#clotiweek

He smelled too. Not his usual wonderful scent, but of urine and sweat and sickness all mingling and clashing with the sterile scents of the clinic—bleach, hand sanitizer, latex, formaldehyde. It was probably time for another cloth bath. She knew he would be utterly humiliated if he was aware of his state and how much care he required. Maybe it was a mercy he didn't.

Tifa called for the nurse, and together the two of them helped Cloud out of his hospital gown and gently cleaned him with special damp scented cloths. Keeping him clean was a way to preserve his dignity, his humanity. She hoped his heart could sense her gentle touch even if his mind no longer did. This was how she had always wanted to take care of him. She just hoped it would help him heal. There were stories about how people in comas responded to the touch and voices of their loved ones and how that helped them wake up, so she could only hope that somewhere, deep down, he knew she was here.

As the nurse carefully wiped his legs and feet, she painstakingly washed his hair with specialty shampoo and cups from the sink. He did make a few noises when she gently scrubbed his scalp. That just made her eyes water. He was a shell of his former self, his real self, unable to speak, unable to even look at her and know it was her, and she didn't know where to find him.

He might as well be dead. He was physically here, but his real self was gone, and it broke Tifa's heart to see him suffering like this. Were they just being cruel by keeping him alive? Or was there still hope he might be cured? She felt so useless. Completely and utterly useless. No matter what she did, he wouldn't wake up.

Tifa helped the nurse carefully remove his mask and nozzle for cleaning, then she tenderly wiped his face as quickly as she could before they replaced his old mask and nozzle with clean ones. He preferred being cleanshaven, but it was risky keeping the mask off long enough to whisk away the mustache and beard that had grown during his time here.

“Thank you, Tifa,” the nurse said as they put a fresh hospital gown on Cloud. “He's lucky to have someone like you, and we really appreciate the help.”

“He would do the same for me.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her scar aching dully. If only he had been there for her after her injuries. She still didn't know why he hadn't come, but when she’d brought it up, the pain in his eyes made it clear it was one of his greatest regrets. If he could've been there, he would have, she was sure of it.

But now he couldn't be here for her.

She swallowed, a lump in her throat. She'd taken him for granted. What she wouldn't give to talk to him one more time. To hear him say her name. The only person left in the world she had grown up with, who she had shared so many childhood memories with, who she had reconnected with and made so many new memories with…now he was as good as gone, just like all the others, and a part of her had died along with him. The part only he knew, the part only he remembered, the part only he could bring out of her. Losing someone you love always feels like losing a part of yourself.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” the nurse said softly, giving Tifa’s hand a quick squeeze before leaving the room. She had a sixth sense for when Tifa needed to be alone with Cloud.

Tifa knelt at his wheelchair and gently grasped his hands. “I'm here, Cloud,” she said, her voice anguished. “I'll always be here.”

His unnaturally controlled breathing and the beep of machines were her only response. It wasn't his fault. He was desperately sick, and no one knew how to heal him. But his lack of response broke her heart all the same.

“Please, don't leave me,” she choked out. Tears blurred her vision and streamed down her face. “I can't lose you too.”

She sobbed quietly, knowing the real Cloud would rush to comfort her in his endearingly awkward way. She missed him so, so so much. If only he would look at her, just once, and recognize her. But it was like he didn't even know her anymore. What she wouldn't give for a flicker of recognition in his expression.

She couldn't help herself. She looked up into his dull, lifeless, half-lidded eyes, knowing she was only going to be disappointed. But to her surprise, he groaned loudly enough to be heard over all the machines.

“Cloud?” she breathed, stunned. It could be a fluke. It was probably nothing. But in her heart of hearts, she wanted it to be his way of telling her the only way he could that he saw her pain and cared. That her grief broke his heart. That he wanted to comfort and reassure her. That he was here for her and always would be.

He groaned again, a little more softly this time. Some emotions ran too deeply for words. Maybe that was how he was feeling right now. He had always been more of an actions-speak-louder-than-words kind of guy. She smiled to herself. Yes, that was it. He just didn't know what to say, so he was doing his best to show her he cared.

She wiped her eyes, then tenderly cupped his cheek for a few moments before kissing his hands. “Thank you, Cloud. And when you're ready to talk again, I'll listen.”

She stood, a renewed sense of purpose flowing through her. A part of Cloud was still in there. It just had to be. She wouldn't accept any other explanation. And she would take care of him until he came back to her, no matter how long it might take.

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A/N: This story is dedicated to everyone who has ever had to care for a critically ill loved one. It takes such an emotional and physical toll on a person, and I wanted to write a story acknowledging what it feels like to be in this situation. So thank you to everyone who has shown such love, care, and compassion to their loved ones. What you've done won't ever be forgotten.

Something I've always loved about Cloud and Tifa’s relationship is how devoted they are to each other and how they show that in so many different ways. The part of the game where Tifa cares for Cloud in Mideel is so moving, and I've wanted to write something for it for a long time. She had no guarantee he would ever be himself again, and yet she refused to leave his side and continued to care for him. That level of devotion is just so moving and leads into the lifestream sequence perfectly.