Rytlock and Maelmordha are competitive about the stupidest things

Oops I Vloxxed (with bonus shitpost)

Aight, customary shitpost dump from this month's vsartparty! I'm working on the art, I promise <3 Enjoy!

The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion

I need somebody for a particular comedic dynamic with Mael. (Canon or noncanon, hell, he's full of multiverse shenanigans lately bahaha) or just someone who will find this funny. Enjoy.

So. If you are aware of Mael's "must eat magic items, ravenously hungry for all kinds of magic artifacts" gimmick, imagine: your character has a weapon that for some reason, is particularly irresistible to Mael. We are talking "smells you coming from a mile away and can't focus on anything but your weapon" kind of obsessed.

You've always kinda known the (former) Pact Commander was a fucking weirdo but this was really pushing it. You were not aware a grown ass sylvari man could salivate like that. Well - he carries a fancy little handkerchief so it's not really a problem save for that initial time your arrival caught him by surprise, but even outside of that you are starting to wonder if you're dealing with a lich or a dog.

See, he is well aware the weapon is yours - and is not the type to steal. At most, he'll try to initiate some small talk - What is it? Where did you get it? Is it a family heirloom? And already you can see the surrounding Astral Ward cast curious glances because since when is This Guy approaching some random in the Tower. Isn't he kind of known for being Extremely Busy at All Times? What gives.

You spend an embarassing amount of time wondering whether Snargle Goldclaw was right and Commander Maelmordha is just that pent up and desires you carnally. Your first instinct is "wow, so the plot of those Commander x Y/N novels can actually happen" and the second is "Ew. Isn't he like, undead. That's gotta be unhygienic."

But no. You couldn't be further from the truth. Firstly, Maelmordha is a massive hygiene freak and secondly, the only thing he desires carnally is your weapon. Right now, in his mouth. (The extra freaky one.) But he's too civilized to snag it like a wild animal and thus has sentenced himself to standing awkwardly in the periphery of your vision whenever you happen to have business vaguely in the same general area.

You have half a mind to confront him and ask if he's stalking you but you realize this is most likely extremely awkward for both of you. You cast him a side eye, to which he seems to swallow hard and pretend he was not just looking at the shape attached to your belt.

Bullying Mael some more because he is my chewtoy. Yes, he has the unique power to remove his face. Go away.

Anything above 60 is very rare and you generally won't have luck getting to the higher tiers with flirting or horny talk, he's shameless. It really takes dragging up something stupid he did and teasing him mercilessly with that.

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