I can turn it on
be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
if that's what you need
I can do it- I'll get through it…
-human, christina perri
I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.
I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.
I wrote last week:
"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."
the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.
teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.
Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:
Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.
a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.
it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.
Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."
the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.
right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.
Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.
Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.
Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.
Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.
the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.
this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.
it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.
I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.
Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”
Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.
the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.
Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.
it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
if that's what you ask
give you all I am…
this scene powerfully illustrated the pain desperate people will force themselves to endure in order to survive, while passing that brokenness down to the next generation. beyond the inexcusable abuse that prompted it, the real tragedy is that it’s being passed down out of love.
there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.
it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.
love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.
side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wish they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so having Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
