#chen fei

I saw another post talking about Lin Quishi's depression, where they pointed out that he'd been abandoned by almost everyone except Wu Qi before finding Obsidian, and then later, when he finally found his community and people in Nanzhu and Obsidian, they had to leave too. He had to watch them die one by one. And it's just so sad.

BELIEVE ME NONNY I COULD NOT AGREE MORE [meg ryan slamming palms on diner table dot gif] in the novel, chen fei even tells qiushi that he’s one of only two people he’s ever seen accept the doors with so much equanimity. like, a suspicious amount of it:

Chen Fei said: “I’ve only ever met two people who did not react to the doors and accepted them with a perfectly calm attitude. One of them is you.” Lin Qiushi: “The other one is Ruan Nanzhu?” Surprisingly, Chen Fei shook his head. “The other one is Cheng Qianli.” Lin Qiushi: “…” Chen Fei: “We discussed a little about it afterwards and decided that it was because of his low IQ, he could not understand what was going on inside the doors.” Lin Qiushi recalled the expression Cheng Qianli made when he was chasing after Toast’s ass, and thought that Chen Fei’s conclusion had a point.

xi zixu is playing it for laughs here, because that’s what she does, but even in the novel there’s this odd disconnected apathy-masquerading-as-acceptance on qiushi’s part. chen fei goes on to point out that ruan nanzhu himself had been depressed early on in the doors, related to the death of a quote “senior” (about whom i won’t say more, because in the novel he’s something of a plot point—as well as, apparently, the first person to talk ruan nanzhu into drag).

the drama, though, in my opinion, makes lin qiushi’s situation much worse. while at least he gets to keep [name redacted], everything else is ten times more painful, owing to strong performances (especially from liu xiaobei, promoted to main) and a script that shows him no mercy. it’s easy to read huang junjie’s benign affability as maybe just mentally extremely healthy, until the drama finally rips off the covering and shows you Tragic Backstory.

that, plus the door where ruan nanzhu pulls his little stunt—you know the one—and the way lin qiushi reacts to that, the things he says at the breakfast table the next morning? i think it’s impossible from that point onward not to see him as extremely wounded. nanzhu may praise him for his calm, even make a point of choosing him because of it, etc.; but ruan nanzhu is hardly the poster child for mental stability his own damn self. even if you haven’t finished the drama and aren’t sure what his deal is yet, the way he vacillates between stony silent badass ice princess and malicious simpering sajiao is…disconcerting, let’s say. (though it would have helped enormously if the dangai had let him crossdress.)

like, nanzhu. please. think about your words, think about your choices. HOW is it at all a GOOD THING that qiushi was "born for this game"??? doesn't it make you want to wrap him in the softest sweaters and hide him in your bed, instead of dragging him through door after door? but no. these idiots just love surviving horrors.