#coc2017

Snow and I return to our room after dinner. Both of us are trying to avoid talking about the bed situation, or just conversation or eye contact in general. The atmosphere in the room is so incredibly awkward and heavy, that I just decide to go outside and try to haunt for as long as possible. Hopefully he’ll be asleep at the time I get back.

I stay in a forest near our hotel for a while. Just trying to find something to feed and escape my thoughts. After finding out I get to share bed with Snow I feel like I am in fifth year again. A complete utter mess.

I remember how terrible it was, I felt like was a ticking bomb, just waiting to blow up, because I would either kill him or kiss him. Nothing in between. And Snow was not helping me either, he would not leave me alone. I didn’t have a single moment just for myself, he was everywhere. Standing in front of my classes, watching the football practises, following me into the catacombs… I thought I was going to set myself on fire just to escape my feelings.

When I finally return to the room, it’s really late, definitely after midnight. Snow is sleeping already; his curly hair is all over the pillow, the moon light softly dances on the golden mess. Silver and gold. They should not fit together, but in this case, they do. And it looks wonderful. He looks a lot calmer too, like all of the tension disappeared – his face is calm, relaxed. I watched him sleep many times, even though I always knew I should not, and even after all these moments, there is still something terribly beautiful about this. I

I quickly change and get to the bed, trying to be as far from him as possible. I sigh in relief, when I realize I got out of this situation in the least awkward way. We could’ve spent a long time arguing about this damn bed, like it would change something, like this, I can hopefully just get some rest and get out before Snow wakes up.

I try to calm my breath and fall asleep, but it’s almost impossible when he is lying just right next to me. Although I’m on the very edge of the bed, there is not much space left between us. His magic is really strong. I got used to it after the years, but when he’s only a feet from me, it is more distracting than ever. Not to mention Snow keeps rolling around, he’s still as loud and clumsy as when he’s awake.

After some time I just give up and lay on my back with eyes closed, hoping that the sleep will eventually come.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but Snow starts groaning and moving in his sleep a lot. He has a nightmare again. I try to not move and hope it will stop after few minutes, like it usually does. But, of course, it doesn’t, not at all. I finally open my eyes and turn to my side, to check if he’s alright.

It seems a lot worse than usual. He is not calmly sleeping anymore, his fists are clenched and he’s curled up, like he was trying to be as small as he can possibly be. His face looks like he’s in pain too. His magic is buzzing around him, and it would not surprise me at all if he just went off in the sleep.

And seeing him this bad, I finally do what I wished to do in all the years, during all of his nightmares. I carefully move closer to him and hug him. I run my hand through his hair and whisper. “It’s okay, Snow. It’s just a bad dream.” I think I’ve put some magic into the words too, because he calms down in my arms almost instantly.

I have to remind myself to not go too far, because turning away would be even harder then. I just hold him in my hands for a bit longer. The room is even darker in the room than when I came in, I have no idea what time it is and for long I’ve been trying to fall asleep. The moonlight is still shining on our faces, but the stars are starting to fade away. It must be very early in the morning, the moment when the Sun is too close for the stars to stay on the sky, but too far to dull the Moon’s shine too.

I force myself to let go of Simon, because he is sleeping calmly again. I try to roll away from him as carefully as possible, but in the moment when my hand is not over his body, but not far away from him, the moment my fingers just leave his arm and accept this is all I get, Snow grabs my hand and holds it.

My heart beats really fast and strong, more than I knew it was even possible, since I am dead, or at least not really alive. But right now, my heart is bumping in my chest and I have never felt more alive.

I stroke his hand with my thumb, slowly and softly. We don’t stay like that for long. Snow snuggles up to me and hides his face into my neck. I really try to keep my breath calm and steady, but it is almost impossible.

“Don’t go,” Simon mumbles, just loud enough I can hear him, “please.” his breath tickles my neck.

“Are you sure?” I ask quietly. I want him to stay, but he’s still half asleep. I don’t want him to regret this later and hate me even more.

“Yeah,” he responds just as quietly and hugs me more tightly, “just stay here, please.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper with a small smile on my face.