully appease his still-bitter brother-in-law and niece.

Simon has a flashback to the (retconned version of) the Asperpedia Four’s trial. We are shown that despite seemingly being an accomplice in Sonichu 10, he is not among the defendants (it’s possible that all his charges were dropped when it was made known he was coerced, or possibly there is no way to charge Electric Hedgehog Pokemon of crimes.) Regardless, Judge Slack Lewis outlines his fate - to be released into the wild, alongside the Asperpedia Four’s other Pokemon, after getting healed up at a Pokemon Center. All their non-sapient possessions  have been seized by police and are set to be auctioned off at a police auction.

Despite walking off scot-free, Simonchu is still not out of the woods (pun not intended) since Wild, even though this is set in a universe where Simonla did not die, is still furious to the point of threatening Simonchu’s life should he ever show his face again to Wild or Sandy (but, notably, not Simonla, even though, again, she’s still alive). Wild threatens to use his signature Vine Whip attack on him, even though in the Pokemon games the move being incredibly weak at only a 45 power (meaning it is generally only used by lower-level Pokemon and replaced by a more powerful move as soon as possible). Wild calls Simonchu a murderer, despite him being exonerated of the crime, and once again let me stress that Simonla’s still alive.

Caption: A few minutes later…

Police tape: Do not cross do not cross

FIRST RESPONDER: Oh, this is not looking good. We need to get to the hospital.

LOU PEREZ: I’ll let Chris know.

LOU PEREZ: Big C., Officer Perez here. A toilet exploded from a Voltorb that self-destructed on remote command.

LOU PEREZ: Miss Simonla Rosechu fell victim, and she was injured bad. We’re rushing her to the hospital.

CHRIS {over walkie-talkie}: Dang… I copy that. Thank you, Lou.

CHRIS {on TV}: Simonla was not mine to begin with, as she was originally based off of Simonchu. I edited her CWCipedia bio page to state that she was not based on Simon.

MAGI-CHAN: Lou, these two were in close league with Simonla’s killer.

LOU PEREZ: Good job Magi-Chan; we’ll take ‘em in.

SIMONLA: Wild, I don’t think I’m going to make it… take my lucky shark tooth.

Lou Perez, one of the officers seen earlier this issue, surveys the restroom carnage and explains the situation to Chris. Chris’s response to hearing that one of his beloved hedgehogs was gravely wounded and is not long for this Earth? “Dang.”

As Simonla is rushed away from the scene of her injury, Chris’s apology for her creation echoes from his earlier speech is stated. Chris also didn’t think through the meta implications of talking about the CWCipedia inside Sonichu itself - is the CWCipedia a website in the world of Sonichu as well?

Chris fails proportions once again as it appears that the EMTs attending Simonla are barely taller than her stretcher.

Magi-Chan presents Lou with Evan and Simonchu, already describing them as Simonla’s killers despite Simonla not having passed on at this point. For some reason, Simonchu disappears from the story until the next issue here - he’s not tried and he’s not executed, and he’s not sent to the Amish farm in the revision. It’s possible Chris forgot he included him in this section, or that he was so furious at the humans that forced him to kill Simonla that he forgot about their fictional henchman, or it’s possible that the revision he codified seven years later was in the back of his mind even at the time, and thus Simonchu was let off lighter as he was coerced into the attack?