#connorbuck

Buck’s eyes widen.  He knows that he and Connor kind-of sort-of had a thing and that he more or less abandoned that kind-of sort-of thing for Abby because of Bobby’s advice and here he is, welcoming him back and willing to share his room with him.

“You’d really… do that?  Let me share your room after I – you know?”

“Buck,” Connor says, softly.  “You told me what happened with this chick, and how you were kind of pushed into it by others, I am not going to give you BS about it.  As long as you’re cool sharing a room, I am, too.”

“You’re the best!” Buck says, throwing his arms around him.  “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Luckily, you’ll never have to find out!”

***

Buck’s been sharing a room with Connor again for nearly two weeks.  The hurt of the situation with Abby, who hadn’t believed in him and then took off anyway (and would’ve left without even a goodbye), had faded away to him enjoying his return to being at Connor’s house.  It’s like feeling like he’s come home. 

In a way, it feels like he took a detour on this weird dating road and while on his way back to where he was meant to be.

There was just one problem.

They weren’t dating and he doesn’t know how to change that.

Like what if he says something and Connor says no?  They’re literally sharing a bed, it would be so awkward. 

“You’re thinking too hard, and I can’t sleep,” Connor says, rolling over to face Buck, who’s laying on his back.  “What’s wrong?”

“I – I am afraid to tell you.”

“Well, you’ll just have to push through that like the big brave firefighter you are and tell me anyway or neither of us is getting any sleep tonight – and if that happens, I’m saying the Q word right before your shift.”

“You wouldn’t be that cruel,” Buck says, knowing that Connor wouldn’t actually curse him like that.

“I’d be tempted to, now tell me.”

“I think I screwed up.”

“With Abby?” Connor asks, rolling his eyes.  “Dude, I told you.  She doesn’t deserve you.  You deserve someone who was all in and not some chick that wanted a boytoy when you were finally ready for something serious.  You deserve better.”

Buck thinks about countering or maybe just focusing on something else.  Instead, he blurts, “Like you?  Because I – I know I screwed up.  I never should’ve gotten involved with Abby, and we had something here and I – I was following mistaken advice… following this concept of a relationship by a man who hasn’t dated in this century.  At least, I don’t think he has.  He might’ve been dating still in the early 2000s, I don’t know.  The point is… I never should’ve left or let things just be sex when I knew I wanted more and I just – I know this is awkward since we share a room if you say no, but I wanna date you and I wanna do it right and –”

He's cut off by a kiss. 

The first kiss with Connor in nearly five months, and it’s like a warm sense of home.  Of being where he belongs with whom he belongs.  It’s perfect. 

Connor breaks it off and says, “I love your blathering, but I really wanted to do that since you suggested me.”

Buck chuckles.  “Yeah, maybe I should’ve gone with just a kiss first, but you know, we never talked about before… and –”

“Why don’t we forget about before?” Connor suggests.  “Start over, as an actual couple?”

“As long as I get to plan some dates that we actually get to go on.”

“Deal.”

***

The next couple of months pass by in a blur of happiness for Buck.  He’s gotten his shield, he’s got a boyfriend that loves him, things are way better than they ever were with Abby, until he meets the new guy. 

He’s not terribly happy with him since it feels like he doesn’t have to prove himself the way that Buck has.  The way he jumps in like he doesn’t think Buck can do his job, and the support he has from the team while Buck struggled.  It’s irritating, and kind of makes him want to punch him and Chim, who apparently told Eddie that Buck was living in Abby’s place pretending to be with her when she actually broke up with him … like what? 

He was just about set everyone straight when his phone rings: Connor.

He turns away, answering the phone with, “Hey babe.”

“Hey, I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

“Uh, no, just working out.  Probably saved me from doing something stupid.”

Like decking Chimney, although Buck’s never been a violent person he’s sorely tempted.  He can hear Chimney jeering that it’s a full-time job doing that.

“That’s great because I have a woman here –”

“If it’s another one of the catfisher’s victims, I am going to question how the hell she got our address.”

“It’s not,” Connor states.  “She, uh, she says that she’s your sister.”

“My what?” Buck asks, wide eyed and confused.  He hadn’t heard from Maddie in years and she’s just at his house that’s two thousand miles from Hershey and out of the blue.  It’s insane.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.  She hasn’t answered anything from you in three years and suddenly shows up unannounced.  I mean, who does that?”

Buck laughs.  “Clearly, she does.  Are you sure it’s her?”

“Positive.  I’ve seen the photo from your eighteenth birthday and … she had the post cards and Christmas cards and …”

“She hasn’t changed much, then?” Buck asks, smiling slightly.  He’d been worried about her given his reservations about Doug.  “What about – is she alone?”

“She is and she won’t talk about anything other than to ask to use our shower and when you might return.”

“That makes sense.”  They were always taught to keep dirty laundry to themselves, and she’s never met Connor, so why would she trust him?  “Tell her I’ll be home soon.  Shifts almost over anyway, and I don’t want her to feel awkward with our housemates or you since she’s never met any of you.”

“She seems a little skittish, honestly.  Given what you told me that you were worried about … I think it’s perfect timing that no one else is here right now, but you never know here – we all come and go at weird hours, so the sooner you come home the better.”

Buck laughs.  “Yeah, we do.  Look, uh, thanks for letting me know.”

“I’m your babe, I’m supposed to tell you things.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Don’t you know it.  But seriously, I would never let you come home to a surprise like this.”

“Thank you for that.  I love you; I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you, too.”

He hangs up the phone and takes a deep breath before turning around to go talk to Bobby.  There’s less than an hour left and some of B Shift is already here, so he should be fine to head out early. 

He vaguely hears Chimney’s: “What was that about?”

As he walks passed him, and thinks that maybe he shouldn’t respond, but then, this is a chance to make a point.

“None of your business.  Especially when you go around spreading lies about me to new people and old hands, clearly,” Buck states, firmly.  “My private life is none of your business, so back off.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, going straight to Bobby and then taking off within a few minutes.  He only hopes that he can help Maddie through whatever she’s going through to just suddenly show up on his doorstep.

***

When he gets home, despite knowing to expect her, he’s still a little stunned to see her.  She’s sitting nervously at the counter, away from Connor, who is trying to not act all awkward on the other end of the counter. 

He’s clearly been trying to engage her in conversation, but as Connor had said, she’s acting skittish and uncertain.  It makes sense given what he suspects.

“Evan!” Maddie says, getting up the second she sees him come through the door. 

He tosses his bag on the floor and opens his arms for her hug, which she doesn’t hesitate to give him.  “It really is you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I, uh, really needed to see you.”

“Well, I’m here.  You’re safe.”

He knows that he’s presuming something he probably shouldn’t, but he’s been worried about her for years and he’s seen things that has made it worse.

“You know?”

“I’ve suspected.”

Maddie lets go of him and sits back down at the counter.  “I didn’t want you to know.”

“You don’t have to protect me, Maddie,” Buck offers as he moves to kiss Connor’s cheek.  “By the way, I know you’ve met, but this is my boyfriend, Connor.”

Maddie nods, a soft smile on her face.  “He’s been gushing about you since I got here and confirmed who I was.”

“I’d deny it, but when you have a hot firefighter boyfriend, who can resist?” Connor teases.  “And what Maddie has said amounts to some pretty fearless stories in your childhood.  I swear you were born to be a firefighter.”

Buck laughs.  “Yeah, well, I told you a lot of them myself.”  Then he leans over and stage-whispers to Maddie, “He was obsessed with Hershey when we first met, convinced that it was where chocolate was born, and I must be cool for living there.”

Maddie laughs.  “So, when did you learn he wasn’t cool?”

“Hey!” Buck yells, playfully annoyed. 

“Sometime after he followed me home,” Connor teases.

“You invited me.”

“I did, best decision I ever made.”

Buck kisses his cheek again, and says, “But we should really be focusing on you, Maddie.”

Maddie’s eyes dart between them, and Connor can pick up what she isn’t saying.  “My shift starts soon, so I’ll just head out now.  Derek’s room is thankfully already cleaned from when he moved out last week.  So, you’re welcome to it.”

Maddie blinks.  “Don’t you have to consult your other roommates?”

“It’s Connor’s house, officially.  His parents moved down to Florida when they retired, so he’s technically the one that gets to decide –”

“- but we’re a family here, so we would’ve worked something out anyway,” Connor assures her.  “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

Maddie has tears in her eyes as she moves to hug Connor.  “Thank you.  I knew he found something special when he left Peru, but I just didn’t realize how special.”

“Buck’s pretty special himself, he was bound to find us eventually.”

He gives Buck a hug and a kiss, before leaving the two siblings alone. 

“I’m glad you were able to find what you were looking for,” Maddie says.  “You were lost for so long and now…”

“I was lost because there was a lot that I didn’t know, I was lost because I was unwanted and unloved, and I was lost because I didn’t have anyone to lead me where I needed to go.  You gave me a way out – a way to go on a journey to find myself, and that journey led me to Peru and Connor led me here.  I joined the Fire Academy, learned a lot of things about myself, and I’m in the best place I can be.  Happy, loved and wanted.”

Maddie’s eyes are filled with unshed tears.  “I loved you, Evan.  I wanted you, Evan, but I let Doug ruin everything between us.”

“He hasn’t ruined everything,” Buck assures her.  “Because you’re here.  You were brave enough to leave and you came to me.”

He pauses, then decides that he should tell her he knows about a secret in their lives that she probably knows and couldn’t tell him, but it’s important to be honest.

“It was never you.  I didn’t feel unloved and unwanted by you, Maddie.  I knew that you loved me, and you tried to be there for me.  Taking care of me until you went off to college and even a little when you came back for holidays and then, permanently.  I always ran to you because I knew that you cared about me.  Mom and Dad, they never did.  They wanted me to save Daniel, and when I didn’t, they didn’t want me anymore.  They had this constant reminder of what I failed for them, and they didn’t want me around.  It didn’t matter what I did, the closest thing I got to attention was when I was hurt.  It made me reckless and careless and like my life doesn’t matter as much as others.  If I could save someone but it came at losing my life?  Well, I didn’t think I had anyone that would miss me too much.”

“You know about Daniel?  You know what they did?”

Buck nods.  “I do.  They contacted the doctors in Hershey to get my complete medical records when I tried to join the SEALs.  Let me tell you that was an eye-opener.  My point is – it’s not on you that I grew up like that.  I know you cared, but we went longer and longer without contact and – I understand why.  Doug was never the good guy that he wanted people to believe, and he knew I saw through him.  That the older I got the more likely you would be to believe me.  Especially if he was hurting you.  That’s why he interfered, right?  Why you stopped calling?”

Maddie nods.  “I, uh, after we got married and mom and dad cut contact with me, I refused to stop talking to you – Doug didn’t like it.  But I kept pushing anyway because … I knew about Daniel and why our parents were the way they were – I’m not excusing them, but I knew it hurt.  I wanted to keep my promise to you.  Which is why I was saving up money to run.  Why when you asked me to go with you … at first, I said yes.  Doug figured me out and I was… hurt pretty bad, so I left you the note and told you to go and be free.  Find a happiness that I didn’t think I could find…”

Buck covers his face with his hands.  “You’ve suffered all these years because I took your escape?”

“No, I gave it to you.  I wasn’t ready to leave, I was so afraid, and I couldn’t stand the thought of Doug finding us and hurting you because of me… but I – you kept sending those post cards and Christmas cards.  Telling me about your life, reminding me that I could come to you, and I finally found myself brave enough to leave…”

“And now, you’re here, and I can protect you.  We can protect you,” Buck assures her.  “My friends here, and Connor, have been like a family to me, and they’ll do the same for you.  Do you have anyone that can send proof of what he did to you?  I’ve got a friend in the LAPD; she can help you figure out how to make it better.”

Maddie looks uncertain.  “I – well, I wasn’t planning on involving anyone else.  I just wanted to find a safe place to land.  I don’t think Doug even knows where you are, and you moved around a lot…”

“I’ve been on TV, involved in some difficult rescues that got TV attention, Doug knows my name even if he doesn’t know where I am.  He can figure it out pretty quickly.  It’s better to do whatever we can to protect you.  The guys here – we all have wacky schedules, so it’s easy for one of us to be here protecting you if you’re at the house, but we need something legal to protect you – and Athena will be great.  We didn’t get along at first, but she’s warmed up to me.”

Maddie still looks uncertain as she asks, “What did you do to her?”

“Yelled at her because she wanted to rescue the girl that flushed her baby down the toilet,” Buck says.  “It’s a long story, but the little girl – she was adopted by a loving couple.”

“And the girl that did that?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.  She almost killed her baby when there are safe haven laws.  She didn’t have to do that.  She needed care, but I was biased against her, and Athena was biased for her because of her teenage daughter.  We butted heads, but we’re better now.”

Maddie bites her lip.  “And you’re sure that she can help me?”

Buck nods.  “She’s a badass Sergeant, and she’s got a good heart.  She can help you, I’m sure of it.”

“Okay.  Just… let me think about it?”

“Of course.”

***

The first shift after the phone call with Connor about Maddie, Buck anticipates Chimney’s hassling and trying to figure out Buck’s secrets so he can mock him about it, but he can avoid him for the most part.  It’s Eddie – the new guy – who Buck is more worried about. 

He doesn’t like him showing him up and claiming that he doesn’t know that he’s implying Buck can’t do his job.  He shouldn’t constantly jump in and act like he knows better when he’s been here for like ten seconds.

And to think that he thought that he knew what was going on in Buck’s life and that he was ‘taking it out’ on him, rather than anything he did wrong was bullshit.  Buck had spent so long proving himself and it’s just a given that Eddie’s right about things, like he’s the experienced firefighter. 

It stings and even talking about it with Connor and Maddie hadn’t made it easier. 

But he’s gotta figure something out since he feels like he’ll be dropped for the ‘silver star’ and as much as he’s annoyed of late, he really loves his team.  He doesn’t… he can’t stand the thought of leaving the 118…

And just like he’s always been taught… he had to shut down his feelings on the matter in order to stay.

He’s just not sure how he could do that, he thinks as he changes into his uniform.  He supposes he could think of Connor and his gushing, or their friends and roommates welcoming Maddie like she’s one of them already, or maybe he could talk to him or Hen or Bobby about how he’s feeling.  He’s sure that Hen’s got a better idea of how to talk him through this.  She’s the one he goes to for advice anyway.

Before he could decide, Eddie comes into the locker room.  They’re alone, so Buck’s not sure if he should just ignore him or take the chance to talk it out. 

He focuses on buttoning his shirt, still undecided when Eddie says, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Buck questions.

“I realized that I made a bad first impression.  I was used to being in charge and taking the lead in the army, and I wanted to make a good first impression, based on the teasing in the truck, I made a snap judgement on you that I shouldn’t have.  And I wanted to impress Bobby, so I spoke up when I shouldn’t have.  Your way would’ve been right and it’s how the academy teaches it, but I wanted to be seen as better and that wasn’t fair.”

Buck blinks.  “It was intentional based on Chimney’s comments?”

“Yes, and I shouldn’t have done that.  And then, I talked to him, and he fed me some clear bullshit based on what we overheard in the gym the other day…”

“My personal business is none of yours or Chimney’s business, but yeah, he clearly fed you some bullshit,” Buck states, plainly.  He’s pissed that Chimney’s comments affected things on the team like this.

“You’re right,” Eddie admits.  “And again, I’m sorry.  Could we maybe start over?  I don’t want my partner to hate me, and I really want this to work.”

He offers his hand and Buck knowing that it’s for the best takes it.  “Yeah, let’s start over.  I’m Evan Buckley, but I go by Buck.”

Eddie grins.  “I’m Edmundo Diaz, but I go by Eddie.”

Buck laughs.  “So, it is a nickname?”

“It is,” Eddie states, smiling.  “You just guessed the wrong name and I was so thrown off at the insistence of a nickname that I didn’t think to correct you.”

“Wow.  Well, you got me for sure.”

***

Despite knowing that Maddie’s decided to talk to the police and they’ll hopefully be able to address the Doug issue, it still takes a couple of weeks before she’s willing to talk to Athena and then, she insists that she wants to meet her outside of the police station, which means asking Bobby if Maddie could come to the firehouse to meet Athena for the first time. 

He wanted to convince her about other locations (mainly because he doesn’t want gossip going around about his life – Chimney has made it his mission to find out everything he can about Buck’s secrets), but she insisted and he’s a little nervous.

“Hey, you don’t have to explain much beyond she’s your sister,” Eddie offers.

They’d become closer in the last couple of weeks, meeting his kid and introducing him to Carla had led to an actual friendship.  He seems to respect Buck’s privacy and he’s quite happy with that.

“Yeah, but he’s like a dog with a bone.  He’s been incessant trying to figure out what’s going on my life,” Buck complains.  “I just – I don’t know.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.  I’ll have your back and Bobby does, too.”

He’s right.  When he had to explain to Bobby everything so they could set up Maddie and Athena, Bobby had been quite the supportive almost-dad that he sometimes acts like with Buck, and Buck had been relieved.  Especially because Bobby seemed quite proud of Buck for moving on with Connor and not pining for Abby like he thought (he’d been feeling guilty for encouraging Buck with Abby given what she did to him and worried that his advice was hurting Buck more than helping).

“Thanks.”

With that, he suddenly sees Connor and Maddie entering the station and grins.  No matter what, he’s thrilled to see them. 

He greets them both with a hug and kiss on the cheek, introduces Eddie and then says, “Athena’s already upstairs.”

They both nod and follow Buck up the stairs. 

Buck leads them over to Bobby and Athena and introduces everyone.  Athena focuses in on Maddie, while Bobby says, with a smile, “It’s nice to meet the man who brought Buck to us.”

Connor flushes.  “Well, all I did was invite him home with me.  He didn’t have to come, but I’m glad he did.”

“Well, we are, too.  Buck’s the heart of this firehouse, and we wouldn’t be what we are without him.”

Buck flushes as Chim asks, “I thought that was me, Cap?”

“You know, I thought it was, but then, I realized, Buck’s the one that got me to let down my walls and let other people into my life,” Bobby says.  “He helped Eddie with his kid, and he even softened up Athena.”

“Hey, he’s just lucky that his heroics let me realize that he was absolutely right,” Athena states before turning back to Maddie.

Hen teases about something else Buck did, and it continues for a few minutes before Bobby says, “The point is, we’re lucky to have him and you’re the reason he’s here.”

Connor grins as he kisses Buck’s cheek.  “Yeah, well, I couldn’t resist.  Buck’s pretty amazing.”

Just then, the alarm goes off and Bobby says, “You can be man behind this time,” eyeing his guests.  “In case they need you.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

***

The chat with Athena ended up going well, and she did convince Maddie that the station was necessary, but the point was that everything was on the up and up. 

Buck’s got his sister back (and is able to protect her), he’s feeling pretty good at work (the teasing earlier and being called the heart had done wonders for him and the way he’d been feeling lately) and he’s got the world’s most perfect boyfriend.

Life couldn’t get any better.

He only wished that he hadn’t listened to Bobby’s mistaken advice in the first place, but he’s glad he’s here now.  Living his happily ever after with his boyfriend. 

Some things work out after all.

***