I ffeel like so confused rn like, is like im incapable of having a strong emotional bond with my friends or quite literally anyone. I want to care abt how they feel soooo bad but i js cant and it makes me feel so shitty abt myself but then i think, i dont care. Why cant i care bro i can smile i can act like i hold them dear to my heart but i cant. And when someone gets remotely close to being that supposed dear to my heart or whatever i start to resent them and ill cut them off and i want them to find someone else to get close to even though i want that person to be me. Its so pathetic and sad and lonely but at the end of the day i wont care which is the worst part. They can be thinking oh man i feel so sad but im here grinning like as if i won the lotterh because i dont know how to feel about that certain situation. Ive lost like, probably 2 to 3 close relationships because of my lack of care and it makes me want to fight myself but at the same time it feels like such a non issue. And what am i even supposed to say to them??? Sorry, idc and im sorry that i dont care?? That makes me sound like the shittiest person alive bro what..... How do people even care bro i can shed a couple tears for someone yes but they can go as quickly as they came ljke give me some empathy or whatever its called i want to care i want to feel what its like to want to be happy because someones happy and be sad when someones sad but i dont care i dont care i dont care ill act the part if i have to but the moment its not needed i cant bring myself to care even in the slightest amount unless it directly affects me. What am i self centered or something idk how does someone care ahhshhshhhh# i hate this i hate thatbi want to care but after writing this ill probably go on with my day like nothing happened which is the worst part and idk i want help i want to make peopke see that i care for them sincerely and not that its what society tells me to do. Mmsmsmsm.... Smsmmsmsmsmmmmsa.. A. Aim gonna puncha wall or something now life lowkirkenuinely sucks