#cinnabutt

I’m not sure where to place my emotions. It was mostly a general confusion of, “Who are these people? What gives them the right to make a fashion statement out of my misery and the illnesses that have quite literally ripped my life from me?” Now you see that and you gotta take a step back.

It’s something I had been stewing on for a bit now. So the longer I went without addressing it or talking about it, more angry I seemed to get about it. Finally the other day I saw it mentioned again as adoptable style and it just made me burn up to the point I made that vent post, great thing I did!

My friend @follyface was extremely kind to leave a comment just kinda help explain it further since it was a lot of her personal interests and she’s been my follower, and i hers, for a long time now. This wasn’t just some RANDOM person, this was another person I knew and saw around on a daily basis. So obviously I’m a lot more motivated to hear her out. You know how when discourse happens, the person who starts it tends to just put their fingers in their ears until they’re done pouting about it. Sometimes it’s hours, days, or waaaay longer. I’m just grateful for me it actually flipped pretty quickly just by talking to folly!

What also helped immensely were other bloggers who reblogged and commented on it to help kinda give more information as to how it became a thing, who uses it, why it’s in use. yaddaya. You know, the whole picture. Not just my gross assumption of, “Why the hell are pretty skinny white girls using my illnesses/disability as a fashion trend?”

I was absolutely wrong. It was an ignorant statement that was just festering misunderstanding and honest? I know better than this. I think I’m emotionally raw and angry right now just because I’m so sick. But that doesn’t give me the right to make those broad statements using harsher tones that could hurt my friends who enjoy that content, or even worse, if my disabled/spoonie followers who saw my statement who very much adore Menhera and use it to make themselves feel better about their own skin and illnesses. I never once even took that into consideration and that was wrong of me.

I know it comes too late possibly, I do want to make more a broad apology to my followers who possibly were hurt by my venting. I won’t remove the posts because I personally believe the content that follows it up is extremely helpful and knowledgeable. It sure showed me, maybe it will show someone else too?

So AJ, what are you going to do differently?

Well… I’m personally going to try to be a lot more open minded to Menhera aesthetic. I personally am not sure how I feel about it, it’s very mixed for me. I know I love seeing spoonies deck out their mobility aids, make charms or accessories representing and helping spread the word about illnesses that affect millions of people. So why can’t I feel that jump start of excitement and positivity for Menhera… I think all this means is I clearly need to research more. I like cutie-fying things, so it only makes sense that this should be something I would enjoy… hmm. Folly has been wonderful and suggested some blogs that I might personally enjoy. If you peepers have any spoonie/disabled blogs that are menhera blogs I do politely ask if anyone would be open to sharing them with me and help me get more accustomed to see it around and understanding it much better. Obv no one here has to help me one or is expected too. I can research and look on my own too and I plan too! I just would love to see other’s personal interested blogs I guess if nothing else. c:

Okay, so what about the stimmies? Why did that subject twist your nipples so bad? You reacted the complete opposite of Menhera?????

BECAUSE AJ IS A HYPOCRITE. REMEMBER THAT. This is an amazing point to bring up anon! Thank you! This is not something I even REMOTELY considered relatable to Menhera, but… that’s… dumb. Of course it’s just like Menhera subject. What in the world makes them any different from each other? all the same subjects crop up.

“This person is fetishizing disabled/autistic people!”

“Are they even disabled/autistic? :/”

“They are making a profit off of disabled/autistic and that’s gross.”

These are all vague/rough statements I saw around Stimmies and my own first thoughts on Menhera. I had an argument for every single one when it was about stimmies, but the minute it was Menhera? I was on the other side of the argument saying, “HEY STOP THAT.” But you know what? That’d not right. I have NO place to tell, even when venting to myself, to do or not do something. Ever.

+ I think I reacted so much to everyone shit slinging cinnabutt for making stimmies for their own enjoyment was because all the insults they tossed at her? Honestly felt like they could just be directed at me too. I made pillowings as a comfort character for myself. I took me 5-6 years before I ever had the courage to try releasing them to the public as adoptables even though people had been asking me ever since I drew missy, the first blue one.

This was my personal aid character. It was made very specifically for me and making me feel better, loved, and not alone. Slowly as I started to open up about my illness and get some of the support I needed, I realized I could give some back. After all this time, pillowing adoptables became a big thing. They sold well, got lots of attention, help pay for all my medical debts when they came up. It was amazing eye-opening experience for me.

To me, pillowings are my personal stim species. I stim constantly in various ways and that has had a huge negative impact my entire life. So when I saw people openly talking about stimming and making adorable squishy creatures that looked so CUTE and beautiful it took me by surprise. “Stimming isn’t pretty…” I was so confused by it. But I loved it all the time. It was so easy to relate too and I could literally imagine myself squishing a rice-filled paws of pillowings, or pulling/stretching a gummy character as it squeaks and smiles batting at your hands playfully…. It… made me really happy to see it. To think that maybe my random erratic movements aren’t just ugly and annoying. That my skin CRAVING scratching wasn’t just gross or weird. Just.. It made me feel nice. Not normal, but nice. It was even nicer to see so many other people relating to them and liking them as well. That’s exactly how I feel about the stimmies and pillowings because to me they are very much on the same playing field I just happened to give my pillowings a different name rather than something as direct as stimmies.

So many people are still upset about it though. Honestly? I get it now. I’m sorry I was rude before about the stimmies subject if anyone felt I was abrasive on @closedspeciesdrama when I would leave comments or such. I see why it makes some people anxious because I literally just had this same thing happen to me and this Menhera gimmick.

However I think we all need to kinda… step back. We need to examine why exactly does this upset us? Why does this make us angry or hurt? “I bet the person isn’t even disabled/sick/autistic…” This was my first thought too. However we need to fuck off with that thinking. Why? Because no one is EVER obligated to share such deep personal / medical information with you or ANYONE. Invisible illnesses are extremely complicated and hard to deal with. Even in the communities of support things like this still happen. Someone will made a rude comment or assumption that someone isn’t as “sick” as they say they are cause of how we see them on a public platform.

Doesn’t matter if all the girls I saw in my very brief google of Menhera are white, skinny, or pretty. They could be sick, they could be disabled, they could just be allies. I have no idea and it’s not my place to rain on their parades because I don’t know or I’m making assumptions about these peoples by only looking at them for .5 seconds. It’s the exact same thing with stimmies. You have no idea who is making them/adopting them and you don’t know why they are. They are not required to give you an explanation as to why this particular thing makes them happy. If they do? Wonderful, kudos to them. But no one ever should be forced to do that.

As for making a profit off of disabled people/autistic people… Everyone deserves to be paid for their time and energy they use to create something new. Be it wonderful or not. If no one buys it, then the creator most likely will move on to their next phase. If people buy it, clearly that means there are people out there, like myself, who need to see things like that in a creative and positive light. That’s how I see it. Don’t like it? Don’t buy it. Plain and simple.

TLDR VERSION:

AJ was wrong for being so quick to judge rudely of Menhera fashion culture/aesthetics. AJ needs to research more on Menhera culture itself to help her understand it better.

Stimmies are great. Representation matters.

Don’t ask people for personal/medical info if it’s not freely given.

PAY ARTISTS IF YOU LIKE THEIR CONTENT.