#communication tricks

Now the first one don't panic on because I'm going to explain it, but it comes down to tone and body language.

A large majority of people I have noticed have at some point mistaken a condescending tone of voice for a soothing one, and have unfortunately taken it up as a habit. People don't like this. The second they think they are being condescended is the second the situation escalates. Some people do it mistakenly from working with children a lot, don't do this with children either, they hate it.

The first thing you are going to do is listen to yourself until it becomes habit in your work persona. If the situation is going well, you are going to as they say "keep it real." You are allowed to have a bad day, your patrons are going to think it's weird and inhuman of you if you don't, they understand this. What you are not going to do is project that, you don't always have to smile these days for most places, take a drink, count to ten, relax your shoulders, keep your manner casual, be yourself as much as you think you can. They appreciate authenticity. Most will meet you in the middle if the effort is made.

Now, say the situation is going badly... The first thing you need to realize is that it isn't about you. This patron has a million and one things on their plate, they are worried about this, that, and the other thing and they don't know you but whatever they have going with your place of business just happens to be the last straw. Here's what you are going to do. You are going to let that anger slip right by you, it isn't personal, it probably isn't even about the situation. You are going to drop your voice. Do NOT make it quieter, but make it softer, do not condescend them, do not, not even with children. People do not want to be condescended, they want to be heard. You are going to be direct, and calm. You are going to ask what is wrong, what can we do to help, use "we" if you can remember to, and you are going to listen in full. Ask any clarification questions you need to. IF the situation is something you cannot address by yourself you are going to do one of two things. "Hold on a moment, let me get someone who can help you with that who deals with these sorts of situations," professional, assures them someone who has dealt with this is coming to help them, OR, "Let me get you the card/e-mail/phone number of my supervisor, please reach out to them so they can help you with this." Again, same thing. If it is something that violates policy, you can state or show them the policy, 9 our of 10 times they won't want to read it and will take your word for it, sometimes they will ask for someone to contact, they may even leave mad, but the situation is diffused and now in their hands.

IF, it is something you can help them with, here is what you are going to do, you are going to state their options clearly, we can address this in A, B, C, manner, which works best for you?" This does a couple of things, it gives them all of the options if there is any, gives them a clear direction which pulls them out of their panic, and it places them in a spot of empowerment. You gave them what they needed, and you did it nicely.

This also works in teaching moments.

Say, for example, a patron comes in with things they need to do, they don't know how to use a computer, they are panicked, upset, and most of the time they are going to tell you they are illiterate/stupid/etc. Do not reinforce that. You are instead going to say something like "Oh, let me show you how to do that" (again, if you can't, find someone who can). If they are in a hurry they may have you do it, flustered and aggravated, let their anger go, fix the issue, most of the time they will come back and thank you and ask for you to show them how at a later date. They will remember. It's okay. If they are not in a hurry, then the best thing is for them to do it with you walking them through. If they are too upset they may have you show them the first time, this is okay too. Go slow, answer questions. What they have really told you above is "I need to do this thing, I don't know how to do it, I'm scared." For most people this is what it boils down to. Walk them through it the first time, do not say "I'm proud of you," that's cheesy, say something like "There you go! You got it!" Linger or have them do it a second time, reaffirming their actions or correcting if they stumble. Then you are going to ask them if they got it from here, if they have any questions. If they say they think they got it, then you go one step further... Tell them that you or your coworker, or whoever will be on hand will be at the desk/wherever should they have any further questions or need anything. Again, this diffuses their panic, empowers them, and then turns around and assures them that if they run into trouble they've got the help they need.

If you are not making yourself understood, stop and either take the metaphors out or throw them in, use other words, others terms, and it that doesn't work, say something like "Hey, maybe my coworker here can explain it better than I can." This happens, people understand this, people understand things differently, learn different, most people will get it.

If they are leaving, assure them they can return or give the business a call if they need something in the future.

Here is where it will get a little odd because those really grumpy patrons? They're going to start talking to you in your interactions, quite often they will start being a little pleasanter because you've put a dent in their jaded viewpoint of customer service. They may still not be so nice but they will start offering random advice or whatever else, this is them trying to reach out, try to reach back, and you'll both walk away a little better.

So, here is the thing... Keep it casual, try to soothe but not condescend in stressful situations, try and make a little small talk with regulars "Oh, I liked this book," or "Have you tried this cheese in pasta?" or "Have you heard of our app?" or some other such thing, empower your patrons, and that's it really.... Too many people see the job as just a job and the patrons become tasks instead of human beings, but they are human beings, and things go smoother when we remember that. People are just people and kids are just kids.