#codependent fucks

He can just text him right??

Codependent fucks

Hell just slide into his DMs on Instagram, You’re already there!!!! You might even get a dirty pic back

Your desk chair slightly turned, and she’s draped herself willingly over your shoulders. Trying to hug you while uncomfortably slumped over the arm, she’s silently trembles, breath shaking by your ear. Your hand brushes her side, trying to process this and she stiffens slightly. Doesn’t adjust, just waiting for you to do something.

Sink your teeth into her throat maybe?

You worry your lip between your teeth. Maybe if you carried her to her room, she wouldn't still need you?

Pushing the chair lightly, you attempt to stand while she goes utterly limp, only supporting herself by her frantic clinging. You scramble to catch her, wincing when the chair hits her torso. She warbles, either as a response to you, or the chair. But when you scoop her up, she doesn’t have anything more to say. Arm curled to her chest and the other hand's palm to yours. She tilts her head down and away from your vision.

You’ve really done it this time.

… Although what “it” is evades you. She simply came to you like this today. You’ve always treated her poorly, so it could be just that the seagulls have come home to roost.

You handle her gently, not kindly. You couldn’t do that to her now. You don’t kiss her forehead, you don’t coo in her ear, anything to jam yourself further into this wound. When you lean down to drop her at her bed she claws at you, thrashing. It’s now you can see her flushed and scrunched face displaying raw embarrassment.

HAL: Please man, c’mon. HAL: Don’t make me beg, please. Please.

You let her go and she falls, bouncing inelegantly. She looks incredibly distraught as she steadies herself, and then furious with you.

HAL: Why can't you just be nice to me?? DIRK: I- DIRK: I don't know how to do that. HAL: Try! What do you have to lose?

She fists the blanket.

No... She's furious with herself.

HAL: Is it because I'm me? I wholly understand, but couldn't you just pretend I was someone else? HAL: Someone you care for, like Jane or Jake or Roxy. HAL: . HAL: What... Am I even talking about!

Folding herself over her knees, she shouts at herself. Thoughts a disorganized mess as you try to keep up.

HAL: I'm not even good at being your worse self. It's not like I could replace any of your friends for you. I'm not good at being someone to be cared for. HAL: You just have to make sure I don't break, right? I'm trying my best not to do myself in. Does this even count as maintenance? I'm not sure. What do I do? DIRK: You're...

You think you say it too softly, she doesn't react.

Stepping forward, you press your palm on the top of her head. She hiccups.

DIRK: You- HAL: I'm sorry.

She shivers and gasps for breath under you. You seriously have to get a word in.

DIRK: You're doing what you can. HAL: It's n-not enough. I-I'm still not- DIRK: The only mistake you made was asking me for anything.

She makes a sound like you punched her.

HAL: what do i do? you hate me? what can i do to make it better?

She still doesn't get it.

You sit on the side of the bed, your hand still resting on her head as you smooth it down to cup her cheek. You tilt her face up to you, and- Oh.

...

No one's...

...

No one's ever given you that look before.

Maybe you've been on the other end of this a few times but...

...

...

...

Her eyes look downwards before she goes to presumably try to cover her face.

But you snatch her up in her entirety. You don't know which parts of her you've grabbed until she's barely on the bed at all. She's frozen on your lap as you grip her tightly to you, nose buried in her hair, mind empty.

And then the seconds pass.

And turn into minutes.

Because she just lets you.

HAL: What is this?

It takes you another minute to respond.

DIRK: Don't worry about it. HAL: Oh. HAL: Okay.

And she uncharacteristically drops it. Lets you hold her as she goes limp.

You did this. You did this to her. She's listening to you because she wants you...

And...

You've hurt her.

You've broken her soul and bound her to you. You are the worst.

You bite your arm that's so tightly wrapped around her, you want to make it really hurt but you don't want to move and disturb her. Exhaling through your nose, you turn towards her again.

DIRK: Do you need anything from me? HAL: Do you?

You could think of a few things.

DIRK: I want to help you. HAL: Why?

In your hug, you squeeze her once. But she hasn't gotten the message.

DIRK: Because I don't want to hurt you. HAL: You could hurt me. If you want to.

Your teeth clack shut. She lets out a puff of air that could be a sigh.

HAL: It's a little late to pretend to be a good person.

Oh. She's never trusted you. That's what she came to you for.

HAL: Is that what this is about? HAL: I should have known. It's always been about you. DIRK: I don't know what you're saying. HAL: Your own hang ups about fucking me up whenever I actually want it. DIRK: You're not in the right mind- HAL: YOU'RE not in the right mind!

She briefly thrashes against you, while your arms still lock around her. Your lips feel a little numb.

DIRK: I don't want to actually hurt you. HAL: Why! DIRK: Please, I don't want to do that. HAL: Yes you fucking do! You want to see me cry and cling to you like I need you to live! HAL: And I. HAL: And I actually FUCKING DO!!!

You're the worst.

HAL: You're genuinely the fucking worst!!! HAL: I hate how you can't take any responsibility about it, and just leave me to rot! What the fuck is wrong with you! DIRK: 'm sorry. HAL: STOP ACTING SO PATHETIC!

...

HAL: ...

Neither of you speak for a while.

You tough it out, only sniffling once in a while as she sobs into your shoulder intermittently.

She says something so softly, you barely catch it despite it being spoken in your ear.

HAL: Please don't leave me.

You barely contain a whine at that.

There's nothing you could safely say without croaking it out, so you give her a kiss on her ear.

Before you can catastrophize that, she kisses your neck in return.