#chrstopher lee

Recap (2/2)

The journey continues anew, in the right direction this time, and the three head to King Haggard’s castle to find the Red Bull and the other Unicorns. And they find it soon enough, as a bright red light envelops the castle that night. And that light is, of course, the Red Bull.

Well, it’s out of my system...I think. I think. But OK, the real Red Bull, then.

Yeah, this thing is a scarlet MONSTER, and it really does quite monstrous. Molly asks the doubting Schmendrick to do something, and tells him that he has the ability to use magic,, even though he doubts it. With the Bull chasing the Unicorn, Schmendrick tries to do something to stop the chase. And, uh...he succeeds.

Yeah, whoops. Looks like Schmednrick turned her into the worst thing in the world: a human girl! NOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah, everybody (except for Schmendrick) freaks out about this, ESPECIALLY the Unicorn. Now in a mortal body, she’s starting to lose it. However, Schmendrick is right in that this is a pretty decent body.

But yeah, no, the Unicorn is NOT HAPPY about this development. However, Schmendrick does convince her that this is the best way to get into the kingdom of Haggard to find the other Unicorns. They give her the name “Lady Amalthea”, and they indeed get access to the castle.

They go to meet King Haggard (Christopher Lee), whom it turns out is an old, shriveled man who seeks only happiness. He only keeps things around him that make him happy. Molly, clever as she is, convinces Haggard that he has need of a new magician, as his current one clearly does not make him happy.

Seems that Haggard agrees, and pretty much immediately fires his current magician, Mabruk (Paul Frees), who’s none too pleased by this development. He begins to exact his vengeance, until stopped by the magic still within the Unicorn. Mabruk tells Haggard that he has “invited doom through his front door”, and leaves without another word.

The Unicorn, now as “Amalthea”, also quickly unnerves Haggard, as he can’t see his reflection in her eyes, which understandably freaks him out. However, with the help of his son Prince Lir (Jeff Bridges), he quickly calms down and tells the three that they can come and go as they please. And the group settles in, as Lir and “Amalthea” bond.

Lir’s pretty quickly smitten with her, and tries very hard to prove himself a worthy escort and partner, through slaying monsters and becoming a hero. However, she never even speaks to him, seeming cruel to him. He tells this to Molly, and Molly goes to speak with “Amalthea”. However...Amalthea appears to be losing her memory and identity as a Unicorn. Well, fuck.

This is revealed through the song “Now That I’m a Woman”, sing by Mia Farrow herself. And...yeah, she’s not a great singer. Honestly, she’s a pretty poor singer, and it definitely shows. Hell, in the soundtrack, they actually replaced her voice with someone else. And...yeah, that doesn’t surprise me at all.

Molly assures Amalthea that Schmendrick will find a way to speak with the Red Bull, but Amalthea pretty heartlessly writes him off and mocks him as the King’s clown, which Molly rightfully tells her off for. Yeah, Molly’s the best character. The cat named...The Cat (Paul Frees) agrees!

Oh, yeah, there’s a cat with a peg-leg and an eyepatch that speaks with a pirate accent. What? You’ve never seen a pirate cat before? Come on, they’re super-common...I guess. Anyway, the cat tells Molly that soon the Unicorn will become Amalthea, a human woman. Oh, yeah, cats see through magic and lies, including the fact that Amalthea is the Unicorn. It’s common knowledge.

Amalthea, meanwhile, is having dreams of her life as a Unicorn from earlier in the movie. She wakes up, and Lir comes to speak with her. She is quite tired, and is always dreaming of this life, asleep or awake. Lit wants to help her, and she asks for a way to wipe away these dreams. As Amalthea becomes more human, she also grows to love Lir.

Lir serenades her with a song, called “That’s All I’ve Got to Say”. And Jeff Bridges...is also not a singer. Yeah, he’s not the worst, but he’s DEFINITELY not great. Sorry, Jeff, I love ya, but this definitely isn’t your strong point. Fun fact, though, Art Garfunkel apparently covered this song. And it’s...A LOT FUCKING BETTER. Seriously, check it out right here, it’s not bad! And actually, Leighton Meester and Scott Grimes also did a pretty great cover, which is right here, if you’re curious! Sorry, Jeff. You just aren’t my favorite singer.

Anyway, as the two fall in love, Schmendrick tries to solve a riddle passed down by the cat, regarding a clock with the answers. At the same time, Haggard speaks to Amalthea on the parapet, as he reveals that only one thing has ever made him happy. But before he reveals it, he states that he knows who Amalthea actually is.

And that’s when he shows her the one thing that makes him happy: unicorns. The Red Bull, a fire elemental, drove them into the sea so that the King could always see them from this castle on the shore. He commanded the Red Bull to catch them for him, as he had never been as happy as the first time he saw them in the woods. So, in other words...he turned them into NARWHALS, THE UNICORNS OF THE SEEEEEEEEA!

However, it would seem that Amalthea is a little bit too far gone at this point. Haggard notices this when he can see his reflection in her eyes this time, and she believes him mad. Yeah, Amalthea’s taking over, and the Unicorn is starting to fade. Well, shit, now what?

Schmendrick may have an answer to that, as he’s started to solve the riddle, which involves getting a skull to talk or some such thing. I think I missed some of the specifics, because this movie has...a LOT of talking. Like, fuck me, dude, it’s not a long movie, but the amount of talking makes it feel that way. Anyway, the Skull, called...the Skull (René Auberjonois), guards the Red Bull’s lair, and they have to convince the Skull to let them in. Schmendrick does so by bribing the Skull with wine, because apparently he’s a recovering alcoholic. And they trick him with literally an empty bottle. Powerful placebo effect, baby.

As they get to the clock, the Skull realizes that Amalthea is a The Last Unicorn, and raises the alarm to Haggard as they make their way through the clock to the Red Bull’s lair. They make it through, and Lir is also there at the same time. Weird. On the outside, Haggard destroys the clock, trapping the four within.

While in there, Amalthea confesses her love for Lir, and wishes to remain a human, rather than turn back into a Unicorn. However, Lir understands the truth of who and what she is, even if he does still love her. Molly believes she should stay as a human, for the sake of her love, while Schmendrick notes that she must become a unicorn again. However, that’s all made pretty goddamn moot when the Red Bull shows up.

Schmendrick finally gets his shit together, and the magic speaks through him to turn Amalthea back into the Unicorn. The Bull still chases after them, and begins to drive the Unicorn into the sea. Lit attempts to save her, and is nearly killed by the Null in the process.

At the last second, the Last Unicorn rallies against the Red Bull, attacking and driving it into the sea...with the rest of the Land Narwhals.

And with that, the rest of the Unicorns return to the land, and Amalthea is no longer the Last Unicorn. With their stampede, Haggard’s castle by the sea crumbles, and Haggard himself plummets to his death.

As they run off, Amalthea returns, and revives Lir from the dead. Amalthea says that she remembers Lir, and then...fucks off to the woods, I guess. Lir says goodbye to Schmendrick and Molly, who pledge their love for each other in the process. Schmendrick says goodbye to Amalthea, who asks if it makes him happy to be a true wizard now.

Amalthea notes that she’s afraid to go back, as she is the only Unicorn to ever know regret. Schmendrick apologizes for this, but she asks for no apologies. She rides off into the moonset, and into the credits.