#coldeternal

”I bought the house!!"

"What do you mean you bought the house?" Davey looked up from toying with a mike stand that never wanted to stay at the height he placed it.

"My house! The house I’ve been living in for the past two years! That’s what I did with my advance from the album! Well, that and what I had in my savings."

"You bought your house?" Hunter had wrinkled his nose. "Got better things to spend MY money on! Like chicks, and a whole collection of Prince cds, imports even!"

"Well the landlord has always been great, always took the rent late cuz that’s the only way I could pay it. And now I just wanted to know it was mine free and clear. Now, no matter what happens, no matter how long we’re out on the road, I always have a place to come back to."

After the rehearsal he’d gone home with Jade, who was becoming more ecstatic by the moment.

"See this door?" Jade had laughed as he opened it. "This is MY door!!" He ran through the house pointing at things. "These are my walls, my floor! My door knob!!" He ran into the bedroom jumping on the bed. "My bed! My wall! And since it’s my wall, I’m going to put my name on it!" He grabbed for a pink paint marker he always kept handy. In large letters he had painted "Jade Puget, owner of this home".

"And as owner of the wall, I say you should sign it too!" He handed the marker to Davey who had added just beneath "Davey Havok, guest of this home".

"As long as I have this house, you will always have a place to stay, Davey!" Jade had grinned. "My doors are always open to you, you don't even have to knock. This is always going to be your house to, for as long as we both live!"

At some point, someone had put a heart in between the two names, he had never noticed that before because the whole thing had long been covered over by posters.

Davey blinked, back to the present again. Jade shifted and pulled the covers closer, still quite blissfully asleep. Davey leaned down and bestowed a kiss on his head before crawling out of bed and deciding to clean up a bit.

Jade awoke to nearly blinding sunlight. Well, that’s what happens when you pull all the curtains off the windows, he thought, groggily. In the next room he could hear Davey speaking on his phone. It was odd how things echoed in the house now that there was hardly anything in it. He closed his eyes to listen.

"Sorry I didn’t call last night. It was so late, I just went straight to Jade’s."

Pause.

"Well, he’s here, he’s alive. I don’t know if we made any progress or not."

Another pause.

"You should see this house! Looks like Axl Rose lives here. If there’s one thing in this house that hasn’t been broken I have yet to find it. Yeah."

A sigh., then annoyedly.

"It’s not funny Adam! Geez! You try coming in, in the middle of the night, finding nothing but darkness and broken glass and just hoping there’s someone alive to greet you and–" Davey seemed to realize the volume of his voice. "Sorry."

He sighed again.

"Things could have gone better. I told him I loved him. Don’t think he believed me. I do Adam, I always have. I just . . . I’m just stupid I guess. If I never said it before I’m saying it now. He was talking about killing himself last night. . . . I don’t know. Neither one of us had much sleep. I do know this though, Adam. Either we’re coming back together or I’m not coming back at all. That’s it, that’s all I have to say about it. You’ll know one way or the other soon. Okay, you too. Bye."

Davey peered around the corner into the bedroom, just as Jade opened his eyes again.

"Hey gorgeous." Davey came in and sat down next to the redhead. "Good afternoon."

"It’s afternoon? No wonder it’s so bright in here." Jade yawned.

"The old cell phone says it’s one o’clock. Wanna get up and got get something to eat?"

"I look too terrible to be seen with in public." Jade covered his head with a pillow.

"Okay then, we’ll do this. I’ll take you to my place, make you all nice and pretty again and we’ll go get some hummus sandwiches or something."

"Did you mean it?"

"That I can make you pretty again?"

"What you told Adam?"

"Of course. Why would I lie to Adam?"

"You’re not going back without me?"

"Nope. Now what do you want to do? I’ll do anything you want except leave you." Davey fell back, laying his head on Jade’s shoulder.

Jade thought for a moment. He knew all kinds of things he would like to ask of Davey, but maybe now was not the time.

"Okay, I am starving. We could go to your place I guess."

*******

"So, what can we do to make Jade pretty?" Davey mused, sitting Jade down on the edge of the bathtub while he rummaged in his makeup.

"Scrap him and start over?" Jade responded.

"No . . no . . . everything is too white." Davey mumbled. "You’re just so much darker than me....Well....not really. But I like the pale Robert Smith look and you just don’t wear that much powder so none of my make up is gonna match you. You’re like . . . Like if you held Coca cola syrup up to the sunlight and it shines though? That’s the color of your skin." His voice trailed off until he suddenly seemed to come back to the present, Jade’s response sinking in.

"Jade, I HAVE always loved you. You have every right not to believe me, but it’s true and it’s hard to explain. You talked about how we were on the Drowning tour? Inside of me, nothing has changed, I still feel the way I did. I just don’t show it and the reason I don’t show it is because I never knew I had to. I really and truly thought you knew. I just get so lost inside myself sometimes, it’s hard to see out. I’m sorry for that, I’m kinda selfish that way."

Jade looked up and blinked, words failing him.

"Well, first I guess I should wash your face." Davey turned back to the myriad of jars, bottles and tubes on the counter. “Can’t paint over dirt, you know.”

"You want to wash my face?" Jade’s eyes lit up.

"You can do it yourself if you think I’m going to be too scrubby." Davey offered.

""NO! No! I want you to!" Jade hurriedly insisted.

The look on Davey’s face seemed to say he was only going alone with it because Jade looked one step away from a nervous breakdown. He smiled his best, most soothing smile and turned to find a wash cloth. Jade closed his eyes and tilted his head back, grinning from ear to ear. Davey placed a hand on Jade’s chin and began to gently swipe the warm, soapy cloth across his face.

"Okay, here are some words I never thought I’d utter." Davey chuckled. "Close your mouth or else I’m gonna wash your teeth!"

Jade began to giggle and Davey was already laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

"So, me washing your face makes you happy?" Davey smiled, raising an eyebrow as he wiped the soap away and patted Jade’s face with a towel.

"You paying attention to me makes me happy." Jade opened his eyes and smiled. "But yeah, there is something kind of romantic about it. You’re allowing someone to touch you in a very intimate way."

"So," Davey folded the wash cloth and leaned against the sink. "Would you wash my face if I asked?"

Jade blinked, taken aback. Memories of being in the shower with Sebastian flooded him along with sense of shame that he had just been completely untrue to the one person he loved most in the world. Before he could stop it, he began to cry.

"Yes! I would! I want to! I would do anything for you, Davey! I’m so sorry!!"

"Hey," Davey stepped forward to cup Jade’s face in his hands, not understanding what he could have done to make him cry. "It’s okay, don’t cry. I know you would." He leaned down and kissed the blond streak that ran down Jade’s hair. "You can do that tonight if you want. Would you like that? Would that make you happy again?"

"I’m sorry Davey! I’m sorry for being with someone else! I’m sorry for not waiting for you!!"

Davey reached down and took Jade’s hands, pulling him up and wrapping his arms around him.

"I’m not mad at you. You didn’t know how I felt, I didn’t know how you felt. Let’s not talk about this now, okay?"

Jade nodded, tearfully.

Davey reached up, wiping Jade’s wet face with his hand.

"Can’t do your makeup if you’re going to cry, sweetie. Okay?" He kissed Jade on the chin and motioned for him to sit down again. After a bit, he let Jade check his handiwork. Jade stood up, looking in the mirror at the two of them. It was a little darker than he would have done himself, but the dark circles were gone, he looked like a new man.. . . well as much as a man wearing make up could, and it was all done by Davey’s hand and he could not complain about a thing.

"Is it okay?"

"It’s wonderful, thank you."

"Good, let’s go eat."

“What’s the big idea of hanging up on me?!” Davey’s hands were on his hips, he was almost pouting as Jade came aboard the bus.

“Oh I’m sorry Davey! Are you just now realizing the whole world doesn’t revolve around you?” Jade brushed past him without a second glance.

“For God’s sake, will you two kiss and make up already?!” Hunter scowled. “We have a show in ten hours, now make nice!”

Jade bit back an angry reply and headed to his bunk to try and get a little more sleep. Through the closed curtains he could hear Hunter and Adam laughing and joking as if he weren’t even there, though he was sure they knew he was.

“Dude!! I just heard Davey muttering to himself about how Jade’s wearing the same clothes he left with yesterday!”

“Oooooh! The walk of shame!  So Jade was calling you from his booty call or what?! No wonder he sounded all funny!”

“No shist!! No wonder Davey’s so pissed off! He’s jealous! Aaaaawww! It’s so sweet!!” They finally tired of the gossip and wandered to another part of the bus.

Yeah, Davey, jealous? That would be the day! Jade thought to himself.

By the time they arrived at the gig, Jade was beginning to feel a little bad over how he’d spoken to Davey and hanging up on him and all. He backed off, let Davey have the backstage mirror all to himself, and offered him the last of the throat drops from Hunter. Davey smiled a little sadly and said thank you.

Before they went on Jade decided he’d give Davey one more chance. He wouldn’t shirk the playful advances on stage, he’d try and talk to him afterwards. There was no need for him to be so snide, just because his feelings were hurt.

Besides even though he’d had words with Davey earlier, his experience with Sebastian made him believe anything was possible.

When Davey slithered up next to him during The Lost Souls, Jade leaned over and without warning, took Davey’s earlobe into his mouth. The crowd went berserk!! Flashes from cameras went off everywhere and even those who didn’t catch the infamous “ear in the mouth shot” as it would come to be called, most caught Davey’s look of utter astonishment a split second later. The crowd was uncontrollable from then on.

Within two hours, news of the incident had spread throughout the fan communities on the Internet. The next date was scheduled for the following night at the Arco Arena in Sacramento. The show had sold to 3/4 of the way already, but once the news of the latest on stage antics got out, it instantly sold out completely.

“What the hell happened tonight?” Adam asked as they boarded the bus.

“You don’t see shit back there, do ya?” Laughed Smith, who had been up front handing out water.

“I was on the other side when the cheer went up. What did happen?” Hunter chimed in.

“Jade tried to bite Davey’s ear off!!” Smith laughed.

“I didn’t bite it off, I just sucked on it!!” Jade gasped at his own words. “His EAR!! I sucked on his ear!!” He yelled hastily.

Screams and howls of laughter filled the bus from everyone but Davey, who sat there looking like he didn’t know whether to be angry, amused or confused by it all.

“Yes!!” Hunter screamed. “You’re the man!! You are da man!!” He pretended to punch Jade in the stomach. “Ya gotta kiss him tomorrow night! Ya just got’s ta!!  I wanna see the crowd go nuts!  I wanna see them pee themselves!  Like we were the Beatles and you know they will if you kiss him!!!” Hunter began to dance his way to the back to find something to eat, screeching in an over the top falsetto “I just want your extra time and your . . . . KISS!”

After a while things calmed down and everyone found something to do. Adam borrowed Hunter’s lap top, and Hunter perused a dining guide for Sacramento, looking for vegan and vegetarian fare. Smith was on his cell phone, presumably spreading the word about the pandemonium at the show. This left Davey and Jade, sitting a few seats away from each other, watching the non-existent scenery pass by. Finally Davey got up and sat next to Jade.

“Do you think you could tell me next time, before you freak me out like that?” Davey asked softly.  “That actually….it sort of hurt and it scared the shit out of me because I wasn’t expecting it.  I nearly forgot the next line.”

“Sorry, I was trying to be spontaneous.” Jade shrugged.

“It was that . . .” Davey nodded, pursing his lips, thoughtfully.

“Do you ever miss the old days?” Jade asked, keeping his eyes on the windows where Davey’s reflection was seen more distinctly than the passing electric poles and sparse shrubbery.

“What do you mean? Do I miss never having money, never knowing if the promoter will actually pay us, having to worry whether we’ll be able to scrape up enough money for studio time to finish a song or have enough gas to make it to the next gig? Well, no I can’t say I do.”

“I was thinking of a time when our days weren’t planned down to the minute. When we had time for other things.” Like laying on your bed, half naked and writing songs . . .

“It comes with a price, Jade. You knew that when you signed on.  Maybe you just need to know how to manage your time.”

This wasn’t what Jade meant. He wasn’t trying to ditch his responsibilities, but he was in no mood to argue with Davey.

“I’m sorry for kicking you out of my bunk.”

“What?! When did you kick me out of your bunk?” Davey sounded as if someone had just told him the sky was green.

“The first of the Drowning tour.” Jade’s voice was wistful as he thought back. “I was being selfish, I’m sorry.”

“What the hell, Jade! You still think about that?!” Davey rolled his eyes.

“Guess I’m the only one that does.” Jade mumbled, getting up and heading to his bed alone.

“We just sold out Arco!!” Adam jumped from a corner with a happy grin just as Jade passed. “Thanks to this man right here!” He grabbed Jade and kissed him on the cheek. “Oh, sorry Dave!” Adam put out his hands and backed away as if laughingly expecting he and Dave to come to blows over it.

“Hands off Dave’s property!” Hunter laughed, in between bites of his second vegetable sandwich. “Ya grabby pirate!! Hey! Why doesn’t anyone want to see us kiss or something?”

“Eeeeew! What are you? Sick?” Adam laughed, handing Hunter his laptop and heading back to his bunk, still laughing.

“I think I’m hot!” Hunter mumbled to himself.  “But I get it.  It’s only hot for lesbians, for guys it’s just gross.” “You’re saying Dave is our lesbian?” “Well….yeah!!”  Hunter and Adam continued to banter as Jade walked off.

Jade fell asleep in his bunk, slept on and off until the bus pulled in to the hotel and sleepily everyone found a room.

Adam, Hunter and Davey somehow managed to all get adjoining rooms, but by drawing the shortest straw, Jade’s room was several doors down. Jade was too ticked off and tired to care anyway and didn’t even bother climbing under the covers before he fell asleep again.

“Are you checking our website again, you narcissistic bastard?!” Adam laughed at Hunter the next morning. The doors to everyone’s rooms were opened with guys running from one to the next or just hanging out and bugging one another.

“And really, who could blame me for being so egotistical—!” Hunter stopped suddenly. “Jesus Christ!!”

“Hunter, what’s wrong now! Did they spell your name wrong again?”

“Dave!! I think you need to see this!!” Hunter screamed as Adam leaned in for a closer look.

“Oh my god!! I told you!! You owe me $50! Pay up, punk!!”

As pictures flashed before them on the screen, Adam’s face  lost all it’s mirth. “When were they together like that? Where were we in all this?! When were those taken?!”

“Dude! Look closer! I don’t even think that’s Davey!!”

“Oh shit!!”

“I’m hearing my name screamed and the words “you’re so sexy!” aren’t following it!! What’s up?” Davey laughed, coming into the room.

**************

“Jade!!” Davey screamed, loud enough for everyone in the entire floor to hear as he ran down the hallway and beat on the door. “Get out here, now!” It took a few minutes as Jade finished getting dressed.

A bit later Jade’s door opened and he stuck his head out, still looking sleepy.

Davey grabbed him by the arm and practically dragged him back down the hall and into the room where everyone was at. By the way everyone stared at him, Jade knew he was in some kind of very big trouble, though he couldn’t fathom what it possibly could have been.

“Explain yourself!! Explain this!! What the fuck!??” Davey screamed again, pointing to Hunter’s laptop which sat open on the hotel table. Jade blinked and tried to focus. When it hit him what he was looking at, his stomach dropped into this shoes.

There he was, in living color, outside the hotel with Sebastian. And there they were, saying their goodbyes, kissing, licking, hands in each other’s hair. And Sebastian looked exactly like Davey. Identical. He had long sleeves on so no one could tell there were no tattoos up and down his arms, he had the lip ring, he had the Monroe, the black nails, the dark hair, the identical makeup. Jade began to feel like he was going to throw up. He fell into the closest chair that sat unoccupied in front of the table.

“Hit the slide show, Hunter.” Davey demanded.

Hunter hit a button on the computer and the photos began to flash in rapid succession, like a lurid picture show, there had to be at least 15 shots of them. Jade blinked, his head reeling. It was then he looked down to see the logo at the bottom of the screen: www.AFireInside.Net. Someone had posted them directly to their own web page.

“Who—who did this?!” Jade looked back up and around the room, fighting down the nausea that was threatening to overtake him.

“You did Jade!! You did this to me! You did it to the band!!” Davey screamed, lower lip trembling. “What do you think people think of us now? Huh? Some Straight Edge poster boys we are!! And it’s not even me, but look!” He pointed to the screen as the images continued to click away. “Look behind his ears!!” Davey hit a button on the computer and the images stopped.

The angle was taken behind Sebastian, Jade had his hair pulled back, revealing the small black heart behind his ear.

“Nobody in their right mind won’t believe it! Won’t believe what’s right in front of their eyes! Of all the men you could choose to practically fuck in public and you choose my doppleganger!? What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“I didn’t----We didn’t know— I didn’t know we were being watched!!”  But this was a lie and Jade knew it.  They had hoped they were being watched, they wanted to be watched.  Jade had not cared. He had courted it and now here it was.

“If you wanna ruin your own reputation, fine, but how dare you ruin mine!!” Davey was beginning to cry tears of absolute rage. Behind him, Adam reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, looking past him to Jade in sheer malice.

“Being seen with me ruins your reputation?? Ruins this band?!” Jade screamed back, jumping up from his chair. “Fuck you!! Fuck all of you!!” He whirled around, staring down everyone, including Smith before returning his attention to Davey.

“I have been in love with you every day of my life for YEARS! And everyone in this room knows it!! You talk about it!!” He glared at Adam, then Hunter. “You laugh about it behind my back! It’s a big inside joke! It’s a gimmick to sell records and sell tickets to our shows!!” Jade was now screaming at the top of his lungs. He turned to Hunter, mocking. “Oh Jade! Make a play for Davey tonight, and give the girls in the front row a thrill!” Hunter sank a little lower in his seat. “You wanna know what they talk about on the internet after one of our shows?! You wanna know what they remember?”

Hunter stood up and was about to open his mouth to speak.

“Don’t even open your mouth!!” Jade snapped and Hunter closed it again, stepping back. “They don’t talk about my solos, they don’t talk about the music! They talk about whether Davey tried to kiss me or not! How do you think that makes me feel? The very deepest desires of my heart -----!” Jade couldn’t catch his breath. “Part of our stage show !! The sick and twisted thing is, I wouldn’t have really minded except for the fact that it’s not even real!! Do you have any idea what it’s like to work so hard for so long and have it all be for absolutely nothing?!”

Jade wasn’t sure if he was even talking about his career with the band or his relationship with Davey, somehow it fit for both.   “He doesn’t love me!  He has all you morons fooled.  He doesn't even fucking like me!  I’m just a ...a..coworker!  I’m just way to make us more money! I’m someone he gets paid to hang out with.  He can’t stand the sight of me otherwise!”

“Jade, I–!” Davey began.

“No!!” Jade cut him off. “It’s a joke to you?! It’s something that gets speculated about on the Internet because you don’t discourage it! It’s my life! It’s my heart! I could never have you! I knew I could never have you! Like I was ever good enough! So I had the next best thing-----once! Yeah I fucked him, and I didn’t do it in public and I pretended it was you every single second! One time in six years and fuck you for judging me for it!!”

Tears were beginning to trickle down the sides of Jade’s face, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Being seen with me ruins your reputation?! You never thought that when you were pawing and groping and kissing all over me during every gig and photo session in the last six years!! What the hell was I to you? A prop? A blow up doll?! I loved you so much I didn’t even know who I was without you! Well I know who I am now!” Jade pulled at his collar until the button tore off and grabbed at his tie as if it were choking him, flinging it to the floor. “A worthless clown in an ugly pink tie who is easily replaced!!” He pulled at the black choker he wore around his neck until it broke, all the while glaring at Davey, who stood there in tears, too shocked to try and argue. “It’s over! Find someone else who'll waste their entire lives loving you only to get NOTHING in return!! Find someone's else who's that stupid! Find someone else who will let every desire of his heart be splashed across every photo we've ever taken! Find someone else who's so easily used! Find someone else to love you and defend you and stand by you no matter what! FIND ANOTHER GUITARIST!!” Jade screamed as he whirled around and ran from the room, leaving a stunned silence in his wake.

For a while no one spoke, finally Davey took a trembling step forward.

“I–I should go after him.”

“We’ll go!” Hunter stepped up, aware Davey already looked like he was seconds away from collapsing.

“Yeah Dave, we’ll go get him. You stay here.” Smith offered.

“But it’s my fault . ..” Davey wiped his face, shaking from head to toe.

“We’ll get him back here and you can talk to him then. You’ll talk, you’ll make up, it’ll all be okay.” Adam put an arm around Davey’s trembling shoulders. “Stay here, call and get those pictures deleted. Maybe think of making some kind of statement. Okay? You do that and we’ll go find Jade.”

Davey nodded and patted Adam’s hand before grabbing the phone and falling heavily on the bed.

“Oh my god, my god this can’t be happening/God tell me, tell me this isn’t real/I can’t believe all that I have foreseen is finally happening/I cannot for a single second stand the way I feel/I always knew/I always saw it coming/Enveloped now/encased by my worst fear/I've never felt the nausea of longing to feel nothing I never wanted to cease to exist/just disappear/Fear memories are all that lie ahead/Never have I felt so lost.(Memories dull my senses/Fear tragedy is all that lies ahead./Never have I felt so dead/Once felt so warm/now I'm fucking freezing.

I am the once embraced abandoned one. I raised my eyes up to the light in hopes of finding healing; no relief was mine/I was burnt, by the sun.”

Jade hit the hotel lobby doors at a dead run, crying so hard he could barely see what was around him. It was over, it was done. What was it called? Professional Suicide? His ten year career was now suddenly over. No more bands, no more music, ever. He was never even touching a guitar again.

With each corner he came to, he turned a different direction, left, then right, then left again, backing up at dead ends, running down sidewalks, across streets, and through alleys until he himself was so lost, he was sure no one else could possibly find him on purpose.

On a nearly empty street he found an abandoned store front and sank to the ground in the doorway. He felt for his pockets–had he brought anything with him? No. Not so much as a handful of change. Didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He would just sit and wait. Wait until later, find his way back to the hotel and sneak in his room. What did he really need out of all his possessions? His wallet, socks, underwear, maybe another shirt. That was it. They could keep the rest, he would never need those things again.

For the next several hours, Jade lived like one of the homeless, looking for anywhere that might have a water fountain, a public restroom, or just a place to get out of the sun for a little while. As much as he complained of being too busy, having so much time and nothing to do now seemed invariably worse.

Two hours later the guys returned, each dreading having to tell Davey they could not find Jade. Adam and Hunter elected to do it while Smith went to make some phone calls. It as approaching noon, their sound check was in a mere three hours.

Davey looked up, his expression crumbling as he saw only 2 people in the doorway and neither looked like Jade.

“Sorry Dave.” Adam sat down next to his friend, who was still in his pajamas. “Give him some time to be by himself and think. He’ll come back.”

“I didn’t know . . . I kinda did. . . I guess I did . . . I just thought he’d tell me when he was ready . . . or something . ..” Davey’s voice trailed off.

“We’re sorry Davey.” Hunter sat down on the other side of Davey, leaning his head on the dark hair that spilled down his shoulder. Davey only mumbled sadly.

“They deleted the pictures.” He said, almost to himself. “I gave an apology, mainly for me, but for all of us I guess. ‘Sorry if the pictures offended you, I don’t know what they were except that they weren’t me.’ Sounded lame as hell.” Davey sniffled. “What do we say if he doesn’t come back at all?”

“We’ll worry about that if it happens, and we are all here for you Dave.” Said Adam.

“But there’s no one there for Jade.” Davey sighed, wiping his eyes.

Just then Smith came in.“Just talked to Lars.”

“Huh?” Davey asked, looking up.

“He’s on his way.”

“What?”

“Lars is coming in on the next flight, just in case Jade doesn’t come back in time. You do remember we have a gig tonight?”

“We can’t go on without Jade.”

“Hopefully we won’t have to.” Adam sighed.

“Just in case, we’re covered.” Smith shrugged.

“Lars is on his way?” Davey repeated, dumbfounded. “You just called and he came? What did you tell him?”

“Told him Jade got his panties in a bunch over something. I didn’t tell him what or why.” Smith added hastily when he was how he was being glared at by everyone.

“Look, if anyone knows him, it’s me. This band is his life. He’ll come around.”

Lars arrived just in time for the sound check and sat in. While Davey was profusely grateful, he was still so upset and worried, he longed to call off the gig entirely.

With less than four hours until the arena doors opened, this was simply not an option. As time ticked down, Davey went back and forth between his room and the outside of Jade’s, hoping to catch, if not Jade himself, then at least a phone call from him. Finally though it was time to leave for the venue.

Though he tried not to show how worried he was, everyone knew, even Lars. The show ended up being more of a somber occasion than a celebration. Most of the fans seemed happy to see Lars, even those who obviously had no idea who he was. It was only a short time though before a chant of “Where’s Jade?” began. Davey told the fans Jade had the flu and lost his voice on top of it. His obvious remorse lent authenticity to the story and it was not questioned, though it was greeted with some boos.

Around 7:45 Jade found his way back to the hotel, sunburned, hungry and exhausted, but rest and comfort would have to wait. The desk clerk remembered him and gave him an extra room key without question. He obviously looked like he’d had a hard enough day to have forgotten his key in the room like he said.

Once inside he looked at all the things he simply couldn’t live without the day before. He quickly located his wallet and changed his clothes. On the bed he tossed his ties, his rings, and bandannas. On top of this he piled anything he had that came with an AFI logo. At the bottom of all the things that fell to the floor was another copy of Guitar Legends.

Angrily he grabbed it, tearing the cover off and tearing it in half. He wished he had the time to decimate the entire issue. What joke! No one cared. He tossed the magazine on top of everything else. He located a small bag and dumped everything from the smallest bag he owned, putting inside underwear, socks, the least flashy of his shirts, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo . . .

He looked at his make up bag, considering it carefully. He finally decided to take it after wasting too much time deciding. By this time he figured it would be better not to call for a flight and just show up at the airport.

Shouldering the bag that was ten times lighter than he was used to, he looked back one last time on all the possessions piled on the bed, wishing he could just set fire to the whole thing. With a heavy heart he turned away and pulled the door until it appeared to close and went to check out.

In the taxi Jade checked his wallet and found more cash than he’d expected since he hadn’t eaten all that day and little the day before.

“Hey, could you take me to the Arco Arena before we go to the airport?” He asked the driver. “Just wanna see what kind of crowd the concert tonight drew.”

“Whatever you want, pal.”

Wonder if they did the show without me? He thought as he watched the city lights zoom past his window. Twenty minutes later, the full parking lot told him all he needed to know.

Davey and Jade alternated where they slept. They'd been together for over two months when the presents started. Jade hadn't said anything but when they came home and there was a bouquet of roses sitting on his doorstep, Jade had blushed profusely and smiled when Davey leapt into his arms.

Jade knew the flowers did not come from him. He was almost certain they were coming from Shane unless Davey had a secret admirer from his work at the shop. However to tell the truth or voice his feelings on the subject would open a whole can of worms that Jade did not feel prepared to deal with. So despite having promised Dave he would be honest no matter what, his first instinct was to just let Davey go with his first assumption, which was that the gifts came from his ever attentive new boyfriend.

Davey crept into Jade's house and moved silently towards the bedroom. Jade was expecting him but it was so late that Davey knew his lover would be napping. He stripped down to nothing and crawled on top of Jade, whispering in his ear. "I'm going to make your wettest dreams come true, Mr. Puget."

"Hehehe! Speaking of being wet, if I were a girl you'd be making me right now." Jade opened his eyes and grinned.

"Eugh! How are you gonna talk about vagina at a time like this?" Davey rolled off and pulled a pillow over his head. "I'm permanently limp," he said, voice muffled by the pillow.

"Aww..." Jade whined. "If I'd known you were going to be offended, my love, I would not have opened my mouth." He paused. "Well except to stick something of yours in it." Jade rolled on top of Davey and began trying to kiss his neck beneath the pillow.

Davey giggled and moved the pillow on top of Jade's face. "Jade, you have to stop buying all these things for me." He touched the new PNUT heart on his chain. "I love them...but I know how much a piece like this goes for, baby."

Jade's breath caught inside him but he tried to play it off. "'Tis okay baby. I know I make you happy, and I know I don't have to but..." His voice lowered. "Just want to I guess."

Davey stroked Jade's face. "What's wrong?"

Jade closed his eyes and shook his head. "You deserve more than I could ever, ever provide for you Davey. This stuff is small compared to what I'd like to shower you with." He grinned. "Speaking of what I'd like to shower you with. Where were we?" He took Davey's hand and slid it between his legs.

Davey went to work the next morning refreshed.

"Dave, this came for you," Mark said, plopping a thin envelope on the desk. He thanked the other artist and opened it.

I'd do anything to have you again. I've lavished you with fine things, allow me to show you just how deep my devotion goes.

Davey looked at the letter, scanned it for a name, though he knew exactly who had sent it and it wasn't his sweet Jade. The man who had been lying to him for the past few weeks.

Jade had to admit, Shane showering Davey with gifts had saved him a ton of money. Money that he was putting away to buy a commitment ring, if he could ever decide on one he liked that he thought Davey would like as well. He didn't want to let anything on, so he'd kept quiet about it. He had already signed on to substitute teach in between going to school the next year. While it wouldn't leave him much free time, it would provide a nice income so he could move to a bigger place and hopefully ask Davey to join him once he popped the question. All this was happily buzzing in his head as he showed up to take Davey out to dinner after his shift that night.

Davey had filled his mind with static after reading the letter and had been bitter and snappy to customers and coworkers alike. Mark tried to ask him what was wrong and Davey had given him a warning so stern that the other artist had not been brave enough to talk to him again. Davey left the shop, forgetting all about Jade coming to pick him up. He was halfway down the street when he ran into the other man.

"Hey, where you running off to?" Jade smiled. "Are you so hungry that you're gonna start without me?"

Davey looked at Jade and his body trembled slightly with the effort not to scream at Jade on the street. He knew he should have replied but he needed the time to calm.

"Davey...?" Jade knew by the look on his face, by the way he stood, that something was really wrong. "Did something happen at work today?"

"Do you...have anything...to tell me?" Davey asked softly, carefully.

Davey gaped at Jade. "You lying wigger bastard."

"I...I...what on earth is going on?" Jade still had no idea so he looked down at his attire to make sure he wasn't in his Adidas by mistake.

"I got a letter from Shane today," Davey spat. "You fucking asshole! You promised to be honest!"

Jade blinked. He should have known then. He should have owned up to everything, but he was too stunned to think clearly. He just kept stammering. "And...and...what? Did he say something that upset you? Why are you mad at me?"

"You amaze, me Puget. You really do. Fuck you." Davey lifted his finger with a grim look on his face and walked past him.

"No, Davey." Jade knew better than to lay a hand on him. Davey's entire body seemed coiled to spring. "I...I...what did he tell you? I don't understand! Just, just tell me!" He chased after Davey as he walked.

Davey crumpled up the letter and threw it in Jade's face as he reached his car. "Read it yourself, you lowlife piece of shit!" He ducked inside the vehicle and tore off.

The minute Jade read the first line he didn't have to read any further to know that he'd been found out. It had completely blindsided him. It never even occurred to him that Shane would try to contact Davey personally about the gifts. He looked up quickly but Davey was long gone. Jade had no idea how he was going to explain himself. He figured the gifts would stop before he got caught. He was so sure Shane would give up after the first few were ignored.

"Bastard!" He mumbled, knowing though that it wasn't Shane's fault for wanting Davey back. Who wouldn't want Davey back? He sighed and went to his car to follow Davey home though there was nothing he could say that would rationalize anything he'd done.

Davey made it home within a few minutes and let himself in, slamming the door closed, startling the new member of his household from her sleep. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." He moved towards his beautiful new companion and took her in his arms.

The black rabbit sniffed at him, seeming content to sit in his arms. He'd named her Abbi and at the moment he wanted nothing more than to curl up with her. He made his way to the couch, sniffling already.

Jade stood outside Davey's front door. What was the etiquette in this situation? He had a key, he could use it. He was pretty sure if he knocked Davey wasn't going to let him in. The last time he'd used his key unannounced, he'd had a knife pulled on him. But the alternative was spending the night beating on the door and trying him by phone and that was too easily ignored. He bit his lip, took a deep breath and unlocked the door. He had no idea what he was going to say, no real plan of defending himself but to wait would be to make it seem like he didn't care.

"Davey, I'm sorry for lying. He loved you and he could provide for you and I wasn't going to lose you! I didn't want you to be fooled into going back and getting hurt again." Jade said in one breath as he came through the door.

Davey jolted up and cried out as Abbi bit him and scampered back to her cage. "Can't you do anything without FUCKING IT UP?" He cried, glaring at Jade before making his way to the bathroom to clean the wound.

"I...I...Jesus, Dave! I couldn't let you go back to him! And it's not that I didn't think you weren't smart enough to figure it out on your own! I just...I couldn't lose you! I would do anything for you!" Jade stood outside the bathroom door listening to the sound of the water running. "I'm sorry for not being honest, but, damn it, I'd do it again! I'd do anything for you, Davey! I didn't think it would hurt you! I didn't think it would matter! I thought I was protecting you from someone you didn't want to deal with!"

"I told you I wouldn't go back with him! I promised you! I KEPT MY PROMISE," he screamed, kicking the door for emphasis.

"And I'm sorry I didn't keep mine." Jade leaned into the door frame. "I'm sorry Davey. I just...it was so easy the first time. You thought it was me and...I just...it was easy to say it was. After that I couldn't go back. I thought he'd give up after a while, I didn't think he'd keep sending stuff!"

Davey had calmed down and he opened the door. "I don't need you to buy me things and I don't need to be supported. Yeah, it was nice getting stuff and I can't say I don't like it but I certainly don't expect it. Just love me and I'll be happy."

"I do love you and you have made me more happy than I have ever been in my life Davey. I swear to you that. I'm sorry. The last thing on this earth I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I had no idea keeping that from you was going to hurt you so bad. I want you to stay with me for the rest of my life Davey. I want to make a life for us. I want us to live together. You and me and our surrogate child/bunny rabbit." Jade blinked at the tears he'd been holding back since Davey had left him standing on the sidewalk. "Please Davey. Please don't leave me over this. Please give me another chance."

Davey threw up his hands, letting them fall by his sides weakly. He looked away as his chin trembled. "I don't want to leave you." He sighed. "You've gotta understand it's not about the gifts it's that you lied to me about it. If you're going to lie about little things like that I'm not going to be able to trust you. I want to trust you, baby."

Jade began to cry. "I...I know...I realize that." He bit at his lip and looked away. "I'm sorry. I wish I had better excuses. I know I broke a promise to you." He crossed his arms over his chest, holding on to himself. "If ...you can't trust me, I understand. If...you want to go back to him..." Jade shrugged, looking at the floor with tears dribbling down his face. "Maybe I'm just full of it. Maybe he can make you happier. Maybe he deserves that chance. I probably just overestimated my worth." He closed his eyes and struggled to take a breath. "I love you, I have never cheated on you. The one and only time I lied to you was because I was scared. Maybe you deserve someone more secure than me. Maybe having you for the little time I did was more than I ever deserved in my life." He turned to go.

"Oh God, Jade! Don't go!" Davey moved forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Jade. "I know you didn't cheat. I swear I don't ever wanna go back to him and I do understand why you lied. I know it wasn't malicious."

Jade sank into Davey's arms, sobbing a little before he caught his breath. "You can call me names again if it will make it better. I deserve it." He sniffled. "For a second there I was so confused. I was remembering when we first me and I thought maybe you were wanting to have sex with me right there on the sidewalk." He tried to smile as he sniffled.

Davey laughed softly. "I shouldn't have called names. That's really low." He rubbed Jade's back and pulled back enough to wipe at Jade's tears. "I shouldn't have fought with you on the street. I should have been calm about it. It's hard for me to be calm when I'm afraid." Davey kissed Jade softly. "I should have told you that."

"No...baby..." Jade ran his hand from Davey's chin up his jaw. "You were hurt. You had every right in the world to say those things. It's okay." He leaned in and kissed Davey's head. "What would you say if I told you I'm no good at picking out jewelry?"

Davey laughed softly. "I'd say it doesn't matter."

"Okay." Jade reached down to take Davey's hand, kissing at his fingers. "I've been saving up to get you a ring. But I know you're particular about what you wear. So would you come with me on Saturday before you go to work, and pick one out for you and me both?"

Davey was speechless and simply looked up at Jade with wide eyes.

"I'm ready to love, respect, and stand by your side for the rest of my life Davey. If you think this is something rash to get you back I'll show you my bank statement." He grinned. "This playa has been saving up to get you a ring for a long, long time."

"You...want that with me?" Davey felt tears in his eyes again and he laughed slightly. "Oh, Jade...I love you."

"I love you too, Davey. I don't ever want to be without you. You scared me half to death tonight. I thought I'd lost you for good. I was going to wait until I could actually pick you out something, but my taste sucks so bad, that day might never come so I figured I'd just take a chance and ask you right now." Jade wiped his eye and sank down on one knee, taking Davey's hand. "How about it?"

"You nutcase." Davey dove at Jade, sending them both sprawling onto the floor, scaring Abbi again. "Of course."

"You see, if I would have picked out the ring, it would have been bling and had a big spinner on it..." Jade laughed, wrapping his arms around Davey's waist. "And I'd say yo' Davey! You so fine! Wanna be with you all the time! I dig yo' ink, I dig you lips! I wanna ride you all night wit dem sexy ass hips!" Jade was now laughing so hard he couldn't complete his song.

"AHH!" Davey cried, though laughter immediately followed. "I'll leave you at the altar if you do that," he joked.

Jade couldn't stop though, he was on a roll. "Of course along with the spinner ring I could have popped the question by saying "Davey, can I be yo' old school bitch? Please say yes!" Or...you could be MY old school bitch! Or....I dunno! Something like that! Can I have Ice T for my best man?"

"Only if I can have Robert Smith as my maid of honor."

"Hmm I wonder how those two would get along. I think it could be done." Jade leaned up, finally controlling his giggles enough to cover Davey's mouth with his own.

Davey kissed back, opening his mouth to Jade.

Warmth flooded Jade replacing the hysterical giggles that had replaced the tears that had replaced the panic and fear. Finally everything felt good again. Nothing ever felt as good as Davey's body pressed tightly to his own.

Life had never been better.