i had two ideas for the campfire fest crack fic prompt this year, that i didnât have time nor the drive to write.
âchert fucks off and finds the eye:â chert has had enough of timber hearth, with all of its noise and people and work. so they pack their shit and leave, just fly away. somehow they find the eye of the universe. and it would just be chert at the eye of the universe.
âchert fucks up the fabric of spacetime:â chert discovers the HEL on ember twin and explores it. somehow they manage to destroy the fabric of spacetime with the black/white hole cores. they jump on the radio to ask what the fuck is going on, and gabbro and hatchling just say shit like âoh you fucked the universeâ âyeah you fucked itâ âfucked it big timeâ âfucked it good and hard now huh, chertâ âoh i can see it from here wow!â âyeap you fucked it real good chert i can see it on timber hearthâ and all the while everyone else is just freaking out. story ends with the fabric of spacetime breaking. the end
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for the ask meme, white hole pickup crew or chert incidents?
i tagged you in the white hole pickup crew post i made, so iâll answer chert incidents.
chert, is a gift. from mobius games to me and me only. they heard my cries, my desperate pleas. my ultimate yearning. to have a character, whoâs such a Character, that i feel absolutely no remorse, and in fact feel express joy and immense satisfaction, in putting them into Situations eternal. a punching bag, if you will.
fell into a geyser for the 4th time. tripped and rolled down the slope from the observatory. gravity crystal broken in their ship and theyâre stuck floating out of reach of any walls. hatchlings stole their helmet. covered in motor oil. hatchling stole their helmet. forgot about hollowâs lantern. tripped and fell into the river getting swept away in the current. gabbro stole their helmet. giants deep tornado. black hole orbiting before falling into the nomai elevator. jetpack malfunction. hatchlings, hatchling, and gabbro stole their helmet. stuck in the sand on ash twin. fell into the cacti. eject button testing with slate. quantum rock fucked with them. marl stole their helmet. tripped and fell into a crater on the attlerock. fell off the launch tower while refueling. everyone is distracting them on the all-chat radio line. fell in the mud (victim of âmud dayâ) zero gravity cave electrocution incident. slate stole their helmet.
i do not want anything bad to happen to them and do not want to do lasting damage to them and do not dislike them. this comes from a place of pure endearment. whenever i make a post talking about the situations i want to put chert in i tag it with #chertposting and also use it for general shitposting about chert.
had a fic idea where itâs just chert going through their tools and picking their favorite (with no subtext wink wink). iâve put them in too many situations, they deserve something that isnât a situation
outer wilds everything is completely the same but it rains glass on ember twin like on that one gas giant planet. like i said everything is the same, so chert, well, you know.
you know, i never really think about the owv members actually flying their ships. and what about their training for piloting? hell i barely think about anyone in those ships save for feldspar.
gossanâs flight trained, too. they were the hatchlingâs flight instructor, but more than that they were also a pioneer for owv, and i never think about it! itâs so weird to think about gossan being in space. feldsparâs the go-to for testing slateâs smart dumb shit, but what about anything past the testing? itâs common thought to think of feldspar as the one to plant the flag on the attlerock, but what if gossan went? what if they sent gossan for the moon landing because everyone knew they wouldnât fuck around? not that they didnât trust feldspar, but yâknow? If it came down to it, there would be someone who cared about safety piloting the vehicle, as opposed to someone who only ever wanted to go where no fish has gone before.
did hornfels or slate ever have any interest in flying? hornfels reads to me like the type of guy (gn) to get easily sick, and easily panicked, so i think it would be funny if hornfels just noped out of flying entirely. but slate. thatâs a tricky one. because i want to just say that they would have only cared about engineering the things, but I canât. who in their right mind would dedicate themselves to building a machine only to not want to use it? plus, i mean look at them. theyâre a feldspar who went to college (the college of sap wine and duct tape, sure, but a degreeâs a degree). so, what if theyâre grounded? medical reasons prevent them from actually flying the ships. or maybe they did for long enough when building the ships that slate grew out of wanting to fly. maybe that could be why theyâre so protective of the ships and on everyoneâs ass if something breaks (at least in fanon). not just because theyâre the only one who knows how they tick, but because they know theyâd never break anything if they were in that ship.
not to mention everyone else who isnât a founder. but that might need a keep-reading.
you made it through the keep-reading. congrats! ::D
so who do we tackle first? the hatchling is very up-to-interpretation by nature, so iâll go in order of oldest to youngest (as how i interpret it)
chert. chert. oh chert. imagining them hurtling through space between ash and ember twin, no ship no fuel just spinning and screaming into comms. they end up perfectly fine though, because theyâre chert. no, but actually, chert was probably a golden child when it came to training. perfect marks on any written training, follows all directions during practical, knows more about their ship than any other pilot knows theirs (save for slate bc obviously). they fly perfectly. too perfectly. it pisses slate off. its only when things go wrong that they flounder. sure theyâve got all the procedures down, and can execute them competently, but man do they just lose all function when things arenât going according to procedure. in the event of an actual emergency (you know, one that the manual doesnât cover), yea ur fucked buddy. just go home dude itâs over. ship crashes, they ping-pong around inside off the walls and ceiling, and come out unscathed because theyâre chert.
riebeck is a driven anxious mess. theyre no natural, but they can get it down. think like a kidâs first time behind the wheel, but every time. they get the controls, they get the procedures, and they have a reason to push forward in their training. they fly like a mom with her kids in the car. thereâs so much out there for them, like theyâd make for the perfect protagonist if outer wilds had been a different game. but their anxiety. and, i mean, same. like for many reasons, i understand the character who knows what they want and need but canât force themselves to take the first step towards a better but harder life. but itâs probably followed them all their life. training days punctuated by fear. the consistent, looming threat of what you know you want. the regret of a lifetime of things not done. they also canât function in an emergency, but unlike chert theyâre not fine when they crash at mach 10. sure, they come out with a simple headache, but itâs kilometers worse compared to chert getting out totally fine
gabbro. mmmm. they trained well but never had a motive pushing them on like feldspar, chert, or riebeck. i mean yea, they get everything theyâre taught, and yea, theyâre not afraid of the flying. but they have little reason to be out there comparatively. late to training all the time, avoids work with owv, theyâre not malicious, just kinda⌠ehh. theyâre not the type to drop something, though, so they saw it through to the end of the beginning. and now theyâre in space. yippee. handles well under emergencies, for once. And they fly well too! kinda! not exactly sloppy or sluggish, but like the rocket equivalent of meandering and dragging their feet. maybe they got out there to escape the pressure of being back home. maybe they thought something would be different after they got the launch code. or maybe, they donât know what, yet. but they sure are out there.
i hate to be a buzzkill right at the very end, but i donât know enough about my hatchling to know how they would fly. the easy answer is that they fly like shit at the beginning but by the end fly with ease and practiced efficiency. i like to think they were just a shithead at the beginning of the loops, so theyâd be the one to actually break things multiple times, forget procedure, and just fuck up all the landings. but by the end, theyâve probably piloted for longer than any of the others, and have the mindset that they have such little time, that flying is second nature. from entering the ship, they can be up in the air in a minute flat. fast flying, fast deceleration. if you know anything about counter strike surf, think the difference between a complete beginner and a practiced expert. they can ride the gravity of each planet, recover from any death spiral, and know how to repair their ship from nothing. itâs too bad they donât give a shit about procedure (or have they just forgotten?), and so get grounded every other flight. also the only one who can actually handle an emergency. they know which ribs are broken based on feel, and can give an accurate estimate as to when theyâll pass out from blood loss. maybe because theyâre the only pilot who gets themselves into this kind of trouble, but oh well.
and⌠that is everyone! i donât think im forgetting anyone, this is all of the founders and members, just double checked. iâd hate to have forgotten anyone, so im glad i can end it here. hm? what was that? i cant hear you from the attlerock youâre gonna have to speak up more! oh the radioâs busted? ah well, canât win em all.
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dribbling chert like a basketball, slate v gossan 3v3 teams best of 3 to finally hash that shit out. esker snaps porphyâs ankles and dunks chert shattering the backboard. the entire village is watching and hornfels is keeping score. chert is not happy but even they recognize ball is life