Mix of comedy, deep stuff, out of context stuff, and potentially NSFW-ish sentences.
"Ladies if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
"Fellas if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
"Virgins, if you haven't felt a person, say hell yeah!"
"If you like drinking booze, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
"If you like smoking weed, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
"I can't wrap my mind around exactly why I'm here."
"Look at the world. I don't know why I'm here."
"I would love to tell you that everything is fine."
"You wanna be happy... Well, get in line!"
"It gets old after a few minutes."
"Let's get this show started."
"I already fucked it up."
"Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love."
"You have to reject both sides of the spectrum to leave a healthy middle."
"Not a participatory thing going on up here."
"Did you not think I was gonna use this, idiot(s)?"
"I've got a lot of problems in my life."
"I got no one to talk to."
"There's everyone and then there is just me."
"If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it?"
"God only knows, why he cursed me to be ________/(a straight white man)"
"I state my problems, other people roll their eyes."
"Three trips to the mall, zero _______ in my size."
"I've never been the victim of a random search for drugs."
"You can't say my life is easy."
"I know the road looks though ahead."
"Can't you just leave us alone?"
"Also, 'no' to the things you asked for."
"They are being greedy and they know it."
"Everyone thinks that I got it easy."
"Just because it's true, doesn't mean that it's right."
"So pull up a chair and put down your pitchforks."
"We still do, but it's not as fun now."
"If you were offended by that, it was ironic."
"I meant the whole opposite of it."
"White guys... it's easy to be a white guy."
"We deserve a cheer once in a while."
"We invented a lot of stuff."
"Everything but peanut butter."
"Your grandkids are going to see this."
"Their faces creep me out."
"Twice in a week? What is this?"
"Do you want to sing a song with me?"
"Hey, _____, guess what?"
"You're a (insert insult here)."
"So I was interrupted the other day-"
"Can you turn the lights off at least?"
"Why was it on a record player?"
"Do not give those dumb fucks any credit."
"It's all me baby, all me."
"How dare you make that joke so late!"
"Do not veer credit to people outside this building!"
"Two examples is enough."
"I'm right in the sweet spot."
"I could give that money to a homless person. But I don't do that very often."
"Tomorrow is a relative term. We're not getting there."
"You don't know where I'm going, so don't act like it."
"You're not ahead of me."
"I will retain the element of surprise."
"I'm trying to break out of that."
"________, I heard you had sex with an older woman last night?"
"I'm not honest for a second up here."
"I think country music gets a bad rep."
"A dirt road, a cold beer, blue jeans, a red pick-up."
"I could sing in mandarin."
"I own a private ranch that I rarely use. I don't like dirt."
"Now it's time to talk to the ladies."
"Good girl in a straw head."
"Thought it was a human woman."
"I'm wanting you. I hope you're feeling me."
"You don't know what land you're in...?"
"They are lying to you, that's all."
"I'm not saying I'm it, but I'm the person that says you deserve better."
"It's the end of culture."
"How is this entertainment?"
"I saw a gorgeous dick. I was in a public restroom."
"You're not picturing this."
"There's more where that came from."
"Ladies, I know where that came from."
"You want a guy that's sweet."
"This ugy only exists in your mind."
"Guess what? You're right."
"If you want love, lower your expectations a few."
"Prince Charming would never settle for you."
"Just pick a guy and love him."
"Just pick a girl and love him."
"You wan't a girl that is noce, a girl that is not."
"A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl!"
"She's real, but last week she died."
"You might think you dick is a gift, I promise it's not."
"I won't settle for less than perfect."
"Deep down we know we don't deserve it."
"We all suck, but love can make us suck less."
"It's the very best part of being alive."
"Original does not mean good."
"Anyone can do anything."
"I don't want to get political..."
"They just liked the lights, I didn't even need to do jokes."
"What's behind your back?"
"It's a jar of peanut butter. Alright? Sue me."
"Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise."
"You'll make it worse if you try it."
"Who are you talking to?"
"You just gestured to the sink."
"Nothing tastes better than not getting sued."
"You don't want that desperate sort of cloying thing."
"Let a professional hear it."
"Stick your tongue in a plug."
"Hold your breath until it's gone."
"You think it's ok because I'm a dude?"
"You think it's ok because he is a dude?"
"We shouldn't fight to stay together just to fight again."
"We need to take a break from us to make it right again."
"Honestly are you fucking five?"
"I've got my father's temper. I'm emotionally inarticulate."
"I'm hurting inside, I'm trying to hide it."
"I thought you were lashing out in anger."
"I deserve better than you."
"Sorry, you're not what I need."
"What am I talking about, you know?"
"It's about... but for real, what is it about?"
"No one gives a shit about what we think!"
"The arrogant is taught."
"It's prison. It's horrific"
"I know very little about anything."
"He talked about his problems."
"I thought... maybe I could do this."
"Can I say my shit, _______?"
"I got lots of shit to say."
"I can't fit my hand insdie a pringle can."
"You think you can. I know you can't"
"Just... make them wider?"
"I wanna have a daughter."
"But that is priority numero uno."
"I don't go to the gym 'cause I'm self concious about my body."
"I'm self concious about my body because I don't go to the gym."
"Irony can be so painful."
"Dude, you should have warned me."
"No one wants to have a messx burrito."
"I wouldn't have gotten the _______ if I knew it wouldn't fit."
"I wouldn't have got half of it."
"I'm ok with small mistakes."
"I don't think that I can handle this right now."
"I can sit here an pretend that my biggest problems are pringle cans and burritos."
"The truth is my biggest problem is you."
"I want to please you but stay true to myself."
"Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of you needs you, part of me fears you."
"I should probably just shut up."
"You can tell them anything."
"Oh, good, it's just us."
"If you hated it, it's fair."
"On a scale of one to zero, ________?"
"But what the fuck kind of question is 'are you happy'?"
"Oh god, my dad was right."
"You're everything you hated. Are you happy?"
"Hey, look, Mom, I made it! Are you happy?"
