All of these are awful, awful things to want to ask and not knowing the answers to any of them is going to tear me up inside because you still mean so much to me. As angry as I am with you, if tomorrow, you asked me if I would take you back, I would forget all of it and say yes, no questions asked. You weren't just my girlfriend, you were my best friend, you were the person I had so much fun with, the person who made the boring times when I didn't get to see you worth it for those days or weeks at a time when we could be together. You kept me sane in the face of my mother, you kept me smiling and looking up when all I wanted to do was cry after dropping out of grad school. You stood by my side at my uncle's funeral and you didn't just mean the world to me, you were my world. How am I supposed to adjust to suddenly realizing that it wasn't the same for you, too?
I was looking forward to so much together. I wanted you to be so happy with me. I miss you so fucking much, every day, that it hurts just not seeing your icon in my most-popular contacts list on Skype, let alone hearing you talk, seeing you smile, making you laugh.
And I get that I've been a complete bastard to you since this went down. And I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know how to handle any of this. I don't want to push you further away, I don't want you to not be a part of my life anymore, I don't want to never see you again, but all of that is just a wish now, just a fantasy in my head, that you'll offer me a hand of friendship ever again. I'm sorry, I really am. And I hope that one day, whether it be tomorrow or next month or in 2030, I hope that one day you'll forgive me for everything.
This is almost certainly the last you'll hear from me.