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shitpost I put a considerable amount of effort into

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I can't remember if this was coined before, but Charbilot should be the ship name between Chief, Thel, and the Pilot
Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fernando Esparza/John-117 | Master Chief/Thel 'Vadam | The Arbiter, John-117 | Master Chief/Thel 'Vadam | The Arbiter, Fernando Esparza & John-117 | Master Chief & The Weapon, Fernando Esparza/John-117 | Master Chief, Fernando Esparza & Thel 'Vadam | The Arbiter Characters: Thel 'Vadam | The Arbiter, John-117 | Master Chief, Fernando Esparza (Halo), The Weapon (Halo), Escharum (Halo), Jega 'Rdomnai Additional Tags: Game: Halo Infinite, Developing Relationship, Pre-Poly, Nonmonogamous Relationship, Unconventional Relationship, Character Study, Relationship Study, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, References to Canon, Canon Dialogue, Headcanon, Alien/Human Relationships, Alien Cultural Differences, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Torture, Kidnapping, Rescue Missions, Sharing a Bed, Spartans Have Feelings (Halo), Zeta Halo | Installation 07, Implied Past Thel 'Vadam | The Arbiter/Zhar (Halo), Chiefpilot is minor and pre-relationship here Series: Part 177 of Works by "Prank" (Pseud Series) Summary:
The Swords of Sanghelios arrive at Zeta Halo in the middle of the Master Chief’s desperate search for the kidnapped Echo-216. Out of respect, the Arbiter vows to rescue this pilot and take good care of him.
Meanwhile, poor Esparza is left confused over why humanity’s greatest soldier keeps going through hell for him and the Sangheili’s great leader keeps giving him VIP treatment.
Featuring some bonus “Thel has thoughts about Halo Infinite story and characters” and headcanons about Sangheili dating culture.
 (For Poly Ships Week 2025, Day 1: Only One Bed, Metamours, Kidnapped, Relationship Anarchy. And I guess now this doubles as a Pride Month special, except I post gay shit all the time.)
yeah........
Lucky
Chief/Pilot House of Reckoning rewrite Because Chief Would Not Fucking Say That.
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The fight ends as abruptly as it starts, not with a roar but a choked gasp. Chief doesn’t take his eyes off his enemy until he’s sure he’s down for good. Escharum goes down with a gurgled wheeze. All his grandstanding silenced by his need for a warrior's death, but in the end his own body dealt the final blow before Chief could.
If John had cared to spare the old Brute a moment's thought beyond analyzing his attacks, he may have wondered why Atriox's teacher was a paradox fighting himself every step of the way. Obsessed with power and battle prowess in the Jiralhanae tradition, but committing the sin of bolstering himself with fancy tech and hiding behind a weak human shield. It didn’t make sense. Then again, nothing on this Ring made sense, but the Master Chief had to keep going.
He did not care for the Brute or his ideas. His grandstanding was worse than the usual threats that the Demon received. He was not a respected leader or an old warrior that Chief saw himself reflected in. John made his choices and kept living, kept clawing back towards his humanity. He put the old Brute down with cold efficiency, like he had hundreds of times before with other Covenant and Banished leaders. An enemy that terrorized and hunted down his fellow UNSC soldiers, who had his troops trap and eat them, did not deserve mercy or attention.
The Brute collapses, air hissing out of his mangled throat. Escharum's last testament was silenced by his own hubris. Dooming himself to be forgotten.
The Master Chief doesn't spare him a glance and hurries to the terminal. The Weapon is already deploying herself to free their pilot from the torture device pulling him apart with micro gravity wells. A torture device he had seen used on a Spartan, enough to kill him. She signals that she's about to switch the device off, but the Master Chief is already there.

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Bonus Poll...
I saw you in the notes of the Charbiter v ThelRtas ship wars poll going "but what about poly?!"
and you're right. I completely forgot about that. let's fix that.
you can only choose one poly combo
Chief x Thel x Rtas
Chief x Thel x The Pilot / Fernando Esparza
Chief x Thel x Cortana
Chief x Thel x Usze x N'tho (aka Halo 3 co-op)
Thel x Rtas x Usze x N'tho (aka the og 4 spaghetti)
for the 3 sentence au prompt: i’m going to be honest, i know nothing about halo but i trust whatever pairing you’d choose to put in front of me for this.
and then throw them in a (wheel spinning noise) Zombie Apocalypse AU.
Hilariously, the first three games do involve small scale Zombie outbreaks but let’s go a bit more where you’re meaning and with a little Chiefpilot because I love them <3 Modern Zombie Apocalypse AU, SEALs instead of Spartans, Fernando Esparza/John-117
~~~
Fernando Esparza couldn’t decide if he was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet or the most ill-fated bastard to ever live.
On the one hand, he’d managed to find himself in the company of an entire fuckin’ squad of Navy SEALs in the middle of the Zombie Apocalypse.
On the other, he might just be half-way in love with the guy they call Master Chief.
just some guys being dudes