#common feeling

apalagi kalau bukan waktu yang terbuang sia-sia (lagi)

apalagi kalau bukan rasa yang tumbuh namun tak tertuai kemudian layu (lagi)

waktu-waktu nirproduktif kala otak tanpa diduga tanpa diminta merangkai lagi masalalu.

kenapa sulit sekali untuk keluar dari labirin yang ada di pikiranku.

Good Enough or Not ? – The eternal dilemma within ourselves

Source | http://www.infinumgrowth.com | Kavita Agrawal

The recent movie ‘Chichore’ caught my attention for the ‘I am not good enough’ syndrome. The son of the protagonist commits suicide, feeling he is not good enough to face his mom and dad, because he could not get into the IIT. It was as if he was screaming out to the parents…..”I am sorry I’m not what you wanted me to be!”.

The Protagonist…

All I know is that listening to your heart requires being alone. I find being outside, particularly at sunset, to help me reconnect with my own emotions. You have to quiet the mind to listen to the heart.

But being around others always confuses the crap out of me so I don’t really try to sort out who is feeling what. I just sort out which feelings need the most attention or what the group consensus is.

If you want to figure out how you feel, you’ve got to be alone.

THIS. Man that’s such a perfect way to describe it! Do other INFJs get this or is it just us? Because I get that A LOT and it’s why I interrupt people when I’m excited because I will literally forget everything I wanted to say if I wait until a pause. I feel awful about it because some of the people I’m really close to don’t like being interrupted and I always feel like I made them feel unimportant in hindsight but it has nothing to do with me thinking my opinion is more important but rather is me trying to keep the conversation going. I just hate it so much when I have all these things I thought of to say that I thought they’d want to know that all vanish from my brain the second there’s a silence. It’s probably because I often feel like I’m ‘too quiet’ so when I actually think of things to say, I’m trying to make up for the million and a half times you told me something and I had no idea how to respond. 

Also, I pride myself and knowing what people are thinking so sometimes I interrupt to help people who are looking for the right words to show I’m paying attention and understand them.

It’s a work in progress I guess…

Comment/like if you get this too! And thank you for the question!

Yes, you’ve hit one of the hallmarkers of what it means to be an INFJ actually. The difference you are talking about is the difference between Extroverted Feeling (Fe) and Introverted Feeling (Fi). Extroverted Feeling (what INFJs have) is about looking outwards to the emotions around you in order to make feeling judgements. We care more about the feelings in the room than we do about our own personal preferences, hence the ‘it hurts me to hurt someone else’ (and it actually feels that way to us). Introverted Feeling on the other hand, is about those personal beliefs on what is morally right or wrong. You can learn more about these traits by searching ‘Fe’ or ‘Fi’ on my blog.

Our empathy is a gift and a powerful tool, but I think we need to remember to separate ourselves from others sometimes. If someone is really stressed out, you don’t have to be stressed with them if you don’t want to. You don’t have to feel what someone else is feeling, or worry about what they are worrying about, if you don’t want to. You don’t have to let other people’s emotions ruin your inner peace. You get to decide when to be empathetic. It is in your control. It isn’t something that happens to you, but a tool in your disposal. Use it wisely.

Extroverted Feeling picks up the collective feelings of others and seeks harmony so it is perfectly common for INFJs to take on the opinion of others or struggle with establishing their own opinions in a conversation (especially since we are often shy and non-confrontational). The solution, I find, is to first accept that is is okay to be able to see many different truths and sides to a conversation. You are open minded and nothing is wrong with that. Now if you want to know your own personal feelings about the subject, then I recommend some solitary soul-searching. I highly recommend going for a walk or sitting outside. If you journal (another thing I recommend highly), then journaling can help you sort our your thoughts and feelings as well. Or do whatever solo activity that helps you clear your head when you need to solve a problem. Your answers will come to you in time. Don’t force them or try to come with a solution that day if it’s not coming. Values and personal opinions take a long time to develop and often change over time. Let your heart figure them out in their own time. And if you find you feel passionately about something then remember it’s okay to not speak up about it in discussion if you don’t want to. You know what you believe. But you can speak up gently to a friend you disagree with because a good friend won’t let it affect the relationship. Speak gently and speak the truth. But you also don’t have to have all the answers either. You’ll be okay regardless if you know how you feel about everything all the time.

Keep searching within,