i. you realise that sometimes family is who you choose. wounds are covered with band-aids and smiles. you're still in your spring; daisy chains pinned in pockets. the laughter of friends when the sun beats down. summer nights that age faster than you want to. ii. she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. when she tilts her head back then she makes you forget all the ugly things in the world. she makes you forget yourself. when you close your eyes you see her face. every detail. her laugh is the sound that's attached to every beautiful memory in the showreel of your life. iii. you see your best friend break. it's not something that a band-aid or a smile will fix. the pain seeps back in, this time it tastes like whisky. everything is splintered. the clouds gather, the darkness sets in. you wonder where the laughter went; no one laughs any more. now you and your friends avoid each others eyes. iv. the scales are always sliding. one best friend replaces another. the pain still tastes the same. silent nights at the roller rink, unspoken truths and stories. he is your family. he is who you choose. you tell yourself that can be enough. v. you are sitting on the floorboards with the open photo album. fingers trace faces you knew. it has been cloudy for quite some years. the rain that spills over is coming from your own eyes. through the blur, you realise, the person you recognise the least... is yourself.
how it feels to let go - e.m.
