#cocodomol

Definitely staying away from that for a while 😬

I've been so aware of the warnings about cocodomol dependency. To the point where I feel like taking any painkillers at all is a dangerous idea. How am I supposed to function like this? If you're dependent on codeine, you'll feel muscle aches and unwell and take codeine and feel better. However if you have muscle aches and pain and feel better after cocodomol, you can't automatically say you're dependent right? They're strong painkillers so you're going to feel less pain after taking them, that's how they work. If I don't take painkillers, I'll be in pain. If I take painkillers I'll become dependent on them, then if I stop taking them I'll be in pain from withdrawal. How are you supposed to win?

I had thought my consultant wouldn't be able to speak to me for another week. Thankfully another call to a different department got a message to her (damn secretaries) and she called me back the same day. Some bloods are back and are okay but the rest weren't in. I got pretty down for a few days at the prospect of more waiting. My mum came down to look after me, my girl came back home and the pain was easier for a couple of days even though I was waking up a lot. Then last night happened. I was okay at bedtime so didn't medicate. First mistake. I woke up at 3am in lots of pain and again at 7am exactly when the 3am painkillers wore off. Took more codeine then slept till 11:30am. I swam and took it easy today but after an evening of sitting down blogging, I have pain up and down my spine. It sounds weird, but I can feel it almost in my chest and back of my throat. And my head. It's more of a sensation of unwellness than a specific pain in any of those locations. Actually, it sort of feels like I'm short of breath. Like I'm struggling to breathe deeply. I don't know if this is an emotional or physical response to the pain or yet another symptom. The beat goes on.

This is usually how I describe my pains. Each day one out, one in. Neck's ok, but my wrist is worse. Wrist is ok, my back is worse. Today I mean therapies...of sorts. Goodbye physio, hello stronger cocodomol. Physio cut me off. Utterly risk averse NHS means no more acupuncture. And apparently no more appointments either. This news was dumped on me with no discussion and I'm afraid I simply cried. I cried throughout physio. I cried for an hour on my old church leader. I cried on my line manager at work. I'll blog about my experience of physio more another time. But for now I felt rejected, cut off, disappointed, unsupported and alone. I went straight to my GP and ended up signed off for a month and on 30mg/500mg cocodomol. The 8mg OTC do nothing, not even with ibuprofen. Naproxen really helps but I get side effects. 45 minutes after taking one 30mg, it had made absolutely no difference to my pain. It's only level 5-6 but if such a strong painkiller doesn't touch it, there must be something wrong. A second one is in now and the best I can say is it has been 'slightly dulled'. Let's hope for a better night.