#cisproblems

I’ve had enough.

It takes me twice as much effort to get up in the morning, but I make it to class out of a sense of responsibility.

I am responsible for my future

My future is uncertain

My future is made more uncertain by the fact that I’m trans

Every person who finds out is a potential murderer

Or rapist

Or both

My life is seen as less than because of what I am

But I know that there are many people whose situation is far scarier than mine

I’m in college

My parents support me

Financially anyway

The glares that I get in church back home are all bluffs

To keep me from getting too close

… probably.

All I know is that I’ve been told my entire life to be whatever I want to be

That anything I could possibly want is achievable and admirable

As long as I really want it

 But they didn’t mean this.

 Which means I’ve been told my entire life to be something I’m not

So other people can stay comfortable in their views of the world

What I am is a threat to the social structure that has come to require two rigid gender roles.

There is a little wiggle room

But I have squirmed under those requirements

And my refusal to follow the rules has made me a target

And it’s not my fault

And it’s not their fault

It’s not something that people consciously need

It’s something they don’t have to think about unless it’s been taken away from them.

That’s why only other people who don’t fit the norm understand what I’m feeling.

That’s why white cis men are all assholes.

Not because they make a conscious effort to beat up on the world

But because they’re so blinded by the privileges they have in race and gender

That they can’t see what damage they’re doing

By forcing others to conform.

.. without even knowing they’re doing it.

White cis men suck

And I’m becoming 2 out of 3 of those things.

 I hope I never lose sight of my privilege

Or what it denies me:

Access to non-normative ways of thinking