#clockworkasks

You could suffocate under the heavy fog of awkwardness that was meeting Henry’s parents. It was very obvious as to why Henry didn’t really talk about them all that much, let alone invite his fiancee and his fiancee’s family to meet them.

First impressions are, as always, important, but the first impressions that the Corduroys gave left a bitter taste in not only Dipper and Stan’s mouths, but Mabel’s as well. It was very hard to make Mabel Pines not like someone—Pacifica being a prime example, they were friends now and Mabel never really outright hated her—but the Corduroys…they made a few mistakes from the get-go.

First, they were heavily Pro-Natural. Their house—why had he even agreed to meet in their home?—was covered in all sorts of wards, luck charms, propaganda, and a piece of art from the New Canaan Church’s “Seven Circles” series. Second, they never liked Henry’s aspirations to begin with. They always thought he should have gone into something more “respectable” like the family’s law firm. Third, and finally, they were the most passive-aggressive shitlords this side of the Veil–in Henry’s opinion.

“So how long have you two been dating?” Henry’s mom asked, tight-lipped and looking like she had sucked on a lemon. (Henry picked up on the subtext of ‘how long have you been fucking her you ungrateful heathen?’)

“A while,” Mabel smiled, showing off her now-perfectly straight teeth accented with a single silver line of her retainer. After she had gotten her braces off, she decided that while an invisible retainer was cool, having a metal mouth was cooler.

“And how long is a while?” ('Don’t avoid the question you hussy, I was talking to my son.’)

“It doesn’t matter, mom. All I wanted to tell you was that we are now engaged and plan to get married within the next year.” Henry clutched Mabel’s hand like a lifeline while she showed off her–admittedly cheap but still thoughtful–engagement ring.

“Oh?” His dad raised an eyebrow, looking down his nose at the simple band on her finger, “An iron band? Doesn’t your job pay more?” ('This is what you get for following your foolish dreams’)

“It’s enchanted!” Mabel said, smiling wide as she uttered the incantation. The band glowed a rainbow of colors and the words 'Together forever’ appeared on the band in bright red letters. You could almost hear Henry’s parents’ have a vein burst in their heads.

“How…nice.” Henry’s mom smiled, though it never reached her eyes. Stan looked at Henry, then back to Henry’s parents and wondered how on Earth they produced such a level-headed child.

“And I like your sweater Marie,” Henry’s dad added through clenched teeth.

Mabel smiled again and gestured down to her summoning wheel sweater, “It’s Mabel and thanks! I made it myself. It’s fully functioning and is specifically made to summon one specific demon only!”

“A demon? Why would you want to summon one of those?”:('Are you fucking nuts? Why would you agree to marry an Equal Rights nutjob like her?!’)

“Yeah. He’s currently hanging out in the Dreamscape but he wanted to be here for the news to be passed on like Grunkle Stan here. I could call him if you wanted!” Mabel activated the pin hidden in her engagement ring and pricked her finger, waiting for the right moment to add the blood to call Dipper.

She was good at playing the happy fool; she knew what they were and why they were so on edge. She was purposely being obtuse to piss them off and damn if Henry didn’t love her more for it. She knew him so well.

“Why would he be in our house? It’s warded rather tightly. Our local exterminator told us this would keep out even Maloch of the Seventh Realm!” Henry’s dad was looking pale now, wiping sweat off his brow with a handkerchief and looking askance at his son.

Mabel shrugged and Stan spoke up now, very tired of the way that these two were treating his great-nephew-in-law. “Nah. He can get through most wards that would keep out anything as weak as Maloch. Mabel honey, why don’t you call your brother to this plane. I think he may have a few things to say to the Corduroys.”

The color that Henry’s parents turned was way too enjoyable. What happened next was even better.

Mabel smeared the blood in the center of her sweater and it glowed a bright cyan. The Corduroys could only look on in horror as, from the center of Mabel’s chest, emerged the black and gold form of Alcor the Dreambender.

“S̟̜̘̋ͥ̔̀̾̓̓O͎̩͇ ̣̭̜̖̞̤͒ͭ̄́Y͋̃͛̏͆͂̚Ö̤̤͍͔̲̟́U͕̥ͯ̉ ̤͙̣̼͙̲͇͐̎̆̈͗ͨͭL͑I̬ͥ̎ͣ̎K͋Eͭͦ̓̉̿͂ͥͅ ̝̮̺̱͍̏̊ͬT̼͂̉́ͨO͇͎͇̻͔ ̈́ͧ̆̏̀̚B̙̰̙̤͙͎͗E͉̱̳̠̮ͥ̇ͪ̚ ̲̑̂͌͛̃͐P͍A͉̻͈͎͎͓̔ͭ̏͆̍ ̮̮̹̒̔S͙̤̝̦̹̗͌ͪ̀̾H̿́͌ͣ̿ͧI̠̯̘̦̤̥͆̓̐T̩͚̲̞͖̘͎̏͆ͧͫ̓̚S͕͈̙͇͇͖̭,̼̤͙̓̋͂̌ͬ̾͒ D̩͈̳̩͛̓ͣͫ̓ͥÒ̑ͩ̐̀ ̣̬̦Ý̻̝͈̘̬̺̣̊ͨ̽̃O͎̱̳̬͔ͦŮ̽͗͗̅ͪ?̣̘̐̾̿ͮ ̠̤͉͓̥̺̲ͥͤ͊Y̤̣̘Ỏ̻͉̫̙̟̬̜ͫ̈́U̪͎͚͂̇ͫ̇͌ͯ ͕̠͕͉̠͎ͅL͉̯̣̰͚̈̏̒̎̃̐I͚̼̬͍̲͂̐̾͆̓͌K̙̥̟͉̲̙E͙͇̝̱ͬ̊͊ͣ̑̈́ͯͅ ̯̲̮ͦ̓T̜ͥ̅͑ͭ͗͛̃O̘̜̦̘͖̰ͪ̌ͥ ͎͉̼̥̟̹̪͋́͒ͨͪͥ͋Š̼̼͎̃̇ͥ̓ͨ̄M̳̩̺͙͚͑I̙͙̠͇͇ͣ̊ͪͩͪĽ̯͔̝̳̪͂̎ͮ͊ͦ͋E̠̝̲̣̐ ͇̦͊Ã̼̤ͪ̋̌N̼͉̰̈̊ͅD͎ͮͫ̈̃́ ̳̩̳ͩ͌͆P̥͔̙̟̳͕̦͒͐̈́͋R͓̠̯̔ͅE̱̰̤̥̲̭̭TE̝̦̼̊́̅ͧͨ̅̒Ñ̞̱̺̠̟ͣ̐D̗̓ͣ̇ͪ̽̚ ̼̺̖̼̝͔̇ͬͧ͒ͧY̮ͭ͊̅̌ͮO͎̻̮̱͕͖ͦ͂͌͗ͥÜ͔̫͖͓̮͎͔ͤ ͈̯̍̈́ͦ̑̀̂ͣL̬̱͈̠̱͕̙̇̆́̏̉I̒ͭ̽̈́ͨ̋͋K̤͙̱̤̦͍̀ͬͧE̟̰ ̯̍̍M̦̘̰̑̑͒͗ͧY̿͛̏̏ ̥̬̺̪̟͛͋̆̅̋͋S̹͇̺̮̖͕ͭͫ̉I̙̰̥̦̔̀̆ͥ̍ͭS̰T̤̹̦̺̘͑ͭͥ̋̎E̪̫̹͖̝̘̻ͭ̄R̤̜̳̖̐̋ͯ͆̾̽ ̫̠͖ͤͤD̞̖͎̜̯͚E̝̰̹̣͔̖̘̿̿ͤS̼̤͉̥̓P̦͚̈́I̥̲̞̐̄ͫT̲̭̫̬̋ͭ̃̐͌ͬ̍E͓͇̮͓͇̤̼̾̆ͥ̑̎ ͍̩ͪͥ̃B̩̖̱̦̰̣̲̈́ͣḘ͍ͨĨ̦͕͔̘ͮͨN̻͚͕̘̤̐̎̉ͮ̄ͫ̚G̺͇̞͉̦̙̪ ̳̬̭̰̥̙̘̋̋ͩ̚P̼̖̰̞̖̮͑ͭ̒̿̌R̞̱̰̣̳̯͍̍ͫͭͦ͋O̗͇̼̠̲̊-̭͚̭̰̩͓ͬ͂̈́̍ͥ̆̽N͈͚͛̐͊ͩ̈A̞̫̱̦̝̣̙̓̾̊͒̃͐T̓ͦ̏̒̀ͯUR̭̥̖̰̣̪Ạ͇͇͍͇̖͚ͤͣ̂͐̌L̻̻̖̰͎̞ ̞̘̋͒̐̆͋A̜̍͆̃ͭ̐̄S̙͋̉͊̓̑̚Ṣ̜͓̞͓̗̣͆͒ͬͧ̄H̟͎̥̩̠͇͗͂Ȏ̹͍͇̼̙̲̰̈́̇͌̆L͇ͨ͆̓̓ͮͬE̦̘̤͒͒ͣ̉S͍̬͊ͩ Ă̫͍͖̣̠̋̾͛͒͂N̤̻ͯ͋̅͊͊̆̀D͕͚ͪͧ̔ ̼̬̺ͥ͆̾͐͌́ͅD̞̺͖̳̓̆̏ͪ̆̃ES͒P̖̹͙͍ͤͧ̐̚I̗͉̰̺̰̺ͬ͒̈S̞̤͖I͔̜̼ͣͅN̼̱̯͕̮͉̙ͪ͛̏G͉̅ ͓͖̯̫̤ͩ̉̒ͪ͌Ě̫̭͓ͩ͆͐ͭ͆̇Ṿͧ̔ͪ̎ͩẼ̙̚R̪̱̙̓͗͒ͧͩ͗ͭY̹̍͗ͪ́̋̌T̼̠̦̲̅ͩ̃͐H̺̖͍͔͌ͭͣI̟̠̜͎͇͈͛̐ͤͮͮ̾N̞̲̿ͥͦ̑Gͭͯ ͫ̆̉́ͩS͙̝͕̫͉̮͔ͧ̉ͣͬH͉̻͖̟̼̤̀̓ͯͯ͛ͤE̳̫͉ͤ͌́ͤ ̮̞͆̓͗ͫͦS͓͓̖̬̺̮̀̊ͅT̺̭͖̪̟͎͎A̗̬̤̥͈ͨ͂ͨ͑N̮̠͖͖̱͕̼̆͐D͙̪̗ͬ͆ͤS̺͙͚̟̭̬̪͗ͧͬ͒̾̚ ͛ͨ̅̍̅ͮFͪ͋̌͋ͧͦȮ̯͕̯̤ͧ̽R̻ͯ̑̎̈́ͥ̒̍?͙̤̦̙͚̞͍͒ͫͥ ̳ͧ̿͛͑̃ͨ̉Ḁ͓̫͚̯̥̝ͣ́ͪ͌ͧND͛͒̔̈́ ̱͓̭̘͋̋͂Y̲͔̖̻̫̦ͩͨͮO̟͒̍̒̇͒ͣͣU͍͍ͫ̈́̑̏ͨ ͈̼̥͓̹͇ͤͧ͗͊̍H̗͉̙̳̟̩̾́̊͗͂͌͗Ā̰͈̩͚͙͌Vͥ̿ͣẼ̪̫̩͓̹͕͈ͩ̑͊̏ ̺̼̫̠̬̋̔ͪT̟͙̱̤͎̔H̝̭͎̲̄̃ͧ̚E͔̠̫̍̄ͩ̂ͤ̊ ̠͒G̠̹̭͒̉͑̎A̞̺̬̥̻͗L̬̮L͚̙̪̼̩̥͋͑̚ ͔͎͓̟ͪT̟̹̜͇̰͕̭̀̋͐͑ͪ̚̚O̪͈̪̰͕̤̓̚ ̖͚̲̦͙͉͂̊̂ͧ̚I͚ͫ̆͗̋ͧN̠V̮̦͍̤̖̳ͨ̿ͣIͭͭͫ̎T̠̼̗͉̞͕̗̓̿̏ͧ̄̓Ẹ̼̖̿ͨ̓̒ ̱ͦ̽̏ͣ̋M̥̙͕͔̹͓̪ͧ̐͆̔̓Ẏ͕̺͋͗̃͛ ͓͇̞͍͚̹͛͑̉͒̚F̭̹̍̽̂ͪͭͫ̃A̭̰͇̰̜̿ͧͣ̈́ͭͧ̚ͅM̪͍ͥI̞̺̜̦̞ͪ͗ͧL̹̟͉̰̱̎̓̿͂̊̀Y͓͚̮̙ͯͭ͒ͭ ̳͎͍͈̼̓̾̚Ó̮VE̘̩̟̤͋̌̃̓͌͑ͬȐ͉̘̭̑̒ ̟͔̭͍̬ͧ̿ͦ͑Ṱ̠͚̳̥̹̗̓͋͊͌̄̂O͈̱̒͛̇ͩ̋ͮ̒ ̳̣̰ͬY̫͈̼̐̈́̀̀̓O̤͌͌̾̒U͍̼͍̯̗ͬ̉̇R ͔H̘͚̫̻͙̜̩̓̓̂́ͭ̓̈O̰ͩ̃̿̿̉U̜͈͎ͫ͆̅̐ͤS̜͙̝̑͂ͩE̳̣̣̦̞̱͍ͬ͂̽̃ ͬͬͫ̑̉ͪO̫̯̘̦͒̓ͥ͌ͤ̅̾N̓ͫL͙̭ͮ͌̂̇̄Y̠̟ͦ͆̌̎ͥ ̱̤̹̄ͮ̾ͫ̑T̪͚̠̜ͦ͋ͣ̾ͦͥ̑ͅO̠͓̺ ̮͔̔̎̋̊I̠̖̩͓͛N̹͓̫͂͂͗ͮ̅̃̊Š̠̦͇̥̻̠ͦṴ̣̗̠ͪ̀͂̓̍Ḽ͈T̳̖̺͈͌̉ ̣̹̬͚̇͌̎ͥ̔ͫT͚̞̝̱͕̭̽͌ͮ̓͂͒H̲̖̦̭̠̙̋E͇͑͐ͪ͋͛M͇̳͖̱͊ͤͫͯ̅̒ ̭͖͎͍̥̭̂̀́̾͒̌Ă̺̤̼̳͎̦̜N̲̪̣͋ͣ̈̌̅̉ͯD̲̟͈̪̰̰͑́ͣ̆͛̉ ̖̤ͬͧ͗͌́͊B̙́̒̌E̳̲̰̤̗͕̓͋ͅL̝͎͉͔̤̹ͩͫ̽I̖̪̝̲̣͚̐TT̳̏L͉̙̩̀͌͑̎E̻̘͌ ̦̗̣̔̒̚̚T̻̖̫͎̎ͪH̗̘̀̂͋̋ͅE͍̥̐ͮ̾̅͗M̗̱͓͚̯̈ͩ?̝̙͓̰͔̘̫ͯ̆̓͌̈́ͮ̒” He cackled and threw his head back, flames shooting from his hands and mouth. “I̤T̪̿̋̃ͣͯ'̝̼͇̟̭̮͆̌̌ͅS̽ͪ̎͂ͦ̚ ͔̠ͣ̃ͅAͣ̿̓͑ͮͤ̂ ̦̟͓͖̫͌P̹͈͕̦̟̽̊̃I̝͈̝͒ͬ̽̋T̫͕͍̥͒̑̄̅͗Y͗̇ ̜͓̦̯̹̰̩TH͈̘͎͓̮̮̟͊ͧͬ͐A͙͓̝͖ͭ̈Ṯ͎̳̃ ̱͔̮͍̌Ḥ̟͍̘̥̉E̠̜ͯN̯̪ͦṞ̈͌ͅY̜̼͙̭͗̃ ̪F̦̠ͣ͛̄̈ͩḚE̱͚͕͈̹̗͓͂L̼̲̦̰̭̪͌͋͌̔̑̀S̤̪ͦ ̬͈̝̜͇̲͂͋͛͆ͬͤ̀F̻͐͋̐ͯ̑Ạ̙̪̼͈̲̐̋M̮̼͙͕̀I̲̣L͉̟̗̑͆̑̈Î͍̯AL̲͍̜͍̥̜̐̃ͩ͆ ͑L̫̠̪̥͑̊ͤO̘͆̊V͓̳̭͖̜̀̌E̘ ̺̙͍̜͎̙͌F̮̲̬̒̋ͭ̓Ö̱̜̤̦̣̟̘́R̠ͮ̐ ̻̬̣̗̳͚͑̍̽̐̇Y̔̅̌͋͆̾Ỏ̘̫̖̻ͧ͌̾̅ͤŰ̬̠̻̖̈̀ ̖͖͋́ͭͦ̂̚O̅ͭ͛̋̐ͨŘ ̤̥̻͚̩̦̠̉̎̌͛̎͋̄I̻̖͈̼͕ ̻͖̲͙̂̐̌̉̄̐W͎̼̙͓͔̩͗O̯̥͙͇̫͎̱̓ͣ͊ͧͦU̻̜̣̦͈ͩ͂L̙̝̰̬͓̺͒͂ͩ͑ͤD̝͈̻̖̄ͨ͂̊͒̆ͯ ͎̲̲͕̯ͫͅͅM̫͙̋̈ͣ̎A̲̲͓͛̏ͪ͂ͩͩK̭ͥ̎ͮ̇ͪ̂̚Ē̞͎͖͖͕͔̝͋͛ ̻͓̗̤͓̐S̽͊̾̊U̞̞̝͋̂R͉̞ͣ͒̉ͣ̾ͤE̮̪̮̽̑̈́̔̒͆̽ͅ ̳̺̰̈̈͑Y͕̭̟͓͓̳̭̅ͪO͖̫̠͎͎̿U̘͓̖̭̠̦͆͂ͣ̀̌̏ͅ ̝̯̭͈̘̫̾͗N̹͈̝̼̣̺̳ͮ̿̔͂ͨ̚E̹̣̖̐̂̿̂̃̆V̲̟̎̓̚Ể̟̞̝̣͔̻̏̓ͨR̹̖̝͙̼̀ ̱͔̱͖̈́H͙̹̽̽ͣ̄̽̌U̹̠ͦR̤̩͎̤̹̮͎̃̈͋T͇͖̺̘ ͉̭̖̟̟͕ͦͣ̿͋̅̒̌ͅH̍̌I͕̱̱̭̅̅͆̒̆̓M ̞̽A̹͚ͪ͆͐͂͌G͎̮̟̳Å̪̬̻͍̩͓̋͒I̽̀̐̉̾̈́̅N͕̠̗͓̙ͦͭ̐͑̂.͙͚̱͉̣̫̊ͅ ͖̬̟̦̞ͮ̌͂̒̍̾Ș̬͖̙͉̥́̾Ò̮͂̇ͮͭ,̓͐ͬ̈́ͤ̐ͧ” Alcor leaned in close to Henry’s dad and sneered, “S̘̩̱͇̰̫ͯ͛̓̊͊ͨǍ̿̊͂Ȳ̖̼̹̥̲͉͖͂ ̯ͪ̓̔͋̆̈́͆Ĝ̜̤̙̞̗͖͖ͪŌ͉̪̝̦̥̏ͫ̓̓ͅỘ̮̟͚͕͚̓Ḓ̝̰͚̠͕͑ͤB͉̺̀̊͋͆ͮ͆̈́Ỷ̝̩̦̣̗̳̒̏Ẹ̮̞̻̖͇̲͌ͫ͆̍̄ ̪̓͛̏̓̑A͙͕̗̎N͍̒ͪ͂D͖ ̺̺͖̰̱̱̘̀̉̒͛ͪB͖̜͊͋͛ͨ̐̔ͥE̗̔ ͙H͔͔̒̆͂Aͣͦ́͛P͙̻͕̹̖̹ͤ̅ͪͪ̋̇̃ͅP̩͉͍̰̜ͤ̈́Y̱̲͈̣̤͖̔ͮ ̤̯̮̘͈̍͋̋ͮͯT͍̻̬̦̱̗̣͐͌H̱͉ͨ̍̋̔̓Ä͔̭̙͖̮̠́̒ͦͣͤT̞̘̤̝͙̠̑̌̇͒̔̇ͅ ͙̟͉̰̰̩̻ͮY͈̼͈̝͊̋̓̅ͦ͋̓O͍̮͓̠͇͇͍ͬ̌̄̓̚U̲̘̙̳͍ͫ͛ ̩̎͆͑͆̚W̭̬̺ͬ̌I̪ͣͅL͓̣̓̐̉̃͆̿L̹͍͖͖̦͙̈́ͫ̿̀ͧ͋ ͋ͤͥ̋̎ͥP̼̩̣͍̈́̑̊ͅͅͅR̹̳̹ͪ̇̓O̝̭͙͈̩B̝̃̏A̞̘̘̘͇̭ͥ̋̃̆ͦB̗͙̘̲̟̜̹̉͌̋͐̎̽̓Ĺ̯͉̹̈̉̅͊Y͖͉̯ͣͦ̒ ̘̠̌̿́N̪̣̯̤Eͧ͛̔̆̈́͆̅V̯͙̩͉̌̍̅ͅͅE̮͕̳̠̫̽̊R̰̦̙͆͒ ̭͛͑̓S͕̖̏̎͐ͭͯ̈́E̫̮̩͙̟̼̞Ȅ̗͕̻͓̥̜̲̅ ̜̲̑ͅT͚̺̰̣̪̅̇ͯH̖̜͖̎̔̆͗E̱̜̜̻ͮ̒̊̋̽̅M̤̥͓͔̗͇ͧ͆̓͂͂͂ ̼͉͉͍͕͕͈̍̀ͣͮ̇ͤ̈́AͣͩG̭̖̏̈́̎̄ͥĀ̱̤̤̅I͇͚̱͇̐ͬͣͮ͆̑Ń̫͕͓̐̃ͧ.͚͎͐”

The Corduroys nodded as the Pines stood up and said farewell. When they had all packed into the Stanleymobile and pulled pretty far away from their house, Mabel turned to Henry and gave him a big, bone-crushing hug. “I am so sorry that you ever had to put up with those people. I am so very glad you don’t take their shit and I’m kinda sorry I set Dipper on them.”

“I’m not,” Dipper said, once again in his humanoid form and sitting shotgun. “They were awful people and you deserve better.”

Henry smiled as he 'gently’ punched the demon in the shoulder. “You are all nuts. But I couldn’t ask for a better family.” He chuckled as Stan gave him a thumbs up, too concentrated on his driving to look back and offer words of reassurance. “And next time, Dipper? Please just give them nightmares for a week or so.”

“I̖̤̩͈̻ͥ̓͋̽̊ͮͦs͖̘͛̋ͪ͒ͣ̒ͤ ̹̬̝̱̼̦̗͗t̯͔̭̱̊̂h͈̻͖̱̐̿ḁ̲̼͂͊͆t͔͓̩̺ͪ̚ ̳̲͗̎̿͊ȃ̮̦̺͌ ̼̉̒ͦ͒̋͌dͬ̎̓e̟ͣͩa̱̹̙͓̺̹ͨ͛́̓ĺ͖͚͔͗̊ͭ̉̌̍ͅ?̄̄͆̇ͩ̔”