the thought of clarke never having the chance to hear lexa laugh and thinking it might just be the prettiest, warmest sound she's ever heard hurts my soul a lil bit too much. so instead I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that in the time between 3x05 and 3x06 they obviously spent a lot of downtime together, getting to know one another more and more; sharing personal things that very few others know about them. they will have talked about the differences in the way they grew up; clarke in a technologically advanced society on the ark, and lexa in a more primitive but culturally diverse society on the ground. lexa will have educated clarke some more about grounder traditions and how nightbloods and commanders came to be. maybe they'll have briefly mentioned past loves, but words are few and far between and soft glances and sad smiles are enough to know that they have a mutual understanding of love and loss and the cruelty to have suffered so much at such a young age. because maybe clarke mentioned her dad at one point and lexa felt inclined to tell her about her own family; or lack thereof. who know's what happened to them. clarke probably does. it's not all melancholic and days filled with yearning for happier times, a past they're slowly forgetting, though. there are more than a few moments of respite where clarke makes a joke, probably at the expense of titus (y'know, there's a reason he's bald. his heart nearly gave out watching lexa fight roan. she'll send him to an early grave. that kind of thing) and lexa will laugh; truly genuinely laugh. and the brief moment of elation and pure youthful joy on lexa's face as her cheeks split and her nose crinkles makes clarke feel more alive than anything else. this side of lexa doesn't come out often enough, isn't appreciated enough, clarke thinks. she wants to take all those little moments of happiness and bottle them up because they're too precious and too important to just let them drift away. and maybe, on a subconscious level, she feels a small sense of pride that she can do that; she can make the commander smile. for just a moment she can make lexa feel like a girl again. she can bring out that smile and be the cause of the room filling with the warmest, happiest laugh she's ever heard. it's music to her ears. it's her most favourite song. and she never wants it to end. but when it does, it's ok because it's replaced with a comfortable silence that they can just exist in until the song picks up again. the time between lexa declaring blood must not have blood and emerson arriving in polis is probably the most important development in clarke and lexa's relationship. we didn't get to see it so we have to imagine instead. and when 3x06 opens with a scene that so blatantly screams domestic!! I can't help but wonder what lead them to fall into this peaceful domesticity. for clarke to be so comfortable lounging in the commander's bedroom, quietly drawing from the inspiration of the sleeping said commander before her. for lexa to feel at ease enough to allow herself to drift off whilst reading and fall asleep in the presence of another; a vulnerable act for someone in her position. I like to think that in one of their many conversations clarke admits that one of her passions is art — to draw and sketch and paint — but she hasn't had time to indulge herself in any of that in a while. so lexa makes a mental note and surprises her the following day with the supplies to do so. clarke's touched by the gesture, appreciative of lexa's generosity but also comforted by the knowledge that lexa really listens and takes note of the things clarke confides in her. I could go on like this forever; writing headcanons for all of these special, pivotal moments in their development. there was so much we didn't get to see and so much that we never will. I don't mind filling in the gaps when there's still ongoing story to enjoy. but we don't have that anymore. jason threw away a perfect dynamic, an incredible character, and a beautiful love story. there are no more gaps left to fill so instead our only hope is to rewrite their ending to one that actually satisfies. thanks for fucking up a perfectly good thing, jroth.
