#christopher howell

Nietzsche’s unmasking of Christianity is a potent challenge. It is, I believe, unanswerable without apokatastasis. But with universal reconciliation, Nietzsche’s charges fall by the wayside. The accusations of secret animosity, of glee in the face of eternal suffering, become untenable. Nietzsche himself is not beyond the scope of redemption and we can—and must—learn to love him too. We will have no need for masks in the afterlife, for we will be unafraid to bare our faces in all honesty. “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

      for Emma, in memoriam

She was four years old when she told me the children at her daycare had been arguing over which was greater, infinity (pronounced "finity") or the last number.

Sometimes we're speechless because we deserve to be. Sometimes love leaps out beyond enumeration or the vast, starry spaces in the skull of time.

With a secret, satisfied smile, she said, almost to herself, "Jeremy says it's the last number, but we really know it's finity."

And now she has gone like a sprite into the genius of her answer, leaping every number, sailing into the endlessness of that smile, and left us plodding knee-deep in starless equations in which X equals loss, again and again and again, to the nth power.

Jesus said our days are numbered. Hermes Trismegistus said numbers were the secret words by which the world and heavens told each other what would ever be.

And now we say a thing that matters "counts." And when it stops counting it is dross.

We say to measure is to know and to know is to possess. But love burns without consuming and weighs nothing,

like faith, like a fool's precision or the dream of a memory of a child's face.

2012

Louise Plowright (Madame Morrible), Christopher Howell (Dr. Dillamond) & Louise Dearman (Elphaba)

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