#cher-31

Thank you so much for the help !really needed some advice :)

hi babe. of course!

first of all i’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it can’t be fun. when it comes to things like this, i find it is best to apply the idea that you should be honest as possible whilst being as gentle as the occasion calls for. when formulating this announcement, there are a few things i suggest you figure out.

1. Do I want to work on aiding the relationship in order to try and fall back in love? Or is it over for good?

Whilst I do not recommend staying with someone for this reason and trying to force things to work, I understand it may be difficult to let things go especially if you still love them as a person (just no longer as a partner.) So, if this is the case you must ensure it is very clear what your intentions are when you break it to them. Having someone tell you they have fallen out of love with you might inspire some confusing feelings on their end, but if it’s over for good — it would be cruel to leave them with hope that things will be mended. Now, I know this can be challenging. In the heat of the moment seeing someone upset it’s easy to do the ‘You never know what might happen in the future between us’ talk, just to soften the blow. But you must be firm, not only for them but for yourself. You will be able to start afresh. If you want to continue with them in a relationship and see if it can be mended I suggest wording it slightly differently, perhaps ‘I am not feeling a spark between us anymore like I used to, and I would like to work on it.’ Again, I do not suggest this— but it’s your life not mine!

2. Why have I fallen out of love?

Now, there doesn’t always need to be a reason. Sometimes we just don’t work with someone anymore as you have both have changed and that it totally fine! But if you can pinpoint why it happened to explain it to them, this may help. Of course I am assuming that there are no harsh feelings between the two of you, in which you would want to give them a gracious exit and leave them with no unanswered questions. That being said, if you have fallen in love with them because they have treated you incredibly poorly with little regard to your feelings— consider whether they deserve all that much of an explanation! At the end of the day, you don’t owe it to them to explain, however it is the kind thing to do.

3. When would be the best time?

As soon as possible. It’s better than to leave it for a while, as it’s only a waste of both of your time when you could be happier without each other! When constructing this, remember to think about what you would want if you were in your partners shoes. Would you want the bandaid to be ripped off? Or would you rather a slow let down by prolonging it? I suggest you find a time where you both have a long period free to talk, no one is in a rush or thinking about where they need to be, and you both are in a neutral mood. Ensure there is nothing that might distract or irritate you or your partner around so that you can talk about your feelings and break this news to them with less chance of an argument breaking out. This means tvs / radios off, phones out of reach, maybe even lock any pets in another room if they are going to be a distraction!

Again, you know your partner more than I do — so construct this announcement based on them and their personality for the least troublesome outcome. When you break the news, make sure for your own sake that there is nothing left unsaid or that you wished you told them. It’s better to get it all out on the table and to leave the situation feeling relieved, refreshed and that you can have a clean slate to start over on instead of carrying it over into your next eventual relationship.

I hope it all goes well, and I wish you all the best in your healing!