#chierushiblogs

Faith

With these things in mind, we hold on. We hope that He will fulfill His word. We remind ourselves of His faithfulness, even when our senses fail us. This is the tricky part, really, where the line is drawn, where God has to make space for humanity's free will. There is consent! All things considered, do we continue to live as His followers?

Peace

The struggle may be felt daily, sometimes a little harder to get by than yesterday, but after deciding to side with God and not our own or this world, we almost instantly feel and have this. Peace. And not the kind that's phlegmatic in nature. Jesus' presence does not take away reality. He provides 'more' perspective; He makes the more important, the more powerful, the good, visible. There is harm in the world, but also there is God who is able. He brings us into that place of undeserved privilege, as the verse says.

Rejoice

You can then be enthusiastic of life. At this point, nothing seems to stop us from bringing praise to God. How can the evil of this world fight against the Lord who forbids their ways? They cannot speak and move without His permission. The creatures who constantly nag you to sin, to lose your faith in God, to continue in despair, now can be seen as who they really are: weak and powerless. We are enabled by God to really take in the wonders of this life. We can be grateful for what we have and have not. We can look forward to the future with brightness because we know that our God will be there just as He is today. Nothing now can bring us down for all things are purposed and repurposed for His glory.

Endurance

We still live in a fallen world. As we've said earlier, the reality involves the good and also the bad. We do not dismiss it's existence, but only uses it for our gain. Trials will not be our ruin. This is our moment to prove to God and the world that our faith is true. Going through hardships, we share in Christ's suffering. By this time, we are able to see this as privilege, not our undoing anymore.

Character

This is probably the most neglected part of this cycle. We may not gain anything visible out of our sufferings, but for sure we will build character. This is the part where the Holy Spirit imbues Himself to us that we develop something permanent. The Holy Spirit makes us less of our old selves, and more of Christ. He produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭23‬) We are now eager to follow God wherever He leads, so we seek Him in His Word and prayer. We remember Christ as our confident hope in salvation, and we bring Him honor and praise.

In the circle of Christian life, the Holy Spirit is in attendance. He fills our hearts with His love (Romans 5:5) He controls us (Romans 8:9). He convicts us of our sin, of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment (John‬ ‭16‬:‭8). He does not speak on his own but will tell you what He has heard. He will tell you about the future. (John 16:13). He bears witness about Christ (John 15:26). He prays for us (Romans 8:26). He is our Advocate who never leaves (John 14:16).

Paul instructed Timothy:

"When I left for Macedonia, I urged you to stay there in Ephesus and stop those whose teaching is contrary to the truth. Don’t let them waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God." —1 Timothy 1:3-4

From here, we can figure the struggle they were facing: false teachers. And look! In His message in Revelations to the church, the Lord commended them for their hard work. They know how to identify good and evil, truth and lie. They have pursued purity, and they remained faithful to God's Word.

And then, we get to God's warning:

"But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!" —Revelation 2:4

I noticed that there are many different phrasing to this verse. The version that I always use is NLT, but in some versions, it's "first love", or "the love you had at first." In NLT, there's a footnote that in Greek, it says "You have lost your first love."

What love have they lost? The sermons I hear always talk about the zeal they had for ministry. They are not as passionate as loving God as before. Probably was. However, we should also consider Paul's letter to the Ephesians.

"Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God." —Ephesians 1:15-17

In the first chapters, Paul refreshed their faith by writing how Christ saved us, both Jews and Gentiles, and are called to be in one body, as He is the head. Then, we get to his real mandate: as they grow in their love in God, so should their love for their neighbor. Paul summons up that the point of the Gospel is not purely for intellectual discussions. The outcome of right doctrine should be loving one another and the pursuit of harmonious living. We see decrees on how to keep relationships holy: husbands and wives, servants and masters, parents and children, and as one church.

From these, should we concur they have lost their love for God? They were being praised for their faithfulness, though. "You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting." The original Greek word used for love in Rev. 2:4 is ἀγάπην (agapēn), which means goodwill, affection, benevolence, charity. In their pursuit of holiness and purity in doctrines, they have failed to obey the Lord's commandment to love others.

Let's hark back to Paul's letter to Timothy,

"The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. But some people have missed this whole point. They have turned away from these things and spend their time in meaningless discussions." —1 Timothy 1:5-6

"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." —John 13:34-35

The loss of its testimony is directly related to the loss of brotherly love. Love for one another was not only commanded by our Lord, it was to be an essential element of their witness to the lost. —Bob Deffinbaugh

Preaching about losing passion does not sit right with me personally. Did Christ really complained that they're not doing more for him? Is that Christian living? Do these things bring us closer to God? To his church? To the lost? (Do we even have an idea how we are perceived by those who do not subscribe to religion?)

"Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches." —Revelation 2:5

Now that we have put things in proper perspective and established our goal, we can reflect. Have we put others in expense as we follow righteousness? How have we dealt with people we disagreed with lately? Is living in harmony and peace still important to us? The love of God is what separates us from the world. Do we still manifest it? While there are disagreements we can only leave to God to restore, I believe hostility should not be found in us.

We are God's children. We should be intellectual and strong in our convictions, but also good with words and merciful.

These days, well, ever since I left that church, I consciously avoid everything beside Sunday services and small group meetings, especially anything that involves leadership and discipleship. It's not that I hate those things, or do not support it. I believe churches should be well-versed in those areas. It's just that I've done that for more than a decade of my life. While it surely improved my ways as a Christian, it also took a lot from me: time, relationships I could've had, energy I could've spent somewhere else.

Now that I'm working even on weekends, I lose more time to take a Sabbath, to take a rest from everything that demands my presence, to just take a break. The weekday commute is also way worse now that everyone's back in their offices. What could've been an hour now extends to a regular three-hour journey from my office to home. I'm constantly on revenge bedtime procrastination.

Eventually, I got tired of looking at Jobstreet for any possibilities, but I opened my laptop and checked again last Saturday, and there is one new job ad. It ticks everything I’m looking for nowadays: responsibilities I can manage and do in the comforts of my home. Obviously, I’m sold. I applied and shut down my laptop. Hours after that, I got a phone call from Virginia, US. I didn’t answer it at first; I was so skeptic with overseas calls, thinking the other person at the end of it might be trying to hack me. Then I remembered the earlier job ad I applied, so I answered at the third call. Surely, it was that company and they’re in need of programmers urgently. I haven’t worked for months and so I’m starting to forget what I do for a living. I asked if we can do the interview Monday, and she accepted.

Oh man. I can’t stress enough how I was before the interview. I’m walking around the house aimlessly thinking different scenarios in my head, dreading that I might fail this one. The offer is too good that the thought of not making it has scared me more. There was this failed interview once with the company I dreamed working at a couple of years ago, and I think that traumatized me. What’s worse is after that initial phone call, when I was about to use my few remaining time to review programming manuals, my laptop decided to not wake up. Thankfully, it powered up eventually, but hours are wasted already.

I spent most of my time for the next two days reviewing, and only a little retains in my head. It’s hard to learn programming without actual coding. But I have to manage, or else.

My anxiety got to a point where I asked people to pray for me, even my public chat group here on Tumblr. I was stunned when I started feeling at peace even in the midst of being nervous. It was so amazing how their simple prayer of concern worked wonders for me. I realized that my reviewing is just my way of regaining control over the unforeseen future. Suddenly, the urge to read more just stopped. I slept early the night before.

Yesterday morning was the job interview. My boss is from the States, and since she asked how I am, I told her frankly that I’m feeling uneasy. She wants me to feel calm. She started talking more and telling me stories about her and the company, which helped me a lot. The technical questions are more of a simple definition of terms, or whatever is your take on the subject. The questions are just a handful. Maybe that’s why I quickly stopped reading that night. Thanks to the prayers uttered for me, my body must have got the signal from God that I won’t need that much reviewing anyway.

The interviewer said that as long as I’m willing to learn, she’d be glad to join their team. She saw that I graduated cum laude in college, and took that as a hint that I’m a hard-worker and achiever like her. She offered me the job, and I got hired! All in one day. I remember that quote from someone I look up to: “Your turn will come.” If something is for you, and will be good for you, God will give it to you. Maybe this is why, for weeks, I haven’t received any calls from any employer. I have to endure that whole month waiting to get this job.

God is tricky most of the time, but I always love His way of doing things. Truly, He is still good and faithful.

To end this very long narrative, I want to say goodbye to the things I’m going to miss:

The air conditioner in our office. It contributed a lot to my acne getting better. Now that I’m working from home, and possibly in daytime, I may not get that almost clear skin anytime soon. Maybe if I earn enough, eventually, I’ll buy us an air conditioner here in our living room, but that would still rack up our electric bill, and I’m not happy about that.

The daily commute life. I know, it doesn’t look good, but it gives me that space to listen and/or read stuff. Heavy traffic has been bearable to me, thanks to podcasts and books. Sometimes, I stop at a coffee shop to read more before going home. It has also allowed me to travel daily to and from far places since I work in the city and live in the province. As a geographically challenged person, the commute has familiarized me to major roads.

Personally working with people. Ever since I started working, I’m surrounded with officemates. I’m still not sure if I’m going to like this virtual interaction. We’ll see.

I realized also that this job has given me tons of answered prayers as well. I’m grateful for:

Remote work. It’s always been a dream of mine to work outside the office. Whenever I see those people code at coffee shops, I’m jealous. Hopefully, I’m not working night shift so I can materialize this dream. (I have yet to confirm my actual working hours. Naturally, daytime is the better option, but night shift sounds good too, especially with the heat these days). With this setup, I won’t need to spend many hours travelling back home. I can join my friends who live nearby and hang out with them without sacrificing my sleep. I can even start working out before or after my shift! (crossing fingers for that)

I didn’t compromise my specialization just to get a job. There’re few who offered this job opportunity, and now that we’re in the middle of a global crisis, it’s harder to find one. I was about to give up that time and learn another programming language.

Now that I regained my source of income, I can now finally support my friends financially through their small businesses! This is a major part of my petition for a job to God. I really prayed hard so that I could help out.

I was thinking if this was the “restoration” that God has placed in me for the past few months, but I’m glad if this is it. He truly had given me back what I had and more. I’m thankful that He wrestled with me all this time with this and given me faith to endure the waiting process.

The firm I’m now a part of isn’t a big company, but that’s also a dream of mine. Usually, working in corporations won’t allow you to expand your skill that much. For years, my job is mostly editing snippets of code. It has its own challenges, of course, but it didn’t allow me to grow to my potential as a programmer. I think this opportunity will finally let me do that. I’m scared, obviously, but I wanted more to take that leap.

From my little interactions with the team, I think this is where I can really learn to hone my craft. My goal ever since I graduated is to find a good boss who can teach me. I may have found her. I may have found them.

The firm offers training, all expense paid by the company. This is necessary for me to grow in my career, and I was really upset that my former employer didn’t offer this to us.

Other benefits I’m not in liberty to disclose publicly. Though I have to say this one thing: They might let me travel to our clients from different places around the globe, all expense paid again by the company.