#confused lost

Sometimes my soul wants to vanish with every song I listen to. My soul is tired and needs to be recharged. It wants to dance among the clouds where flowers grow and dance under the sun... As days get older my soul  becomes more confused and lost in this world. I need help, answers, but no one can't answer my questions...

Uhm so.. I'm lost tbh lol I dont know how to use that and I'm pretty confused

i never been so confused in my life  

I REALLY don't want to grow up. it's painful for me to have to take on new challenges, take more responsibility, lose friends, and realize the world is so fucked up. I want to go back to being like 9 years old because that was an incredible age. I lived in my favorite house and my parents screaming didn't seem so loud. It's like the sound of mine and my sister's laughter was able to drown it out and make us forget that they didn't get along. I only remember them getting along. I loved my barbies and I had so many friends I could count on to ride my bike with. I was the smartest kid in my class and I was so proud to show it off to family to make them proud of me. It felt so good. I was on top of the world. I was always so safe in my mom's arms. Fuck this bullshit that I'm living in now. I'm living in the "in-between" stage. I wanna go back in time and never grow up but at the same time I want to grow up and become something successful so I can just live my own life. I just want to move on and say fuck everything and do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. I want to live by myself and do as I please. But there is one problem with that, I want to fall in love and have amazing children. I don't want to be alone. I want someone I can depend on. But I want to be independent and be the person that someone else will depend on. I literally want completely opposite things in life...I don't know... It's too cold for me here.