Upon some research, I acknowledged that if I want to get better at speaking, I will have to improve my writing. Browsing through writers blogs and websites, I discovered that if you write everyday for 30 minutes, not only will you become a better writer but you will also be able to communicate your ideas more effectively while speaking. Since I’ve always had a passion for writing I thought, why not give this a try! So, here I am writing for 30 minutes, you may be in disbelief of what you may find....
I had a nightmare last night. It was was the most bizarre thing I have ever imagined to experience. I was in a building on 231st and there was a man behind me. He seemed rather odd so I started walking faster in front of him. I guess he sensed my change in perception, so he sped up faster too. There were many doors ahead of me. I started running and he began to run behind me. As I reached to open and close a door he always seemed to be right there grabbing the door before it closed. Finally, I reached the outside, when he then jumped on top of me. These two men were watching and I yelled for help. They pointed to a psychologist and cop across the street. They insinuated that they would be of better help. With the man on top of me, I fought my way across the street and gestured to the cops for help. The psych came over and he confidently took control of the situation. He spoke to the man and realized that the man was actually possessed. As I was finally able to take the man off of me I noticed his body acting frantically, while his spirit was watching himself go mad. I have never seen someone have an out of body experience like this. The psychologist said a couple of words like “oh siete, black magic” I was in disbelief watching the psych try to tame the possessed body. The psych then told the man to jump inside the body and make noise to hitch himself onto his body. While the man waved and groaned like a monster, the man spirit was transparently in the body, jumping, trying to get in. Luckily I was awakened by my 5:30 alarm and didn't get to see anymore of this madness. I layed in bed saying prayers, how could I even dream of something like this.
I have been trying to figure out what the meaning behind my dream is. As I researched it said to think of any problems you are running away from or that need to be confronted. So here they are...
1. I need to get a consistent source of income.
2. I'm debating whether I should go to LA and pursue acting with Sam or move to Brooklyn, stay in school and pursue my acting career.
3. I have some things I need to tell my ex-boyfriend that I have learned these past months through my Ayahuasca ceremony.
4. I need to tell the man that healed me from this painful relationship and has filled me with much love and support that I love him but I am not in love with him, but I would like to remain good friends.
5. I need to tell my ex-boyfriend that I am still deeply in love with him, but if he is not in love with me, I will see him as a brother and move along.
6. I need to ask my mom if she has learned from her mistakes of parenting. If she prefers not to have any knowledge of what is going on in her children's life due to her constant judgement and negative criticism.
7. I need to tell my father that his role in my life was missed and he has created a void of a male figure to guide and protect me.
8. I need to speak to Karen and my brother and apologize for my selfish actions. Also give them some insight of what's been going on in my life.
9. I need to pay for my LA flight and Ayahuasca ceremony
10. I need to pay my school balance and register for fall term. Only 3 semesters to go !!
SO there it is, the things that I have been putting off on the back burner but need to confront head on. Today I will make my weekly calendar and fit these things into my schedule so that I don't continue procrastinating the causes of this nightmare.
1. How to get a consistent source of income. I will call Top Shelf and let them know I submitted my application online. I will upload my resume and pictures onto every free acting account I could get my hands on. I will browse the craigslist ads and email any upcoming paying gigs. I will print out my resume and apply to bars restaurants tomorrow in Brooklyn and in soho.
3. What will I tell my ex-boyfriend.
I am in awe that I have finally come to accept him as my ex-boyfriend. It was a label I persistently fought against, like Donald Trump being president. But I am at peace that something's aren't meant to go on forever, although the fighter in me believes I create my fate, so if I felt that there were things we can still learn from another and that we can offer each other a more positive life than our solitude, I would continue to fight. But all I can honestly admit right now is my profound love for him, that may never ever go away.
