#cold cap

On Friday, June 24th, I had my very first chemo session. In total, I will have eight before surgery – which will include a mastectomy of my right breast and removal of the affected lymph node. I’m considering pulling an Angelina Jolie and having both breasts removed but that’s a decision for a later time and after I’ve had some genetic testing. While many people think that you have surgery first, then chemo, my doctors (oh god, I have multiple doctors…) have chosen to give me what’s called neoadjuvant chemotherapy which simply means that I’ll do all the drugs before the surgery. I’ve been put on a regimen of AC followed by T. (Here are the fancy chemical names: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-treating-chemotherapy)

In short, I will have AC for the first four sessions and then only T for the last four. They’ve found that giving you the drugs in this order instead of all together (a treatment scheme followed by many) improves survivability by 6%. Gosh, that seems like an awfully small increase, doesn’t it?  But, by golly, I’ll take it. That means a 6% higher chance that I’ll see my kids grow up, cuddle some grandbabies, learn to tango in Argentina and finally write that novel I’ve neglected for, like, FOREVER.

My treatments will be spaced three weeks apart which means I’ll be doing this until November of 2016 – that is if I don’t have to miss a session because of a dangerously low white blood count. Ah yes, the side effects of chemo can pack quite a wallop.

So, I can hear you thinking… how am I doing after that first session? Umm… I’m doing… well? Kind of? The truly bizarre thing that you need to wrap your head around when you’ve been diagnosed with early-stage cancer is this: You feel fine. Totally fine. But then, THEY (all those white-coated medical professionals) are going to pump toxins into your body that will make you absolutely NOT feel fine in order to save your life. They will make you sick in order to make you better. It’s a prospect that has made me supremely nervous since my cancer discussions went from “Oh, it’s a tiny thing and needs surgery and radiation” to “Ummm it’s larger than we thought. You’ll need chemo and we’ll turn you into an Amazonian.”

On Friday, I was actually fine after the treatment. I even fell asleep with the cold cap on. (More on that later…) M took me home and I immediately crashed. Tired? Groggy? Yes. Nauseous? Not at all. I woke up at 5pm-ish, broke my fast (more on that later…) and managed to stay up until 9pm. Not bad at all. Hell, I sometimes go to bed at that time anyway after being burnt out by kids, work and that extra glass of red wine. Who needs chemo to make you exhausted? I HAVE YOUNG CHILDREN.

Day 1 after chemo: Up at 5am. Wrote a blog entry. Drank coffee. Shopped online. Had breakfast. Cleaned a bit. Took care of kids. Worked out at the gym with a friend. (Hi Corinna!) Holy moly, chemo has made me more productive!

When are these horrible side effects going to hit? WILL they hit? Will I be a lucky one that escapes unscathed?

Day 1, 3pm: Boom. I’m tired. Mommy needs a nap. Ohhhh my head hurts.

Day 1, 5:30pm: Dinner and a continuing pounding headache. Back to bed.

Day 2, 12:30am – 2am. Awake. Am I hungry? Why does my head still ache?

Day 2, 8am – Arggghhh. WHY won’t this damn headache GO AWAY? But I forced myself up, took a shower and headed out for an hour-long walk. Stopped to chat with a friend (Hi Brigit!) and accept her lovely offer of homemade soup delivered to my house. (You’ve gotta play that cancer card as much as you can, ya’ll.) Stopped in at friends’ for coffee and cookies (Hi John and Marijke!) Walked home and had lunch. Cleaned AGAIN. Seriously, I think the chemo has altered my personality.