it’s me, slightly stoned in order to function, waiting at the goth club that buoyed me through college/post college/until my brain and my minimum wages stopped allowing for any joy aside from cigarettes. tonight the dj lightly teased me because I have been requesting The Perfect Drug by Nine Inch Nails for months now at these functions , most of which are on a boat, my 12 year old self would have been incredulous that I know a dj and dance on a boat, where people and seagulls can see me. I think the dj and I are in a weird (kind of hot)dom/sub relationship because he said to me “what song am I not playing tonight???? SAY IT YOU HAVE TO SAY IT” “THE PERFECT DRUG SIR SORRY SIR”
what is my life even, that I can be playful and flirty??? where was this person when I had the body to keep up with this spirit??!!??? That’s a rhetorical question bitch, don’t answer that.
It turns out that I can dance to Every Day Is Halloween forever, and I can also marvel at the fact that the women’s room at a goth bar truly is that girl, beaming at every radiant youth who comes in to check their makeup and telling them they look beautiful, and the backpiece that was a poetry stanza something to do with cunts that i told a girl on the patio was sick as hell and it WAS, and people just basking shyly in each other’s presence and the undercurrent of the music.
I want this feeling forever.
