content warning : angst
𝐡𝐞'𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐬 of being in love . it seemed like something that would hold you back when your full potential was sitting right in front of your face . but that person was holding you back , usually he was quite positive but by archons did he think being in love was a pain in his ass . it was useless and had no way of helping him get where he wanted to keep the people in his gang and family safe . familial love was much different than being in romantic love with someone and he couldn't tell why people held them up to the same regard .
of course he was right .
one day , while on a patrol of sorts to protect daisuke and granny oni , he'd met them . they were like sunrays coming down but they lay their feet on the same ground he did . they were like this ever present happiness that always seemed to stay no matter how sad they might be , they were just them and that was enough . he wasn't in love with them , of course . why would he be in love with them ？it was stupid , he wasn't in love . he'd deny it , everyday until they left .
he was right .
they stayed longer than he'd ever anticipated , their light stayed like a plague that he never wanted to leave . his heart would beat loudly in his chest , his head would feel light and airy around them as if they were the only thought he needed to have in that second regardless of anything else that was going on around him . was this . . . love ？
no , it couldn't be .
they had kissed him and he felt as though any sadness he'd ever felt in his many years of living had disappeared from his body . their lips were soft against his own , like a wake up call that he so desperately craved and they seemed to understand that way before he did . they were beautiful . the sun shun against their skin and made them look ethereal . angelic even . if he didn't know any better he would say they were an archon ot even an adeptus of liyue .
love love love .
he shouldn't have let himself go . he was right , love was a stupid mistake that he shouldn't feel if he wanted to get what he wanted done and accomplished . romance . . . it was for the weak . you can love friends or family but loving a person so much that their kiss became something that you craved all day and everyday until they finally did it .
love . . . no love .
they lay beside him , their hair was mud covered but it was beautiful all the same . a smile was on their lips and traces of tears from laughter was in their eyes . he lay beside them , his hand resting on their own while his other stroked their cheek gently . they were warm , he would expect no less from them .
no more love .
he was still sitting the same way hours later , one hand in theirs and the other on their cheek . it had grown cold in the time he'd sat there . the smile became almost stale on their face and their eyes lost the shine that he loved so much . their hair was dull , the mud looked dirty now . their tears were no longer from happiness but from the terror they felt before . the pain had passed but the numbness was worse by fair . in the end he was right , he knew he always was .
love was stupid and the pain that followed in it's wake was much worse .
