#chasepost

I wonder if he lay awake in bed, before he even fathomed looking for the items themselves, staring at the book atop his opposite pillow where it's been sitting more frequently with sunken eyes, no glasses, impaired in the dark, 9:43 PM, the moonlight peeking through the half-shut blinds. I wonder if he said anything to it on that particular night, or if he just sat in the silence, content, knowing that something else sat inside of it. Something else he had given his life to, all he could. But he could give more. What if he gave more?

I wonder if, deep down, he knew what the items would really do to him once he combined them with the book. I wonder if he knew how bad it would hurt. I wonder if the potential crossed his mind, only for a brief second, and he pushed it down. Or, maybe, he let it sit there, stirring softly like a calm river as he kept walking to get the Lantern of Star.

He scraped his knee on the way. He didn't care.

I wonder what he felt as he picked up the Stone of Moon, now holding all three items close to his chest to make sure nobody would see as he walked to the cave. I wonder why or if he was scared of that potential, like the act of letting it in was something secret and sacred, something intimately shared between two Heavenly bodies. I wonder if the spirit told him that, and if he laid his head softly against the book for support after it did so, as he walked, the laminated cover and label from the library feeling like it wasn't there at all.

I wonder if the flash of light hurt his eyes, or if for days he had been staring directly at his desk lamp's lightbulb for minutes on end in preparation. I wonder if the gust of wind had startled him, or if he remembered to tuck his shirt in and cuff his pants beforehand. I wonder if he screamed from the pain as he got what he wanted.

this looks like a homestuck panel

Maybe the 14 year old who ruined my life isnt a bad person she was just 14. Maybe the 14 year old who mentally abused me and warped my perception of what love is isnt a bad person she was just 14. Maybe the 14 year old who guilted me into saying yes wasnt an abuser, she was just 14 and hormonal like all other 14 year olds. Maybe the 14 year old who made me sacrifice so many good things just so i could talk her out of killing herself was just a confused 14 year old and shouldnt be classified as my abuser.