What’s happiness feel like?
How come my mom always seems to ruin it when I’m actually happy?
I went to see my absolute favorite band in concert on Friday night. It’s been sooo long since I’ve gone to a rock concert, I didn’t realize how much I missed rock concerts until I entered that arena. I love the atmosphere so much. They help soooo much with my anxiety and depression. While I’m there, nothing, and I mean NOTHING crosses my mind except the concert and the music. And there’s a concert high I get after a concert that can calm me down for a couple days to a couple weeks afterwards. This feeling is amazing!!! I need to start going to rock concerts more often again. I used to go a couple times a year, and now I go like once every couple years. As much as I love country concerts, they don’t give me the same buzz as rock concerts! It’s truly magical!! It makes me happy like nothing else I’ve ever experienced and nothing can ruin my day. Not it being slow at work, or hot as hell, or my stomach not feeling well, somehow I am still sooo happy!!! I forgot the last time I said that and really meant it!
That feeling lasted all weekend. I didn’t have to deal with my parents, and everything else just sort of rolled off my shoulders. It was amazing! I was truly happy for the first time in I don’t even know how long! I didn’t want it to end. I like being happy.
Then I had to deal with my mom today, and somehow, it all just came crashing down. That happiness is gone. I don’t know how she fucking does it. But she can ruin everything. Whenever I have the money to move out, I swear I am not going to talk to her more then I have too, cause I can’t deal with her disappointment and constant criticism in me. People always say in order to be happy, get rid of the negative in your life. Well as much as I love my parents (and I do), they cause like 90% of the negativity in my life, I don’t think my depression and anxiety would be as bad as it is, if they didn’t push me down so constantly!!
I want that concert high feeling to come back!!! It was the most amazing concert I’ve gone to in such a long time!! And the post high went away way too fast! Stupid family!
