#cixheadcanons

“I love you to the moon and back…” He cooed as he leaned over you on the couch. You had been perfectly positioned between his legs, your head resting against his chest as you both reveled in each other's company. It felt like it had been forever since you had seen him last, but the truth be told, it had only been about a week, which seemed to be the longest the two of you could stand to be away from each other. 

You cringed at the cheesy sentiment, your nose scrunched up as he pressed quick kisses across your forehead. “You’re so corny.” You playfully whined, trying to move away from the onslaught of affection that didn’t seem like it would let up anytime soon. “And your kisses are so sloppy!” You squealed as his hands slowly slipped from around you, the thought in your mind that he was about to let you get up, but instead they attached to your hips, tickling you ruthlessly as his own laughter sounded from above your head. 

“You never complained about it before!” He teased back, his fingers still working at your sides as you tried to wiggle and squirm your way down the couch in an attempt to escape, but his own body seemed to move with yours, every inch you moved, he seemed to move as well. “Are you trying to avoid my love!” His portrayal of shock was over dramatic and adorable, his hands finally moving away from your sides to fly up to his heart, his head falling back loosely to the arm of the couch. 

“No…” You said in between the breaths that you struggled to catch, rolling over onto your stomach now and laying on top of him, your own lips creating a trail of kisses along his jaw and across his cheek until you reached his nose, pecking it swiftly before craning your neck to look down at him. “You just kept missing the target.” 

He gasped loudly, immediately flipping you over and pinning you beneath him, a sly smile on his face as he slowly moved closer to yours until his lips were hovering just above your own. “I guess I shouldn’t keep you waiting, right?” In response you shook your head no, puckering your lips to meet his, but as if it had all been strategically planned, he quickly moved his head to the side to press a wet kiss to your cheek causing you to groan in teasing disgust. 

“Ruuuude!” You whined, weakly pushing against him, although there was nowhere else you’d want him to be than where he was right now. “You say you love me sooo much, but you won’t even kiss me.” You pouted up at him, dropping your hands from his chest to cross over your own and he didn’t even try to hide the smile as he looked down at you. 

“You’re so cute, sweetie…” He cooed, finally kissing you the way you both had wanted, a soft hum escaping his lips as they moved against your own. “I just love teasing you… You can have all the kisses you want.” 

Oh how the times change, and it doesn’t even take that long to change either. Everything seemed perfect, everything was perfect, at least in your mind, that’s the way he had made it seem. You love Seunghun, and he never gave you any reason to think that the feeling wasn’t mutual. He’d show up to your apartment with flowers and an endless foray of kisses as if you were the only girl in his life, the only person in his world. 

You thought that you were, you really did… There had been no sign of change, no red flags that everyone warns of, he was the same Seunghun that you had fallen in love with, and you didn’t think that you had changed, you were the same girl that he said he loved and adored and wanted to spend forever with. There was no lying in his voice, none that you could pick up on at least, so where had it all gone wrong? 

A visit to his dorm, it was something that you always did, something that he always welcomed, you were always invited. He had told you to come over for dinner, it had been planned out a week in advance so that the both of you knew that your schedules would be clear. You had been expected, so you didn’t understand why… 

Why had you walked into the dorm to find all the lights off, which wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t tripped over the shoes that had been so carelessly taken off right in front of the door. With a flick of a lightswitch, you saw that the shoes weren’t his, they weren’t any of the other members either, they were red high heels, clearly not your own, but you wrote it off as another member having someone over. If you had turned back there, would it have made any difference in the grand scheme of things? 

You’d never know though, walking further into the dorm, the emptiness was so obvious, it felt like you were the only person in there. You were quiet, trying to listen for the sound of anything or anyone, and that’s when you heard the low moans coming from the bedroom, a bedroom that you had become all too familiar with. 

The first thought that came to mind was that he was just… watching something, passing the time until you were supposed to show up, unaware that you were already there. It made you giggle quietly, your body vibrating as you walked closer to the door, your hand reaching out for the knob and turning it slowly, not wanting to surprise him too much. 

You wished that you hadn’t, you wished that you would have turned around right then and there, given him the peace that he wanted, at least you wouldn’t have had to walk in on it, walk in on him, you wouldn’t have had to see the undeniable proof. You could have stayed in denial, it most likely would have been better than what you were dealing with right now. 

They weren’t even under the blankets, ballsy, cocky, and arrogant enough to perform on top of the comforter, a show for all those who might have accidentally walked in. You couldn’t even make a sound as you looked at your boyfriend underneath the woman who… who wasn’t you. “Uhm… Who’s that?” The girl whispered, pausing as she looked between you and Seunghun. She didn’t even know about you, which is more likely than the opposite considering you didn’t know about her either. 

His head craned around the woman’s body, his eyes finally landing on you as you stood in the doorframe, and you could only imagine how pathetic you looked with your glossy eyes and your trembling boot lip, your look of shock at what you thought would never happen, could never happen. “It’s… Y/N, hey… I thought… Because you weren’t supposed to be here until… Shit.” He practically pushed the girl off, and amazingly, she had the nerve to look just as insulted as you felt as she landed face up on the mattress beside him. 

“Please don’t… Don’t try to explain… This…” You motioned around the room before stepping back as he scurried off the bed, collecting his pants off the floor and struggling to put them on as he walked over to you. His hand reached out to grab yours, but you quickly swatted it away, shaking your head at him as you backed up against the wall, your knees buckling as you tried to hold yourself up. “Don’t… I don’t want you… I don’t… I need to go…” You stammered, shrinking into yourself as you walked past him, not even wanting to brush against him, the thought of any kind of contact with his body made you physically ill. 

He called after you, his feet following behind you as you made your way to the front door which was thrown open, Byounggon, Jinyoung, Yonghee, and Hyunsuk rushing in, laughing amongst themselves, unaware as to what had just happened, but their laughter shortly faded when they felt the tension in the room. “What’s… What’s going on?” Jinyoung asked, looking between you and Seunghun questionably, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his hyungs bare torso and your teary eyes. 

“Nothing is going on…” Seunghun muttered, looking at you with eyes full of pleas for you to listen to him, to stay with him. Jinyoung pursed his lips, the suspicion evident on his face, but Byounggon patted his back, shaking his head as if to tell the younger member not to question it right now. “Y/N… Just listen… I-” He cut himself off, running his hands through his hair, becoming more and more stressed as he tried to come up with an excuse for what you had just seen. 

“I’d really rather not.” You stood your ground, not allowing him to get the better half of you, knowing that if you did stay and listen, you could potentially fall foolish to whatever he planned on saying and doing. “Plus, your girlfriend is waiting for you.” You motioned your head over to the doorway where the girl was standing, the blanket wrapped around her body to shield herself from the eyes of all the guys that were now whispering in the living room, most likely figuring out what was really going on. “Don’t call me, don’t text me… You don’t exist to me, and I’d rather not exist to you. Alright?” 

You truly meant it, or at least, you felt like you did. It was like an internal game of tug of war with yourself, and it was hard to figure out which side was really winning. You never thought that he’d hurt you the way he did, but for some reason, your heart was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was only one time, it’s not like he would do it again… But would he? Listening to your heart was foolish, it only made it harder for you to try to forget about him, even after all the pictures and mementos were gone. 

“I love you to the moon and back” His words would repeat in your mind on a loop, it was like they were haunting you, mocking you for believing such a foolish phrase. How far was the moon anyway when it came to love? Shouldn’t it at least be Mars, or maybe Jupiter to show that you were worth the extra distance? It was stupid. What did the moon have to do with it anyway? 

At least he hadn’t tried to get in contact with you, or… Maybe he did, you weren’t really sure considering your phone had been turned off from the second you walked through your front door in a fit of tears. It’s not like you needed to hear from him or read a text with some last minute, strung together excuse or apology that would be his attempt to get you back, you didn’t need it then and you sure as hell didn’t need it now. There was no excuse for what he did, no reason for him to have hurt you the way he did, and so blatantly too. He knew that you were coming over, he knew that he was expecting you… He really assumed that he’d be able to finish and get the girl out before you showed up, and that only made you question it more of how long something like this has been going on and how many times he had done it. 

There was no real reason to question it though, there was no use dwelling on it or trying to figure out what was really going on or the frame of time that it had been happening. The past was just that, it was in the past, and you had seen enough with your own two eyes that you didn’t need any more answers than the ones that had been put right in front of you. There was nothing more for you to do than move on, or at least attempt to begin the process. 

It was easier said than done though, with your trust absolutely gone, you couldn’t even begin to think of moving on with anyone in regards to romance or a relationship, but even going about your daily life seemed to resonate in some shape or form with him. There was a lot that you and Seunghun did together, and those were some of the best days of your life, some of the best memories that you had were with him, it was hard to just give all of those up no matter how hard you tried or how much you wanted to. 

Time is the best medicine, it was something that you had heard before, that time could heal all wounds, time this and time that, but truthfully, there was no truth behind it. The more time that passed, the more you seemed to think of all the time that you could be sharing with him had he not fucked up. Time could maybe help the memories fade, but it could never completely get rid of what you had walked in on, of what you had seen. Time could never heal the wounds that you had gotten from him, so really… Was time the best medicine?

“Come out with us, it’ll be fun, really!” Your friend's attempts at persuasion weren’t the best, but you had sat in your apartment for what felt like eons and you didn’t want to be there anymore, the walls that surrounded you had begun to feel like a prison. “You can get all dressed up and you’ll look super sexy, you’ll find someone who might make you forget about him, at least for the night.” The thought of forgetting, the promise of being free from those memories for even a few short hours had you nodding your head fervently, pushing yourself up off the couch and heading straight for your room with your friends following excitedly behind you. 

“Don’t go overboard or anything, I still want to be recognizable.” You joked, although there was a hint of seriousness thrown in that you hoped your friends would pick up on. The three of them worked diligently over you, trying to cover the bags that had formed under your eyes from sleepless nights spent up crying and sniffling into your pillow, tediously brushing out the knot that had formed in your hair and moisturizing your face so you didn’t look like the zombie that you had felt like for so long. 

Your friend snorted loudly, swiping the blush brush under your nose in an attempt to try to get you to laugh, or at least smile a little as they worked on you. “Honey, everyone will recognize you, they’re gonna recognize how hot you are. You need this, you need some you time, some girl time!” The other girls all agreed, cheering in unison, and while you weren’t the type to get done up like this, you could see that they were trying, and you loved them for it, so you weren’t going to stop them, you’d enjoy the time that you had with them, the only time that it felt like you could really be free from your thoughts. 

You felt like a completely different person when you stepped out of the back of the cab, the other girls scooting out right behind you, and while they all seemed to be used to dressing up this way and going out, you felt like someone else, someone new, and while that should have been scary, it would have been scary, but right now, it was almost empowering. You liked the feeling of being in this… different skin, this new look, and along with it, a new attitude. You were ready to enjoy the night, to walk into the club and just relax, which sounded almost contradictory, but you would finally be able to focus on yourself, on having fun again, and that was all the relaxation that you really needed. 

Walking into the club was like walking into a new world, and it’s not that you hadn’t been out to a club before, it had just been so long, but the music and the smell of alcohol, it was freeing in a way that you couldn’t quite understand yourself. Your feet carried you to the bar and your friends followed behind you, your bodies moving to the rhythm of the music that pulsed through the floorboards beneath your feet. “First rounds on me!” Your friend shouted to you and the girls, trying to be heard over the music, and while neither of you could make out what she was saying, you all simply nodded, continuing to enjoy the music, your bodies rocking and swaying to the beat as you stood against the counter. 

Shot after shot was lined up and tipped back, the liquor strong, but not taking its full effect yet as you all continued to sit on the barstools. “Should we go out on the floor?” You asked, your body beginning to heat up, but you wrote it off to just the body heat of everyone else in the building. Without even waiting for your friends agreement, you got up from the stool, your feet almost giving out beneath you as the alcohol rushed through you at the sudden movement, but you were quick to catch your balance, smoothing down your dress and heading out into the sea of people that were dancing under the flashing lights. 

You weren’t sure where you were going, it was like your feet were moving on their own, bringing you to the center of the floor with everyone surrounding you, and even when you were so enclosed, in such a tight area, you had never felt so free. You wouldn’t have been able to do something like this if you were still in a relationship, your reputation was just as important as Seunghuns when you were together. There was no issue of trust, you didn’t have to worry about getting your feelings hurt, you didn’t have to worry about commitment as you looked through the crowd, finding the first guy there that you could dance with. 

You didn’t care, you just wanted to have fun, you wanted to forget. There were no strings that attached the man to you, and while he was attractive, there was nothing there except your drive to get over everything that had happened to you. The man’s hands held onto your waist as you danced against him, his body moving rhythmically with your own, keeping you close against him as it did. Your hands were held on top of his, keeping them where they were, the alcohol coursing through your system having you in a complete state of bliss as the warmth of the man’s body seeped through your clothes, only heating you up more. 

“We came out to have fun, to get your mind off your own mistake, and you’re still sulking.” Yonghee said, leaning over the table that he, Seunghun, and Byounggon were sitting at. Byounggon had gone to the bar to grab more drinks, but Seunghun continued to sit in the booth, overlooking everyone and everything with a look of disinterest. He wanted no part of it even if he had agreed to go out, he was coming to the realization that it wasn’t as fun and mind clearing as he had hoped it would be. “Look, you guys broke up like… three months ago. You need to get over it, it was your fault anyway.” Seunghuns neck practically snapped as he turned to look at his younger friend who simply shrugged as if what he had said shouldn’t have pissed him off as much. “I’m sure she’s already over it.” 

He didn’t want to hear it, he wanted to hope that you were holding onto the same hope that he was, that things would work out, that with time the relationship would be able to heal and come back together, but it had been three months and he hadn’t heard from you at all. “I made one mistake… I don’t know what happened… But I’ve regretted it every single day. I hurt her, I shouldn’t be having fun… This is bullshit.” Seunghun muttered just as Byounggon came back with the drinks, setting them out on the table in front of everyone before taking his own seat, his face contorted into one of deep thought and awkwardness. 

“You would not believe who’s here right now…” He said, taking a swig of his drink before looking around at the others. It was an open ended question, one that was open for any array of answers that they could come up with, but neither of the guys seemed interested in what he had to say. “Come on… I’ll give you three guesses… If you’re wrong you have to take a sip.” 

Yonghee sighed, shaking his head as he wracked his mind for the answer that Byounggon was potentially looking for. “I don’t know… The girl that Seunghun cheated on Y/N with?” He asked, and Seunghuns annoyance at the answer was palpable, his groan loud enough to be heard over the blasting music. 

Byounggon shook his head, pointing his finger at Yonghee. “No… But you’re close, you’re super close.” He said, waiting for Yonghee to take a sip from his drink before looking at Seunghun who simply shook his head, not wanting to take part in the foolish game that his hyung was playing right now. “Fine, you don’t want to play… Alright. But, she’s here… Y/N’s here. I saw her.” 

That was enough to have him perking up, his back shooting up straight as his eyes darted around the crowded club, trying to find you, and it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There were so many people, people that he had wanted to avoid this entire time, but now he found himself wanting to swim through them basically just to find you. “Where, where is she?” He asked impatiently, pushing away from the table to try to get a better view of everyone around. 

“Well… Last I seen her…” Byounggon paused, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth, his sudden hesitation causing Seunghun to grow only more irritated and more impatient. “I don’t know man, she probably already left. Her and the guy were getting pretty close and… I…” His mouth snapped shut as he saw Seunghuns expression shift from worried, to blank, to pure anger in a matter of seconds. “You can’t be mad!” Byounggon tried to call after him, but Seunghun had already stormed off, pushing his way through everyone to try to find you. 

“So this is either going to be super bad, or he’ll somehow get her back… I’m banking on really bad though.” Yonghee said, leaning back in his chair as he sipped on his drink, earning himself a look of disbelief from the oldest member. “What? Come on, do you really think this is going to work out in his favor? She couldn’t possibly want to see him again.” Byounggon knew that the younger member was only stating the facts as he saw them, but it didn’t annoy him any less. This was their bandmate, their brother in a sense, and the fact that he was acting so nonchalant about it all was getting under his skin. 

Out on the floor, Seunghun could catch little glimpses of you through the people that seemed to purposely crowd around you the closer he thought he got. Calling out your name proved pointless with the sound of the music that deafened him and most certainly everyone else on the floor. With each little glimpse that he got of you though, it felt like his blood would simmer more and more, and he knew very well that he had no right to feel the anger that he was at the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that in his mind, you were still his, and the sight of any other man around you had him wanting to rip his hair out. 

“Y/N!” He called out once more when he felt like you were within arms reach, and he knew that you could hear him with the way your eyes flickered up in his direction only to turn away once more. “Son of a-....” He didn’t finish his sentence, but his nostrils flared with rage. You hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain himself, and while there wasn’t much to really explain that would make what he did acceptable, the least you could have done was hear him out. “Hey!” He shouted once he was in front of you, loathing the way your body seemed to mesh with the man behind you, not just that, but it was bile inducing the way the man’s hands seemed to carelessly roam around your body as if you were his to touch. 

“What… What are youuu doing here…? Huh?” You weakly sassed him, your speech slurring and your body wobbling from your obvious drunkenness. A pang of worry and guilt flitted through Seunghun as he looked at you, knowing that you were absolutely oblivious to what you were truly doing and he knew that the alcohol that you ingested was most likely just the chaser to the pain that he had caused you. “Shouldn’t you…” You hiccuped mid sentence, giggling lightly at the sound of it, and the man behind you laughed as well as he nuzzled his nose into your neck, the way you tilted your head to allow him to do it had Seunghuns stomach churning with anger and jealousy. “Mmn… Shouldn’t you be… Home… Banging your girlfriend or something.” You mumbled, an emotionless snicker escaping you after you had said it, your face completely devoid of emotion as well. 

You had been hurt, and he knew that it was his fault, but it hadn’t been planned, he never wanted to hurt you, and he surely didn’t want to see you get hurt by doing something foolish and he felt like something like that would happen if you stayed where you were at, if he walked away from you right now. That’s why, as much you hated him, as much as you wanted him to leave you alone, he just couldn’t, so he grabbed your wrist and started dragging you towards the edge of the crowd. The man that you had been dancing with called after you once, but no more after the initial pull away. Once you were out of the man’s sight, it was like you didn’t exist anymore. If you had been sober, the thought alone would have been upsetting, but you were too intoxicated to care.

“What were you thinking? You don’t know that guy, you don’t know any of these people here. What if something had happened to you?” He sternly questioned you, his face so close to yours that you could feel the heat of his breath hit your face with every word he spoke. The closeness was excruciating because the last time you had been this close to him his arms had been around you, merely seconds away from your lips crashing against one anothers, but now he was angry, no, scratch that, furious at your carelessness. “Who are you even here with? Don’t tell me you came alone, you can’t be that reckless. Tell me you’re not that reckless.” There was an edge to his voice that even your fuzzy mind could pick up on, but you could only scoff in response, the warmth in your stomach giving you an edge of your own. 

You rolled your eyes, taking a step away from him as you shook your head, your eyes glancing around the room that seemed to have a haze around the edges, although you were sure that was just your drunken visibility diminishing. “Don’t act like you care now, Seunghun… You never cared. You looove me to the moon and back? Huh? Well… Fuck you… And your lies… And your stuuupid moon.” He couldn’t tell if your eyes were glassy because of the drinks or if you were on the verge of crying, but in a second, the first tear fell, smudging the little bit of mascara that had coated your bottom lashes. “I never want to see you again.” 

Your voice didn’t slur, it was the most composed thing you had said to him that night, it was as if you had sobered up completely just to hit him with the words he didn’t want to hear. “You don’t understand… It was a mistake… Y/N, believe me. She was part of the staff and… She came over, I don’t know what happened… I just know that… I-” His voice broke, the air hitching in his throat and his chest shaking with the breath he was trying to take. “I did it… But… It meant nothing… I swear to you, you’re the only person I love, the only girl I want to be with… Believe me.” 

With narrowed eyes, you looked at him, studied him as if he were some sort of foreign object that you were trying to understand, and a part of that was true. You were trying to understand him, trying to understand how he can still so blatantly claim he loved you after what he had done. It was like his words had evaporated any trace of alcohol that was left in your system, and you wanted nothing more than to run back over to the bar to grab another one just to ease the pain that you were beginning to feel once again. 

“That’s a shit excuse, Seunghun and you know it.” You mumbled, keeping your eyes from landing on him, not wanting to see the distraught look on his face as he continued to listen intently to you. “Does that mean I should be able to fuck everyone at work just because I’m close to them? I’ll just invite them over and let them rail me and then go to you and say ‘Sorry, didn’t mean it, try to understand’...” His head shook fervently, both denying and trying to shake the thought of anyone other than him being able to love you the way only he does. “But you would have never had to worry about that anyway… And I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about it either… I was wrong… I guess we were both wrong.” 

His mouth opened and closed but no sound escaped, he looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air, trying to hold on to something that he was losing his grip on, he was trying to hold onto you. “No, no, I was wrong. I was wrong, Y/N. You are perfect, you’re amazing and you’re beautiful and… I messed that up. I messed everything up, but I want to try to fix things, I want to get us back because I feel like we can. We can start over, we can fix this… You know that I love you… You’re all that I want…” 

The look in his eyes screamed that he was genuine, but he was also desperate, desperate to get back the one thing that had given him happiness in his life. He needed you, he needed you more than anything because you were everything to him. The entire world could fall apart around him, but he’d still find a reason to smile if you were on his doorstep, the center of the crumbling scene behind you. 

One step closer, his eyes glanced down to look at your feet just to make sure he wasn’t imagining the closing space between the two of you, but he saw the toes of your shoes against his own, the closest the two of you had been in what felt like forever. Leaning in, your lips closer than ever to his, it was like he could feel them brush against his own if you had started talking, and you did, and he did, he could feel it, he could feel them. “No…” Was all you said, and that word, that two letter word that most would brush off felt so heavy, so crushing that he could fall to his knees and be swallowed up by the floor beneath him. Your lips pressed against his once, and he could feel it, a goodbye that held more meaning than the words themselves could carry. “I love… I loved… You…” You were having trouble finding the words to say, especially with the way he was looking at you, his bottom lip trembling, the gloss that you had left behind on his lips shakily reflecting the lights of them. “There’s nothing to fix, I’m over it… I can’t trust you… I don’t want to put myself in the position of being hurt again if I tried to trust you… So please… Just stop…” 

The world was falling, crashing and burning in a universe that was filled with other planets that seemed to be doing fine. Maybe it wasn’t the world that was falling, maybe it was just his. Everything that he had built his entire life around, the thought of being with you forever was a dream he had held onto for what felt like a lifetime, and now it felt like nothing more than a silly wish that a kid would make while blowing out candles on a birthday cake. It’s not that someone had taken his dreams away, if that were the case he could have been angry, he would have been angry, but the only person he had to blame was himself. He had trashed everything just for a moment of lust, fueled by the cheap wine that he and the staff member had picked up on the way back to the dorms. He didn’t even know why he had done it. He would never really know why, but he did know the outcome of it, he knew that once you walked away from him it would be the last time you would and he could only hate himself for what he had caused. 

Being in the mafia wasn’t like what most people thought. Animes and tv shows had some people thinking it was all dark, sleezing around alleyways in the middle of the night and wreaking havoc on whichever city you lived in. It was nothing like that though, not all the time, at least not for the crew he was in. Things were greasy, but it was always like that when you were part of something as shady as he was, but it wasn’t always like that. They were like a family, all of them, and when they weren’t out running jobs for the boss, they were having dinner and drinks together, talking like brothers. They cared for each other like family, they loved each other like brothers, and after everything they had done together, the bond they had was stronger than any families would be, but sometimes there was something that was stronger than that bond, more important than that sense of family, and all it took was to find that something to show just how much that family wasn't needed.

“What do you mean you couldn’t do it?!” The boss shouted, eyeing Yonghee specifically. He had been in charge of whacking out one of the people that owed the boss money, he didn’t even know the guy, but he was supposed to get rid of the whole family as a warning to anyone else that owed money to them. “I gave you one simple job… You got something wrong with your head or something? You didn’t hear me right?”

Yonghee swallowed thickly, but he wasn’t going to show any fear in the face of his boss, he wouldn’t show any weakness. “I got the rest of them, I did.” He defended himself, but the rest of his crew started laughing from behind him, the shot glasses being slammed down on the countertop had him jumping slightly. “I shook her up enough. She isn’t going to say anything.”

The boss scoffed in disbelief, looking between Yongee and the others who sat behind him, his laughter filling the room, but right now it didn’t sound nearly as lighthearted as it usually did. “Are you hearing this? Let the girl live! Sounds like our friend is going soft, is that what it is?” Yonghee quickly shook his head, fearing the worst with the way that the boss was staring him down. “I want you to follow her everywhere she goes. That’s gonna be your job from now on. Make sure she doesn’t talk to anybody. Can’t afford to get pinched just ‘cause you wanted to have a heart.” There was nothing else for Yongee to say, so he simply nodded, his head dropping with shame as the boss walked out of the small club room, the only sound that could be heard now over the pounding of his heart in his ears was the laughter of the rest of the crew behind him.

The sound of the gunshot from one of the other guys had her jumping in her chair, her hands bound behind her back and her feet tied to the legs of the chair she had been forced to sit in. It was the strangest thing, she didn’t struggle, she didn’t fight against him when he had dragged her into the room, she only looked upset… But who wouldn’t be in a situation like this? She didn’t struggle against the ropes that she was tied up with, she only kept her eyes shut, bracing herself for what she thought would come next.

In a way, her reaction was intriguing… Pitiful, but intriguing all the same. She wouldn’t fight for her life, which was strange in itself. Of course, Yonghee was left with the assignment of getting rid of her while the other members got rid of the girl's parents and cleaned that mess up, and that gave him time to really look her over. Her eyes were glassy with the tears that continued to stream down her cheeks, but he was able to tell immediately that those tears weren’t for herself, but for the family that she had just lost. That was the first mistake he had made, looking into her eyes, letting himself get lost in them as they stared widely up at him. “Why don’t you fight?” He asked, trying to pull his own eyes away from hers only to land on bruises and cuts that littered her short clad legs and thighs, the marks traveling up higher and disappearing beneath the clothes that she was wearing.

“I don’t think I have anything left to fight for now…” She responded, her words choked off, being punctuated with a soft sob. “I won’t have anywhere to go now when my boyfriend comes home drunk and angry… So if you don’t finish me off, I’m sure he will.” It was cynical and dark, her thinking, but for some reason, looking at her and knowing that there was someone else who’d hurt her for no other reason than being drunk had him fuming inside.

Why should he be the one to end her when there was already someone somewhere else that could finish the job and get in trouble for it. It wouldn’t even come down on him and his guys if she were to be found. It was an easy out. “Hmm…” He hummed, undoing the ropes from her arms and legs before taking a step back, watching as she twirled her wrists and her ankles, but she looked confused by his actions. “I’m not going to risk getting pinched for this when your boyfriend could do it.” He said nonchalantly, tossing the ropes to the floor at her feet before turning on his heel. “And you’d better not say anything about this. Just go back to your boyfriend and act like nothing ever happened.” Yonghee said, but he knew that his reasoning wasn’t just that… It wasn’t that at all to be honest. He just didn’t want to be the one to kill her. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, and it wasn’t because he was going soft, it was because when he looked at her, he saw something that he couldn’t quite place, and when he heard that her boyfriend hurt her, he felt the sudden urge to protect her.

Finding out where she lived with her boyfriend was easy, and Yonghee would stay parked outside of their apartment all day, waiting to see if she’d come out, his keys sitting idly in the ignition, waiting to be turned just in case he started walking somewhere. He had to follow her, it was the boss's orders, not that he was disappointed with the job he was put on, it meant that he could be with her always, even if she didn’t know that he was there.

“Screw you! You’re shit! You’re a piece of shit! I fucking hate you!” The sound of screaming came from the main door of the apartment building, and as Yonghee turned to see what was going on, he could see her walking out of the building, her hand cupping her face as he winced with pain. “You’re lousy and you’re good for nothing. You’re just a lazy alcoholic.”

Right after she had come out, she was followed by someone else, presumably her boyfriend who had the smuggest smile on his face as he walked after her. “Oh I’m shit?! That’s why your momma and daddy got whacked off. You and your whole family are cheap shit, that’s why my own dad didn’t want to do business with yours. Bet the only reason you’re alive is because you gave them some fun.” Yonghees fists tightened around the steering wheel as he listened to the boyfriend talk to her, humiliated her on the street in front of a bunch of people. It was infuriating to say the least, especially since he now found out that she was dating the son of one of the higher members in another mafia family.

She said something back, although Yonghee couldn’t hear it, but her mouth moved as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned in the boyfriends direction. Before he knew it, before he knew how to even react, the boyfriend had his hand wrapped around the nape of her neck, and now she was fighting, struggling to push him away, but the back of his other hand came up and shot forward, landing right against her face. The sound of her cries of pain were loud, and now that her hand wasn’t covering her face, he could see that her nose and her lips were bleeding.

Something akin to rage shot through Yonghees body as he watched everything play out. He had never seen any of the other men in his family treat their girlfriends or their wives like this, he hadn’t heard any stories about it happening either. He never heard about it, let alone did he think anyone would do something like that out in public, especially if they were the son of a higher ranking member in their own family. It was just something that he couldn’t understand.

There was nothing he could do about it, not right now at least. The last thing he needed to bring down on everyone was a war between the two families, and he knew that if he got involved right now while the boyfriend was still around, it would cause an unneeded amount of bloodshed. That’s not to mention what could possibly happen if he did go over and she recognized him. Would she tell her boyfriend that he was the one who had tied her up and almost killed her? At least he let her go though, right? That has to count towards something…

Even still, there was too much risk attributed to going out and trying to help her right now, he’d have to do it later when the boyfriend wasn’t around. He’d have to plan the whole thing accordingly, and he’d have to make sure that no matter what, her boyfriend never finds out who took her away, who saved her from him.

The streets were filled with people on their daily commutes home from work, the sidewalks packed as everyone tried to get to where they needed to be. Even in the crowd, his eyes followed her as if she were the only one there. Her hair was like a curtain around her face, and although the clouds were blocking out the sun she wore wide framed sunglasses. Most would assume she’s just sensitive to the light of daytime no matter how cloudy it was, but he knew better, he knew what she was really hiding.

Yonghee hadn’t even brought his car for today, deciding that following her on wheels would be too suspicious, that she’d catch on immediately if she saw the same car following her all day, so he decided to travel on foot. He stayed a couple paces behind, his eyes glued to her at every turn, at every crosswalk. It would be impossible to lose her.

The doors to the grocery store slid open, and even when she was inside, she didn’t remove her glasses. That just validated his guess entirely. He was right, and for the first time in his career, he hated that he was right about this. He wasn’t even sure that he’d be able to let her walk back to the house where he knew she was in danger. It was kind of silly the more he thought about it though… He was the one who was supposed to kill her in the first place, yet here he was, trying to figure out the best way to save her. Would his boss even be okay with that?

“I know that you’re following me.” She said as she walked by him, his hand gripping onto the apple that he had been pretending to look at just so that he could be in the same aisle as her. “Look, if you’re tailing me just to make sure I won’t say anything… Don’t waste your time. I haven’t talked to anyone about you.” He didn’t turn around to look at her, not yet at least, and he felt like there was more to her sentence, but she never continued. Instead, she started walking again, and now he was dropping the apple back into its section and walking beside her instead of behind her.

“I’m not following you because of that…” Although that’s what his boss had assigned him to do, the job became far more important to him. It was more than just reading her lips whenever she passed by anyone just to make sure she wasn’t describing him or his crew. It was looking at her lips to make sure there weren’t any cuts on them, to make sure that they weren’t swelling up or the area around them wasn’t bruised. “Your boyfriend is-”

Her eyes went wide, her handing moving in a flash to stop him from talking as she looked around the grocery store. “Don’t. You shouldn’t even be talking to me. Please, stop.” Her voice was a whisper, but it sounded so urgent, so fearful, he could hear it in every word she spoke and every breath that followed afterward. She started walking again, and now he didn’t care. He knew that by the end of the day, he’d have her safe in a place where no one, not even his own boss would be able to find her. “Look… If my boyfriend finds out I’m talking to someone, especially someone like you… There’ll be a war, and I won’t even be around to see what they’ll all say I’ve caused… And they won’t even be able to find my body.” She stopped once more, whipping her head to look up at him, her eyes already glossy and her nose scrunching up as she tried to hold back her tears. “I told you I’ve got nothing to live for… but that doesn’t mean that I want to be missing. I at least want to be buried next to the family that was taken away from me.”

He knew that it was a jab meant at him, especially with the way she looked at him after she had said it. For some reason the blame was being put on him, and maybe that’s just because he was the only one around right now, but she had to have known that he wasn’t the one who had set up the hit. He wasn’t even the one who had killed the parents, it had been the other two guys from his crew. “That wasn’t me… I let you live…” He defended himself, glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye, his voice was hushed, just above a whisper, only loud enough for her to hear him.

“Yeah, well… I’m starting to wish you hadn’t. Now, leave me alone.” How was she able to whisper so loud? He could feel the force behind her words, the anger, the desperation, the sadness. Had she gone to her parents every time her boyfriend hurt her? Were they her safe place? He could see how that could be the case. He could see why she would be mad at him because they were gone. He was the only person she had seen that night, he was the only person that she knew to be mad at. It wasn’t fair, but it made sense.

He had stopped following her, he had left her alone in the grocery store because the least she deserved was some time to shop by herself. It was probably the only time she got to be by herself, and if there was anyone who needed it, it was her. That didn’t mean he wasn’t watching her though. He watched her from the ends of the aisles, walking by and glancing over at her just to make sure she was still okay. At this point, he felt like that was his job, to protect her, to make sure that she was safe instead of the other way around. He knew that if anything were to happen to her, his boss wouldn’t give a shit. They’d probably be more relieved than anything that they didn’t have to worry about her anymore. He wished he didn’t have to worry, and soon, he wouldn’t.

The lights inside the house that she lived in were all being shut out one by one. Yonghee watched intently from the other side of the street, laying back in his car just enough so that he wouldn’t be spotted. One light had stayed on, and in that light he could see the shadows of two people arguing, undoubtedly her and the boyfriend, and although he couldn’t hear what was going on, he could tell that things were getting bad. He could run in there right now, he could end the fight, he could end the boyfriend as well. It wouldn’t take much, he had his gun in the glove compartment and he could easily take out the boyfriend in one shot.

He wouldn’t though. He couldn’t. The boyfriend was too important, and while Yonghee didn’t even know the guy's name, he knew the trouble that would come along with whacking him. He would just wait, and he’d wait, and he’d keep waiting until the time was right to get her out of there. Yonghee knew that it wouldn’t take that long for the opportunity to arise, he had been following her long enough to know that the boyfriend wasn’t home that often which meant that she was alone a lot.

With a loud bang and a couple of audible screams, the boyfriend walked out the front door, slamming it shut behind him and climbing into his own car before speeding off. Did Yonghee think that the chance would come so soon? Absolutely not. But was he happy that he’d be able to get this done faster? Absolutely.

As soon as the boyfriends tail lights disappeared around the corner at the end of the street, Yonghee was out of his own car, running over to the house and sneaking into the backyard. It would be too suspicious if he went through the front door, and he knew that if he knocked she’d just slam the door in his face. He had to move fast, and that meant he’d probably have to do some things that he didn’t want to do, but it was for the sake of her life, so he knew that in the end it was necessary.

The back door was unlocked, which was crazy in itself. A person in the mafia leaving their doors unlocked? It wasn’t normal, especially since there was always the chance that there was someone out to get you, out to get rid of you. Yonghee walked in quietly, trying not to make a sound as he crept through the kitchen, looking around the dark room, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. Everything was so quiet, so silent, silent to the point that he could hear the sniffles of someone, that someone being her, coming from a couple rooms over. He dreaded going over to where she was and possibly having to see what had been done to her this time, but he also knew that he was being timed right now, he just didn’t know how much time he had left. The faster he got this done, the more safe she’d be, the more safe he’d be.

As he walked further into the house, one of the floorboards creaked underneath his foot, causing him to stop where he stood, his eyes going wide when he heard the sniffling stop. She was clearly listening out for whatever it could be that caused the noise, and Yonghee could only hope that she wouldn’t come looking. “Jihoon? Is that you?” She asked, her voice timid and weak as she called out for, who Yonghee could only assume was her boyfriend. All the strength that her voice held at the grocery store, all the courage that she had when she had a gun pointed in her face… It was all gone. Whatever this Jihoon guy has done, whatever he does, he makes her weak… And that was infuriating.

There was no time to think, no time to hide, he could hear her footsteps across the floor, and he knew that she’d be coming out of the room soon and she’d see him. He was right in the middle of the room, there was no way that she wouldn’t be able to see him standing there. His entire body was tensed up, and he wished that he could disappear, but now the bedroom door was open and the light from inside was streaming out into the main room, shining right at him like a spotlight. He watched as she froze next to her bedroom door, and although the light behind her had made her face unseeable, he could just tell that she was scared, that she was shocked.

“What are you doing here? Leave! You have to leave! I’ll call him!” At first Yonghee thought she was joking. Why would she call her boyfriend? Did she really think he’d come to protect her after everything that he did to her? Even with all of that, her hand twitched toward something in her pocket, and he could only assume that it was her phone, that she was really about to call her boyfriend to come ‘save’ her. He didn’t have the time to talk her out of it, he knew that she probably wouldn’t listen to him even if he tried. He had to go with his second plan, with the only other plan he had honestly and he hated the fact that he did.

Of course he had to hide her. He couldn’t just take her to his own house and set her up in a room where everyone could see her. He would have loved to, but it was far too risky. The last thing he wanted to do was have her panicking, to terrify her before he could even explain what was going on, but just like everything else, he had no other choice.

The walls of the room were cement, the floors were cement as well, but he had tried his best to fill the room with carpet so that her feet wouldn’t get cold. He had tried to decorate the room as best as he could, but it was hard considering it was the basement of his house that no one had gone into for so long, most people forgot that it even existed. He had to soundproof the walls and the ceilings, and he knew that it looked way worse that it actually was.

There was a bed though, and there was a bathroom, and he had spent days cleaning out the entire basement just so that she’d be a little more comfortable. There was a small fridge and a rice maker and pretty much everything that she’d need to live comfortably down there, at least until he could figure out what to really do. His goal was to get her out of the basement as soon as he possibly could, but also keep her safe from her boyfriend.

She started to stir, her fingers twitching and her eyes fluttering open as the chloroform started to wear off. God, he hated having to do that, he hated seeing the look of fear in her eyes as he held the rag over her mouth. It was the most terrifying walk to his car as well, carrying her in his arms over to the car, hoping and praying that the boyfriend wouldn’t return any time soon while he was putting her in the passenger seat. Hell, at least he cared enough to still buckle her seatbelt before he started driving.

“Where… Where am I? What is all this?” She mumbled, her voice still laced with the sleepiness that the chloroform had caused her. He watched from the other side of the room as she took everything in, her eyes going wide and her breaths visibly becoming more shallow, more panicked as her chest rose and fell quickly. “Where am I?!” She shouted, her eyes finally landing on him. He thanked himself for soundproofing the entire basement before taking a step closer to the bed he had placed her on. She moved back, her back against the headboard and her knees brought up to her chest.

He shook his head, his steps calculated as he walked a little further until he was standing at the end of the bed. “Please listen… You’re not here because I want to hurt you… You’re here because I want to protect you. Okay… You’re in my basement.” She looked around the room once more, her eyebrows furrowing, the sound of her swallowing thickly could be heard clearly from where he stood. “I know you’re scared but-”

“We’re both going to die…” She whispered, her nails digging into the thick blankets on the bed, her head finally dropping with her realization. “I told you to stay away from me. You don’t listen very well. Maybe that’s why you didn’t kill me when you were supposed to. You just suck at taking directions.” He pursed his lips, running his hand through his hair as he shook his head at her. “You couldn’t have possibly done this to protect me. You do know what the outcome of this is going to be, right?”

He shrugged his shoulders, looking around the room that he had redecorated just for her. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t look at all like a prison or a torture cell. “The outcome is what you want it to be. If you keep shouting, someone is bound to hear you and then we’re both screwed. If you’re quiet though, I can work something out for the both of us.” He took the final step towards the bed, lowering himself down onto the edge of it and running his hands over his face with a loud yawn. “Not even my crew knows you’re here right now… It’s only me. If they find out, they’ll kill you themselves to keep a war from happening.” She rolled her eyes, but ended up reluctantly nodding her head, lowering herself down onto the bed and curling up under the blankets. “If you need anything to eat, there’s a phone in the bedside table drawer. It’s brand new…” She reached into the drawer of the table and pulled the phone out, looking over it like it was some kind of unknown device before looking back up at him. Her confusion was evident, and he was pretty sure he knew exactly what it was about. “I trust you enough to know you won’t text him or anyone else… Please don’t break that trust.”

You sat on the bed in the basement of Yonghees house, and strangely enough, it had become home to you just as much as your own house had been. You didn’t need to scratch lines into the wall or the floor to keep track of the time, he had put a calendar up in the room where you could keep track of the days and how many had passed since you had been there.

As of right now it had been two months since he had taken you away from your home. You could remember how upset you had been, how terrified you had been when you had first woken up, but he had long since explained why he did what he had to do. It’s not like his explanation makes it any better, but it at least made sense as to why he thought he had to do it. It was something that you brought up to him often, and he’d always apologize profusely for terrifying you the way he did, and you could tell in the tone of his voice that he felt absolutely terrible about what he had done.

It wasn’t only the way he talked though, it was the things that he did. It was strange, kind of silly, but mostly strange how he found a way to treat you better from his basement than your boyfriend did while you were in the same room. Yonghee would ask if you wanted to have a specific dinner, and if you said you wanted to get a meal from a restaurant, he’d apologize for not being able to take you out and then bring the food home to you. Most of the time he’d join you for dinner, having set up a little table in the far side of the basement where the two of you would eat together. He was trying his best, that much was obvious, and as crazy as it was, you respected that. He was at least trying to make your stay in the basement as bearable as possible.

The craziest part though, the part that anyone would think was crazy if you had told them, was the fact that you didn’t say anything. You had a phone that had internet access, you could have told any of your friends, you could have told your boyfriend where you were, but you didn’t. You never said a word to anyone because, in a weird way… You liked the basement. By day two of you being there, you realized that Yonghee really wouldn’t hurt you, that he really was doing his best to protect you, and now it’s been two months since you’ve had to be afraid of anyone or anything. It was… relieving… which seems even crazier to say considering you haven’t left this room for sixty days.

At this point you were looking forward to him coming down to the basement. You couldn’t wait to see him. He’d always smile at you when he came downstairs, and sometimes you wondered how he could possibly be in the mafia when he was such a sweetheart… Then you remembered. Mafia members have two different sides to them. One was the sweet and loving side they showed to the people that they loved, the side of them that would give the clothes off their back to someone if they loved them enough. Then there was the other side… The side that your boyfriend seemed to preserve solely for you. The kind that had you terrified and hoping that the bar closed early so that when he got home he’d just go to bed instead of going off on you for no clear reason.

Yonghee was better than any of the guys you knew, he was better than any of the guys you had ever known, and maybe that’s why you had started to look at him the way you do now, feel the things you feel for him now. He wasn’t the normal mafia type of guy, and on days and nights that he’d spend with you down in the basement, you’d almost forget that he was part of the mafia… until you looked around and realized where you were.

“You don’t have to wake up yet. I was just bringing down the stuff I got you for breakfast.” Yonghee said as he descended the stairs, noticing that you had started stirring due to the creaking of the boards beneath his feet. “It’s pretty early. I wanted to make sure you had something to eat this morning before I left.” He explained once he noticed that you had sat up completely in bed now, the covers pulled up to your chin and your eyes barely open as you watched him place a couple bags on the table in the corner.

“Why do you have to leave so early?” You asked, ruffling your hair with your hand as you smacked your lips, your face contorting slightly when you realized how dry they were. “Are you coming back soon?” It was a question that you had never asked your boyfriend back at home. You never wanted him to come home, you wished that he’d just stay out forever and never come back. It would have been a dream, you would have been able to live normally… Not that you hated the basement though. Yonghees face changed to one of slight worry, and even though it had changed back to normal almost immediately, you had caught the look, you had caught the expression, and now it had you concerned. “What’s going on, Yonghee?”

The sternness of your voice had him shuffling nervously where he stood, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as his eyes glanced around the room. You were finding it harder and harder to look at him as a mafia man, he looked so nervous, he seemed so shy, so scared. You couldn’t imagine him actually doing the jobs that he had told you all about one night. “They’re looking for you… And now they’re even recruiting my family to help them search. Your boyfriend… Jihoon… he’s pissed. He said-”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes and letting out a quiet scoff that had Yonghee stopping to look at you, his eyes narrowed and his eyebrows lowered with confusion. “Let me guess. He said that he’s going to kill whoever did this? Whoever took me away is asking to be tortured?” Yonghee nodded his head in agreement, although you could tell that he was still mulling over how you could have known that Jihoon had said what he said. “He says it all the time. It’s like his favorite line to say. I guess it makes him feel more powerful or something…” You trailed off, letting your head fall back against the pillow as you let out a loud groan. “Just be safe… Okay?” You mumbled, rolling over and pulling the blankets over your head to block out the little bit of light that was streaming in through the partially opened curtain hanging over the small window.

“I’ll do my best… I’ll be back as soon as possible.” He reassured you, and while you had gone back to hibernating underneath the blankets, you had missed the sheepish smile that had spread across his face at your words. It was the first time you had said something so… endearing… since you had been here. It had his heart racing and his cheeks turning a bright shade of red, a color that he was happy you hadn’t been able to see on him, knowing that you wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he had. “Get some sleep, and try not to worry about me, okay?” The sound of your soft snores let him know that you were already asleep, and the only response that he had gotten out of you was a sleep laced grumble that was both incoherent and hysterical. “No one is going to find you…. You’ll always be safe with me.”

Maybe you had subconsciously heard him say it, you weren’t sure, but you knew from that day on that you loved him. The feeling had come on so quickly that you weren’t even sure if it was really real or if you were just beginning to feel like you loved him because he was the only person you had seen for what felt like forever. You’d question the feeling while you were by yourself, but once he came back down into the basement, you were sure that you were feeling correctly. Every single time he walked into the room it felt like fireworks, and the only thing you wanted to do was run to him and wrap your arms around him and thank him for saving you. The tables really had turned, and sometimes, late at night, you’d lay in bed and stare up at the sound proofed ceiling and wonder what your parents would think about all of this, what they’d say to you. It was all just so crazy, you could barely wrap your head around it.

It took a while for you to finally be able to confess your feelings to him. You were nervous, especially considering the fact that you didn’t know how he’d react to it, you weren’t even sure if he felt the same way as you, you weren’t sure what he’d do. Would he kick you out if your confession made him uncomfortable? Would he stop coming down to the basement as often? Would he send you back to your ex boyfriend? Yonghee very rarely, if ever, showed his feelings to you, and you were pretty sure you had never seen him look at you in any specific way that would give away any emotions that he might have. All of it was just so confusing, so it seemed to take forever to finally get the courage that was needed to tell him everything.

It was even crazier to think that you actually wanted to stay with him, that you were actually scared of potentially having to leave him. That thought stuck in your mind like glue, and every time you felt like you’d be able to tell him, you’d get scared and shut your mouth so quickly that his eyes would glance over at you at the sound of your teeth clicking together. Sometimes you could have sworn you saw his lips pull up at the corners, that you heard a quiet chuckle escape him and that his head would shake, but it all could have been a trick of the eyes, something that your heart wanted you to think you saw. Would he think you were crazy for wanting to stay with him? Would he think that you’ve absolutely lost it?

There was a point though that you got tired of asking yourself those kinds of questions, and although that time came a little bit later than you had hoped it would, it did finally happen. You stopped being scared of the outcome, you were ready to just go through with telling him, you were tired of worrying about losing him, if he didn’t want you the same way you did, it was better to know it than to go on hoping and wishing that he felt the same way.

The sun was shining bright and even with the temperatures dropping and the season shifting to a much cooler autumn, the afternoon always brought with it the sweltering rays of the sun that made it feel like mid-July instead of early October. He was still running the air conditioner to try to keep the house cool, hoping that the air would reach the basement. His visits down to the lowest level of the house were far more frequent just to make sure she had everything she needed and to be sure it wasn’t as humid for her as it was in the rest of the house.

He could see the way she looked at him whenever he came down the stairs. He could feel her eyes on him as he walked around the room, restocking the mini fridge that he had recently purchased. It made him nervous, not the kind of nervous that he was used to feeling though. Usually when he was nervous his hairs would stand on edge and he’d get goosebumps across his entire body anticipating something awful, it was just the norm when working the jobs that he worked. This kind of nervousness was different though. It had his entire body heating up, and he could have sworn that his cheeks were bright red when he passed the mirror that he had installed in the basement. He couldn’t even say that it was just the nervousness that he felt though. He was flustered, and while he had felt that kind of way a couple times before, there was no one that he had met that made him feel it as much as he felt it around her.

“Yonghee…” Her voice came from right behind him making him jump up and immediately whip around to face her. He hadn’t even heard her get off the bed, and now there she was standing right in front of him. He knew that she was beautiful, but he had never realized just how gorgeous she really was until she was this close. Maybe he was just imagining it, or maybe his body had become more sensitive with the close proximity, but he could have sworn that he felt the heat emanating off of her body. Her chest rose and fell heavily as she looked at him, and before her mouth had even opened, it was like he could tell what she was thinking, like he knew what she was about to say before the words even left her mouth, but he wanted to hear her say it himself just so that he knew he was right. “I know I shouldn’t… I know that I should hate you… But I don’t.” She began, and it almost looked like she was about to cry, her eyes beginning to gloss over and reflect the light that hung above his head. “I love you… I want to stay here with you…”

It was something that he had been wanting to hear from her for a while, he had felt the same way for her, but now that the words were spoken he didn’t know how to react, he didn’t know what to do or what to say. There was so much that could happen, and none of the scenarios that were playing out in his head were positive. If her ex boyfriend were to find out, if anyone were to find out that she was here, that she felt the way she did for him and that he felt the same way for her, it wouldn’t be pretty and there would be blood spilled, no doubt. “Y/N… I-” It was like he was caught in a fork in the road, and he wanted nothing more than to tell her that he felt the same way. She had been living with him for over half a year now and there had been so many times that he just wanted to come down and tell her himself, but there was always the fear of a potential mafia war that would stop him.

“I know… You don’t feel the same way… I just wanted to tell you…” She bit her lip, no doubt trying to hide the trembling as the glossy look in her eyes turned into tears. He felt his heart sink as he watched her, the first tear slowly slipping over her lower lash line before trickling down her cheek. “I’m sorry… It’s probably awkward and… You don’t have to keep me here.” Her words shocked him and he couldn’t keep his jaw locked, his mouth dropping open as he looked at her with narrowed eyes. Was that really what she was worried about? All of the strength and fearlessness that she showed before seemed to be gone, she seemed so weak, so fragile now, and maybe it came from the fear of him actually doing what she was afraid of, but she couldn’t be more wrong.

He didn’t know what to do, and before he even had a chance to respond she had already begun to turn back towards the bed, she was walking away from him, and even though he knew that she wasn’t going far, it still terrified him. He didn’t want her to think whatever it was that she was thinking right now, so he did the only thing he could think to do. “Stop…” He whispered, reaching out and grabbing her hand to pull her back towards him, his other arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her flush against his chest. Her breath hitched in her throat, her glassy eyes growing wide as she looked at him. It felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest, and even with all of the things he had done in his criminal career, nothing felt scarier than this. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next, but she was looking up at him with expectation, waiting for him to make the first move, and for the first time in a situation like this, he felt like he was frozen.

“What do you want to do?” She sounded so timid, so shy, and for a split second he couldn’t think of what he actually wanted to do. There were so many thoughts running through his head, but the one that stuck out the most was just how gorgeous she really was. The one thing that he really wanted to do was look at her, really look at her, he didn’t want to take his eyes off of her for even a second, but he knew that she was waiting for an answer, an answer that he just couldn’t seem to come up with right now, so he did the only other thing that he could think to do.

Without hesitation, he leaned forward, his lips crashing against hers as silent prayers sang out in his head, hoping that she wouldn’t pull away from him. Was he being too forward? Was it all too sudden for her? He hadn’t even reciprocated the feelings vocally, yet here he was with his lips pressed against hers… But it didn’t seem like she was upset about it. Her hands soon found themselves sliding up his back and becoming tangled in his hair, almost like she was trying to keep him there although she didn’t have to worry about him pulling away.

There had been with a lot of girls in his life, not as many as the other members in his crew, but enough to notice a difference between this kiss and the kisses that he shared with the other girls. To say that he felt fireworks seemed too cheesy a description, but there was something there, something that had his heart racing and his body feeling like it was floating off the ground, he didn’t want the kiss to end, and in all honesty, it felt like he needed more.

It felt like his feet were moving by themselves as he slowly inched back towards the bed, her own feet instinctively moving along with him until the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed. That was when her lips finally broke away from his as she fell back against the bed, leaning up on her elbows and looking up at him with wide eyes that he just couldn’t seem to read. He knew what he wanted to do, he knew exactly what he felt right now, but he didn’t know what she wanted. “I’m sorry…” He whispered, his own voice just as soft as hers was just moments ago.

Her head fell to the side as her widened eyes narrowed into a look of confusion. “Why?” She whispered back, her question having him swallowing thickly as he glanced around the room, now feeling nervous and shy around her. He didn’t even notice when her hand reached out to grab his, pulling him closer to the bed, it felt like he couldn’t breathe. “You don’t have to be sorry…” She murmured, giving one last tug to his hand to pull him down on top of her and he couldn’t help but notice how perfectly he fit between her legs, and that thought alone had his breath hitching in his throat and his pants feeling tighter.

It didn’t take long for emotions to take over, it’s like they flooded into the both of them, completely taking them over and controlling all of their movements. Her touches were like jolts of electricity coursing through his body wherever she touched him, her lips against his skin felt like flames burning beneath them, every kiss sparking a new flame and he loved the way it burned. Everything with her just felt perfect, it felt like his life was falling into place the more he kissed her, the more he felt her. Every time she said his name, her face contorted into one of pleasure as he back arched off the bed, it further proved to him that she was the one, the only one that he ever wanted to be with, and he’d do anything to stay with her.

“You’re going to work already?” You asked, turning around to face him as he grabbed his jacket off the back of the stool at the kitchen island. He looked sleek, as handsome as ever, but there was something about knowing that he was yours that made him ever more attractive. “Didn’t you just wake up?” Your back was already turned to him before you had asked the question, returning your focus back to the breakfast that you were preparing on the stove.

His soft chuckle sounded from behind you as his arms wrapped around you, his thumb lightly brushing over your stomach that was covered by one of his own t-shirts. “I’m not leaving just yet.” His breath was hot against your ear, his chin resting on your shoulder as he spoke softly to you causing your skin to be covered in goosebumps. “I just like the way you look at me when I get all dressed up like this.” He teased, pressing a swift kiss against the crook of your neck before pulling back, his laughter returning and growing louder as he moved to the refrigerator. “You stare so hard, it’s like you’re not even trying to hide it.”

You jokingly scoffed, flipping the pancake that was in the pan before looking over to him, lifting your hand and wiggling your fingers for him to see. “I don’t need to hide it because you’re mine.” You teased, watching as the light caught on the ring that had been slid onto your ring finger almost two years ago. “Plus, I catch you staring all the time and you don’t even look away, you just start smiling.” He hummed quietly in agreement as he poured his drink into his glass, his lips pulling up around the brim as he sipped it. “You’re even smiling now.” You pointed out, and you heard him snort softly inside the cup.

“How could I not?” Placing the cup down on the counter he walked over to you, his steps were almost predatory and they had your stomach fluttering with excitement and the anticipation building up inside of you. “Especially when you’re dressed like this.” His voice dropped lower, it wasn’t even a hint of seduction, it was being purposely done and he knew exactly what he was doing to you. “You make it hard for me to go to work when you’re looking like this.” His fingers tightened around the fabric of the shirt you were wearing, pulling you closer to him in one swift tug as a smug smile graced his face. “You know what it does to me.”

You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting his hands away before pushing yourself up on your toes and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “I know exactly what it does to you… But this wasn’t done on purpose.” Quickly, you flipped the pancake out of the pan and onto the plate that housed the rest of the stack that you had already finished making. “I just wanted to be extra comfortable this morning while I made breakfast.” You fiended an innocent smile to him out of the corner of your eyes and you could see, feel his eyes roaming over your body, your bare legs that led up underneath the shirt. Shaking your head, you suppressed a giggle, turning away from him to hide just how flustered he had made you. “If you come home on time tonight, maybe you can get something special.”

Yonghee groaned loudly, his head falling back dramatically as he did and you couldn’t hold back your giggling any longer at his over dramatic acting. “You know how my boss loves to work me over. You know that I’d love to come home on time to you, jagi.” His head slowly rolled forward until his forehead was resting against your own, his lips barely brushing yours as he spoke. “I quit everything, I changed my name, I moved as far away as possible from everything and everyone just to be with you…” His teeth sunk into his lower lip as he looked you over once more. “And even after all that… My boss is finding a way to keep me away from you. Isn’t that something?”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes as you took a step back, straightening out his shirt and smiling sweetly at him as you did. “But was it worth it?” It’s a question that you found yourself asking him from the silence of your own head but never having been able to ask him before now. You were always worried that he missed the life that he used to live, the job that he used to have, the thrills of the crime and the adrenaline rush that came with it. There was always that fear that somewhere deep down, he’d want to go back.

He scoffed quietly, grabbing your hand that had stilled against his chest, bringing it up to his lips and kissing along your fingers before stopping at the ring that he had slid on to you. “Having you made it all worth it…” He murmured, and the silence that hung over the room after those words was enough to let the both of you hear the soft pattering of feet coming up from behind him. “And having her…” He quickly turned around, whisking your daughter off the floor and into his arms, holding her tight against his chest as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. “Having the both of you in my life makes everything that I’ve done worth it.”

Labeled relationships weren’t necessary when it came to you and Byounggon, it just felt meaningless to put a label on anything that the two of you had considering everything was running so smoothly. Usually things fell apart when labels were slapped onto them, at least that’s what he had told you, and based on your past relationships, you weren’t going to deny him, and he most likely would have argued against it if you had attempted to tell him he was wrong.

He had been your friend for years, since the beginning of middle school, you both had just clicked, and the rest was history. You had been there for him through everything, cheering him on as he started on the journey to becoming an idol. That career choice had made him busy, but he always did his best to find time to be there for you as well. You both were there for each other through all of the high points in your lives, but being friends for so long meant that you had been there for each other through all of the low points as well.

Through all of your failed relationships, he had been the one to come over at the drop of a dime, cuddling up next to you on your couch, putting on any movie that you wanted, even if it was a horror movie, doing his best just to take your mind off of the fact that your heart had been broken once again by one of the countless assholes you had decided to date. He’d bring food and board games, he’d stay up late playing video games with you, doing anything he could to bring a smile to your face, even if it meant being exhausted when he went to work the next day.

Neither of you were sure when it had dawned on the both of you that the two of you were better for each other than anyone else would have been. It was kind of like a lightbulb going off over your heads, seeing each other in a new light when he had come over to your apartment one evening. He walked in the door, and you just looked at him, and it was like the entire world changed, he was the only one you could see, as cheesy as that sounds. You weren’t sure where the courage had come from, but he had walked over to you while you were in the kitchen, standing beside you to watch what you were doing, and you had decided that right then and there was when you’d kiss him.

For a moment, he was frozen, his eyes wide as he looked down at you, and you could have sworn that your small moment of bravery had ruined years of friendship, but just as you were beginning to regret your actions, he mumbled a quiet “Finally” before grabbing your hips and pulling you closer to him, his lips crashing against yours and his fingers digging into the fabric of your shirt. That’s how it had started, and everything had been perfect since, not a flaw, no arguments. You both were happy with each other and you had been for a couple months now.

The sun was slowly setting behind the skyline of Seoul, Byounggon would be at your apartment soon, having texted you earlier to tell you that he was going to spend the night at your place. It had become more of a weekend thing, he’d spend the night on Fridays and Saturdays, and then head back to the dorms on Sunday night so he was closer to his work on Monday morning. You were waiting for him to come in, flipping through the channels on your TV, trying to keep your mind busy.

As the front door opened, the strange feeling in your stomach hit you, the sudden urge to throw up overcoming you. Without a hello, you pushed yourself up off the couch and ran to your bathroom, throwing the door shut causing it to slam in the process as you dropped to your knees in front of the toilet. “Do I really cause that reaction in you when I enter a room?” His voice sounded from the other side of the door, trying his best to lighten the worried tone in his voice with his joke, but in actuality he was slightly panicking, wondering what could be wrong.

The feeling subsided just as quickly as it had come on, and while your throat was burning slightly and your stomach felt strange from the retching, the nausea had all but disappeared. You awkwardly opened the door, his arms immediately wrapping around you as you slumped against his. “Sorry… I don’t know why that happened.” You mumbled, the sudden puking taking all of the energy out of you and now you just felt exhausted.

Leading you back to the couch, he carefully sat you down, making sure you were comfortable before running to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water, but you could see that he was checking back to look at you every second, his eyebrows furrowing with worry as your body slouched over, your head falling against the throw pillows that decorated your couch. “Did you eat something bad?” He asked as he walked back into the living room, crouching down beside the couch and carefully lifting you up just enough so you could take a sip of the water. You quickly shook your head in disagreement, swallowing down the water as the back of his hand pressed against your forehead, his eyes narrowing with confusion. “You don’t have a fever either… Did I stink when I came in?”

His bottom lip pushed out into a pout and you giggled tiredly, swiping your finger along his boot lip as you let your head fall back against the pillows. “Don’t be silly. Sometimes it happens before I get my period…” You explained, hoping that he’d understand, that you’d be able to move on to a different subject, any topic at all, but he dropped down so his butt was against the floor now, his legs stretching straight in front of him as his head tilted to the side, a look of deep thought crossing his features.

“When are you supposed to get that? I can get all the stuff you need beforehand.” You gnawed your bottom lip, trying to think hard about what your calendar looked like, trying to remember the last time you got your period, your eyes squeezed shut tightly as you attempted to envision the calendar on the inside of your eyelids. “Hold up, I think I have it on my calendar…” He mumbled, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket. He stared at the screen for a while, his finger swiping up and down repeatedly, his head tilting further and further as if the different angle he was viewing his phone at would make whatever he was thinking make sense. “Don’t you usually get it like… Every four weeks?”

You shrugged lightly, rolling onto your side to look at his phone screen to see what he was looking at. “Sometimes it can be late. The weather and stress… ya know?” He let out this sigh that sounded a lot like disbelief that what you were saying was the reason for being late. “I can’t be that late. I just had my period like… yesterday.” It was exaggeration clearly, but it didn’t seem like that long ago that you had been curled up on the couch, covered in a thick blanket with a heating pad pressed against your stomach to try to ease the cramps that you were having.

“Your sense of time is crazy…” You murmured, shaking his head as a nervous chuckle escaped him. “You’re like two weeks late, Y/N…” He turned his phone screen so you could see it better, and you quickly grabbed it out of his hand, scoffing quietly as you checked his calendar. It seemed impossible that it had been that long, but as you looked at the dates on his phone, you could see that he hadn’t been wrong. Now that you saw the days, you realized just how off your sense of time was. “So… what would that mean? What would cause that?” He asked quietly, and your face scrunched up, your teeth clenched together as a hushed hiss was pushed out between them.

“Well… A lot of things could cause that… But… One thing in particular would be the main cause…” You explained, although you were sure he understood just as well what would cause something like this, he was just in a state of denial, just as you were. “There’s really only one way to find out…”

The both of you sat on the floor of your bathroom, the white stick right in front of you as you both waited for the results to show up. His hand was in yours, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over your knuckles, but neither of you looked away from the test, both of your hearts racing at thought of what the results would be.

Slowly but surely the second pink line began to form, your eyes going wide as you watched it, and he was either in a state of shock, or he just didn’t fully understand what was going on, although you were banking on it being the latter scenario. “How would that happen?” He whispered, his words breaking the silence that had been hanging over the room for what felt like forever.

Swallowing thickly, you carefully reached out to grab the stick off the floor, and even though the situation was beyond stressful for you, the only thing you could think to do was make a half-assed, sarcastic joke. “Well when two people love each other very much-” His hand quickly moved up to cover your mouth, rolling his eyes as he used his freehand to grab the test out of your hand, holding it up to the light as if the different angle and lighting would change the result.

“I know how it happens… I just…” His tongue worried the inside of his cheek before clicking it against the roof of his mouth, reaching over to place the test on the edge of the sink counter. “I mean… we do that a lot, don’t we?” You felt your body heat up at the obvious statement he had made and you sheepishly nodded in agreement, pulling your knees up to your chest and resting your forehead against them. “I guess it’s possible…” He was talking as if it hadn’t been confirmed yet, as if he hadn’t just seen the positive test result. You would have laughed if you weren’t so nervous right now.

Sighing softly, you pushed yourself up off the floor, much to his surprise. He continued sitting on the floor, staring up at you with wide eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to tell my family…” You mumbled, the nerves eating away at you as you pulled open the bathroom door and walked out, Byounggon scurrying to his feet to follow you out to the living room where you fell back onto the couch. “And you literally just debuted and I don’t want to ruin things for you. What are the others going to think when they find out? Oh my god… We’re not even together. I mean, if you have to leave, I completely unders-”

He gasped loudly, cutting you off before you had finished the word, his mouth wide with shock, and he truly looked upset that you even thought that he’d do something like that. His hands quickly found yours as he looked at you, his head tilted to the side. “I’m not going to leave… It takes two to get that kind of result.” He chuckled sheepishly, shaking his head quickly as his eyes dropped down to his lap. “And whatever you decide to do, I’m behind you one hundred percent. But I’m letting you know that… Even if we don’t have a label on this… We’re together.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he looked around your apartment, as if he were trying not to make eye contact. “And if we have to tell our parents… We can just skip the whole boyfriend girlfriend label, and we can get the marriage certificate and-”

Your head fell back with laughter, and it was the first time since you saw the test result that you felt that you could actually laugh and it was all thanks to him. “Oh yeah? You’re funny. You think they won’t find that just the slightest bit suspicious?” You asked, eyeing him suspiciously, one of your eyebrows raised, but his reaction only had you snorting and trying to hold back your laughter as he shrugged, his lips pulled together in a thin line.

“It’s definitely suspicious, but they can’t really complain because we’d be married.” He held out his hands, motioning as if he had a point in what he had said. You rolled your eyes before closing them, groaning in disbelief and letting your head fall back against the back cushion of the couch, running your hands over your face. “I wouldn’t mind marrying you though, I think it would be pretty cool. Everyone wants to marry their bestfriend, don’t they?” You peaked through your finger to see that he was deep in thought now, a soft smile spreading across his face as he imagined what it would be like.

“You’re a dork…” You muttered, playfully pushing his shoulder, but he dramatically bounced back, falling against you and wrapping his arms around your waist as you jokingly tried to push him off, but you immediately froze when you felt his hand lightly brush across your stomach, and while you weren’t sure if it was intentional or not, the small action had you getting slightly choked up.

His head lifted enough to look at you, worry flashing across his face at the sound of your quiet sniffle. “Hey, it’s okay… I’m still going to be here no matter what. I love you, and that’s not going to change.” Pushing himself up more, he pressed his lips against your cheek, kissing away the stray tear that fell. “I was getting ahead of myself, I’m sorry if that upset you… You don’t have to… It’s okay… I was just-” Now it was your turn to shush him, cupping his cheeks in your hands and pulling him closer, kissing him deeply, clearly throwing him off guard the way his body stiffened momentarily, only to completely relax against yours, his hand sliding up your arm and over your shoulder until his fingers loosely wrapped around the back of your neck, lengthening and deepening the kiss. “This is why we’re in this situation, isn’t it?” He murmured against your lips, and you could only hum in response, giving him a small smile when you pulled back.

“I guess it was bound to happen at some point with the way we are, wasn’t it…?” You joked, and he simply nodded, a smug smirk stretching across his lips as he laid his head down on your chest, your fingers stroking through his hair as he cuddled up against you. “We’ll figure it out… We’ll be fine.” You reassured both yourself and him, finally letting yourself relax, releasing all of the stress that you were holding in with a long exhale, your eyes closing as images of your life, your future with him filled your mind. Things would be fine, you knew they would be as long as you were with him.