#character study really

1. People see him as someone who can't love fully (yeah I've seen people like that, it actually is a lil sad but I leave em cuz their choice on how they see someone) while I see him as someone who has such a deep capacity to love, it burns *him*. No sane man would break his own leg and cripple himself for his son. And no man, sane or insane (because let's be honest, Dark One Rumple is a little nuts), would keep one goal in mind for *3 centuries*.

2. People like to give his core personality as Mr. Gold. They all understood that Dark One Rumple, the giggling and all that was a mask, a way to keep people unnerved and afraid. But I believe Mr. Gold is just as much a mask really. Because in the world they're in then, campy leather pants and giggles won't scare people but a landlord, a man who is serious with *magic* would could hurt them, that person is scary.

I think, the real Rumple, the man he actually could have been if he was shown love is Spinner Rumple. The one before the war, the one that wasn't branded as a coward. He was with Milah, and Milah at that time, wasn't fed up with him (or hiding it really well, she wasn't emotionally abusive before he crippled himself for Bae) and he had a child on the way and sure they were poor but not too poor to not survive and he smiled and even *did a little dance*?!? He was a goofy but happpy bean because he had a family?!

AND WE SEE SOME OF THIS RUMPLE WHEN HE'S WITH BELLE IN S2?!?! Him smiling, going to make her breakfast, him smiling when she called him?!???? *That's* the real Gold in my opinion. The man he never let out because he was always too afraid of being hurt again.

3. I'm not saying he's *exactly* the same Rumple as before the war, trauma and time changes a man. But he's still that same man who just wanted a family, just wanted to be loved and find joy and happiness. He doesn't want riches, and deep down, he doesn't really want power either.

4. And this brings up my 4th point. Rumple's relationship with power. It's presented as a drug addiction, even RC said it. And I can see it. But at the same time, I see it as something different.

Imagine this, a man is bullied *constantly*, repeatedly, maybe even beaten, no one will buy anything fron him because he's oscatrised. But then, he finds a gun. And with the gun in his hand, people are afriad *of him*. People don't hurt him anymore, he doesn't have to starve, hell he doesn't even have to sell, the gun can get him *anything* he wants.

That's the relationship on Rumple with magic. It's not magic or power he's addicted to, it's the *safety* that power brings. And now factor in that he doesn't have to worry about his son (who had forever been his priority over himself *except that one time and honestly we'll get to that too*), he's providing safety. He's no longer being called names, or having stones thrown at him. He doesn't even have to beg someone to buy his wool and get underpaid for it because he's 'the village coward'. His son can grow healthy and happy. *Why* would he let go of power when it guarantees survival?

5. And then, when he loses Baelfire (again we'll get to this point), he can't let go of magic. It's the only thing that'll get him back to his son. Along the way, yes perhaps, now, in three centuries, with him losing his mind just a little, he starts seeking power, but he never lost sight of his true goal. Dark Curse, get it casted, find his *son*.

6. Now, losing Bae. That was one of his worst descisions and something he regretted so much. I think it ties in with both things. One, of course, he doesn't want to let go of the only thing that makes him feel safe, makes him not look over his shoulder every two seconds, makes the words the village say not hurt as much because they can't spit it in his face. And secondly, as revealed by s3, it was how his dad abandoned him. How he travelled to Neverland. Of course there's bound to be trauma tied to that. Maybe, seeing that portal made him feel as helpless as he did when he was just a boy which made him cling even more harshly to the power that took away the helplessness. And so... in a moment of desparation, he made a choice.

Power over Bae.

The wrong choice and he regretted it, forever.

And he would have undone it in a heartbeat if given the chance.

Anyways yeah that;s my thoughts ^^'

Is this a character study? Idk, I just really love this man.