#chierushireviews

It started with a cassette tape being played, which may state that the plot is a creative take solely on the song title. Most Filipinos grew up listening to Eraserheads, both young and old. We have our own stories to be reminded of whenever we hear any of their tracks. I think this notion played a major part to lure the people to see the play. It simply screams nostalgia, with a promise of another tale to take away.

Three friends from college presently pursuing successful but separate lives were brought together to be questioned by the police due to the death of a girl who’re once very close to them. The unfortunate event forces them to deal with their haunting past that they have been putting on hold for years and trying to escape from. The characters and scenes will be represented along with the songs from Eraserheads.

Emman: “Both of you tama na! Wala na kong pakialam kung ano man ‘yang bagahe niyo [o] ano man ‘yang gimik niyo. Ang klaro sakin, kailangan na natin ‘tong gawin: tayong tatlo, sama-sama, for once and for all. Isipin niyo na lang, panahon na. ‘Di ba? Kailangan na.“

Whether things in our life have closure or not, every one of it, every person we know, will affect us one way or another. From here, it was clearly presented that they were running from something, but the details of it was yet to unfold. Slowly, we were brought back to university life of these men. We are treated with short scenes that may or may not have happened to us from that era of our lives, when everything sounds hopeful. All opportunities seemed close and within reach, hence the symbolism of them raising up their hands toward heavens, toward their dreams.

Hector: “Alam mo, tsong, ngayong nandito ka na, lahat magbabago: pananaw mo, kilos mo, pati punto mo.”

Anthony: “Oo nga! Kasi alam mo, Emman, for the first time, we are finally and totally free. Ayan na oh.”

Emman: “Kahit saan ka pumunta, may koneksyon ka pa rin. Sa pamilya mo. Sa bayan mo.”

I particularly love the scene where Anthony (played by Phi Palmos) in the midst of his peers’ blossoming lovelives, remained positive and said, “Eh yung crush ko, malapit na kong...pansinin.” After that, his friends joined him in his enthusiasm.

Pare Ko depicts a man in love, in shambles, and in need of advice. It was shown as a group of (mainly) men doing military drills, an emphasis on masculinity of the song. Nothing else speaks men better than being a soldier. When Anthony sang the bridge, for a moment, we are taken to the vulnerable side of being infatuated, something we rarely see with men. We remember that being in love is a beautiful place, no matter how crazy it gets. From their civil military training, through Officer Banlaoi, the three men got to meet and befriend Joy.

One major flaw of hers was she considered every man her savior. This could be the reason why she didn’t take Banlaoi’s forwardness and acts of service as a red flag, and continued to rely on him even at her expense. “Hanap ko lang naman, ‘Tiyang, katapat at katuwang,” she told ‘Tiyang Dely. “’Yon lang naman pangarap ko sa buhay e: ang makahanap ng magiging mabait sakin,” she told Hector, “Di mo maiintindihan ‘yon kasi ang dami niyong pangarap. Ang dami niyong kayang gawin. Nakakapag-aral kayo. May kinabukasan kayo. Kaya niyong abutin ang lahat. E ako?” As we go along, she will attempt to further her dreams, but her low self-esteem stayed with her. Her friendship with the trio may have ushered her to believe more, but that’s the farthest she got. For her, she’ll never be capable of anything. She ended this dialogue with “Ayoko nang umuwi ng probinsya...habang buhay na lang ako aasa,” a foreshadow of her decision to leave ‘Tiyang Dely alone to go back home in the province.

Andre: “Joy, walang ganoon. Walang tinutulungan lang ng ganoon-ganoon. Palaging may kapalit ‘yon.”

Life is never always fancy. When they sang Wag Kang Matakot to each other, it gave us an assurance that even when matters go downhill, there’s no need to afraid. When the going gets tough, we go through it together.

Finally, we get to the graduation. Their getting in and getting out of the university is freedom. Once again, they raise up their hands, reminding themselves of the goals they are now nearer to than they were before. They invite Joy to Antipolo and see the overlooking view, to bid their farewells to her. This should’ve been a good memory. Graduation should’ve been the symbol of their independence. The horrendous events that transpired after incarcerated them forever, still able to achieve but merely surviving, never at peace.

There was a warning at the beginning of the stream but I guess I didn’t pay attention to it, or maybe it didn’t provided the right amount of caution to its viewers. The rape scene got me immobilized to my seat. It was hard for me to re-watch the whole musical to compose a more elaborate review, especially this scene. I’m actually stalling now, repeatedly bringing to mind that they are professional actors and this is fiction. It’s tempting to mute, but it’s going to be unfair to not see the entirety of it. To play Ang Huling El Bimbo here, while being the better verdict is nonetheless unsettling.

Just as perplexing is the graduation ceremony. Everyone is wearing purple instead of the usual black. The color reminded me of death. Joy bringing garlands to them further echoes this, seeing that this similarly depicts a wake. Another beautifully haunting is them singing With A Smile in various rhythms. 'TIyang Dely was sent back home to province due to bankrupt. She thought she’ll be with Joy, but got fooled by her. Joy held on more to Banlaoi as his sole rescuer after being abandoned by her friends.

‘Tiyang Dely: “Kaya nga kung kaya. Anong kapalit?”

How can they leave their friend just like that? They are traumatized, too, but they’re not the ones who got raped. They kept refusing to talk to her even after years have passed and it’s Joy who kept reaching them out. I understand if they’re blaming themselves for what happened. They wanted to ease their guilt, but to be selfish in this situation is unacceptable. It angered me when the adult Anthony said, “There are just some things you don’t want to go back to, and people you don’t need to remember,” as if that was like any other heartbreak to move on about.

Anthony: “Puta, habang buhay nating dadalhin ‘to e.”

Hector: “Kaya ni Joy ‘yan.”

Emman: “Gago, so balewala na lang?”

Hector: “Ako nang bahala. Kakausapin ko si Joy.”

Emman: “Anong magagawa ‘non?”

Hector: “Sasabihin ko sa kanya na kaya niya ‘to.”

Emman: “E gago ka pala talaga e.”

When Banlaoi pointed a gun at her, she gasped with fear, hands shaking. He then told her, “Ingat ka.” This is the only time that he poised to end her life. She was able to tolerate all the abuses and be under this appalling man as long as he keeps her and her family alive. She thought that she’s still in control, but his gesture said otherwise. This puts her into panic and called Emman, Hector, and Anthony one last time. Got caught in the midst of their personal predicaments, they all cut the phone call, saying they have problems of their own too and don’t need more from other people. While the men were struggling to maintain their posh lives, Joy was fighting for her life.

Hector: “Pag tumatawag siya, di ko alam anong isusumbat niya. I mean, you can’t forget these things.”

Contrary to their belief, the reason why she kept bugging them is because she’s trying to tell them that she’s alright. and they need to worry no more. She doesn’t want them to be victims of the past anymore.

‘Tiyang Dely: “Ni minsan, hindi niya kayo sinisi sa nangyari sa kanya.”

After the news of Joy’s death, they all gathered at the morgue. Banlaoi tried to be of help by giving them money, but ‘Tiyang Dely strongly refused, getting Ligaya at her back and out of his sight. What followed was Hector telling her, “Kami na po bahala sa lahat ng gastos,” stupidly missing the hint earlier. This made ‘Tiyang Dely cry (I mean, come on, dude still hasn’t learned his lesson) saying, “Ganoon na lang ano?”

Ligaya, after mourning for her mother’s death, stopped her tears flowing before facing Anthony, Emman, and Hector. She conversed as if she knows them too well, while they don’t know her at all. The three men promised to take care of her. They lay Joy to her final rest along with their grievances of the past. If only they faced the monster under their beds a little bit earlier, they could’ve gotten it out completely. The guilt may now be bearable, but the fact that they could’ve saved not just Ligaya but also Joy is the hard truth they will be carrying for the rest of the lives.

Awful things aside, Ligaya wearing white signifies hope. She is her mother without the burdens of her past. The ending brings back Hector’s car with their young selves reaching out to heavens, reaching out to their dreams. They are joined atop the car with Joy, who’s noticeably not raising her hands. Ligaya is now with them, dancing like her mother once was.

Other things worth mentioning:

Tindahan ni Aling Nena performance, specifically Anthony’s line “shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, noodles...yun lang.”

The not-so-subtle rally for free education in the Pare Ko performance.

Yes. Phi Palmos as Anthony. That’s it. Period.

Gab Pangilinan’s portrayal of Joy is superb! Her vocals is breathtaking. From the time she sang Ligaya, I looked forward to her every appearance. Her transformation from being bubbly to troubled soul after one scene is impressive.

Vic Robinson’s (Andrei) and Joy’s mash-up of Ligaya and Tama Na, then ‘Tiyang Dely enters, singing “Ganiyan ma-inlab”.

Wishing Wells as Emman’s love letter to his girlfriend

Menchu Yulo, who played the adult Joy, didn’t exude distress as Gab Pangilinan had done, and made Joy’s struggles less believable.

Some people have expressed disappointment due to its lack of solution on the pressing social issues. In my opinion, I think it wasn't meant to give an answer. Like any work of art, it made a statement. It just happened that what it said was disturbing. However, it is up to us, who lives in the reality of these characters, to do better accordingly.

The people won’t allow Deku inside the university fort because his presence guarantees that the villains will be chasing after him. As Bakugo explained, the school is designed to protect them, but it’s not enough to make them “feel” safe.

Ordinary citizens, used to being saved, have become selfish. They are allowed, of course, especially if they have no power to save themselves (and in their society, it's not allowed to use your quirks for such reasons; only heroes do hero work. It is illegal to do so). Nevertheless, Uraraka is asking for compassion. All of them are trying their best, and i like what she replied to this man:

Uraraka: If you want me to tell you that everything will be alright, I’m sorry, but I can’t. We are just as scared as you are. Just like you, we are all with him. Uraraka: The only ones who can help the heroes are us. Please give us your strength. Let him rest. Let him prepare for his upcoming battles. Izuku Midoriya wants to carry out the responsibility that comes with his power. Yes, there are still things he has to learn, but he’s still just a high school kid!

They likely canceled Deku, similar to how they canceled Endeavor. Perhaps that’s why Deku decided to go rogue and carry the mission alone. He didn’t even consider the possibility that his actions might be selfish.

Honestly, in trying times, everyone has the right to become a little insane.

Citizen 1: Why can’t he go to Shiketsu High? They have the same defense system! Citizen 2: But that school would be in danger too. Citizen 3: If we reject those who are still fighting for us, what do we have left? I know everyone’s grieving, but let’s calm down a bit and think: when will we stop being spectators?

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Twice:

Generally good guy. He has massive trust issues due to his past experiences, so Hawk’s betrayal destroyed him. You may think, does his feelings matter? He's a bad guy. Hawks will carry out the plan and Dabi won’t trust him anyway.

Twice: Is this what you call a hero?

He wasn't really a powerful villain, yet his death boosted the morale of his comrades, and helped their argument in questioning hero work. Dabi, in his speech, mentioned Hawks killing Twice to prove that the public is wrong for placing heroes in pedestals.

Twice: I just want to protect everyone's happiness!

Hawks:

He went undercover, known by few, the ones in the top echelon of heroes. For them, he's doing a great and critical work for the country's safety. For the villains, however, he's a traitor. In his battle with Twice and Dabi, he justified killing Twice because their group only wants chaos that endangers public safety.

Was Twice’s death necessary?

Deku:

He's the definition of a hero. Almost to a fault. He's the main character, the 'One', the nicest, the noblest. He holds the most powerful quirk, yet his number one goal and priority always are others. For him, being a hero is owning the responsibility, doing the hardest work, even at your expense, to rescue.

Bakugo:

This will be biased since he's my favorite character, so apologies in advance.

You're not really sure if he likes rescue work. He is a good person beneath all that anger, so he works as a hero, but beside all that, he's easy to be branded as a bad person. He's not nice and he loves being in action. For him, being a hero is being powerful and able.

He wasn’t the chosen one. Heck, he doesn’t even fit the mold of a savior. Deku is his nemesis, which bothered him for a minute when All Might admitted everything to him. But he is a good person. Despite the odds stacked against him, he still has his powers. He still has his dreams. After all, All Might is not revered as No. 1 Hero because of his powers alone. He aspires to be someone who simply saves the day.

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Okay, for a moment, let's call spade a spade. Heroes. Villains. Good. Bad. But do people really belong to just one category? Isn’t there a blur somewhere, always?

We are in a generation where labels are given of utmost importance. Who gets to define which is true and genuine? Only the self, they say. We can be honest and flexible with what we call ourselves, but should we deny what society thinks about us, especially when it puts them in harm’s way?

[Pilot: The Shepherd]

One of my most favorite episodes!

A lame shepherd was trying to offer his sheep, but it was not accepted because it’s blemished.

Teacher: You wonder why the Messiah hasn’t come? People like you keeping him away with your stain. If you come back here without a perfect lamb, I will banish you all from the marketplace.

The old belief was this, that we have to be righteous by our own efforts in order to be blameless. By who’s standards, really? By the majority’s interpretation of the law? At the end of the day, we are all humans with limited understanding. We all need Someone outside of us to save us from this misery.

The lame shepherd seeks God, and his faith is rewarded. The angels announced to him, to them who are shepherds, the very people the society deemed stained, blemished, imperfect. It is to the unworthy that the coming of The Most Worthy was proclaimed.

The lame shepherd carried in his arms the Savior, and when he was found to be unclean, he was made clean by the savior’s swaddling clothes.

Our Savior seeks and saves the lost.

[S1E1]

Nicodemus: God has exalted you to be exemplary in every way.

We are expected to be perfect, as our Father is perfect, this is true, but perfection is not the goal. And what does perfection and exemplary even mean in their dictionary? This was what seemed to be plaguing the men of God. They have equated righteousness with taking hold of correct doctrine, following the written law to the bone.

Centurion: …she needs a holy man. Nicodemus: We are men of God. ‘Tis not our custom to frequent the…Red Quarter.

You would’ve expected these priests, who was earlier standing proudly as they discuss how to be right with God, would be unfazed in the face of evil. After all, the Lord is superior, isn’t He? Yet, they lower their heads as they entered unfamiliar territory.

With their superior beliefs, isn’t freedom from demon possession the easiest they could’ve done for their people? (Easiest, because of course they couldn’t give out their riches for them to actually get out of the Red Quarter). Yet, even that, they won’t. Solely following God without care for others is not the way. No wonder Jesus wasn’t fond of them.

Mary [Lilith]: You have no power here, teacher.

Nicodemus failed to free Mary from the demon. This is my fear: to not find Jesus in me, to have no life and power to overcome evil. I continue to have faith and pray. He is greater than my feelings after all.

Nicodemus: Only God Himself could have drawn them out.

Nicodemus: Demons root in wicked souls as pigs in filth. A possession like this was fatal. And souls such as hers, sadly, are beyond all human aid.

Mary [Lilith]: There is no preventing this, Sol. There is no cure.… Mary [Lilith]: No, I am in hell.

Oh, we are weak. Apart from the titles society has made up that makes us feel extraordinary, in face of evil, we have nothing that liberates us.

Nicodemus: Sometimes, I wonder if what we can know of Adonai in the law is just as blurred. What if we’re not seeing the whole picture What if it’s more beautiful and more strange than we can ever imagine? Zohara: That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It might even be blasphemy.

Ohhhh it is definitely NOT blasphemy to be aware of the fact that God cannot be fully understood by our finite minds!

At the end of the episode, Jesus meets Mary. He called her by her true name, and freed her. Indeed, she was beyond human aid, and only God can bring her out of her miseries. Magnificent plot build up!

[S1E2]

When the priests saw Mary healed, they thought it’s because of Nicodemus, since they only knew of his attempt. His claim that Mary’s beyond human aid got him into trouble. He was then questioned by other teachers. Unbelievable, they couldn’t even celebrate another person’s healing.

For this, Nicodemus went investigating, probably to clean his name, but, judging from his earlier statements, he’s also doing this out of curiosity.

Nicodemus: He performs miracles and seeks no credit? But what does He look like? Is he a member of Sanhedrin? Would you at least know Him if you saw Him again? Mary: I don’t know why I am sharing this with you. I don’t understand it myself. But here is what I can tell you. I was one way…and now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between…was Him. So, yes, I will know Him for the rest of my life.

[S1E3]

I love this episode. It’s just Jesus having conversation with kids. Being Christlike is being deemed approachable by children and feel comfort in your presence.

[S1E4]

Jesus gave Andrew and Peter a way to pay their debts before asking them to follow Him! Your unmet basic needs can be a huge hindrance in seeing the spiritual. This is probably why Christians are commanded to accommodate the needy.

An encounter with Jesus will make you bow down. You will know it’s the Lord. you will not need convincing. He will reveal Himself to you. Only he can tell you “Follow me”, and through the faith He’s going to give you, you will follow.

[S1E6]

Nicodemus: So you would place limits on the Almighty? Shmuel: None that are not written in law. Nicodemus: And if God did something that you felt contradicted the Torah, would you tell Him to get back in that box that you have carved for Him? Or would you question your interpretation of the Torah? Shmuel: When I was a student, I knew all your sayings. I read every word you wrote. Your teachings were so sturdy, so reasoned and pure. Nicodemus: We are still students, Shmuel. All of us. Our understanding will never be complete.

This whole conversation! Have eyes on the unexpected. God is much more than what our understanding can fathom.

It really goes down to faith: with our limited understanding of His wonders and mysteries, do we believe in God? Do we believe that Jesus died, was buried, and rose again ultimately for the Father’s glory and also for the atonement of our sins?

[S1E7]

Nicodemus: But I have never heard anyone tell a paralytic to get up and walk, much less it actually happens. Jesus: So, what is your conclusion? Nicodemus: I believe You are not acting alone. No one can do these signs You do without having God in Him. Only Someone Who has come from God.

God revealed himself to Nicodemus. He may not understand but he recognizes his own inadequacy and feels this is something only God can do.

Nicodemus: Our people are not dying from snake bites. They’re dying from taxation and oppression. Jesus: I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I did not come to deliver the people from Rome. Nicodemus: Then from what? Jesus: From sin. From spiritual death.

It’s painfully funny that Nicodemus is aware of what ails his people and yet doesn’t really take much time to address it even if he has the power and resources to do so. (But really, who’s to say? I am not aware of the conflicts of that happening)

We think we know exactly what we need. These people believe they need to be freed from Roman oppression (and they do!), but that’s not their 'only’ need, their ultimate need.

Jesus: I understand, but the invitation is still open. Nicodemus: Invitation to what, exactly? To lead a nomadic life? To give up who I am? Jesus: It’s true. There is a lot you would give up. But what you would gain is far greater and more lasting. Nicodemus: Is this another one of your “born again” mysteries Jesus: Ah, maybe. I know mysteries aren’t easy for a scholar.

This episode is a personal favorite. Everyone can relate to this: following Jesus really is simply that: giving up yourself for Someone far better. This life passes away, only God endures.

[S2E1]

Jesus: It’s the message, the truth, that we’re giving them. And you’re going to get in the way of that, because a few people, from a region you don’t like, were mean to you? That they’re not worthy? What? You’re so much better? You’re more worthy? Well, let me tell you something, you’re not. That’s the whole point! It’s why I’m here.

You’ve got to have a lot of guts to make Jesus say “You’re not worthy,” but here we are. This belief, I realized, have done more harm than good, pitting us against each other as if one is better. Or maybe we have thought ourselves as “valued”, “important”, “cherished”, “loved”. While all of these are true, that is not the point. A better earthly life is not what Jesus came for.

Jesus: You wanted to use the power of God to bring down fire to burn these people up? John: Well, it sounds a lot worse when you say it that way.

[S2E3]

Mary: I don’t think He’s waiting for us to be holy. I think He’s here because we can’t be holy without Him.

An episode where the disciples are talking amongst each other while Jesus is healing the people. An unbiblical episode, and when I say that, I don’t mean blasphemy. I meant that none of this is written in the Bible. Still, I love that the writers played around the idea and imagined what could’ve happened during one of their gatherings.

One of their topics is how Jesus must have come as their war commander. Honestly, I only understood how that Jewish belief have come to this conclusion because of this show. The Torah is full of battle accounts and war metaphors. It is natural to think that Jesus coming at this point in time in their land must mean a battle against the Romans. They think the promised freedom, the final war, is here on earth, and they are more than willing to participate.

They expressed doubts, fears, their encounters with Jesus. They are very similar with our struggles. I love how Mary (Jesus’ mother) told her story of him. It’s short but it tugged my heart:

Mary: He needed to be cleaned. And He was cold, and He was crying. And He needed my help. My help, a teenager from Nazareth…He doesn’t need me anymore, not since we taught Him how to walk and eat. He hasn’t needed me for a long time, I suppose…Of course, as a Jew, I’m excited to see everything He does for our people, and I’m proud of Him. But, as a mom, it makes me a little sad sometimes.

Later on in the episode, Peter would start a fight. He still cannot forgive Matthew for the huge debt he calculated for the brothers way back. More conflicts arose. And in the middle of the chaos, here comes Jesus, weary from his work, bidding them, “Good night.”

Mary comes to help him.

I wonder how much of our conversations are too petty for the greater work we’re called to do?

[S2E4]

This episode explores the zealots. Simon the Zealot, or as the disciples like to call him, Zee, is brothers with the paralyzed man, named Jesse. The Zealots favored armed rebellion against Rome. They believed that God would deliver Israel with the sword. (from thisthorncrownjournal.com).

Really, you can interpret the Scriptures however you want, more often than not, usually the way that favors you. Anything basically can be said as if it’s a command from God. Zealots for example are determined to kill the enemy of the Jews and even non-Jews for they believe this glorifies God, and they’re even quoting Scriptures.

Zee: Do you really believe in this? Jesse: You try living for years without legs that work, and then tell me you wouldn’t try anything and everything!

Going back to my point earlier, unmet basic needs hinder us from the spiritual. The able-bodied do not have any idea how much privilege they’ve got, that what seems normal is really necessary to pursue a certain life of faith.

Many years later, it is Jesse that Jesus comes for at the pool of Bethesda. Even when the leper held on to his pagan belief, Jesus looked at him earnestly, almost crying. He only feels love. He only seeks our salvation.

The Pharisees wanted to arrest Jesus but cannot charge him with working on Shabbat because he only spoke to the leper and didn’t touch him. The Pharisees, are, of course, got mad, but Jesus already left like a ninja. The men of God interrogated the leper instead. Jesse being healed didn’t even bring an ounce of joy.

Yanni: He performs a magic trick and tells you to commit a sin. A false prophet. This will be reported. Jesse: Report whatever you want! I am standing on two legs!

The poor doesn’t have any respect for the religious leaders because what have they brought to them? Nothing but burden.

Matthew: Waiting thirty more minutes wouldn’t have mattered to that man. Why did you do this on Shabbat? Jesus: Sometimes you gotta stir up the water.

Matthew asking the right questions!

[S4E2]

Jesus: Then, why do you need to check on me? Andrew: I'll say you’re a mystery.

Jesus and Andrew mourning over John the Baptizer's death. Andrew is conflicted whether if he 'should' check on Jesus, the Messiah, God Himself. But here he is, talking with Andrew, celebrating the life of John. This is very touching for me, the thought of Jesus grieving, mourning with us, hurting with us. Since he's divine, can he even feel pain? But since he loves John more than anyone else, does that make him feel much worse?

[S4E4]

The unfortunate event upon Ramah...how will Thomas react?

The most terrible fact is that not all evil will be stopped, at least here on earth. You don't need proof from me; I'm sure everyone has seen it happen. God is able, yes, but will He? Is He not anymore a good God if He doesn't? Can allowing evil part of His will? (The Old Testament is full of stories certifying this). If we believe something to be good, and God doesn’t do something about it, is that a problem of God being good? Or our perspective? Can we be wrong in assuming something is good? (I mean, who holds the highest morals in any of us?) What is good? What is evil? This is where faith in Jesus comes in. We need to be saved because of our sins, and our inability to do good, much so determine which is which. Jesus came to fulfill the law. Our salvation comes from him.

We are his students, not his equals. There are questions even when we're faithfully following Jesus. He has given us wisdom, but not certainty. Time will reveal what's hidden in these mysteries. Nothing is sure, really, but I trust in the God that walks on water. Peter has experienced loss himself. He went through grief and came out stronger, as he said, and it made him desperate for Jesus. He may never understand fully in this lifetime, but he simply trusts, that all of this will be worth it. All of this is nothing compared to Jesus.

This is important: why do we follow Jesus? We will experience suffering. Prosperity isn't promised to us here. If blessings are given to us, that is in the purpose of giving it away. If our ultimate goal and need is not God, if we don't uphold him the highest, we will really be disappointed.

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I love how this is just a story of people living closely with each other and Jesus. It's not often that they’re preaching, evangelizing, or defying the romans. More often than not, they’re simply a band following their teacher.

[S4E5]

The miracles of Jesus are not given exclusively to the disciples. Was he unfair? These people left everything to follow him. Do they deserve a little advantage amongst others who ‘only’ believed? Will it be different if Ramah was risen up to life instead of Lazarus? Won't that provide a boost of faith for Thomas? But how about those who love Lazarus? Can we even question to whom God gives mercy and grace to?

Martha had a meltdown for serving the guests while her sister just sits and doesn't help her. At one point, she is allowed to feel abandoned. But Jesus brings her back to what is most important, which Mary prioritized. Have we been doing more for Jesus than what is necessary? Have we been neglecting the far more important things in pursuit of important things? How can we distinguish these from each other?

[S4E8]

And the King will say, "I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!" And he will answer, "I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me." —Matthew‬ ‭25‬:‭40‬, ‭45‬

No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. —Micah‬ ‭6‬:‭8

The disciples were indignant when they saw this. “What a waste!” they said. “It could have been sold for a high price and the money given to the poor.” But Jesus, aware of this, replied, “Why criticize this woman for doing such a good thing to me?” —Matthew‬ ‭26‬:‭8‬-‭10‬

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. —Ecclesiastes‬ ‭12‬:‭13‬

[S1E8]

Herb: So you're apologizing. BoJack: Yes. I'm sorry. Herb: Okay. I don't forgive you. BoJack: Herb, I said I'm sorry. Herb: Yeah, and I do not forgive you. BoJack: Not sure you get what's happening here. This could be the last time that you— Herb: No. I'm not gonna give you closure. You don't get that. [coughs] You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay. BoJack: I really think that we'd both feel better if we just— Herb: I'm dying. I'm not gonna feel better, and I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better.

We glorify forgiveness without care, even a thought, of how it only serves the self. Being forgiven benefits you. The other party is left with brokenness, the burden of paying your betterment.

[S1E9]

BoJack: Todd, thank God you're here! Did I miss it? Is it too late? Todd: Dude. I'm done with this. No. No. Mr. Peanutbutter's been nice to me. BoJack: Mr. Peanutbutter is nice to everybody. That's what makes him so stupid. Todd: No, I'm stupid. But even I know that the only reason you're doing this is because you're in love with Diane. BoJack: Yes, that's right. And I'm here to finally tell her how I feel. Todd: BoJack, she knows how you feel. BoJack: How? I barely just realized— Todd: Hey, man, she made her choice. Look around. This day is not about you, okay? So maybe you should just stop trying to mess with other people's lives.

This is Todd after realizing BoJack sabotaged her rock opera career! Despite his carefree lifestyle, he knows his boundaries, and he's even generous to give some space for friendship with BoJack even after the betrayal. As someone who tolerates many red flags (as modern people dub it), I can totally relate.

[S1E11]

Todd: As you know, I was hurt, but then I realized that's just how you are. You know, and maybe I just need to stop expecting you to be a good person, so that way, I won't get hurt when you're not.

Todd, Diane, and Princess Carolyn are similar in a way they can tolerate BoJack the longest. They are also the people who was with BoJack before his arrest. Not surprisingly, when BoJack got busted by the media with his true involvement with Sarah Lynn's death, it's Todd who walks away first after BoJack is firm on his decision to lie his way out of his crime.

Okay that was from season 6. I've watched this show too many times I'm comfortable to admit.

BoJack: Do you think it's too late for me? Diane: What? BoJack: I mean, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? The person in that book? It's not too late for me, is it? It's not too late. Diane, I need you to tell me that it's not too late. Diane: BoJack, I— BoJack: I need you to tell me that I'm a good person. I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I'm a good person, and I need you to tell me that I'm good, Diane. Tell me, please, Diane. Tell me that I'm good.

How long can they hold on to him until he gets his 💩 together?

Maybe this was BoJack’s major flaw: he seeks validation from the wrong places. He respects Diane's opinion and even if he knows he doesn't live up to it, he pursues it. Will her approval be ever enough? Will that be enough for him to change? Diane knows when to give up on people. She seeks out to find that love and recognizes the right kind. She stays for this as long as she can; and leaves only if necessary.

[S1E12]

Mr. Peanutbutter: You want to spend three months in Sudan? Diane: Not just there. We're also going to Haiti and Thailand and Uganda and Chechnya. Mr. Peanutbutter: Can't you do all that in L.A.? Diane: I want to do something important. I want to help people and do good work and sleep on the ground and poop in a bucket. Mr. Peanutbutter: Honey, nobody wants to poop in a bucket. Diane: Maybe I do. Maybe I want to poop in a bucket. Mr. Peanutbutter: If you want to poop in a bucket, we can get you a bucket. You don't have to go all the way the Chechnylavakia. Am I saying that right? Diane: It's not just the pooping in a bucket. I think it might be good for me to get out of L.A. for a little bit. Mr. Peanutbutter: Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do, but you're not gonna find what you're looking for in these awful made-up places. The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.

Should Diane have taken the job? I think so. Is Sebastian St. Claire a hypocrite? Yes. Would writing for him betray Diane’s principles? Maybe. I think what matters is people get help, whether through pure intentions or not. But I guess that’s too idealistic. Diane, eventually, gets fed up by seeing that every day. Her fixation on making a difference in the world may be deemed noble, but that goal can contain a hint of egocentrism in it. There is glory hidden behind saving the world. Are we sure we’re not gunning for the fame? And even if we don’t, can we handle the repercussions?

On Mr. Peanutbutter, nihilism aside, I do believe that while happiness can be found outside of your present situation, we should not rule out the possibility of disappointment. Diane always chased that feeling, and somehow she manages to get hold of it. It’s good that someone keeps her grounded.

BoJack: Well, do you think I'm a good person deep down? Diane: That's the thing. I don't think I believe in deep down. I kind of think all you are is just the things that you do. BoJack: Well, that's depressing. For what it's worth, I think your writing does make a difference. Diane: Thanks. BoJack: I really wanted you to like me, Diane. Diane: I know.

She’s probably the only one who rejected BoJack's advances and did not drive him to further madness. How did she do it? I think because she made him feel that her rejection does not matter in the end. Her opinion can change but also won’t last. She won’t be here forever. She won’t stay. What matters is how BoJack sees himself.

[S2E7]

Mr. Peanutbutter: I asked you, really nicely, not to make a big thing out of this. Diane: Yeah, I know, but someone— Mr. Peanutbutter: Had to say something, right? And that someone had to be you? Because why? I really don't get it. What is accomplished by you being the one to take a stand on this? Diane: Uh Mr. Peanutbutter— Mr. Peanutbutter: This game show is a really big deal for me. And I know that sounds stupid to you, and small. But I need this to go well, and I can't…Those are death threats. People want to murder my wife because of what she's saying on the news about something that she has nothing to do with. Diane: *reads* "You can't. You stupid, ugly can't." Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah, that doesn't say "can't." Diane: Oh. Mr. Peanutbutter: God, you know, you'd almost be safer in Cordovia. Diane: Yeah, maybe I should go to Cordovia. I'm obviously not making a difference here. Mr. Peanutbutter: Actually, maybe you should. Go feel good about yourself and do your important work. And maybe some space might be good for us. Diane: You don't really want me to go, do you? Mr. Peanutbutter: Why does it suddenly matter what I want?

Oof, that’s rough.

What kind of difference should one make? Is there even a less noble one? If Diane wouldn’t pursue her ideals, if she would choose her husband’s career instead, would that be wrong? Is her prioritizing her husband over oppression be a disservice to common good?

[S2E12]

Mr. Peanutbutter: I know you're doing important work and it's a long way to travel, but I need you here and I think you should come home. Diane: Is that really what you want? Mr. Peanutbutter: Of course it is. Diane: Well, okay, I'm looking at this website right now and it says if I leave immediately, I can still make it home tonight. Mr. Peanutbutter: That sounds great. Diane: I love you. Mr. Peanutbutter: I love you, too, Diane…You know, it's the funniest thing. There is a woman in this restaurant who looks just like you. Diane: *laughs* I guess I just have one of those faces.

This is probably my most favorite scene. Diane hid from Mr. Peanutbutter for months, probably out of shame, and they accidentally saw at a restaurant. Maybe I just like dogs, but also, isn’t Mr. Peanutbutter the nicest husband? This right here is love.

[S3E3]

Cuddlywhiskers: Because an Oscar is meaningless. It's all meaningless. I dedicated myself to helping others. I turned my home into a halfway house for troubled addicts. I had this system for recovery, and it helped a lot of them, but even more slipped through the cracks. That, too, left me empty. Diane: Everyone was worried about you, you know. You can't just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people. Cuddlywhiskers: Sometimes you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. Diane: You don't think that's a little selfish? Cuddlywhiskers: I don't know what to tell you. I'm happy, for the first time in my life. I'm not gonna feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, even longer to see it doesn't have to be that way. Only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy.

The foreshadowing!

Also, I agree and disagree with Cuddlywhiskers. It is quite selfish to leave everything behind and do not take responsibility for your past actions and just think of your happiness, but who am I to judge, really. Who am I to say he wasn’t depressed enough to do better? At least now, he’s pursuing a good thing.

[S3E7]

The Closer: What spoke to you about that particular ad? BoJack: I don't know. All the pictures of me, they looked backwards. When I looked at the mirror ad, I was seeing me as I see myself and I thought there was something beautiful about that. Intimate, almost. Lenny: Of course you like this ad. When you look at it you see Secretariat, I see an old turtle. "Hello, old turtle. Are you Secretariat? No? You're just some old turtle? What the hell? You've aged terribly." BoJack: But you've got the heart of a champion. Lenny: I got a team of cardiologists at Cedars who say different. BoJack: Isn't that the point of the movie, that anybody could be Secretariat?

I love this scene so much because this testifies to his artistry beneath the tar pit that is himself. I remember Princess Carolyn that him being a good at his craft is one of his best qualities. Cliche as it is, but he fits into the stereotype of troubled artist.

[S3E10]

BoJack: Todd, I'm sorry, all right? I screwed up. I know I screwed up. I don't know why— Todd: Oh, great! Of course! Here it comes! You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better! BoJack: I know. And I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk, and there was all this pressure with the Oscar campaign. But now…Now that it's over, I— Todd: No! No, BoJack, just stop. You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you. All right? It's you. Fuck, man. What else is there to say?

The writers had made it a rule that the word "Fuck" can be used only once per season and only when a relationship with BoJack is permanently damaged. Although Todd said the word to BoJack in "It's You" and subsequently moved out of his house, the two eventually reconciled and, by the series finale, were on mostly good terms. (From BoJack Horseman wiki)

This is heartbreaking for me. I can rank this second after Diane’s eventual breakup with BoJack. Unlike the other characters BoJack has broken relationships with, Todd is the one we’ve seen the most, and I dare say who tolerated BoJack the most. He isn’t perfect, he’s broken in his own ways, but he isn’t problematic either. He cares for BoJack, and knows when and how to set boundaries with him. Should Todd reconcile with him? I’m not sure, but I also believe reconciliation is powerful. There is transformation happening when we journey with people, no matter how fucked up they are. This requires a lot though, so proceed with caution. Healing happens in community, and some of us are gifted with the ability to take care of others.

[S4E5]

This is a beautiful episode and commentary on gun violence and patriarchy and misogyny. Watching it speaks for itself; I don’t need to write about it haha

[S4E6]

This is like the most depression-inducing episode because I think everyone who has an experience with it will be familiar with BoJack’s thoughts. This also reminds me of what the Bible is saying about loving your neighbor. At one point, he called Hollyhock “grubby”. I know he loves her but why did he look at her like that? Probably because he doesn’t love himself, and doesn’t see himself good.

Throughout the episode, he goes somewhere else to escape his mother. But really, what he needs is to escape himself. Unfortunately, and he doesn’t realize this yet, that the tar pit is him.

"Do I think L.A. is a tar pit? No. No, I think you're the tar pit…I'm just saying, like It doesn't matter where you are, it's who you are, and that's not gonna change whether you're in California or Maine or New Mexico. You know, you can't escape you." —Charlotte in S2E11

[S4E12]

Favorite scene!!! I knew right then and there, I will be hurt by whatever and whoever caused this smile on BoJack, but it was, truly, really nice while it lasted.

[S5E2]

Favorite episode! One of the many episodes that speaks for itself and no extra commentary necessary for it to become more than what it already is: brilliant writing.

Diane: And it breaks your heart, again after your heart was so broken that you thought it could never get any more broken. You thought it was safe, but it still, somehow, finds a new way to break. Because, even though, you're the one who asked for this, now that you've got it, you are completely adrift with no compass, or map, or sense of where to go, or what to do. So you go to Vietnam. You think you might find community, a connection to something bigger, but you don't. In fact, you feel even more alone than you were before you left. But you survive. You learn that you can survive being alone.

[S5E4]

Ana: Vance has a troubled past. All he's asking for is a fresh start. Diane: No. Why does he get that over and over? Ana: He's reformed. What else would you have him do? Let's say, you can make him do anything you want to make things right. What would you make Vance Waggoner do, now? Diane: Nothing. I don't think he can make things right. Ana: Well, then, what do you hope to accomplish, here? Diane: Can't you just admit to me, just between the two of us, that this sucks? You can say it's your job, that you believe in "forgiveness," whatever, but don't you at least a little bit think that when we let guys like Vance off the hook when you, as a woman, give awful men the cover of your friendship, when you work for them. First of all, they're not gonna get better. Second of all, you are then complicit no, you're culpable for the terrible things they do.

Ana is hopeless. She’s just here for herself, for the present. Diane, at least, is still fighting for her principles, even when she’s proven over and over again that this cannot be toppled down overnight. She may have made her compromises here and there, but the audience can still count on her to do the right thing, or at least, her best.

[S5E6]

BoJack: And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that's what losing a parent is like. It's like Becker. Suddenly, you realize you'll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you'd never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn't even realize it until that chance went away. "My mother is dead, and everything is worse now." Because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across a room and says, "BoJack Horseman, I see you."

Another brilliant writing. This is just my favorite part of his monologue but the entire thing is chef's kiss.

[S5E10]

Diane: Did you really mean what you said, before the screening? About how Philbert made you feel okay, about yourself? Bojack: Oh, I don't know— Diane: Because, you know, that's not the point of Philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. Bojack: Diane, it's a compliment. You did a good job. Relax. Diane: I don't want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behavior because of the show. Bojack: What is your problem? Why can't you accept that something you did is successful? It's connecting to people, and that's good.

Is this how the creators of BoJack Horseman is feeling? That BoJack may not scare of the evil in us but instead usher it and make itself comfortable with us? That is the risk of this series, huh? These characters are not black and white. Media can brand them however they want, but the audience will decide for themselves. How do we relate to BoJack? Do we see ourselves in him? Or at least, a part of him? Do we forgive, tolerate, celebrate such a person? Do we see him in people around us? Do we see him in people we've cut ties with? People we love?

Diane: And you don't feel bad, about any of this stuff? BoJack: Yeah, of course I do! I've spent so much time feeling bad. By the way, most of these women don't even remember, I bet. Diane: Well, that's really convenient for you. BoJack: I'm the one who has to live with this shit. I'm the one who has to feel the guilt all day, every day. Diane: So, you're the victim here? BoJack: Yeah, and I know that's not the woke, progressive, intersectionally appropriate thing to say, but I would say, yeah! I'm the one who has suffered the most because of the actions of BoJack Horseman. Diane: You've suffered? BoJack: Yeah, I have! Diane: The most? The most! Really? More than, say, Sarah Lynn?

This should not be a competition of who suffered more. Don't we have the right to feel pain if we are the offender? Should we deserve the pain we feel? Is there a righteous way to bear guilt?

This is not to excuse BoJack, of course. He should be ashamed of his actions, but feeling bad is not enough accountability. Nevertheless, this signals hope for me that someday, he'll get cleaned up permanently, correctly.

BoJack: When I met you, I was depressed because I didn't like myself. And when you wrote that book and sold a bajillion copies, you taught me that as screwed up as I am, that's okay. You did that. And now I'm okay. Diane: I don't believe that's true. And I don't think you believe it's true. I think you want me to tell you that you can be better. And even though you're being a total asshole right now, I still believe it. If all you've gotten out of this friendship, is the idea that you should be okay with yourself, as you are, then I don't think this is a good relationship for either of us.

We have harbored this idea that it's okay to be whoever you are. Sure, in some cases, this is true. But we have stretched that idea so far, it has gotten to a point where the acceptable justification has become whatever caters to "I". In our mission to make everyone welcome in the society, morality has its waters muddled. Yes, we are unimaginably flawed, but also, it shouldn't hinder us from becoming better, especially when, in the process of being ourselves, we've hurt the people around us. BoJack, the audience really, should not get lost chasing to feel good about yourself. That is just a by product of making good choices, decisions that benefit the other and not only the self; it is not the goal.

[S5E12]

Bojack: I'm gonna come clean about everything. Gina: What? Bojack: Everyone needs to know what I did. Gina: No. Don't do that. Bojack: Gina, what I did to you—I saw the video and it looked pretty bad. Gina: Yeah. I'll say it was pretty bad. It was assault. You physically overpowered me, and if there were any justice, you would be in jail right now. Bojack: Okay, so— Gina: But my career, after so many failed attempts, is finally starting to take off. I am getting offers, and fan mail, and magazine columns about what a good actor I am. People know me because of my acting. And all that goes away if I'm just the girl who got choked by BoJack Horseman. Bojack: I can't lie about this. Gina: I don't want you to be the most notable thing that ever happened to me. I don't want you to be the question I get asked in interviews for the rest of my life.

Doing the right thing can be very selfish! Doing the right thing demands a lot from the victim. This exposes the person to shame. Doing the right thing is messy. I feel so bad for Gina that she has to give herself up to reach her dreams.

BoJack: Everything. I need to get it out. Diane: No. I'm done writing about you, or for you, or with you. BoJack: Diane, please, I need this. BoJack: I'm a bad guy and the world needs to know. Diane: There's no such thing as "bad guys" or "good guys." We're all just guys who do good stuff sometimes and bad stuff sometimes. And all we can do is try to do less bad stuff and more good stuff, but you're never going to be good. Because you're not bad. So, you need to stop using that as an excuse. BoJack: I am asking to be held accountable. Diane: And I'm telling you it's not gonna happen. Whatever you put in that story, no one is gonna "hold you accountable." You need to take responsibility for yourself.

Where do we get out validation from? The public? Us as a whole, especially on the internet, does not make a council of goodness. You gotta need a better, or if not, a closer authority on that. In BoJack’s case, his friends wasn’t able to do that for him. Thankfully, rehab is another option.

Diane: I was there for her. Bojack: Why? Diane: Because I'm an idiot. And it was Abby. And I hated her, and I will never forgive her, but she needed me and she was my best friend and I loved her. And now you're here, and I hate you, but you're my best friend, and you need me.

People change people. Still.

[S6E8]

Margo: Yet I find myself consumed by thoughts of my past. Mother Superior: You have no past. You've confessed. Your sins have been washed clean. This is like day one stuff, what are we talking about here? Margo: The people I've hurt, the lives I've ruined, are they washed clean as well? Mother Superior: Your regrets are of no benefit to the Lord. Ruminating so is a solipsism unbefitting a sister of the cloth. Margo: Is it solipsism to be concerned with the fates of others? Perhaps one could argue cloistering oneself from the world is itself a form of solipsism…if one were being ungenerous.

That was a good intro to the struggle that this episode will present: Can anyone really get a fresh start? Is it fair to the people your past self has hurt?

Here we are, the episode I dread the most. I've rewatched this show many times but Paige Sinclair's entrance to the story is still the one I hate the most. I remember watching it the first time, and even then, I knew, shit's about to go down.

BoJack is doing great. Rehab saved him. Yet, this isn’t the end. He settled the tranquility of his present and future self. The past, particularly with Sarah Lynn, still demands payment. I remember being afraid this would cost him a lot, this time, more than what he’s willing to bargain for. Will he pursue sobriety still, even when he’s stripped of everything?

[S6E14]

Mr. Peanutbutter: Tell me what it's like to be Diane. Diane: Okay. When you're Diane, you can live your whole life like it's a puzzle, put together from the pieces of different sets. Mr. Peanutbutter: Like a crossover puzzle? Diane: Exactly. Your whole life is full of these pieces that don't quite fit. Mr. Peanutbutter: Sounds like a hard puzzle. Diane: But at some point, you start to think it's you. You're the piece that doesn't quite fit. And you spend so long with that feeling that the feeling becomes your home. And it can be jarring when you discover one day that you suddenly don't feel that way anymore. At first, you don't trust it. But then, gradually, you do. I'm sorry. That was a weird thing to be telling my ex-husband. Mr. Peanutbutter: No. I'm really happy for you, Diane. Diane: It's funny. I feel like if we met each other as the people we are now, things would be totally different with us. Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah, but if we hadn't met each other until now, we wouldn't be the people we are now.

Nothing really, I just love them together haha! A nice conversation between ex-spouses.

[S6E16]

Diane & BoJack GIF not mine, credit goes to horseman-bojack on Tumblr.

Endings, of a show, of a friendship, can be beautiful. Haunting, tragic, but satisfying conclusion. It was, indeed, nice while it lasted.

In the painting was María de la Paz Pardo de Tavera, his wife. "He's Filipino, she's Spanish" are all the words you need to imagine how difficult this relationship was. Her mother thinks she shouldn't marry him, but she's probably just being racist on her opposition. Nevertheless she was right, a marriage with Juan Luna is a bad idea. What we know from history of this man are three things: that he is a brilliant painter, that he's part of the revolution, and that he killed his wife and his mother-in-law out of jealousy.

Yet, this art piece. It exists. It persevered. How can someone be a subject of brush, and then, by the same hand, become a target of gun?

Ensueños de Amor is also displayed in the exhibit. That was my first time seeing it in person. I'm sure, for art critics, this is a work of a genius. I'd say, knowing the story of her murder, this speaks to me as very eerie.

The exhibit also provides a documentary of the painting's acquisition. Hymen, oh Hyménée! was believed to be destroyed during the war. The painting was last seen in Europe, the location of Luna's studio and his acclamation. As it turns out, an aristocrat has privately owned it all these years. Technically it wasn't lost; it was kept by a foreign hand. It wasn't found; it was given. The hand may have gone tired of it. The hand, in his graciousness, granted the painting to return to a familiar face.