#roleplay starter

“Guess what I found?”

“You’re not laughing, what's wrong?”

“Sorry, I’m just bummed about work junk,”

“You do hit your head a lot,”

“How did I get here?”

“Enough with the showboating,”

“Love this candle,”

“I’m gonna be kinda forward here, do you wanna get a coffee with me some time?”

“I did this to you,”

“I know we talked about coffee, but I wanted to do something a little different so I booked us on a segway tour,”

“Are you calling me a trophy wife?”

“This may be the single dumbest thing that I have ever been associated with,”

“Honesty is the best policy,”

“Thank you for inviting me over,”

“I don’t know what’s going on,”

“You’re acting like a weirdo,”

“I got another hour if you wanna stay,”

“I’m sweating whisky, it’s gonna be a rough morning,”

“I’m super fat because I’m having a baby. It’s yours by the way, is this an okay time?”

“I’ve been better,”

“I think I did way more burpees than you,”

“Come over here and say that to my face,”

“You’re too far away, I can’t get up,”

“I have a meeting to show up to,”

“This oven's faulty, we’ll buy a cake,”

“Look, I understand the need for privacy when it comes to your health,”

“Do you have any incredibly unhelpful advice for me?”

“This. . . this just wasn’t the plan,”

“Live is what happens when you screw up your plans,”

“I suggest you learn from your mistakes,”

“Don’t try to fix what isn’t broken,”

“Some days the job breaks you,”

“I remembered where you hide your key. I hope it’s okay that I crashed here,”

“I’m making breakfast chili,”

“Is it safe to have the baby in the water like that?”

“I think I’m showing,”

“I’m gonna miss you,”

“Meet me right here a year from today, and if you do, I promise you I’ll still feel the same way about you as I do right now,”

“How can you be so calm?”

“This is our time, we’ve been working for weeks, we’re ready,”

“It means a lot to me that you’re here,”

“I wouldn’t have missed it,”

“You’re work looks amazing in here,”

“Little bit selfish though, isn't it? Being sexy and talented?”

“Sometimes at night I just try to understand how we got here,”

“A little early, don’t you think?”

“The next three months will fly, you’ll see,”

“You ready to get home tomorrow?”

“You should take that job,”

“I’m proud of you, and I miss you, and you look as beautiful as ever,”

“You inspire me, your goodness inspires me. Don’t let the world take that,”

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I like you, and I never stopped liking you,”

“I was always looking back, at what I had lost, at how my life was supposed to be, but somewhere along the way, you changed all that,”

“When I walk in the door and I see you, I find the weight of my day just falls away,”

“You taught me to look forward again,”

“I just want you to understand that you’re gonna be okay,”

“I do love a man in uniform,”

“Are you back at work?”

“I’m sorry you drove all the way out here, but my answer is no,”

“I just wish I’d have known you were bringing something so expensive. I brought chocolates,”

“Who doesn’t love chocolate?”

“Insalts is how we show love,”

“Let’s just try to get through tonight,”

“I wasn’t trying to set you up,”

“Why can’t you be alone?”

“Maybe we’ve been too rash with this separation,”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Yep, you definitely owe me,”

“I feel like such a failure,”

“Hey, you are not a failure at anything. Sometimes relationships don’t work out, you know that, that’s all,”

“You haven’t tried my blackberry cobbler yet,”

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Leaving so soon?”

“I’m moving out,”

“I’ll stay at a hotel,”

i love pinterest to a concerning level almost. these are some of my favourite quotes from posts i've seen lately! as always pronouns can be changed as needed and please don't add to the list! xoxo

unfortunately my brain has many things to hold and no pockets.

my goodness i'm dramatic.

it's okay. i mean it's not okay, but it's okay.

let me regulate my nervous system and i'll get back to you.

trust me i now everything i just can't form a coherent sentence.

i'm strange but friendly so people tell me things.

lately there has been too many days in a row.

genuinely insane how difficult it is to participate in your own life.

ohhhh so i was doomed from the beginning okay.

you're my friend and to some extent my wife.

sergeant sad eyes reporting for misery.

put those big brown eyes away dude now is NOT the time.

oh sure let's blame the guy whose fault it is.

i'm very self aware. which unfortunately hasn't solved anything.

"fatherless behaviour" no i have one, i'm exactly like him.

blasting my silly little music and creating my silly little daydreams so i don't lose my silly little mind.

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in.

i am EXTREMELY BUSY doing NOT VERY MUCH while feeling VERY OVERWHELMED.

i feel so bad whenever my friends check up on me like baby i'm not good but don't you worry bout that.

did it hurt? when i told you to google it and i was right?

i wanna be mysterious so bad but i just cannot shut the fuck up.

i love when people are rude because oh my god no way, my turn.

not to self diagnose but something is wrong.

doing stuff is hard, shoutout to anyone who does anything.

the brain up there is just for decoration huh?

god forbid a girl be both whimsical and full of rage.

the feminine urge to frustrate a man.

can i get a kids menu and a margarita please?

do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot?

found these on my instagram discover page from sanaa.aesha and thought they were hilarious! just a short little prompt! as always pronouns can be swapped/adjusted as needed and please do not add to the list! xoxo

does he know how dumb he sounds?

i would pay money to set this building on fire right now.

strangle me until my eyeballs shoot across the room.

oh good! a second anecdote!

he's explaining my brand to me. delicious.

17 minutes. he has been arriving at the point for 17 minutes.

i miss everyone i've ever hated.

i can feel myself aging.

is it rude to die?

i could be peeling garlic right now.

we are now solving a problem no one has.

i could just hold my tummy and run.

apologies to everything i previously called "the worst."

how quickly can a species regress?

her self-importance is altering my menstrual cycle.

i could've sent six invoices by now.

gotta love this elaborate route to NOWHERE!

impressive! he used all the words to say absolutely nothing.

“It’s getting late, can you stay over?”

“I don’t want time, I want to work, I need to work,”

“You’re not gonna cry on me are you?”

“I’m bored, entertain me,”

“Whatever favor you need, I’m saying no,”

“I see what you’re doing here,”

“He’s great to me, I married a great guy,”

“It’s a date, you like dates, it’s a party, you like parties, I’ll be there, you like me,”

“You’re mean when you’re broken hearted,”

“I still can’t believe that this stuff is legal,”

“I didn’t come here to have you pity me,”

“Are you always this condescending?”

“Tecnically I’m supposed to be at work,”

“Stop trying to protect me,”

“How do you know these things?”

“Here’s something you don’t know about me. I love a drink from a cooler,”

“Get back here and carry something,”

“This is what I call roughing it,”

“You’re scarfing that down like a homeless person, but you didn’t touch your sushi, and you were tossing your drinks over your shoulder all night so, congratulations on being pregnant?”

“Have you seen my shirt?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I should have gone to Puerto Rico,"

“It’s nice of you to do this,”

“You’re up early,”

“You know the threat count of your sheets?”

“I don’t understand camping. We have houses, we have beds, showers, flat irons,”

“Why’d you have to take a drug test anyway?”

“Just open the door and let me explain,”

“For not meaning to, you sure as hell did it!”

“That was really stupid, you know that?”

“I just. . . I don’t want you to go,”

“I texted semi nude photos to someone last night,”

“I locked myself out of my hotel room in my underwear,”

“Are you ever gonna come back?”

“I never did learn to ride a stupid bike,”