#concerned

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My partner and I have been together for 5, nearly 6 years now. In the beginning of our relationship, for the first 3 years, he didn't drink that much at all, just occasionally when we were out with friends. A couple of years ago, it started to be a daily thing. Usually 2-3 of the 32oz big cans of Mikes Harder or similar 8%+ alcohol drinks.

His behavior when he drinks is what you'd expect, he gets looser, less inhibited, but also rude. Inconsiderate. Vulgar. He'll ignore what I say, disregard my suggestions or ideas, and becomes much more vocal and offensive, pushy with what he wants to do. I've told him his behavior when he drinks bothers me on more than one occasion. And it's gotten to the point of making him sick many times.

We made a deal last year that he would not drink 2 days out of the week, and keep it to a maximum of 2 of the large cans during the rest of the week. That didn't last very long, I think about a month and a half before he started calling me controlling and saying he can do what he wants with his money and I don't understand his body, etc.

He has admitted to being an alcoholic in his youth. I'm afraid of this becoming a bigger problem as time goes on, because it always causes a fight when I bring it up. I don't want him to drink anymore, not just because of the behavioral changes it brings on, but because of just how bad that much alcohol on a daily basis is for your body.

Is this a normal amount of drinking? Is his reaction to me asking him to cut back reasonable? Am I overreacting to this whole situation? I'm getting very concerned, I don't want to marry an alcoholic who doesn't respect my concerns or my comfort, but his opinion is that I'm being unreasonable. At this point I'm not sure what to think anymore.

Edit: Thank you for all your responses. I'm feeling a bit numb, maybe a skosh depressed, but this has been good to hear. I'm not exactly sure what the next move is, but Alanon seems to be a good next step.

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR You are not over reacting but you also cannot change anyone's drinking habits. They would want to want to make that change for themselves. It's a tough spot to be in. You need to do what is best for you.”

Notable comment: “*He has admitted to being an alcoholic in his youth.*

NOR Most of us with an addiction believe that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Your partner, regardless of the definition, has a serious drinking problem. His drinking is excessive. t'll get worse before it gets better.

The sort of bargaining is SO typical and never works out. It's simply mental masturbation.”

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