Jump - microfic (starchaser, background dorlene, background wolfstar, kind of background rosekiller but not really TW: non explicit suicidal thoughts and ideation, sort of a panic attack but not really, anxiety)
Basically Reg and some of the marauders at a ropes course
"Just jump!"
Regulus looked down. Dorcas was standing below him, hands slipped through the loops on the shoulder straps of her harness. She smiled encouragingly at him.
"I promise it's safe," she said.
Again, Regulus tested the strength of the rope be was connected to. As soon as he pulled, a length of cord slipped out. It wouldn't hold his weight. He would fall and hit the ground and die. His mind forced him back to that dreadful night last year, alone in his room, pill bottle in hand. He had almost died. He couldn't jump. He couldn't.
One of the staff came towards Dorcas and began speaking to Reg, walking him through the steps of how he would get down. It's safe, he said. Regulus repeated the words in his head silently. It's safe. It's safe.
It wasn't safe. Regulus wasn't safe.
Why had he agreed to come here? Why did he care that Barty and Evan were "busy," and Pandora wasn't available? McKinnon had agreed to go. Dorcas wouldn't have been lonely.
McKinnon was somewhere behind him with James and Pettigrew. Dorcas had invited almost all of McKinnon's friends. Even Sirius was there but he had spent most of the time sitting with Lupin.
Now, he came to see what was going on. Someone called Regulus's name, but he ignored it. He kept his eyes on Sirius, on the ground, on anything but the flimsy rope supposed to keep him alive.
"Reg, it's okay," Sirius called
It wasn't okay. Reg couldn't speak. Fuck.
"Reg, I promise. Just take a step and you're going to slowly come down. You can do it."
Reg shook his head. No. He couldn't. He fucking couldn't.
Sirius smiled. "Yes, you can. Come, Reggie."
Regulus wanted to cry. Or scream.
Behind him, something clicked softly. A hand rested on Regulus's shoulder and he turned quickly. James had caught up, looking upsettingly attractive.
He smiled. "You alright?"
James knew the answer. Regulus knew he knew the answer. And yet, the question helped. Regulus shook his head. No. No he wasn't okay.
"James!" Sirius called. They both turned. "Why don't you come down first. Would that help?"
Regulus nodded. He felt tears forming. He didn't want James to go. If the rope wouldn't hold Reg, it wouldn't hold James, who was bigger and heavier. Cursed those stupidly hot muscles.
James kissed Regulus hair. "Alright?"
Regulus took a steadying breath. He needed to get himself together. "I'm fine," he muttered, the words slipping away without the venom he tried to use. Oh, fuck this. "I'm not child."
James ruffled his hair before connecting Regulus to the post and himself to the awful contraption that was sure to kill him. He took a step towards the edge. "I'll see you at the bottom, yeah?"
Regulus tried to pretend he wasn't terrified. "Just go already." He doubted it was working.
James smiled at him before taking a confident step into the air. Regulus shut his eyes.
No one screamed. There was no horrible sound of bones cracking or a body thudding to the ground. Regulus risked a glance at the ground and saw James slowly sinking through the air, as though sitting on a chair that was being lowered to the ground. The rope held.
As soon as he landed on the ground, the worker helped him unclip himself. James looked up, perfectly alive, and blew a kiss.
"Alright, you cowardly bitch," Regulus whispered. "You can do it."
At this point, McKinnon and Pettigrew had reached him too. Enough of this foolishness. He was going to be fine.
Once he was clipped to the pulley, though, Regulus felt his knees go weak. He couldn't do it. Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Why don't you try sitting?" McKinnon suggested. "And then you could scoot yourself off?"
Regulus turned to look at her. He really wished she wouldn't have spoken to him. It was embarrassing enough anyone else had to see his freak-out. But someone he barely knew? Still, her idea wasn't so bad.
"Just... sit down?"
McKinnon nodded. "Try. It might feel less daunting."
Daunting wasn't the word for this. Regulus's therapist would say he was triggered, which was "perfectly normal after a traumatic experience." Attempted suicide didn't feel like a traumatic experience, but he wasn't the expert, apparently.
Regulus took a deep breath and sat down, dangling his legs over the edge. It was admittedly less terrifying. Down below, Dorcas smiled. James beckoned him down. He was fine. So maybe Reg would be too.
"You've got this," McKinnon said quietly.
Okay. Time to get this over with.
Three...
"We're right here, Reg," Dorcas said.
Two...
McKinnon gave him a thumbs up.
One.
Regulus pushed himself off the edge. He wasn't falling. The rope was slowly sending him down. He wasn't dying.
The ground rose up to meet him. Regulus's knees were shaking, but he was alive. Immediately, someone helped him unclip himself. Sirius ruffled his hair like he was still five years old. "Get off me," Reg muttered. From up on the platform, McKinnon whistled.
As soon as he was unclipped, James pulled him by the hand and hugged him. "You did it!"
"Yeah," Reg breathed. His knees were still shaking.
"I'm so proud of you!"
"Oh, shut up."
"No," James insisted. "I'm really proud of you, and you need to know that."
"Okay, okay, I get it. Now, please stop. I've been embarrassed enough today."
James smiled. Now that he wasn't (actively) terrified for his life, Regulus allowed himself to admire just how beautiful James was. He kissed him. James smiled against Reg's lips.
He was fine. He was alive. And McKinnon would be receiving a large painting of a forest tomorrow.
