Single to Committed: Without Losing Myself
Itās been a long time since Iāve been in a relationship. And somewhere in that stretch of solitude, I found something preciousāpeace. I fell deeply in love with my own space, my own rhythm, and the unmatched comfort that comes with not having to explain myself to anyone. Thereās something incredibly liberating about living life on your own terms. No check-ins. No emotional labor for the sake of someone else's insecurity. Just me, my thoughts, my time.
And Iāve grown to cherish that.
Being single isn't a sad chapter. Itās actually been one of the most empowering phases of my life. Iāve learned what it means to be whole on my own. Iāve learned to romanticize solo coffee dates, long walks with music, late-night overthinking sessions, and dancing in my room like no one's watching (because really, no one is).
But despite how content I feel on my own, I also understand the beauty of companionship. I'm not against love. I just refuse to water myself down for it.
The transition from singlehood to a committed relationship isn't as simple as swiping right or texting every day. Itās a conscious shift. A mental and emotional pivot. When you're used to being alone and thriving in it, welcoming someone into your life takes real courage. Because now, your space isnāt just yours. Your time isnāt just yours. Your silence will often be filled with conversation, your plans will some times involve compromise, and your decisions might require collaboration.
And thatās fineāif itās with the right person.
But here's where I draw the line: I wonāt be in a relationship where constant updates are expected as proof of loyalty. I wonāt entertain someone who confuses control for care. If your idea of love is policing my movements, questioning my choices, or needing validation through constant check-ins, Iām not the one for you.
Yes, I know the difference between being controlling and being concerned. I know what genuine curiosity looks like. And trust me, if Iām with someone I truly care about, Iāll overshare without being asked. Iāll tell you what I had for lunch, who I ran into, what weird dream I had last night. But that only happens when I feel safeāemotionally, mentally, energetically.
What pushes me away isnāt the commitment itself. Itās the imbalance. The gendered expectations. The assumption that because youāre the āman,ā I owe you answers or obedience. Thatās not partnership. Thatās hierarchyāand I want no part of it.
Iāve had moments where I almost got into something just because it was āthe right timeā or because āIāve been single too long.ā But then I remembered: Iād rather be single with peace than be in a relationship full of doubts and discomfort.
At this point in my life, Iām not interested in a boyfriend for the sake of a relationship status. I donāt need validation through someone elseās presence. Iām not here for temporary sparks. If anything, Iām open to slowly exploring something realāsomething grounded. Letās take time. Letās see if weāre compatible on values, not just vibes. If it works, beautiful. If it doesnāt, letās respectfully part ways with no bitterness.
What I want is simple: someone I can be fully myself with. Someone who doesnāt get insecure when I say I need space. Someone who isnāt threatened by my independence but is inspired by it. Someone who knows love isnāt about ownershipāitās about honoring each otherās existence, together and apart.
Because being single taught me to protect my peace, and I wonāt trade that peace for anything less than a love that feels like freedom.
