#coldheartedflame

"Good evening, my husband~ Hope you weren't too bored while I was doing errands for Ayato." Yuji says in a teasing tone, a playful grin shown.

He was simply sitting, so it was easy for Yuji to hug him from behind. Feeling the warmth of his husband's arms he chuckled and leaned back, sunset eyes meeting the violet of the swordsman. The Oni let out a small hu as he felt those soft lips pressing against his cheek, and if he wasn't already used to the affection, his face may very well have lit up.

"Nah, I wasn't bored at all, Yuji. I finished a few small deliveries myself before decidin' to sit down for a while." And then he was found by his husband and hugged. That felt like a good day to him. He'd shift and move his body just a bit to wrap his arm around Yuji's waist before trying to pull his husband onto his lap.

Continued from here.

The introduction had been broad at best. Their King hadn't made a big deal of it when he brought Yuji into the fold as his mate. At least from what Ilforte could recall, they hadn't interacted with him much since at any rate. That said, the blond thought it might be good to change that. While Yuji wasn't a Fracción like him or the rest of the pack, he were still important to their King.

Ilforte had been training, trying to sharpen his sword skills now that he was an Arrancar and was using a sword again. It felt good to hold a blade again, though he didn't feel like he'd improved or gotten stronger since then. "Your my King's mate right? That makes you one of us. So it just makes sense to talk to ya about this stuff, doesn't it?" He replied, it had made sense to him at the time... was it weird?

"My~ You two seemed like you are lonely~ I see you are not busy?~" Yuji asks as he would teasingly nip at Ichigo's shoulder, a clawed hand moving to pull Zangetsu closer, "Good~ That means I can pester you two as well~"

As he was hugged from behind, the reaper would let out a small laugh. "You know I could feel you, right, Yuji?" As he spoke, he leaned his head back to look at the Arrancar. Feeling Yuji had been simple, given that he was no longer unable to feel people's reiatsu. The hollow stood to the side just watching the scene before shaking his head and laughing.

"It's real funny that ya wanna pester us because we're not busy." It wasn't very often the two of them had nothing going on. That was an undeniable fact given that the ginger was a reaper still. A job he could likely give up if he wanted but chose not to.

All because he wanted to keep everyone safe despite it not being his job. sure, he'd traveled before, but that didn't mean much now. Given that he preferred to be home.

xx. judgement is your muse over critical of themselves?

@coldheartedflame || major arcana asks || accepting

vi. the lovers

Ichigo doesn’t consciously practice self love — at least, not in the way people usually talk about it. He’s not one for affirmations, long baths, or calling it “self care.” In fact, if you asked him if he loved himself, he’d probably deflect with a judgmental look and something like, “What kind of question is that?”

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do it.

✮ He gets back up

Even when he’s shattered. Even when he thinks he’s not enough. Even when he’s lost everything. Ichigo dragging himself to his feet is a deep, quiet refusal to give up on himself. That is a kind of self love.

✮ He listens to himself more than he thinks

Ichigo doesn’t talk about his emotions, but he honors them in action. When he feels something's wrong, he trusts his gut. When he needs distance, he gets it. When something hurts, he doesn’t pretend it doesn’t. He might not name those needs out loud, but he responds to them, and that’s a subtle yet powerful kindness to the self.

✮ He protects others to protect who he is

It looks like sacrifice, but there's something self serving in his protectiveness. Standing up for others affirms his identity. Makes him feel needed. Make him feel worthwhile. It’s how he remembers what kind of person he wants to be.

✮ And once in a while he lets himself rest

It's rare. But when he trusts someone enough to let down his guard—that’s self love too. Not the loud kind. The quiet kind that says I deserve to be safe.

If Ichigo were to ever consciously learn to love himself, it would probably start not with words, but with doing something small and simple just because he wants to — not because anyone needs him to.

xx. judgement

Yes. Ichigo is deeply overcritical of himself, though he rarely names it that way. His self judgment is quiet and constant, but often masked behind responsibility, protectiveness, or sheer stubbornness. It doesn’t come out as self loathing so much as "I should’ve done more," or "If I were stronger..."

Most, if not all of this issue, stems from the fact that he spent so long believing his mistake killed his mother. He says plainly that he stole the heart of his family. This belief contributed to a pattern of toxic guilt, hyper responsibility, and self blame, which became central to his cognitive framework. Even after learning the truth and experiencing some emotional relief, such deeply ingrained maladaptive thought patterns do not disappear easily. 

✮ He holds himself to impossible standards

Ichigo doesn’t expect perfection from anyone else, but he unconsciously demands it of himself. Especially when it comes to protecting others. If someone gets hurt, even when it’s clearly out of his control, his first instinct is to blame himself. Every failure becomes a personal flaw.

What he demands of himself doesn’t fade even as he grows stronger. If anything, it deepens. The more power he gains, the more responsibility he feels to never let anyone down and when he does, even by human standards, the guilt eats at him. Though even that, he tries not to share.

✮ He struggles to accept his own limits

This is almost the same as above, but not quite. Ichigo’s world is full of noise—internal battles, conflicting identities, unresolved trauma. But outwardly, he often presents like someone who should just be able to handle it. If he can keep going, he should. Rest, doubt, even asking for help? Those feel like weaknesses, even if he wouldn’t say so out loud.

He never wants to burden others, but that means he ends up carrying too much, and then criticizing himself for buckling under the weight. It causes a great deal of stress. There's a reason he's always snapping.

✮  He rarely gives himself credit

❝They still see us as beasts.❞

If you were to give me wings I would fly for you

Even if this entire land were to sink underwater

She’d witnessed the unease within the Shinigami during her last visit to the Soul Society. A silent threat had been uttered by way of hands resting upon the handles of their Zanpakutō the moment they’d laid eyes upon her. Nelliel didn’t blame them; having a common enemy makes for a flimsy foundation for a true alliance. Reminder of such a concept had been issued to her via declarations deeming her a monster or even a parasite. Declarations which had come laden with unadulterated vitriol.

The former tres didn’t blame them for that either; they’d been created by Aizen to serve the renegade. That and violence and cannibalism are attributable to their kind – both in the name of seeking further power and in turn further evolution. Whilst there remains a gaping chasm in Nelliel’s memory of how she came to be, logic dictates that she too had participated in gorging herself on fellow hollows. At some point she’d been the monster they perceive her as, driven solely by primal instinct - whether that sits comfortably with her or not.

If you were to give me a sword I would fight for you

Even if this entire sky were to pierce you with its light

She has however deviated from the usual blueprint, favouring logic and reasoning over instinct. Possesses knowledge that there is more than proving oneself as King like Grimmjow or proving one’s own strength like Nnoitra. A conscious choice which in in turn has become one of her greatest strengths as opposed to weakness for it enables her to forge friendships, companionships and alliances with others. Concepts which have historically been akin to foreign languages to their species.

The sentiment voiced by Halibel reminds Nel of that aforesaid strength she possesses. An outlook that has a previously forlorn mood begin to yield to a more optimistic one. Whilst they can not re-write history, they can author their future.

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"I much rather heat up leftovers or get takeout honestly...."