#chloep

Sebastian didn't know what to do, what to think or even if he should react at all. Being who he was and considering the news that had just got out, he knew that something was expected, anything, but the truth was his mind was a complete knot. It would be a lie to say he didn't try to convince himself that it was all a lie, attempting to separate them, but Veritas had proved to be right about everything so far, regardless of the way they exposed things. Sebastian felt his whole body aching, the thoughts, every doubt making complete sense now that he knew that Chloe had lied to him; she'd lied all along, about everything, and the last thing he wanted now was to face the truth, for he wasn't sure he would be able to be around her right now and admit that, rather than the loving girlfriend he'd always seen, she'd been the one to break his heart.

Chloe couldn’t bring herself to feel anything as she made her way through the hallways of the dormitory, her thoughts a haze of confusion. The day she’d been dreading for months had come, when news of what she’d done had broken, no doubt reaching the ears of the one person she’d always needed to protect. She needed to get to him, to explain – to make an impossible situation right. But she couldn’t, she’d known that all along. There was no explanation, no words of love of comfort that could rectify the mistakes Chloe had made, and while she knew that, she couldn’t help but walk into the dormitory with the slightest bit of hope that the two would be okay. Anything, he’d promised that they could get through anything – and Chloe needed to believe in that promise. It was the lifeline she clung to as she opened the dormitory, and the one last prayer she refused to let go of as she looked at him now. “Can we talk?” The words were barely above a whisper, and her eyes stung with tears, the guilt entirely written over her features.

Sebastian hoped that she would respect him enough to leave him alone, even if a part of him was aching to get an explanation. He'd never seen himself was a perfect boyfriend, never once believing he could do extraordinary things like so many guys seemed to do, because he wasn't good with words and his actions not always showed his love completely, but Sebastian thought, out of all things, that if he was doing something wrong, Chloe would tell him. Not do what she'd done to him. "No. I want to be alone," he replied with a bitter tone, his gaze never once flickering to meet hers. Sebastian could tell by her voice that she wasn't okay --or was she pretending just to play him again?-- and he couldn't do it. He couldn't just allow himself to even glance quickly at her and risk ending up with Chloe in his arms, for he knew that he wasn't able to ignore her sadness completely. "Leave."

Chloe didn't have the slightest clue as to how she was keeping her composure in that moment, but she had yet to cry. Even now, standing before him with her heart on the verge of shattering, Chloe knew that to break down would be selfish - that it would be unfair to the boy who'd only ever deserved better than she'd given him. Although the girl wasn't surprised by his request, Chloe couldn't help but be hurt by it, although it wasn't a request she would grant him. Not now, because she had the sinking feeling that if she turned and walked out of the room, it would be the last time she'd see him and know that he was still hers. "No," she replied softly, her voice barely audible. "I can't leave until you hear me out and let me explain."

Sebastian pressed his lips together, fighting an audible groan at her denial, even though he already knew she wouldn't be so easily convinced to leave. Finally, Sebastian turned around, blue eyes narrowed and his expression a blank. For once he was thankful for being able to shut down, at least when it came to other people, for he doubted that would ever stop feeling miserable at the realization that the one girl he'd wished to be is, was someone else's too. "I doubt that I will want to hear anything. And explain? Spare me the details, Chloe. I've heard more than enough for the day," his tone was cold, but he couldn't help but feel guilty for being so harsh on her. It seemed incredibly stupid of him, but Sebastian couldn't help but worry about her; he couldn't help but love her, even after what happened.

Chloe had told herself that she'd been prepared for the worst, that she could have handled anything, yet as she looked at Sebastian now, Chloe knew that there was no possibility that she could have prepared for this. Even though she'd seen Sebastian shut down, to turn into exactly the sort of mechanized person he was now, Chloe had never quite fathomed that one day, the emotionless facade would be directed towards her - and she knew in that moment that there was nothing that could have prepared her for it. Swallowing, Chloe stepped towards him, catching her lower lip between her teeth as she did. "I made a mistake, Sebastian," she spoke up quietly, trying to keep the emotion out of her tone for her boyfriend's sake. "I ended it, Sebastian. Forever ago, and I know I-" The brunette's breath caught in her chest, the pain of what she'd done to the first and only person she'd ever loved hit her again. "I know I hurt you, and that I lied. I just.. I was afraid you would hate me if I told you, and I couldn't take you hating me."

Sebastian widened his eyes, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. He stepped back, shaking his head mostly to push away the idea that another man had touched what he thought to be only his. Truthfully, he was at the loss of words, his frustration, jealousy and anger completely getting in the way of any rational thoughts he could've had. "You made a mistake? Are you fucking kidding me?" He snapped, pressing his lips together for a moment. "Do you think it matters that 'it ended' forever ago? You lied to me. You made it look as if you were the only girlfriend waiting for the right moment while you were too busy screwing your teacher." As the words came out of his mouth, he couldn't help but to feel worse; for her, for himself. Sebastian felt lost and betrayed, incredibly insecure for someone who'd always been confident. It couldn't be only her fault, he knew that; Had he been better, she wouldn't feel the need for look for another person. "Well, maybe you should've started by not fucking him in the first place."

Chloe nearly flinched as she heard Sebastian's words, at the anger and the hurt in the boy's tone. She knew she didn't have the right to be angry, that Sebastian was justified in saying what he had, but regardless, she couldn't help but be hurt. "It wasn't like that," she protested, shaking her head as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't just screw my teacher, Sebastian. That wasn't what it was like at all. I just.." Her teeth dug into her lower lip as she struggled for an explanation despite knowing that there wasn't one. "I messed up, Sebastian. But that doesn't mean I didn't love you, or that I don't wish it was you. Because I do. The few times I slept with him, it wasn't you. And I knew that, and I just.. I was angry at my parents and that's not an excuse. It's not an excuse and I don't have one, Sebastian." Inhaling a shallow breath, Chloe's gaze met her boyfriend's, silently begging him to give her another chance as she whispered, "You said we could get through anything, Sebastian. This, this is anything."

Sebastian shook his head, raising his finger to stop her from talking. "Now I understand the reason for that question," he spoke up, his gaze lingering on hers. He felt like he couldn't breathe, every word that came out of his mouth making it more real then before, and the only thing he wanted to do was push it all aside and forget. "This isn't just anything. You wouldn't say that if I was the one screwing someone else and you know that." He stated, shaking his head at her remark. Regardless of how he felt, dealing with the news wasn't something he felt like he could do lightly, even if he truly wanted to stay with her. Sebastian inhaled sharply, casting his gaze down. "You wouldn't."

Chloe fell silent as Sebastian's hand moved to silence her, and she curled her arm against her chest, waiting for him to finish. Her heart sunk with every word the boy spoke, because he was making what she'd done into some malicious thing when it had never been that way. Not for her, not even when she'd thought she loved Dorian. "Sebastian," she started weakly, "I wanted to tell you. I tried, I just.. I was afraid that if I told you, this conversation would happen and that I'd lose you. And tell me, tell me that if I'd told you on my own, would it have ended up differently?" She shook her head, inhaling a shallow breath before continuing. "I don't know if I would," Chloe admitted, meeting his gaze with tear-filled eyes. The truth was, she didn't have any experience when it came to relationships, and while she knew she'd made mistakes in regards to this one, Chloe also knew that it wasn't one she wanted to lose. Had Sebastian been the one who'd made the mistake of sleeping with someone else, Chloe didn't know if she would have been willing to look past it. When she'd thought he'd been cheating on her the year before with a girl she hadn't known, she'd had a small taste of what sharing her boyfriend had felt like, and Chloe had hated it with every fiber of her being. But she also knew that when it came to Sebastian, there were a lot of things she'd do for him, so the idea of forgiving him wasn't something she thought she was incapable of. With that thought in mind, Chloe looked up at Sebastian, catching her lower lip to try and keep from bursting into tears, "But I do know I'd try because I love you. And that means more to me than any mistake you could have made. I don't know if it would've worked, but I would have tried."

Sebastian groaned, running his hands through his hair as he exhaed a sigh of frustration. "The problem isn't the way I found out, it's what you did, Chloe! For fuck's sake, you cheated on me!" He shook his head, eyes wide with shock. He wasn't sure if her words were true, but there was no denying that the thought didn't seem as absurd as he wanted to believe. Sebastian was different, though, he didn't have her heart or the belief that what was broken could ever be whole again. "I don't know," he mumbled, for his thoughts had stopped for a moment. It was a lie, his whole line of thinking was a complete lie. He'd been broken and Chloe managed to put him back up, without caring once about how distant he got when the subject had anything to do with the person that had wounded him in the first place. The girl standing in front of him did the exact thing that he refused to bring himself to believe in, and that realization made his body shake. Sebastian had loved Anna for years, a feeling that he'd cherish forever, but it wasn't the same thing as it was with Chloe. It had never been this powerful, breathtaking, to the point that even now he couldn't bring himself to believe that after this conversation, she'd be free from him. "I don't know," he repeated, casting his gaze down. It hurt, but the idea of losing her hurt so much more.

Chloe kept her gaze on Sebastian, her lower lip trembling as she looked at him. "I know that," she spoke up after a moment, averting her gaze from his. "I know that this is about the fact that I cheated, but I'm telling you, I wish I hadn't. Because you're the one person I've never wanted to hurt, and this... this was hurting you." Chloe fell silent then, a small sigh falling from her lips as she moved to sit on Noel's bed, trying to process what was even happening because in all honesty, she truly hadn't. She'd made mistakes, yes, but she'd never once thought that things could truly end like this - she'd thought they could get through anything. After a moment, Chloe stood, taking a risk in stepping closer to him and reaching for his hand. The fact that she had to hesitate hurt, as she'd never once had to hesitate in the fear of being rejected by Sebastian, but she understood why she did. "I'm not asking you to forgive me right now," Chloe said softly, interlacing their fingers before looking up at him. "But I'm asking you to please, think of whether you love me more than you hate what I did." She bit her lip, her gaze still on his. "Because at the end of the day, no matter what I did, I still love you."

Sebastian didn't know what else to say, finding that he was more upset and confused than he even expect, his mind turning into a complete knot. He wanted to believe her, push away his insecurity and the pain of knowing she'd lied to him for so many months, but part of him still felt the pain, one he wasn't sure how to deal with. However, he couldn't bring himself to pull away when Chloe's hand reached for his own, his gaze moving to their hands as he continued to be silent. Sebastian ran a hand through his hair, exhaling a shallow breath as he mulled over her words over and over again, repeating them to himself until he could come to a conclusion. It seemed ridiculously weak of him to forgive something such as a betrayal, but as his blue eyes moved up to look at hers, Sebastian knew there was no doubt in his mind about it. He couldn't lose her, not Chloe and not without trying. "I need time," he whispered, shaking his head, but still keeping her close. "I don't know what to think, and I need to do that. I need to be able to understand."

Chloe was quiet for a moment, simply waiting for some hint of a reaction from her boyfriend. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since she'd taken his hand in her own, and Chloe wanted to believe more than anything that the fact that he hadn't pulled back his hand was a good sign. Maybe it was foolish on her part, but she wanted to believe that they'd be okay after everything, that she wasn't on the verge of losing the one person she'd ever told you. Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Chloe looked up, meeting his gaze directly as the boy finished talking. "I understand," she replied softly, fighting the urge to make him understand because she knew it wouldn't solve anything. Reaching up to trace her fingertips against his jawline, Chloe nodded. "I can give you time," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. "You deserve that, and I just.. I just want you to know that I love you because this doesn't change that. When I realized that I loved you, I ended it and I'm sorry. For hurting you, for lying about it... all of it, because you're the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't want you to doubt that." Swallowing her pride, Chloe allowed her hand to fall to her side. "Just tell me when you're ready to be around me, and.. we'll get through this." Her fingertips toyed with the ring on her finger as she looked at him, hesitating before she added softly, "I really do love you, Sebastian."

Sebastian knew that after what she'd told him, the respect she showed at least now, he should've let her go and take his time to rest, think about everything that happened and what to do. However, it hurt when her hand fell from his jawline and he lost that one hint of intimacy between the two, just as it did when her fingers toyed with the ring he'd given her days ago. "I love you too," he murmured, quite confident for someone who had so many doubts about everything. He didn't doubt his love for Chloe, though. Despite what happened, he didn't regret the words that came out of his mouth now, because even if he'd loved his previous girlfriend, it hadn't been like this in the slightest. "Yeah... I'll try," he added, nodding his head. For a moment, Sebastian stepped back and sighed deeply, running a nervous hand through his hair. Only a moment late his gaze fell to her hand once more and he couldn't help himself, reaching over to take it in his own, his fingertip brushing against the ring. "Don't take it off," he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Chloe hesitated, still waiting for her boyfriend to say something and not wanting to push him into something he wasn't ready for. There was no doubt in her mind that what she'd done wasn't something the boy would get over anytime soon, and that she shouldn't expect him to be. "I'm so sorry," she whispered softly, closing her eyes for a moment as moisture stung, a small reminder of what she'd done. It wasn't enough to mend what she'd done, but it was a reminder, something she couldn't get over her head - although it didn't even compare to the pain she felt when she saw the expression on his face. Knowing the pain she'd caused him, seeing it written all over his face, it was worse than all of the lies had been, worse than anything she'd ever felt. "Thank you," she breathed, genuinely loving him more in that moment for trying to get past this. Her brow furrowed as she heard the last part of his words, and she looked up at him. "I won't," she whispered softly, hesitating before adding, "I wouldn't take it off even if you had broken up with me, Seb." Hesitating, she leaned up and brushed her lips against his, the tears finally falling after she'd kissed him, and she pulled away after a moment. "I'll see you around?"

Sebastian was quiet, more than he'd ever been before, mulling over her words the ones that he ought to spill but couldn't bring himself to. There was a lot of things left unsaid, and a even bigger share of regret in every breath he took now, almost as if his flaws had been enhanced by her need to be with someone else, regardless of she'd told him before. His gaze was down on his hands, the ring on her finger that was supposed to symbolize their commitment to each other. Maybe it still did, out of all things. "Thank you," he replied, looking into her eyes then and flashing her a sad, yet genuine smile. It was a reassurance that Chloe was willing to respect his need to think, even if she was hurt too; he could see it, past his own pain and rather blurred by the anger that still lingered, but he knew she was hurting too, and Sebastian hated himself for that. The boy couldn't pull away from the kiss, the taste of her lips drawing a small breath from him. "We can just... Lay down, if you want. Rest."

Chloe tried to wipe away her tears before the blonde boy could see them, but much like she'd expected, it seemed to be a failed effort. She closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling a shallow breath before she pulled away from the kiss, her resolve to keep her composure nearly crumpling as she saw the look on her boyfriend's face. It was in that moment that Chloe knew she'd never deserved him, but she couldn't help but stand in front of him, wanting more than anything to fix this so that they wouldn't fall apart. His offer surprised her, and she hesitated, not knowing if the boy was asking her to stay with him because he wanted her there with him or simply because he knew her well enough to know that she needed him. Catching her lower lip between her teeth, the brunette studied him for a moment before nodding slowly. The truth was, she didn't want to argue with him, or hurt him worse, so she nodded. "We can lay down," she whispered softly, tugging on his hand as she moved to lay down, taking care to keep a little space in between them in case that was what Sebastian needed. Space, maybe that could fix this.

Sebastian waited for a response in silence, pressing his lips together in a thin line. There wasn't much to be said about his offer, even if it was still strange of him to be asking her to do this, but the boy couldn't help himself. Nodding at her words, Sebastian allowed Chloe to lead them to his bed and move to lie down beside her, his gaze meeting hers as he snaked one arm around her waist and hid his face in the crook of her neck. Stupid as it was, considering what he knew now, he couldn't help but crave that proximity and the comfort that came with it, finding that at least that worked as a sign that not everything had changed. His eyes fluttered shut and he was quiet for a moment, pulling his lips between his teeth.

Chloe couldn't help but be surprised when she felt Sebastian shift on the bed, moving closer to her. The feeling of his face pressed to her chest came as a bit of a relief to the girl, because she hadn't expected that much. While she hadn't expected him to ask her to stay, Chloe truly hadn't expected him to want to be close to her once she had. Maybe to just lay beside her for a few minutes, before asking her to go - but not this. Curling her arm around his shoulders, Chloe exhaled a shallow breath before closing the distance between them, her lips pressing to his hair in a soft kiss. Silence filled the room, and while Chloe wanted to apologize, to tell him she loved him one more time, she held her silence, knowing that choking back tears and staying quiet would undoubtedly be better for Sebastian, and that it was his feelings that were important now.

Sebastian wanted to say something, anything, or even to just pretend that nothing happened and they were as good with each other and they'd been before. It was a lie, though, and Chloe knew it, he could tell that by the way she was trying to keep her breathing slow rather than unstable. Sebastian wasn't someone who cared much for others, finding that putting too much care into someone else's life would undoubtedly be his demise, but his girlfriend had always been different. He supposed that was the reason for him to love her so much in the first place, the ability to break in. Inhaling softly, he pulled her close against him and sighed, hoping his embrace would be enough to comfort her even if just a little bit, just as hers was doing to him.

Chloe had known better than to expect that a simple embrace could fix what had been broken between the two of them, but as Chloe felt Sebastian's arms around her, pulling her closer, it was almost as if the girl had shattered. She wasn't sobbing, no, but somehow this was all the more painful, her breathing growing shallower as she pressed herself against him. Her arms were still curled around his neck, her face buried in his hair, but she doubted that his lack of a vantage point would be enough to keep Sebastian from noticing her tears for long. She wanted so badly to say she was sorry, to say something that could mend what she'd done because she knew simply laying there and crying wasn't the right approach, but she couldn't. She was paralyzed, paralyzed by guilt, by the fear that Sebastian would get past this, and by the fear that she wouldn't be able to get past what she'd done either. Keeping it a secret had been hard, one of the hardest things Chloe had ever done - but somehow, everyone knowing what she'd done would be worse. Her reputation would be ruined, and all of the girls who had thought she wasn't good enough for Sebastian would know they'd been right. And maybe Sebastian would realize that soon enough too.

Sebastian would've noticed Chloe was cry even if she didn't make a single sound. It was something he didn't quite admit, but after a year together, learning the way her body shook slightly when she was fighting a sob or how her chest inflated to gather as much air as she could to stop the tears were two of the things he knew to be related with her sad moments. Sebastian shook his head, feeling his body weighting with guilt, and his gaze moved up to meet her blue eyes. "Don't cry," he murmured, his hand cupping the girl's cheek and caressing her cheek softly. Sebastian hated to see her this sad, with tears streaming down her face and her expression twisting in pain. Above all, he hated to be the reason for her to be like this. Pulling his lips between his teeth, he pressed his forehead to hers. "Don't cry," the boy repeated.

Chloe felt her breath hitch in her chest as she heard Sebastian's words, the kindness he was offering only serving to make her feel worse. Sebastian had done nothing wrong, and here she was, only making him feel worse in a moment when she ought to have comforted him. It didn't help the pain to know he was hurting even more because of her, and she shook her head, wiping away at the tears before burying her face in his chest. "Don't worry about me," she mumbled, shifting against him after a few moments. Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Chloe spoke up softly, her words barely audible as her gaze met his. "I hate that you're hurting because of me, Sebastian. I hate it, and I wish you weren't because you really don't deserve what I did to you. And I don't deserve you, not even a little and I know that, and I hate it."

Sebastian shook his head, his hands still holding her close as he heard her words. It wasn't something he could help, even now that he felt like everything was shattered; Sebastian couldn't simply ignore the love he felt for her, nor the need to make sure she was okay, regardless of everything else. "Everybody hurts, Chloe. It doesn't last forever," he murmured. If there was something Sebastian knew how to deal with it was pain, and while it wasn't constantly hurting, it was a part of his lips that he couldn't deny. "Don't say that," he said softly, shaking his head once more.

Chloe pressed her cheek to his chest, ducking her head so that she wouldn't be looking him directly in the eyes. "I know," she murmured softly, her breath hitching in her chest as she struggled not to cry, wanting to get the words out. "But that doesn't make me feel better, or make me feel like less of an awful person. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't.. I shouldn't have done it and I know that and I can't stop thinking about how much you hate me, or how much you should because this was awful." A moment of silence passed between them as she admitted softly, "I'm awful, and I don't deserve you."

Sebastian didn't say anything for a moment, only mulling over her words. Admittedly, he wasn't happy, but he didn't hate her either. It was something he couldn't bring himself to understand, especially after everything he'd told her over the past year, but maybe that was his own fault. He seemed to be oblivious of his surroundings, and this was the price to pay. "Don't say that. It's not like I'm an angel. Everyone makes mistakes," he murmured after a while, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

Chloe kept her eyes closed, her hands sliding on his chest gently. "Seb," she spoke up softly, shifting so that her eyes were on his, ignoring the fact that they were undoubtedly reddened from the tears she'd been spilling. "I know you, better than you think, and you might not be an angel, but you're still one of the best people I know." Her fingertips grazed his jawline for a moment, and she let out an audible sigh. "I just want for us to be okay, and I know I can't always get what I want.. but I want this," She shifted against him slightly. "I want you."

Sebastian listened intently, his gaze on hers for a moment before he looked up at the ceiling and exhaled a shallow breath. It was a hard choice, even if he had strong feelings for Chloe; she'd still been with someone else while dating him, and it was something that hurt more than he cared to admit. Nodding, he glanced back at her, mulling over his words. "We can try," he murmured, pressing his lips together. "I just need some time, but we can try. I want at least that."

Chloe had known better than to expect that they would be okay now, especially after everything that she'd just told him and he'd learned, but there was no denying she felt a little hurt that they weren't. "I just..." The brunette hesitated, shifting in his embrace to look at him. "I don't want to lose you, and I know that it's stupid to think I won't after what I did, but I love you. You know that, right?" Biting her lip, Chloe pulled away from him, an audible sigh escaping her lips. "You need space," she said softly. "There's no way that you'll forgive me if I don't give you that. So I'm going to go, okay?"