#colag

Telecomunicación inter-geográfica

This week, I have the delight of answering an interesting and complex question asked at a COLAGE panel in D.C.:

How do you feel about LGBTQ parents bringing their kids to march in a gay pride parade and/or participate in LGBTQ political rallies/protests?

I’d like to answer this question as two separate questions: the question of pride parades, and the question of political rallies and protests.

As a child of queer parents, excited to be included in The Big Kid Queer Movement, my first thought is “bring children to everything, don’t leave me out!” But an answer that respects all aspects of our community is, I feel, far more complex.

Debates about bringing children to queer events are often structured around the kind of misguided argumentation that is tiresome to those of us who must perpetually explain not only why it is not harmful to bring children to events where they can connect with families and community role models with whom they share important similarities, but why being given those kinds of opportunities are in fact vital. Rather than regurgitating tired, pearl clutching “but the children!” arguments, I’d like to delve more complexly into why certain community events, even if they claim to be family-friendly, are perhaps not suited for children, whereas some events are great places for families.

I feel very strongly that people of any age should be not only permitted, but enthusiastically encouraged to attend vigils, rallies and protests, as long as those events are peaceful and police free. Not only can such events be wonderful places to connect with our communities, but they can also be exponential in fostering a sense of empowerment to shape and create those communities to be the kinds of places we want to live. Opportunities for folks from queer families to connect- no matter how young those folks might be- can always be an empowering, compelling experience, especially where it gives young people the ability to advocate for ourselves and for our families. However, gay pride is a different story.

Perhaps there are some minute regional differences in gay pride parades, but from what I’ve been able to gather, the theme is more or less the same in every city: get wild and be exactly who you are, no holds barred. No matter how much pride might want to bill itself as a family event, it is not. And our community needs an event that is not child safe. I didn’t get the chance to attend a pride event until I was a teenager, and although it makes me so happy to see LGBTQ families represented, to see young children with their queer or trans parents, it also makes me cringe a little. Pride is not only an opportunity to be proud of being LGBT, but also a powerful opportunity to openly be a part of kink culture and other minority sexual groups. Regardless of whether or not any individual person thinks non-queer or trends specific minority sexual preferences should have a presence at pride events, they do. Pride is a place for people to be honest and genuine about aspects of their lives that might usually stay behind closed doors, and even if a child is “too young to understand,” bringing children to events that are well known for having mature content can make things extremely awkward not only for the young people themselves, but for the folks who go to pride to enjoy the kind of openness and honesty they might not be able to obtain in their daily lives.

I am certainly not advocating that no child should ever be taken to a pride event, but only that consideration must be given not only to whether or not a parent believes that their child is ready for pride, but also to whether or not a young person believes themselves to be ready; and equally as importantly, whether or not the presence of a very young person will be an unsafe or uncomfortable experience for other members of our community.