#cold fucking

Author’s Notes: I wanted something painful this time >:) @aller-geez owns Sven and did the art! It’s not my usual sicky fic, but its definitely been on my mind to write~

Elex shot up from his sleeping position in bed, sweating, head throbbing, his body trembling. He was hot and somehow cold at the same time. His normally numbed demeanor completely swallowed by a sense of hopelessness and anxiety.

Elex cautiously scanned the room, his bleary eyes darting across every corner as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. Sven was nowhere to be found. Panic washed over Elex like a tsunami, amplifying the already pounding headache. He couldn't afford to let Sven see him in this state of withdrawal — it would shatter the image of invincibility he had carefully cultivated.

Biting his lip, Elex mustered every ounce of self-control he had left and staggered towards the mirrored cabinet in the corner of the room. His trembling hands fumbled with the latch until it finally swung open, revealing an array of neatly organized toiletries and medications. He scoured through the contents desperately, hoping to find a hidden stash of cocaine that would temporarily soothe his torment.

To his dismay, there was nothing. Elex cursed under his breath, realizing that his earlier vow to quit had left him void of any reserves. No longer able to rely on the drug for relief of his symptoms.

Elex's heart pounded against his chest as he clutched his sternum, he felt like it was going to explode out of his body, he was short of breath and everything was just heavy. The weight of his addiction bore down on him, its grip tightening with every passing moment.

Feeling the walls closing in around him, Elex stumbled towards the bathroom, his movements unsteady and his mind clouded by withdrawal. The tiles beneath his feet seemed to shift and twist, mocking his feeble attempts to regain control. Summoning the last remnants of determination, Elex turned on the shower faucet, the sound of rushing water drowning out the chaotic thoughts that threatened to consume him. Steam rose from the cascading liquid, hovering in the air like a protective shield against his demons.

As he stripped off his clothes, Elex caught a glimpse of himself in the fogged-up mirror. Sunken green and brown eyes stared back at him, a mere shadow, could he even say he knew the man staring back at him? The hollow cheeks and trembling hands were stark reminders of his descent into darkness. It was a wonder how Sven stayed beside him, or, hardly noticed.

With each step closer to the shower, Elex's heart pounded louder in his chest, a relentless drumbeat that echoed through his entire being. He stepped under the stream of water and gasped as icy droplets dripped down his heated flesh.

The shock of the hot water jolted Elex's trembling body, momentarily numbing the pain and confusion within him. He stood there, under the cascading liquid, hoping that it would wash away not just the physical dirt, but also the emotional grime that clung to his soul. But no matter how hard he scrubbed or how long he stayed beneath the water's embrace, he knew that the stains on his conscience were far more stubborn.

As he let his mind wander, memories flooded back like fragments of a shattered mirror. He remembered the first time he snorted a line of cocaine, he was a young kid and some older gentleman at the circus, offered it to him. He had been skeptical at first but the old man promised him he could fly, so he did it. He'll never forget how it made him feel invincible and alive. Every promise kept as the adults around him laughed and laughed, and the euphoria was fleeting, a cruel illusion that crumbled as quickly as it had come. And now, here he was, drowning in the aftermath of his own choices. He was a kid, but he blamed himself. He blamed God for taking his mom, and he blamed his dad for being an addict too. He felt set up.

Often times the man just felt like an ultimate failure, and it was only a matter of time before Sven eventually saw through him now that they live together. Lost in his thoughts, Elex heard a gentle clear of the throat, spooked the dark green haired man spun around in the shower, a look of horror and rage on his face.

"Its just me!" Sven raised his hands up defensively. "I thought I heard you up so I came to say Good morning and wanted to know if you would help me decorate the living room today," the cat asked gently, his voice sweet this early and almost like he could sense something was in the air. He was being extra, gentle.

"Uh, Yeah," Elex cleared his own throat turning off the water and grabbing his towel. "That's fine, we can do that," Elex's voice trembled as he spoke, his eyes darting around the room, avoiding Sven's gaze. The guilt and shame washed over him in waves, threatening to drown him. But Sven didn't seem to notice the turmoil raging within Elex; he just smiled and nodded, oblivious to the storm that brewed in his companion's soul.

As Elex dried himself off and got dressed, he couldn't help but feel a flicker of gratitude towards Sven. Despite everything, Sven was there for him, offering his unwavering support and love. It was a rare and precious thing, something that Elex didn't feel deserving of. But perhaps, just perhaps, Sven's presence could be the catalyst for change.

Or perhaps, these symptoms were going to drive him into madness, and fuck everything up. He cringed internally and genuinely hoped he could kick this habit. Sven smiled again to break him from the fog, the other could always certainly tell when he was in his own head. "I'll meet you out there after you get dressed?" he more asked than he was telling the other. The green and brown eyed male nodded.

"Yes, meet you out there," they exchanged loving glances, Sven hesitating but moving in to kiss the badger on his cheek regardless. Then it was just Elex left, shuffling slowly to drag his clothes onto his body. He couldnt even be bothered to do his hair, leaving it a displaced mess, just trying desperately to not throw up or pass out. Or both.

Elex plastered a fake smile on his face as he joined Sven in the living room. The walls were bare, waiting to be adorned with pictures and decorations. Sven hummed happily as he sorted through a box of ornaments, his enthusiasm almost contagious if the badger didn't feel like literal walking death. Elex wished he could feel even a fraction of that joy, but all he felt was the gnawing craving for his next fix and deep visceral hatred for himself.

As they worked side by side, Elex couldn't help but steal glances at Sven. How could someone be so pure, so full of light? The contrast between them was stark—Sven, with his vibrant orange and teal colored locks and sparkling orange orbs, emanated an aura of hopefulness, while Elex stood there, a shadow of a man overwhelmed by his own demons.

As they hung the first picture frame on the wall, Elex's hand trembled. He clenched his fist tightly to hide the telltale sign of withdrawal. The voice inside his head whispered seductively to just leave, go get more, just leave. Go get more. His left eye twitched and in the moment he went to set the frame on the nail, it slipped, missed, fell and shattered onto the floor beneath him. That. That is all it took.

"ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME?!" Elex shouted at the top of his lungs, he stomped his foot and reach down grabbing the now broken frame, hucking it further across the room at their living room wall. It snapped into several more smaller pieces, and left a decent sized dent upon the impact spot. Sven stood there for a moment, quietly before his face just fell and he looked over at Elex.

"What the fuck was that?" Sven's voice trembled with a mixture of surprise and concern. He had never seen Elex lose control like this before. The shattered pieces of the picture frame lay scattered on the floor, mirroring the brokenness that now consumed their once peaceful living room.

Elex's breath came in ragged gasps as he tried to steady himself. His hands shook uncontrollably as he struggled to find the words to explain his outburst. His mind raced, searching for an excuse, a justification for his destructive actions. But deep down, he knew there was none. There was only his addiction, his anger, and the mounting desperation that threatened to consume him whole, but admitting it meant admitting defeat. He couldnt do that. He couldnt let Sven know how weak he was, how weak he'd been.

Sven took a cautious step forward, his eyes filled with a mix of worry and sadness. "Elex," he began softly, his voice laced with tenderness, "what's going on? You're pretty normally a living breathing walking lump of anger but this is something new entirely," trying to lighten up the mood a bit with a joke, but it only seemed to make the badger shy further away from him.

Elex turned away from Sven's gaze, unable to bear the disappointment he knew he bestowed upon his mate. This was a disaster. Sven didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve anything of this, he was far too broken for the man to have to deal with. He should be young, enjoying his new home and loving life. Elex was clearly just dragging him down, and further away from his dreams. "I think we need to break up..."

Sven's eyes widened in shock, his mouth agape as he stared at Elex. His heart sank, and a heavy silence settled between them. The air became thick with the weight of Elex's words, suffocating any hopes of happiness that had filled the room earlier. What was this? What had he done? It had been a full year without either of them wanting to break up and run but, this was out of the blue. This, Sven couldnt see coming unlike the rest.

Tears welled up in Sven's eyes as he struggled to find his voice. "What? Why? We just bought a house together what do you MEAN you want to breakup...?" he managed to speak with full composure, trying his own best not to freak out, his voice trembling with a mix of pain and confusion. The vibrant colors that once adorned Sven's world dimmed, replaced by a dark cloud of uncertainty.

Elex turned to face Sven, his own eyes glassy with unshed tears. "I can't do this anymore," he choked out, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn't know what to say truthfully, he froze before he looked away again, tears now falling down his brown and cream colored cheeks. "I hate this whole...Domestic shit, Sven, I want....I want..." His eyebrows furrowed and his face reddened as he did his best to sell the performance. "I want my freedom back, I dont want to be here anymore I'm....leaving," swiftly the man worked to move and get a bag packed hoping to avoid having to hurt Sven any further verbally. Yet, the cat wasnt one to just let the badger off like that, absolutely not. Theyd been together how long and now that theyre FINALLY settling into their new home, he wants to leave?

Sven's heart shattered into a million pieces as he watched Elex pack his bags. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, what he was seeing. This couldn't be happening. They had built a life together, shared dreams and aspirations. How could Elex just throw it all away?

Desperation flooded Sven's veins, and he reached out, grabbing Elex's arm in an attempt to stop him. "No, please," Sven pleaded, his voice trembling with raw emotion. "Don't do this. We can work through whatever it is that's troubling you. I love you, Elex. I can't imagine my life without you, stop packing come on..."

Elex's eyes welled up with tears as he looked into Sven's pleading gaze. The pain in Sven's voice tore at his heart, but he knew deep down that this was for the best. He couldn't bear to drag Sven down any further with his addiction, with his self-destructive tendencies. "NO, Sven, I'm DONE, Leave me alone," painfully, he ripped the cat off his arm and shoved him away. Sven stumbled backwards, as if he couldnt feel any more broken apart, he fell to his knees.

Elex stood there, his chest heaving with ragged breaths, his eyes filled with anguish as he watched Sven crumble before him. The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, suffocating any semblance of hope that had once existed between them. The truth was, Elex hated himself for what he was doing. But he couldn't bear to see Sven suffer any longer, to witness the destruction that followed in his wake.

Sven looked up at Elex, his eyes pooling with tears as he whispered brokenly, "Why are you doing this? What did I do to deserve this?"

Elex's heart shattered further as he gazed upon the one he loved more than anything in the world. The raw pain etched on Sven's face tore at his soul, but he knew it was necessary. "It's not about you," Elex whispered hoarsely, his voice laced with a mixture of sorrow and regret.

"You can't give me that shit!" Sven screamed finally snapping behind the emotions that over took him. Elex finished packing his bag, grabbed his wallet, keys and as he headed for the front door, Sven reached over and grabbed a picture frame, it housed a photograph of them two in the realty office after purchasing their home. The cat chucked it at the other male, it just barely missed him and cracked into the door ahead of him instead. "Dont EVER come back here, don't EVER call me again, this is your decision? Fine! Don't think I'll be here when you finally wake up!"

Elex stood frozen in the doorway, his heart torn between the love he still felt for Sven and the determination to protect him from the darkness that consumed him. An agonizing silence settled between them, heavy with unspoken words and broken promises.

With a heavy sigh, Elex turned away from Sven's devastated gaze and stepped out into the cold night. The wind whipped through his fur as he walked aimlessly down the empty streets, his mind filled with regrets and what-ifs. For so long, he had tried to fight his demons alone, to shield Sven from the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole. But now, in this moment of painful clarity, he realized that his love for Sven meant letting go.

The cat completely fell apart, his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably as his whole world completely changed in the matter of an hour. What happened? What could he have done to prevent this?

There was nothing Elex could do to comfort the other, he couldnt make this go away, his addictions were who he was, they were apart of him and they would drag down and destroy anyone who stood too close. He loved Sven, he TRULY, loved Sven. That was his soulmate, his person, and he would be DAMNED, completely fucking damned, if he let it destroy him too. Not after everything the guy had suffered through, the circus, the competing for affections, no, his Sven deserved the best. He knew he'd be okay, he'd find that love again. Nothing what they share, but it'd be good enough.

Elex pulled out his phone and quickly dialed his dealer. "Hey bro, can you come pick me up?" The wind howled outside, a stark contrast to the deafening silence that now filled the once-happy home. Sven's sobs echoed through the empty rooms, a heart-wrenching sound that tore at Elex's heart he could hear it echo from the sidewalk outside. He knew this was for the best, but it didn't make the pain any less unbearable.

While he waited for his dealer to arrive, Elex couldn't help but second-guess his decision. Was he really doing the right thing? Would Sven be better off without him? A million questions swirled in his mind, but he knew there were no easy answers.

When his dealer finally arrived, Elex quickly got into the car and began digging for his wallet. He didn't bother to look back, didn't want to see the devastation he had left behind. This was his only option. "So you tryna reup brother?" His dealer asked, while they drove away from the house now.

"Yeah you got me on a ball?" Elex pulled his wallet out and began to shuffle through the bills inside.

"Yeah bro, good shit too," his homie stuck out his fist as if silently asking for a fist nudge, Elex met his fist in with his own and smirked, trying to hide any evidence of the horrible night he was experiencing. They sped off into the night, Elex digging around his dealer's bag to pull out an already weighed out baggie. "That's it," the man said looking between the road and Elex. "Thats gonna blow your mind bro I swear," followed with a laugh.

The badger stayed relatively quiet as he began to dig out a quick bump with one of his many useless keys attached to the ring. He'd totaled his car a few months ago in a not at fault accident and hadnt gotten the insurance money back to replace it yet. So for now the key that once made it drive, was used to get him going tonight instead.

In that moment, all Elex could think about was escaping the pain that consumed him, numbing himself to the world around him. He needed to forget, even if just for a little while, shoveling the white substance into his nose while his buddy and supplier kept to their destination. He threw his head back and his eyes rolled into his skull as the rush hit him "FUCK...!" Elex let out a dramatic sigh, shaking his head back and forth as the drug empowered him and sunk into his erratic veins. "Shit's SO good," Elex's chuckle is heavy and forced, masking any true emotion he may be feeling. But as he snorts, a loud, wet, guttural sound escapes his throat, trying to absorb any remaining powder lingering in his nasal passages.

The car pulled up to a rundown building, its windows covered in grime and its entrance cloaked in shadows. This was Elex's safe haven—a place where he could temporarily bury his sorrows beneath a cloud of smoke and artificial euphoria. "Told ya," his dealer replied, opening his door and turning the key off from the ignition position.

As they stepped out of the car, the chill in the night air sent shivers down Elex's spine, reminding him of the emptiness that now resided within him. He followed his dealer up the cracked concrete steps, the sound of his own footsteps echoing in his ears. The building reeked of decay and desperation, a stark contrast to the life he had been living for the last year, but not unfamiliar territory. This, this was familiar. This is what he knew, how to navigate it, how to live in it, how to deal with it. "Make yourself at home per usual bro, stay as long as you want," the dark haired man spoke as if he had said that line a million times, all too familiar with the comings and goings of his cliental.

As they entered the dimly lit room, Elex's eyes scanned the familiar faces huddled in corners, lost souls seeking solace in their vices. He approached a table cluttered with drug paraphernalia, taking a seat next to a woman whose hollow gaze mirrored his own despair. She offered him a sympathetic smile, her lips stained with the remnants of her addiction.

With trembling hands, Elex prepared another dose, trying to ignore the voice inside his head that whispered of self-destruction. The high washed over him like a tidal wave, momentarily lifting the weight of his heartache. He did the right thing. Well so, he kept trying to convince himself of it.

Meanwhile, Sven, was two bottles of Chardonnay in, laying on the floor of, what was, their, kitchen. His phone lay across from him, off silent, volume on high, even vibration on. Just incase. He knew what he said, but still hoped Elex would cross that boundary and call him.

They'd had moments like this a lot when they were teens. Mostly back when Elex was struggling to even accept the fact he loved Sven, but it hadn't been this raw in a long time. He was worried. Sick. What was it this time? Was it still the drugs? Was it someone else? Did they simply out grow each other? At this point, the tears had stopped falling, and the numbness was kicking in. He stared from across the floor at the thin side profile of the device. Should he call? It had been two hours, he should right? Maybe it was just a rough day...?

Elex loved him, he said so. The cat sat up, his head spun as he realized the effects of alcohol were setting in. Sven reached for his phone, his fingers fumbling to unlock the screen that displayed a sleeping photo of his now ex lover. His heart pounded in his chest as he dialed Elex's number, praying that he would answer. The seconds stretched into an eternity as the phone rang on the other end, each ring amplifying Sven's anxiety. Then it sent him to voicemail, and as the dial tone told him to record his message, he hung up and dropped the device to the floor again.

Sven lay back on the cold kitchen tile, his thoughts swirling in a hazy mix of anger and sadness. He couldn't understand how things had come to this, how their love had unraveled so quickly. The pain of their separation was suffocating, threatening to consume him whole. He couldn't understand how Elex could just walk away like this, leaving him in this state of uncertainty and heartache. The tears welled up in his eyes again, blurring his vision as he struggled to regain control over his emotions.

As the night wore on, Sven found himself sinking deeper into a dark abyss of loneliness and self-doubt. He had always believed that Elex was his soulmate, the one person who truly understood him. But now, he questioned everything. Was their love not enough? Had he become a burden to Elex, driving him to seek solace in anything else?

Three Days Later.....

Sven lay in bed, his body heavy with exhaustion. The past few days had been a blur of tears and sleepless nights, but today was different. Today was the first day he could get out of bed. He felt a flicker of hope stirring within him, a tiny spark of determination to pick up the shattered pieces of his heart and move forward.

Slowly, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and let his feet touch the cold wooden floor. The room was bathed in a soft morning light that filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow on the scattered remnants of their life together. Sven took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of Elex that still lingered in the air.

With every step, he made his way through their home, each corner echoing with memories of their shared laughter and whispered promises. The kitchen felt especially empty without Elex's presence, and Sven's heart twisted at the sight of the abandoned wine bottles on the floor. Had he really not come in here since the badger left? He couldn't tell anyone the last time he had eaten.

Without a second thought, Sven walked over to the kitchen counter and rummaged through the cabinets, searching for something to eat. His stomach growled in protest, a reminder of the neglect it had endured in the past few days. He settled on a box of cereal, pouring it into a bowl with shaky hands, followed by a decent amount of milk to boot. As he took his first spoonful, he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. Elex had always been the one who made breakfast for them, his eggs benedict and homemade hollandaise sauce, unmatched. The short time the criminal had worked at the high end Old folks home out in Hollywood, had taught the badger a thing or two about fine breakfast cuisine. Sven missed it. Missed wrapping his arms around the green haired male while he cooked.

As Sven continued to eat, he allowed his mind to wander back to the events leading up to their separation. The arguments, the lies, the distance that grew between them—all of it still felt fresh and raw. He wondered if there was anything he could have done differently, if he could have fought harder for their love. But deep down, he knew that love alone cannot fix everything. He sighed, finishing up his bowl and pushing it to the sink. "I need to be productive today...shower I should shower..." The cat muttered, as he dragged himself to the bathroom, feeling the weight of his emotions pressing down on him with every step as he entered the space.

He turned on the water, adjusting it to the perfect temperature before stepping under the cascading stream. The water washed away his tears and the remnants of his sorrow, offering a temporary respite from the pain that consumed him. As he lathered shampoo into his hair, Sven's mind wandered back to Elex. He wondered where he was now, what he was doing, if he was thinking about Sven as much as Sven was thinking about him. But amidst the questions and doubts, a flicker of determination ignited within Sven. He vowed to himself that he would not let this heartbreak define him.

Meanwhile...

Elex woke up under an overpass, the sound of cars whizzing overhead barely bringing him to consciousness. Slowly, he sat up as his duo colored eyes blinked excessively to adjust his vision from sleep mode to awake. The realization of his surroundings hit him like a punch to the gut. He had fallen so far, both figuratively and literally. The nights merged into one another, a haze of intoxication and despair, and now here he was --homeless, penniless, and alone. Why wasn't he at his dealer's house? That was the last thing he really remembered...he shook his head slowly, rubbing the butt of his palm across his forehead trying his best to remember anything from the past few days let alone hours.

He reached into his pocket, feeling the crumpled paper that had been left for him the night before. Unfolding it, he read the hastily written message: "Meet me at Duffy's, 5 p.m. - A." Elex's heart skipped a beat. It had been days since he last heard from Sven, and the ache of their separation weighed heavy on his soul. He did not hesitate; he knew he had to go. Despite the fact the initial didn't match Sven's, and the location was a bar, he still set out hope it was his boyfriend, asking him to come home. Elex stood up and quickly looked around for his things, but, alas came up empty handed. He had nothing. Just a small baggy of what coke was left in his pocket and a few crinkled bills.

Elex sighed. "Fuck..." he couldn't even call Sven if he wanted to. Fine. He would just have to walk a few miles to Duffy's and hope that Sven would take him back and he could get help, and replace what he had taken for granted but also completely ruined.

As Elex trudged along the city streets, his mind raced with a mix of anticipation and dread. He couldn't comprehend how he had let things spiral out of control, allowing his addiction to consume him and push away the one person who meant everything to him. Each step felt heavier than the last, mirroring the weight of his guilt and shame.

The journey to Duffy's seemed endless, with every passing minute feeling like an eternity. Elex's mind played tricks on him, conjuring up vivid memories of the moments they shared together – their laughter, their intimate conversations, the warmth of their embrace. It was torture, a constant reminder of what he had lost.

Finally, as the neon sign of Duffy's came into view, Elex's heart skipped a beat. Nervously, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, his eyes scanning the dimly lit bar for any sign of Sven. A pang of disappointment surged through him when he didn't see his familiar face within the space of the bar. He did, however, see a man raise his arm over at him and beckon him forward. Elex raised a green brow, confused, who was this man?

"Hey gorgeous, good to see you got my note...I got some more shit if you wanna do a little exchange of services...." the man immediately wrapped an arm around the dark skinned man and Elex recoiled quickly.

The Badger pushed the man's arm away, his face contorting with a mix of confusion and annoyance. He had expected to see Sven, not some stranger offering him drugs.

"I'm not here for that," Elex replied sharply, his voice laced with irritation and defense. The man smirked and looked between the two of his buddies.

"Uh, you better be cause you owe me for the crystal I gave you last night," Fuckin hell....meth? He did METH last night? Jesus christ he was off the fucking rails, and he promised this dude sexual favors in exchange? Yup. This was a new low for El. He stood there in silence before long the man got mad and stood up, shoving Elex hard enough to make the dark skinned male fall back a few inches.

"Hey! Asshole!" Elex called out after the man who had just laid hands on him.

"You OWE me!" he repeated himself, now standing to hover over the green haired male. Elex snorted.

"I'd suggest you get the fuck out of my face, because I don't owe you SHIT, and I'd love a chance to gouge your eyes out of your fuckin' skull, try me, bitch," Elex brought up his two flattened palms and shoveled the man not only back but he went toppling over onto his ass.

"Fuck you, I'll kill you," the man scrambled to make himself look and sound tougher than he even really was, Elex had clocked that, and laughed, turning to the bartender. The dude's friends trying to help him up but getting pushed away to save his pride one could assume.

"Yeah can I get a whiskey on the rocks?" the bartender looked at him, then the man on the floor then him again and shrugged his shoulders pouring him the drink. Elex took it, slammed it, and pushed the cup back over to him. "Thanks, he'll pay for it," nudging his head in the direction of the other.

"To hell I will," the man swiftly, came to a standing position on his feet, Elex noticed the other getting up and closer to him. The stranger recoiled before pulling his arm back to lay a punch across the badger. Frankly the dude was unequally matched, Elex, without missing a beat, squats quickly, ducking under the other's fist and popping back up to his left hand side. Then with lighting reflexes, swinging his own fist up and across the assailant's jaw, knocking him back, and out in one fluid motion.

"Again, he's paying, and I'm," he now picked up one of the other glasses on the bar, presumably having belonged to the man he just knocked out, downed it and nodded to the small group. "Gentlemen..."shoveling past anything and anyone that stood in his way of leaving the bar all together. Once he stood outside, the cool night air hit him, and so did the alcohol. His body swayed back and forth, he looked around. "Duffy's isnt too far..." he muttered out loud.

He considered finding a bush, doing the rest of the coke in his pocket and then crawling his way back home but....he couldn't bring himself to even look at the substance. Thankful his body had remained only touched by Sven, he realized just how close he had gotten from losing himself completely. "I have to go home...I have to tell him I'm sorry... I have to fix this...." Elex bit his lower lip and looked down at his hands, the small bag sitting in the middle of his open palm. "I dont need you anymore...I didn't have a life I needed to run away from anymore...I miss him..I miss us...I miss it all...and you were never worth throwing any of that away for..." he huffed through his stuffy nose, the pain in his head reminding him that he had done entirely too many drugs these past few days.

Yet as he crinkled the substance into a fist and threatened to chuck it away, he found himself struggling to find the will to. He stood there, for a few moments, a few moments too long supposedly as the sky turned sour and water began to drip from the sky. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the weight of the baggy in his palm. The pain from his head and the sting of regret threatened to consume him, but there was a glimmer of hope shining through, a faint whisper of redemption calling out to him. The rain had arrived with a vengeance now, lashing down upon him with a furious fury that seemed to echo his own inner turmoil.

Elex stood there, transfixed by the storm, his heart pounding in his chest like a war drum. He could feel the cold droplets seep through his clothes, soaking his skin and chilling him to the bone, but he didn't move. His mind was racing, the memories of his past flooding back as the rain washed away the remnants of his misery. He thought of the life he had led, the darkness that had consumed him, and the man he had become. Maybe....maybe just one more hit. He opened his palm to expose the crinkled plastic bag of substance, he looked at it before blinking past wet lashes and pinched it open.

This wasnt an entirely well thought out plan as quickly once the plastic was no longer secured, water found it's way in, consuming whatever remnants of coke remained. Elex stared at the flooded baggie and felt a pang of sadness, but also felt a strange sense of relief wash over him. He knew what he had to choose. Dropping the bag onto the ground, he got back on his feet, and turned toward home. He began to run.

Elex knew he had to leave the darkness of his past behind, and with every step he took, his heart filled with hope. The rain continued to pelt him, but he didn't care. Sven's face and the life they had shared flashed through his mind, and he knew he had to make amends. He felt a newfound determination to find his way back to Sven and to the person he used to be.

As he ran, the rain seemed to clear the air around him, and he felt a strange sense of enlightenment. The darkness that had consumed him for so long began to recede, and he felt lighter with every step. He ran through the streets, his body fueled by the pain of his past and the desire to be better. "Please....Please don't hate me..." he whimpered as he ran.

Finally, Elex reached the house, his heart hammering in his chest. He took a deep breath and prepared himself before raising his fist to knock on the door. He knew what he had to say and he knew he had to make things right, even if it meant admitting his mistakes and confessing his sins. The pain he had caused Sven was unbearable, but he had to face it head-on.

As Elex stood at the door, his gaze fell on the wet pavement, the evidence of his struggle to find redemption. He thought about the man he had been and the man he wanted to be, and he knew he had to make a change. As he lifted his hand to knock, he could almost hear the echoes of the night he had ruined, but he pushed them away. This was his chance to start anew, and he could not let fear stop him. With a trembling fist he began to pound on the door recklessly, taking no note of the headache that was forming in his head, and the tightening of his throat as his body temperature continued to drop from standing out in the rain. The journey alone was at least a 27 minute run.

"Yeah...-...El?" The cat answered the door, holding it open as he stared Elex face to face. They both stood there, almost like they had each seen a ghost, scared to say anything and make the other disappear. "Wha-....What are you doing here?" Clearing his throat, he put on a brave face and stood much straighter. Elex winced. Yeah, he deserved that. He could almost physically see the sudden wall built between them now.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry....Sven please...." the Badger started but was immediately cut off by a raised palm.

"No," Sven went to slam the door but Elex quickly stuck his foot in the crack and grabbed the handle to stop it from doing so.

"Please, Sven..." his voice cracked as he begged the other man to hear him out.

"Why? Why should I Elex? You made me think that everything was going to be okay, and you just fucking, dump me and leave like you used to,"

"Please, Sven, I was scared! You dont get it!" He continued to try and plead his case but it didn’t seem to lighten the cat any as he stood there with a narrowed gaze.

"Enlighten me then, because I deserve that at the least," finally, he crossed his arms across his chest and waited patiently to hear the desperate man out.

"....I never quit....I kept doing cocaine regularly, to keep myself going....I tried to quit," he suddenly got defense throwing his hands up, sniffling loosely as his nose began to slightly tickle and the tension building inside his nostrils started to make itself more known. "But my body...I couldnt work...let alone be there for you..and the house..." he sighed looking down at his feet. He was ashamed, embarrassed. "I've been running away my whole life, whether it be mentally through substances or emotionally through you....I was running..." tears began to well inside of his ducts, silently, falling from the corners of his mint and brown eyes. "So once we were safe....it felt like...it was only a matter of time before I...fucked things up anyway, and you had worked SO hard....Sven....I'm so sorry..." he fell to his knees.

Sven stood there, his eyes locked with Elex's tear-filled gaze. The rain continued to pour down around them, their emotions washing over them like the relentless storm. He felt a mix of anger, hurt, and confusion swirling within him as he watched Elex break down before him.

Sven's heart wavered, a broken man pleading for forgiveness. The anger and hurt that had festered within him the past few days began to soften, replaced by a mix of sympathy and a flicker of hope. He loved Elex, with every fiber of his being, and he couldn't deny that a part of himself. He couldn't deny that every moment since the second he left, he had hoped the grumpy, dark skinned, man would show up at their door again.

But Sven couldn't let himself be swayed so easily. He had been hurt too deeply, betrayed too profoundly. "You expect me to believe you now?" he spat, his voice laced with bitterness. "After everything we had been through, everything you put me through. Tell me, Elex, why should I trust you again?"

Elex looked up at Sven, his eyes red-rimmed and filled with genuine remorse, but also passion. He got back on his two feet and his eyebrows dropped to a furrow. "Because....god fucking damn it, it’s me and you… you and me..." he pointed at each of them with his index finger going back and forth. "It always fucking has been, and I'm an idiot okay? I shouldn't have let the worst fuckin' parts of myself ruin a good thing...so please..." he let out a staggered breath. “Please Sven…I need you…”

Sven's face was a mix of emotions, and he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing for the man he had loved so deeply. He knew he couldn't just let Elex off the hook so easily, but he also couldn't dismiss the burning desire to have Elex back in his life. "So what do we do? Because I can't have you blowing up and running off if next week you happen to decide you don't want to quit,"

"That wont happen" Elex furrowed his brows and crossed his arms over his chest. "I wont let it, I swear, just have an ounce of faith in me,"

"I had more than an ounce, it isn't my fault you threw it away," Sven’s words cut like ice, and the badger ate them as if he deserved it, because he did.

"Please, Sven! Jesus Fucking christ, Please! I'm sorry!" The green hair man was practically in tears as his voice broke, pleading to the part of his ex lover that was still riding for him.

"Elex...." Sven started, trying to look past the badger but only found himself locking eyes with him instead.

"Dont, Don't Sven, come on, baby....." tears welling in his eyes. "Baby please," the pleading was desperate, almost pathetic, it tugged at Sven's heart and he couldn't take it any more, he reached over and grabbed the back of Elex's green locks and kissed him hard with a furious passion, the rain falling aggressively around them.

As their lips met, the weather a eemed to intensify, as if nature itself was reflecting the turbulent emotions that consumed them both. It was a bittersweet kiss, filled with longing, forgiveness, and the unspoken promise of a fresh start. They stood there, locked in an embrace, oblivious to the world around them, Elex’s hands clung to the cat’s three day old shirt.

Eventually, they pulled apart, gasping for air. Sven looked into Elex's tear-streaked face and saw the vulnerability he had longed for. He felt a flicker of hope and a renewed sense of gratitude that his person was back in his arms. Their separation was brief, Sven grabbing his boyfriend by the shirt and pulling himself inside the much warmer home. It wasn't until Elex was no longer standing in the freezing cold weather that he could feel how unwell he was. Between symptoms of withdrawal, and alcohol swimming inside his brain, there was the added factor that he simply felt like garbage. His nose felt tight, full, he was not longer able to breathe through it.

"SndDff," he tried clearing it out, before Sven completely ignored the sympton and pushed their lips back together. The intensity of their kisses grew, with each touch igniting a fire within them. Sven's hands moved feverishly, exploring every inch of Elex's body as if trying to memorize it all over again. The badger responded eagerly, his body yearning for the familiar touch that had been absent for far too long.

But as the passion between them intensified, so did Elex's physical discomfort. His head throbbed relentlessly, and his body felt heavy and weak. The rain continued to pour outside, its rhythmic patter against the windowpane a stark contrast to the storm raging inside him.

Elex broke away from the kiss, gasping for breath. His face was flushed, not only from desire but also from the increasing temperature of his body. He tried to steady himself against Sven's chest, but his legs wobbled beneath him, threatening to give way. Sven pushed his mouth against the other's soft, wet neck, they bother shuddered. Sven's hands, rough and capable, reached out to steady his lover, his touch sending ripples of electricity through Elex's body as he was shoved up against a wall.

He could feel the other's heartbeat, wild and uncontrolled, mirroring his own. The room seemed to grow hotter, the air thick with the scent of sweat, and the dampness that clung to their skin. Sven's lips trailed down Elex's neck, leaving a slew of kisses that caused the other man to moan deep within his slowly closing and irritated throat. God Elex wished he could just fully enjoy the moment but he felt his sinuses throbbing worse through every second he tried to ignore his needs.

Sven's eyes met Elex's pleading ones, and the intensity of their connection was palpable. The raw, unfiltered emotions coursing through them were a testament to the depth of their love and the weight of the pain they had both experienced during their separation. "Is something wrong, El?" The cat asked curiously yet lazily as his hands still started to work his lover's belt and pants, leaving small, wet, loving kisses across his exposed hips and tummy as he descended upon him.

"I-I....n-need to sn-sneeze.." Elex struggled to breathe as Sven continued to overwhelm him with the intensity of his touch. His nose, now an obstacle to his ability to fully enjoy the moment, felt like it was going to pop at any minute. He stared into Sven's eyes, searching for the empathy that had brought them together in the first place, praying that the other man would understand.

But Sven was too consumed by the moment, too focused on their reunion and the physical connection they desperately needed to acknowledge Elex's discomfort. "Mmm then sneeze..." he whispered against the other's flesh. His hands continued to work on Elex's pants, his lips never leaving their destination. The badger could feel the heat radiating from Sven's body, the animal almost too eager to break free from the confines of his own skin.

The pressure in Elex's sinuses grew unbearable. He winced as his eyes watered, each breath he took only serving to remind him of what was coming for him as he hicked and hesitated.

He knew he should say something, but the words wouldn't come. "H-Hih...-.." Elex hitched and writhed. Sven's hands were everywhere, his lips never stopped moving, and the other's body was responding in ways he couldn't control. But the sneeze was building, threatening to burst forth like a volcano, and he knew it couldn't be suppressed much longer.

Suddenly, with a force that caught both of them by surprise, Elex let out a monstrous sneeze. It tore through him like a freight train, his body convulsing violently. Sven instinctively gripped the man's hips tightly, keeping them pinned against the surface of the wall, while the rest of the badger twitched. "H'utTSSCHH'iew!!" Elex's eyes widened and his face contorted in embarrassment and disbelief as the force of the sneeze left him coughing and spluttering, his heart racing in his chest. Particles of spit and virus dusting between the two bodies.

Sven, still holding onto the badger's haunches and leaving softened kisses on each inch of skin stopped, looked up in amusement and only mild concern, his own heart pounding as he tried to discern if his lover was alright. With a gentle hand, he began to stroke Elex's thigh, trying to calm him down and bring him back to reality. "Bless you, that was a big one, hm?" before continuing his motions to free the badger of his pants, cock springing forward, the cat laps at his head, licking it gingerly.

Sven's eyes locked on Elex's, his own filled with a raw, unbridled desire that was as palpable as the air surrounding them. The badger's pleading gaze, coupled with his obvious discomfort, only served to stoke the fire within the cat. He knew his own suffering was only adding fuel to the situation, Sven considered taking it easy, but the erotic energy that coursed between them threatened to overwhelm all reason. He sucks at the other's tip, teasing it.

"Sv-...Sven wait...I'm not feeling well..." he whimpered under the other's heated touch, just wanting to melt beneath him.

"I don't care...I need you..." Sven's eyes flared with passion, and he knew he couldn't hold back any longer. With a growl, he lunged forward, his tongue darting out to claim Elex's length before swallowing his cock full hilt.

Elex gasped and arched his back, his body convulsing as Sven's mouth enveloped him. The pleasure was intense, but so was the struggling prickle within him. His nose felt as if it would explode, and his head pounded like a drum. Despite his protests, Sven only increased his pace, his skilled tongue and throat muscles causing Elex's eyes to roll back in his head.

"Sv-Sven," he panted, his nails digging into Sven's shoulders. "Please...I can't...I need..." But the words refused to come out, lost in the cacophony of his desires and his symptoms. He fought the sensations that built inside his sinuses, his throat tightened and his thoughts continued to swim erratically. The cat ignored his pleas, continuing to enjoy the way his lover's length penetrated the walls of his throat. "Sven..." the green haired male continued to gasp, his hands threading through orange and teal colored locks as his head fell back. He tried solely focusing on the pleasure his mate was providing him but the persistent tickle and tease inside the walls of his nostrils was far too great.

Sven eventually, removed Elex from his mouth and stood up on his feet to undo the buckling of his own pants. "I can't wait any more..." the cat grunted behind his movements as he freed himself from the confines of his own jeans. "I need to feel you....I missed you so fucking much..." They both clashed, their mouths reuniting, slipping, dominating tongues fighting each other for dominance, the cat coming out on top, he pulled his lover up by the back of his thighs and shoveled him against the wall now in nuzzled between Elex's legs that wrapped around him, aligning his body with the badger's. He gripped Elex's hips tightly, positioning himself at the entrance of his lover's core before shoveling his cock deep inside his hole. They both let out a long, drown out groan.

Elex whimpered into the kiss, feeling the heat of Sven's body against his own. He trembled slightly as the cat's member nudged inside his entrance, the friction sending shivers down his spine. The pain in his chest and the pressure in his nose, however, it refused to subside. He felt like a caged animal, struggling to break free from the intensity of the moment and the throbbing in his head.

Sven paid no mind to the badger's discomfort, his passion for his lover already at its peak. He began to thrust, his hips moving in sync with the rhythm of his heartbeat. The scent of sex filled the air, stinging Elex's nostrils and making the pain in his sinuses even more intense. Doing what he could to try and focus on the pleasure consuming him, it was of no use, his watering eyes rolled back and his already gaping mouth hitched, swallowing handfuls of gasps while Sven continued to rythmically pound at his hole.

The cat noticed the other's afflications and leaned in, burying his face into the crook of his lover's neck, voice at his ear before seductively he spoke, though strangled by his movements. "Let, them go...baby...I want to hear them," His arms come up from in front of Elex, gripping him behind his arms and shoulders, forcing the badger's arms backward and arching the other's body. His cock continued to run through him.

Elex let out a low whine, his body shaking as Sven's words resonated through his mind. He understood the cat's intention and knew it could be the only way for him to find relief from the unbearable discomfort. He steeled himself and gritted his teeth, allowing his voice to break free as he let out a loud, agonizing sneeze. "Hhah'AETTTSHH'Uh!" The sound echoed through the room, filling the air with the raw power and intensity of the badger's struggle to overcome his tormented senses. Sven, feeling the unmistakable tremble of Elex's muscles, slowed down his movements to relish in the tightened squeeze of his partner's body, his walls constricted through the sneezing, his hips moving to pick up the pace after it subsided, resuming their passionate act.

"That's my good boy, hm? You feel so good clenching around me with every little expulsion," The streamer huffed, his breathless, husky whisper causing the badger's cheeks to flush brighter red than they already had been from his oncoming illness. He whimpered under the other, bringing his hands up around to claw at his cat's bare back, leaving bright red bleeding streaks down his flesh. They both cried out, rutting and sliding against each other. "One more ? Give me one more hm? Please baby..." Sven asked politely, his voice so low and smooth the green haired male had sworn he'd signed his life away to the man. He did.

With a shaky voice, he agreed, "One more, Sven," his voice barely audible amidst his ragged breaths.

Sven's eyes sparkled, and he leaned down, capturing Elex's lips in a passionate kiss that lasted for what seemed like a millisecond. His hands caressed the badger's face, the pads of his thumbs gently rubbing Elex's sore nostrils. The badger moaned into the kiss, a soft plea for relief from the tickle.

As their lips parted, Sven's eyes met that of his lover’s heterochromatic stare. He could see the desperate longing in his boyfriend’s gaze. He knew he was so close to letting go of another, he just needed the encouragement. "Sneeze for me, El, c’mon...I know you like pleasing me..." The badger's eyes rolled in the back of his head, his bridge twitched, clenched and stretched as he focused on relieving himself of the pressure that was suffocating him slowly.

"hH'...H'Hheh..Heh;EhDTSHhiEW! Shit..." his mouth released a mistral cloud of saliva across the other's shoulder, Sven groaning behind a clenched jaw as he felt the stray drops hit his flesh.

"God I missed you...." Sven whimpered as his hips continued to snap forward and out, assaulting the badger's sensitive prostate. He cried out, his body arching into the aggressive cat.

"I fucking.....missed you...so much..." Elex managed between each thrust, burying his face into Sven's shoulder, his breaths now coming in ragged and desperate gasps. He felt like he was drowning in his own body, the agony in his head and nose seeming to merge with the pleasure that Sven was giving him.

As the cat continued to thrust into him, he felt his own release drawing near, the familiar tension building up within him. He reached down and grabbed the other's hand, pressing it against his own rock-hard erection. "Dont make him wait for your touch anymore," he growled, his eyes pleading with his mate to let go, to surrender to the ecstasy that they shared.

The orange daggers watched the desperation in Elex's mint and brown colored eyes and knew he couldn't hold on any longer. With a final strained whine, he let go, his body trembling as the orgasm hit him like a ton of bricks. They both hit their threshold of ecstacy and spilled over. Sven inside of Elex, and Elex, all over both of their chests.

Their bodies convulsed in sync, the mixture of their pleasure and the relief from the demons that haunted the badger's senses created a symphony of raw emotion. Sven's nails dug into the flesh of Elex's hips, causing the badger to gasp and moan in pain-pleasure, his voice rising in a mix of animalistic sounds and sweet, breathy pleas. They collapsed, panting heavily, their bodies still entwined, the aftermath of their intense encounter covering them in a layer of sweat and sexual fluids.

As they lay there, catching their breath and drenched in the remnants of their passion, Sven's gaze lingered on Elex's face, studying the emotions that flickered across his features. There was a mix of relief, satisfaction, and longing that seemed to dance across the badger's expressions. The cat smiled softly, tenderly, "I love you......stupid...." Snapping the green haired mess out of his daze, he snickered back at the other.

"I love you too, shithead," Sven reached out and pulled the other into a tight hug after having slipped out of him, chuckling in response to his boyfriend's sass. He really truly, missed this. Casually, they both made their way to the couch and lay across it and each other, barely having made it through the entrance space and to the living one. "But Genuinely....I feel like fucking shit...do we have any meds?" Elex looked up at the other from in his lap and Sven mulled over the question thoughtfully.

"Yeah, we should probably take something for that," Sven replied, stroking Elex's sweaty hair with a concerned expression. "You should've mentioned that you were sick before we started."

"Hey, I tried, not my fault you didn't listen," the badger smirked, rolling his duo colored eyes. He managed to roll off of Sven, his body a ninety-degree bend as he stood up on his feet. His eyes watered as his nose burned, his mind still reeling from the intense experience. With a sigh, Elex walked to and in the bathroom, rummaging through the cabinets to find the nyquil.

Sven followed Elex into the space, leaning against the door frame as he watched the badger search for the medication. He couldn't help but smile as he saw Elex's disheveled state, his hair mussed, and his eyes still red from the sneezing. The sight of his lover in distress brought a warmth to Sven's chest, and he knew that this was just another chapter in their story. Just grateful to have him home.

As Elex found the NyQuil, he carefully opened the bottle, taking a good swig from it before proffering the bottle to Sven. The cat took it gratefully, savoring the taste of the cough and cold medicine as it coated his throat in a sweet, syrupy layer.

Both men downed the medication, knowing it would hopefully relieve some of the symptoms they were or would be feeling. They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, both of them swirling with different thoughts but the same general idea. They were just so happy to see the other. "I'm-....uh...I'm gonna go through withdrawal....in the next few days so...forgive me if I act like a dickhead,"

"More than usual?" Sven smirked with a raised brow.

"YES, more than usual...fucker," they both just grinned at each other, like two stupid kids, before the air turned serious again.

"I won't promise anything," Sven replied, his eyes twinkling with honesty. "But I think I'll be able to handle you better now that I know what I’m up against,”

Elex smirked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "We'll see how that goes," he said, not entirely convinced.

They both knew they were in for a rocky road in the next few days, but they were ready to face it together. Their connection was like a force of nature, unstoppable and chaotic, but they were loyal and consistent and they wouldn't let a cycle of addiction come between them.

Sven took Elex's hand in his own, interlocking their fingers. "We'll get through this," he promised, his voice firm and reassuring.

Elex smiled up at him, the worry fading from his eyes. "Yeah, we will ," he said, his voice just as strong.

"Genuinely, I love you, but...you need to shower, and I'm really shocked you havent already begged me to do so," the cat chuckled at his partner who rolled his eyes before then shrugging his shoulders.

"Valid point, lots of things happened at once...I'm going to definitely go do that though....meet you in bed?" Elex blinked slowly, his head still throbbing, he knew the rain had caught up to him and this was his punishment. He took a deep breath in and still, stood straight and turned toward the bathroom. His glossy eyes meeting with the other's glowing orange ones.

"Meet you there," The feline nodded in agreement, the two splitting ways so they could get ready in their respectable routines. It was hard to waltz around the house, turn on faucets and pluck through clothes that stayed where they had been. He almost walked out on this sense of comfort, safety, it was starting to dawn on him just how insane he had been. Elex shook his head, and hopped into the shower, washing his body clean of his 3 day sins. Sure, Sven may have forgiven him, as he sniffled and leaned against the wall of the shower, but he realized that, it was going to take a lot longer for him to forgive himself.

The End