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Firstly I don't know how many people will actually read this but I don't really care. I'm putting this down as a record of everything I've been through. This is me, this is my life. I'm not joking. This is not a hoax. 

Info for those of you who don't know me. My name is Matt or Mathew, whichever you prefer I don't mind. I live in Gisborne, New Zealand. I go to an average high school, have average teachers and get average grades. My best friends are Callym and Chris. One is a crazy gamer. He makes videos on Youtube and has a really sweet girlfriend, they're great together. The other is also a crazy gamer. He is single and plays in my football team. They're both really good friends to me. I have a girlfriend, her name is Twyla. She's an incredible girl. She's sick right now though so get well soon baby. She's gorgeous, smart and funny, way out of my league and yeah, we don't really seem to be on the same wave length at the moment. It'll sort itself out soon enough :) 

Okay, so here is my situation. I did write a blog entry about this but I can't find it. I went through huge amounts of shit over the last few years. I had no friends, no life, I was bullied and hated. This year has been a significant improvement. My girlfriend, also my best friend, she started getting me out of the house, to parties etc. Then we had this moment, she kissed me and everything changed for us. We got together and yeah. It was amazing. I love her. She's been out of the country recently and since she has been back, she has been sick and I feel like we might be drifting apart. I really don't want that to happen because I love her like crazy. I don't know if she feels the same anymore.

So yes, current day... the reason for this blog.

Today I am going to see a doctor with the hope of getting a referral so I can see a counsellor. I feel like I'm really alone at the moment. Everyone who has offered for me to talk to them, they're involved in what I need to talk about. Plus you can't talk about stuff to most people with them taking it personally and putting in their own opinion not a neutral one. I feel so alone most of the time. I need somebody to fight for me.

I have so much stuff I just need to get out! 

So this is day one, the start of my journey. I love you all :) <3