i love you systems with alters that are dating, i love you headmates with crushes on fellow headmates, i love you plurals in poly relationships within the system, i love you system members that are attracted to other system members
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i love you systems with alters that are dating, i love you headmates with crushes on fellow headmates, i love you plurals in poly relationships within the system, i love you system members that are attracted to other system members

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How does one figure out if they are romo-aro and not just allo? I ask cuz I've wondered about being both ace and aro before, but romance is something I really love. Unlike a lot of aros I have always felt drawn to the idea of having a 'soul mate' connection with someone, a mutual devotion, yet I basically am not attracted sexually or romantically to anyone irl. I never date or have sex. The main focus of my attraction has been to fictional characters and more recently, system members. But I've never felt like I belonged in the aroace community because of how connected I feel to something that many in the community despise.
I think being drawn to identifying as aromantic is all you really need, and if you feel like romo aro describes how you feel about it that’s enough.
like. okay. so i have been partnering my whole life, dated a ton of people since middle school, plan on having a life partner (or 2) and probably getting married. i think i do believe in some sort of soulmates (for me, at least, but ive got a Thing with luck). romance is and always has been important to me, and so has when ive experienced romantic attraction. but my aromanticism has shaped my experiences and identity a Lot, and the way it, and the community has affected me is really important to me. its done a lot for me and being able to understand my experiences and romanticism *through* my aromanticism has undoubtedly impacted me in unimaginable and life-changing ways. being able to be aro, and accept that i like romance and that the way i experience my attraction is different has helped me understand both myself and the world around me.
ultimately, you can be aro, or you can be allo. and youre allowed to call yourself aro and later on find out that it didnt exactly fit. it sounds like you dont experience attraction, and thats really all it takes. but if not or if that changes, theres no harm in trying it out or learning about the community. the worst that can come from it is that you’ll learn something about yourself and understand yourself better. being part of the community will challenge your expectations and change your understanding of how the world views non-romantic, single, or otherwise independent people. a lot of allo people come out of questioning it feeling a lot more comfortable with being single.
if youre drawn towards it i say go for it. and liking romance and romantic concepts, or even romantic relationships, isn’t necessarily contradictory to what it means to be aromantic. its all about you. your feelings and attraction and experiences. its all up to you and i cant tell you the answer to who you are. but i think you should definitely play with it to find out. who you are today doesnt have to be who you are tomorrow.
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