#chonically ill

-a poem about living with chronic illness at a young age-

I am too young

That's what people say

Too young for this body

That I battle everyday

I am "too young"

Too young for such pain

My youth contradicts

My mournful refrain

My skin is still soft

My face not yet aged

Untouched by wrinkles

My bones seem unscathed

But my eyes are dark

And my soul is old

My mind is troubled

And I am perpetually cold

Beneath my skin

There are things you don't see

I am young and in pain

That is hard to percieve

For I no longer cry out

I no longer grimace

I don't write pain on my face

For all to see and listen

These are old wounds

I've forgotten exist

But they have not forgotten to hurt

They are now quiet and listess

I am too young

Too young for dark thoughts

That's what I've been told

Though I've learned I am not

Where is this child

I'm told I contain

This healing youth

That makes me immune to pain

Perhaps I am old

Or perhaps you are wrong

To assume that I'm fine

Just because I've been strong

I've seen pain

I've looked in it's eyes

It does not discriminate

It is often disguised

But I've seen so much hatred

And I've also glimpsed death

So long as I avoid them

I just got a dm from my friend and body positivity advocate @barbellbro-baggins-blr . He has used his blog to document his own body acceptance journey, and has inspired so many people to do the same. He inspired me when I first joined like 4 years ago. He just gave me his email and Facebook url so we can keep in touch in case his blog is deleted.

I only recently found people on this site who post about chronic pain, something I've been relatively recently diagnosed with, only for the tag to be wiped from the tag search option and tons of blogs and posts gone. Many in the disabled and chronically ill community feel that Tumblr is attacking their (our) place to exist as a community @staff .

Countless artists and writers are finding their posts and blogs flagged or deleted - even completely sfw content - and appealing flagged posts has brought little to no resolution. Fandom creators are finding the same.

I know one user who is dying - her organs are literally failing and she uses Tumblr to desperately try to bring in some income, since she can't afford her prescribed medicine even with generic, and all the coupons and other things you can get online to take off $20. I have no doubt many like her are in similar situations and have had their posts deleted, cutting off avenues for income.

Anti-nazi posts have been deleted and flagged, while i can search for neonazis, their recruitment posts, and their hate speech that clearly violates tumblr's new user rules, with disturbing ease.

@staff has made a lot of blunders with their updates to "improve" user experience. But this one is quite possibly the worst. It feels quite intentional regardless of what the CEO claims.

This camel's back has broken. This is unacceptable. It's wrong. And it reveals a disturbing trend about censorship. Not to mention censorship without ethics, and social media that has no regard for its users. But they need us.

I'm not sure what we should do. Past boycotts have not done much to sway corporate. Especially from relatively small blogs. But maybe if we can get some big blogs too it'll do something. But one day of inactivity won't even make them blink.

Blinds are down, sun is shut out, I'm going nocturnal.