( wh ispers ) "get me" B)
leave “get me” for a drabble about steve saving bucky. | not accepting
there’s no glory in it, steve figures,watching bucky every day and seeing the FIGHT that has clutched deep at hisshoulders, the tension that wraps around every inch, over his ( SCARRED) backand down to his tightened fists. but none of this, his life, beingcaptain america, any of it, has been about that. he’s never WONDERED why no onerecognized him more often on the street. he’s never WISHED for his face to beplastered upon the screens, words like HERO or SAVIOR all around the image. thefame, the recognition… that’s never what this has been about.
but even now, he doesn’t consider this insuch a way. sitting at the table, he eats slowly, eyes fixated on the morninglight that filters its way inside. the ONE THING that won’t ever change aboutthis city. the buildings are taller. everyone dresses a little different. butold brooklyn mornings, with the BRISK air, and the clouds that just cover thewarmth that the sun waits so patiently to offer… that’s stayed the same. when hetook bucky in, he made a point to NOTICE the DIFFERENCES. after seventy yearsof torture and suffering, there isn’t a chance in HELL that buckywould get out of it unscathed.
steve tries. though. no one knocks himfor it ( the few who know that bucky is staying with him, anyways ). he’s urgedoften to take bucky out, have him see the new world… the NAIVETY almost makessteve laugh. laugh with the BITTERNESS of his own seventy some-odd years of ICEthat’s penetrated his bones, settled into his SOUL. if only it were so simple.frankly, steve has no clue what kind of PROGRESS bucky has made… he isn’t apercentage. steve makes an effort not to think about how CLOSE he is to beingthe man he once knew so, so well. if anything, he’s deterring into somethingNEW.
there’s no telling if that’s a GOOD orBAD thing.
perhaps, it isn’t that simple. nothing insteve’s life is that simple anymore. it was good versus bad. 1A or 4F. thingsthat were so easy to DISTINGUISH. but it’s all one giant GREY-AREA for himthese days. perhaps that was after the fall of shield. or the alien invasion.maybe, it was just waking up.
there’s a sound, a shuffling. steve looksup, peers around the corner of the hallway. his body is tense, but he knows whoit is. much to his own relief, bucky does emerge from around the corner. eyescast low, long hair falling into his face and SHIELDING a good portion of hisexpression. for a split second, their gazes meet ——— but nothing more, ashe looks away again. steve knows it’s some sort of improvement. he doesn’texactly feel ACCOMPLISHED by it, though. he should. sam tells him that thelittle changes are what make a big difference in the long run. but steve seesso few… it isn’t exactly easy to feel GOOD about NOTHING.
the past few months, he’s been trying toCHIP AWAY at what hydra has done to his best friend. from day one, he’s beensilent. their eyes didn’t meet. how often has bucky presumed his own FAILURES,and his body goes rigid, PREPARING… the strike that never comes, it surpriseshim ( not that steve sees ———- the captain has either FLED or he’s TURNED AWAY. hecan’t bear witness to that ). their ‘ talks ‘ go nowhere. steve is at a loss ofwhat to do. he leaves food out for bucky when he refuses to eat at dinner. hemakes efforts to smile, to make him feel COMFORTABLE. when he needs to bealone, steve respects those BOUNDARIES… and when he wakes screaming, trying topush away what isn’t there anymore, steve is there. standing by, watching overhim. PROTECTING, like bucky would have done for him. steve has tried toINFILTRATE through the PURE STEEL barrier that has been put up around him. butat this point, he feels like he’s taking a WOODEN BAT to it, swinging andswinging at the metal. all he gets in the end is a SPLITTING headache.
it might just be time to get outsidehelp, steve thinks for a moment. but no… he can DO this. he can’t just bringsomeone else in, PASS bucky off like some useless toy so they can fixhim up BETTER. he isn’t a man that needs fixing, he needs… he needs…
steve sighs. his gaze falling to thefloor. he doesn’t know what he needs.
clink. steve’s head raises again at thesmall sound, frowning when he tries to find the source. and what he sees ———-
bucky approaches, a bowl of cereal inhand. his movements are calculated, measured, down to how many steps it willtake to reach steve. the chair across from the captain is pulled back, andbucky rather GRACEFULLY sits, quiet and unheard. there’s a moment of silence ;a long one, since steve has been sitting with BATED BREATH at the sight ofbucky. but those dim blues SNAP up to him, and steve is quickly searching foran ESCAPE. looking at his own breakfast suffices.
bucky eats. quietly, not making a sound.but every clack of his spoon against the bowl is INGRAINED into steve’s memory.in the back of his mind, he hears a voice : faith. it’s enough.
